Chapter 37 Jesse
Jesse
THEN
The music from the beat-up Honda Civic is so loud that my chest vibrates. If they don’t drive away soon, someone on this street’s going to call the cops. This is the nice part of town.
“You want to stop being pussy whipped and get in the fucking car, Rivers?” Sean asks, a cloud of smoke hanging around him inside the car.
“Dude, that’s my sister. That’s disgusting.” Danny punches Sean in the shoulder, but then he stares up at me with red eyes, awaiting my answer.
“Fuck off.” I pointedly aim my narrowed gaze at Sean. “And no. I’m good.” I salute them both, grinding my jaw, as Danny flashes a peace sign.
“Alright, bro, if you change your mind, we’ll be at Kel’s. Just hit me up.”
Danny barely finishes his sentence before the car peels off, puffs of black smoke sputtering from the exhaust before it disappears around the next corner.
The residential street is quiet again, besides the buzz of overhead power lines.
My attention is drawn back to the house at the sound of the front door opening.
Penny steps out in a short pink-and-blue sundress and bare feet—she looks like an ocean sunset.
She’s pure sunshine, and I can’t help but stare.
Penny skips down the porch steps and sits, balancing a soda can in her hand. I shake my head, dropping next to her and stretching my legs out in front of me.
She holds the can up, offering me a sip. “You didn’t want to go to the party of the summer? Half the graduating class will be there.” She leans into me, her tanned bare shoulder bumping mine.
I laugh, locking eyes with hers. “Nothing says ‘I’m cool’ like a guy who graduated three years ago throwing a party for high schoolers.”
There are three reasons I would never go to this party. First, the house is on the same block as my dad’s house. Nothing could make me want to go to that part of town again.
Second, Danny and our “friends” will just be doing drugs the whole time and acting like I’m a loser for refusing. Not so much Danny, he’s never pressured me. He knows why I don’t even want to try weed. But the people he hangs with are total shit.
The third reason is because if I went, Penny would want to come, and then the whole night I’d be worrying and watching every asshole who comes within ten feet of her.
Luckily, we agreed to have a movie night in.
“Both Nan and Fia are already asleep.” Penny winks at me before lowering the blinds in the living room, turning on the table lamp and bouncing onto the sofa excitedly.
I’ll finally get to kiss her in peace. The Hansons sleep like rocks, and if anyone does wake up and comes down the steps, there’s plenty of warning in this old house—everything creaks and squeaks.
“What do you want to watch?” I ask, and Penny lies back, resting her head on my lap as she looks up at me. I play with her fanned-out hair while she coyly smiles at me, humming like she is thinking of choices, but I already know what the answer is.
She smiles big, reading my mind.
“Again?” I groan, but truthfully, I don’t really care. We always put something on and end up talking the whole time anyway. Or kissing. And tonight, I want to kiss Penny all over.
She sits up and plants a quick peck on my cheek, and I get a whiff of her strawberry lip gloss.
“Okay, put it on, I’ll make popcorn,” I tell her, never able to say no to that face.
We turn off all the lights until it’s just the glow from the TV lighting the downstairs. Penny changed into her pajamas—a large t-shirt I think she stole from me—and now sits happily, hogging the colossal bowl of popcorn.
I don’t even like popcorn, I just make it for her.
“I get why she stays, you know true love and all, but I mean, I could never live in a small town like that. I can’t wait to have a city apartment with a view,” she says wistfully, stuffing more popcorn into her mouth. I smile and nod, my arm dangling over her shoulder.
Sweet Home Alabama plays on the TV for the third time this summer, I swear. “A classic,” both Penny and Nan claim.
With my arm around her and a blanket draped over our laps, I draw her back into my chest, and she leans her head on my shoulder.
It’s my favorite fucking feeling in the world.
“Hey… I talked to the guy at the garage today,” I start, and Penny pauses the movie, turning to look up at me. “He said he can bring me on for twenty-five hours a week. So that’s something, right?”
I never really thought about what I wanted to do post-high school.
Up until I moved in here, my future wasn’t on my mind.
I was just trying to survive. But I’ve always been into cars, so Penny suggested I work in a garage and see if I want to get into mechanics.
It’s a solid idea, and I’m actually starting to get excited about it.
Penny squeals and hugs my neck. “Babe, that’s awesome!”
I smile softly at her.
“I’m still bummed that I have to live on campus for two years, but you’ll have an apartment and we can finally have real sleepovers.” She slides her hand over my crotch quickly, torturing me.
Penny feels guilty that she got a full ride to UNC and I have to live a bit out of town in a rented room, but I’m so proud of her. She was always going to go places. I’m just happy she wants me to come along for the ride.
“Don’t be bummed, you’ll have classes and I’ll have work, but our free time will be ours. It’s all going to work out,” I reassure her with a kiss.
“One more week! I can hardly believe it.” She does a little excited dance and grabs my face until I’m looking at her, her expression growing serious. “You know how much I love you, Jesse Rivers, right?”
I laugh. “I think I do. But I love you more. Now and always.”
“Don’t get mushy, or I’ll tell everyone you’re secretly a romantic.” She kisses me hard, smooshing our noses together. I love when Penny is like this. Silly, uninhibited, just completely herself.
I wasn’t raised to know what a healthy or normal relationship looks like.
I don’t always know how to communicate with Penny.
I don’t have the means to do everything I want for her.
But she doesn’t seem to care, always telling me I’m enough.
I know all she wants is to get out of this town, to fulfill her dreams, and for us to be together through it all.
Penny presses play on the movie again, and her fingers lace through mine. As the end nears, I trace the lines on her palms and she begins to grow sleepy, her head heavy on my shoulder.
“Jesse?” She glances up at me, eyes tired but peaceful.
“What’s up?”
“Promise you’ll never leave me?”
I lower my brows and pause to take in her face.
I trace the freckles across her nose that only come out in the summer.
Her soft lips that pull into the most beautiful smile.
Her eyes with flecks of gold, like honey.
And beneath it all is a heart she so freely gives to everyone.
Penny takes care of everyone. She seems older than any other girl our age, but then again, I know a thing or two about growing up fast. If you don’t, you won’t survive.
“Why would you think I’d leave you?” I squeeze her hand.
She bites her lip, eyes falling to her lap. “A lot is going to change soon, new town, new school, all that. I can handle change, but I don’t want anything to change between us. You’re everything to me. I can’t do this without you, Jesse.”
Penny doesn’t talk about it, but I know her parents leaving in the middle of the night really fucked her and Danny up. They just show it in different ways. Penny needs to be reminded a lot that I’m not going anywhere. And that’s the truth. I’m not.
I lean down until our foreheads are touching, my lips an inch from hers. “I can promise you, Penelope Hanson, we’re going to be together no matter what.”
She nods, a single tear quickly swept away, and I kiss her lips.
Less than fifteen minutes later, she’s sound asleep on my shoulder.
I quietly move the popcorn bowl from beside her and slowly stand to go to the bathroom.
Penny slumps down, nuzzling into the tan sofa, so I pull the blanket over her.
Even if it’s still 90 degrees outside at midnight, she’s always chilly.
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I make my way down the dark hallway to the powder room.
It’s Tyler, one of Danny’s friends. Someone he smokes with a lot.
Tyler: Dude I don’t know where you are, but you need to come to Kels RIGHT NOW. Danny is majorly fucked up.
I exhale, annoyed. It’s midnight, and he’s seriously telling me now?
Jesse: Did he fight someone?
Tyler: Nah man…he is tweaking hard. He’s not acting right…something is wrong.
Jesse: What happened to Sean?
Sean was supposed to drive him home, even though we both knew that was a horrible idea.
Tyler: He took whatever Danny was selling and passed out like an hour ago. It’s fucked up here.
Fuck.
I grit my teeth and bang my fist against the door frame. Danny’s gotten himself into plenty of shitty situations this past year, but he’s always managed to get himself home.
I slip my phone in my pocket and walk swiftly to the back door, pausing next to the sofa.
I know exactly what I’m about to walk into, these parties are notorious.
But I know if I were in Danny’s shoes, he’d drop everything to come get me.
As weird as things have gotten between us lately, he’s my brother for life. I can’t leave him hanging.
Penny is still curled up, looking peaceful. She had a long day at work and made everyone dinner. She needs to sleep, so I decide not to wake her.
She’ll just panic and want to come, probably making things worse. And there’s no way I’m letting Penny go into that house. She doesn’t know how wild these parties are. It’s not safe.
She’ll be asleep like this for a while, so I kiss her forehead softly.
“Be back soon. Wish me luck,” I whisper, then curse Danny for being an idiot.
And silently pray he’s actually okay.