Chapter 36 Penny #2
“Yeah…you took care of us. And look, you still are,” he says, and I blush. “Even though we were the same age, you assumed the role of caretaker. Nan did everything she could for us, but Fia’s told me everything, you know? You never let her slip through the cracks all these years.”
I expel a humorless laugh. “I’m no saint, Danny.” I swipe at a tear I refuse to let fall. “I abandoned you…and Jesse. I didn’t tell Nan how bad your drug problem was. And now Fia’s pregnant and alone. I’ve failed everyone.”
Danny reaches out, grabbing my hand, and it jolts my whole body.
“Nope, I’m not letting you say that shit.
” He releases my hand as a guard eyes us.
“First, even if Nan knew the severity of the drugs, nothing was going to stop me from going down this route. I made my choices, so don’t for a moment blame yourself for any of it.
And Fia made her choices, too.” He shakes his head, leaning closer to me, and I wish so badly we were at home on the sofa talking.
This feels like too open of a space to let your heart out, but it’s all we have.
And I robbed him of it for so long because I was too scared.
“Penny, you can’t fix this family. All you can do is be there for us. You’re doing that.”
He smiles, but I pull at my sweater sleeves, flipping the paperwork upside down on the table, not wanting to look at the weight of it.
“Thank you… I just…I don’t know how that explains Jesse.” I sniffle and know I’m opening a floodgate. The truth has to come out, and there’s no stopping it. I’m going to tell him what Jesse and I really were. I know it could hurt him, but I can’t live with this secret anymore.
“What are you talking about?” Danny asks, and I crinkle the corner of the paper in my hand, too scared to look my brother in the eye.
“I need to tell you something about Jesse and me, and I know it might change everything, but you deserve the truth,” I reply, glancing up with pause, but he’s waiting patiently. “Jesse and I were dating from the time we were sixteen…until you two got arrested...”
My stomach goes stiff as I wait for a reaction, but Danny just crooks a smile.
“That bastard! I knew it.” He laughs, and everything in me stirs in confusion. “I was right all along.”
“You knew?” I choke out.
“I didn’t know for sure, but I had my hunches. I mean you two were so close…neither of you dated anyone else, and he still gets worked up when he talks about you now.”
“Wait… So, you don’t hate me?” I ask with caution.
“Of course not.”
“You know I couldn’t tell anyone...” I start, and he nods.
“You were protecting him.” Danny scrubs his stubbled jaw and catches my eye. “You really loved him, didn’t you?”
I nod, eyes blurring. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving him. But he chose to go to that party and get involved in that shit after he promised he wouldn’t. Maybe I shouldn’t be so angry about it, but we had a whole future planned, and that one reckless night changed everything.”
Danny’s forehead is wrinkled in deep thought, his eyes stay steady on mine. “Penny…he wasn’t in prison because he chose something over you, or did drugs, or whatever you believe. If anything…his arrest is entirely my fault.”
Blood rushes through my ears as my breath gets lodged in my chest. “What do you mean?” I stutter.
“I thought you knew by now,” Danny replies breathily as I sit frozen in my chair. “Jesse came to the party because someone texted him and told him I needed help. He came there to save my ass.”
My stomach drops, and it feels like the lights around me dim. “What about the possession charges?” I ask with a dry mouth.
“The drugs were mine—all of them.” Danny taps his fingers on the plastic table. “Jesse told the cops half of it was his, just so I wouldn’t get slammed harder. He said I saved his life, now he was paying me back. And he begged me not to tell you, didn’t want you to hate me. I’m so sorry, Penny....”
I slap a palm to my mouth and lean back, unable to look at my brother. My throat tightens like a hand is wrapped around the column of my neck.
Jesse went to the party to save my brother.
He wasn’t the villain.
Jesse was the hero.
“I don’t understand… Why didn’t he tell me?” I whisper.
Danny looks down and shakes his head. And for the first time since I arrived, I see how this place has worn him down. “You’ll have to ask him that yourself.”
Tears burn at the back of my throat, and my whole body shakes.
“He loves you, I hope you at least know that,” Danny says softly.
“Five minutes left.” The guard’s loud voice startles me.
I grip the cold, hard plastic of my seat as my heart bounces in my chest. That was thirty minutes? I need more time.
“I don’t know where to go from here. With him, with you,” I admit, panic-stricken.
Danny shrugs, simply. “You go talk to him, about the truth. And you and me? We do this. You answer my calls. You tell me about your life—your life, not just updates about Fia.”
I nod, rattled. “Danny,” I say, and he snaps his head up at my voice. “I want you to know I don’t hate you.”
His eyes well for a split second, and he bites his lip, throat bobbing with a hard swallow.
We exchange a knowing look and both stand. I throw my arms around his shoulders, quickly squeezing him, even though we aren’t supposed to.
Pulling away nearly kills me.
He starts to shuffle away when I call after him. “Hey… have a merry Christmas.”
He turns, flashing his boyish crooked smile. “Merry Christmas... and Pen?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t wait ten more years to forgive him. Okay?” He smiles softly at me.
“I won’t.” I wave. “I’ll see you soon, Danny. I promise.”