Chapter 43 Jesse
Jesse
NOW
Tank quickly got bored with the whole crib-building thing and fell asleep in a slump on the floor next to me.
This bedroom’s already too small for a guy my size, but add the thirty pieces of the birchwood crib lying around my snoring dog—splayed out like he’s deliberately trying to take up every inch of floor space—and this quickly became an impossible task.
Well, almost impossible, because my determination to get this done is stronger.
I know nothing about babies. I grew up an only child, and for a while, I thought it would’ve been cool to have a sibling. By the time I was a teenager, I stopped believing that. It wasn’t hard to walk away from the only home I’d ever known, because it was never a home.
But now, as I sit here, building a flipping crib for Fia, I know how detrimental a sibling would’ve been. I would’ve wanted to protect them from my father’s wrath and probably wouldn’t have left when Penny and Danny invited me in.
The only good thing my dad ever did was cease to procreate after me.
“How can anyone be small enough to fit in here?” I scratch my head, asking myself in this empty house. I toss the tiny mattress pad out of my way, looking for more bolts.
Twenty minutes later, and there’s an oval structure of sorts. It looks like the one we saw in the store, so I wheel it into the corner of the room.
I have no idea how Penny plans to surprise Fia, but I’m sure she’ll be excited. It seems like a nice crib? I haven’t got a clue, I just hope I tightened all the bolts enough.
I stare at it, and visions of the baby falling through the bottom flash through my mind. “Tank, are you laying on the wrench?” I breathe out, squatting down to lift my dog’s back leg. The wrench is underneath, and he doesn’t open an eye.
“Just to make sure,” I mutter, tightening every bolt again.
A little flutter of knocks sounds, and my head snaps up to the door.
“It’s me,” Penny says in a hushed voice. “Can I come in?”
I stand, stretching my cramped limbs, and glance at the clock. I was so obsessed with making sure no screw ever loosens, I didn’t even hear them get home.
“Come in,” I reply gruffly.
Penny’s face lights up when she sees the crib in the corner. “It’s so cute! Thank you!” She hops over Tank, who proceeds to yawn and roll on his back, gazing at Penny with sad little eyes.
I pull Penny into my side with one arm, roughly kissing her temple. She rests a hand on my biceps—something she’s done a lot in the last twenty-four hours.
“I think it’s right.”
We both stare at it for a moment.
“I mean, it looks like the one in the store. Fia’s going to love it,” she reassures me.
“Cool, cool.” I run a hand through my hair and catch the way Penny’s eyes are heavy. There’s a small flicker of guilt for keeping her up all last night—but then again, ten years without that laugh, that mouth, that body? I don’t feel that bad.
“You’re a straight-up daddy,” Penny teases.
I grin and grab a handful of her ass, pulling her against me. “You know I’m good with being Uncle Jesse,” I murmur into her hair, letting the words settle between us.
She stills slightly, not pulling away.
“I mean it,” I say. “I love kids—working with them at the shelter’s the best part of my week. But I don’t need one of my own to feel fulfilled. I just want to be the uncle who shows up, spoils the hell out of them, then sends them home high on sugar.”
Penny pulls back, just enough to look at me.
“You don’t want kids?” she asks, her voice soft but curious.
I shake my head. “No, and I want you to know that. I never want you to second-guess it around me. And you don’t have to explain or apologize for not wanting to be a mom. I love you for exactly who you are. You’re enough for me.”
She blinks, like she’s letting the words soak in. Then, slowly, a smile spreads across her face—not her usual smirk or flirt, but something quieter and genuine.
“Uncle Jesse,” she says flirtatiously. “Kinda has a sexy ring to it.”
Penny stands on her tiptoes to lay a breathy kiss on my earlobe, and though it sends a shock of electricity straight down my body, I decide to be the good guy. Not the depraved sex god she claims I am.
I step back, head to the closet, and pull out my favorite black hoodie—soft, worn in, definitely going to hit mid-thigh on her. I toss it her way.
“Here,” I say. “Go put this on, get in bed, and take a nap. I think you’re delirious.”
Penny gapes at me, feigning offense, but she takes the black hoodie anyway.
“Fine. I’ll listen, but only because I need energy for later.” I see her sniff it, thinking she’s being sly. “Why do I need to wear this, though?”
“You’ve had your eye on it all week,” I say, watching the way her lip catches between her teeth.
“Go sleep,” I add, softer now. “You won’t miss anything.”
She steps back to the door. “Oh, you should know that Fia knows about us.”
I nod, letting that sink in. “She knows about the past us?”
Penny nods. “And us now.”
“Okay… That’s good, right?” I nervously stretch my arms.
“Yeah, it’s good.” Penny shrugs a little and leaves the room, my hoodie draped in her arms, leaving me standing there with a stupid grin on my lips.
She’s a wildfire that I’ve never quite been able to contain.
Every time I think I have a handle on her, the wind blows and she goes in another direction, still taunting me to chase after her.
And every time I get close, there’s a threat of being burned, but now, as I stand here alone in this room, only a few days left before she’s gone from this house, I yet again know there is only one choice.
I have to let myself get hurt so she can keep burning.
“Where did your father find you…heaven?” Fia’s voice travels through the hall as I come down the steps.
She’s sitting on the wood floor, being attacked by my dog. Ferocious slobbery kisses and whining like he hasn’t seen her for years.
“How you feeling, Fi?” I grab a drink from the fridge, and she gets quiet, not taking her eyes off Tank.
“Better. Happy to be home.” She must be tired, too.
“Your sister’s taking a nap, she was exhausted,” I add, taking a sip of sparkling water. Penny filled the fridge with this tasteless shit, and I keep finding myself cracking them open, hoping they are better the next time. They aren’t.
Fia purses her lips and pulls herself off the floor, going over to the sink to wash her hands.
“So, you’re dating my sister, huh?” she asks casually, but the words twist my gut.
“We’re not really dating…” My heart starts racing. “It’s complicated. We have a history.”
I’m not lying, I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen. She’s never going to be the woman who just warms my bed on the weekends. She’s Penny, the girl I fell in love with when I was eleven years old, and who has outshone every other person I’ve ever met.
Fia turns around, arms tightly crossed over her chest, leaning back against the counter. “Let me get this straight. You’re hooking up, but you’re okay with Penny going back to the city and seeing other guys?” Fia tilts her head, testing me.
Fuck that.
The idea of Penny with anyone else makes me see red.
I groan, shaking my head, suddenly aware I must look like a complete idiot who can’t even string two words together.
“You better do something about it, then,” Fia snaps at me. “She’s leaving in a few days, you know that, right?”
I’ve never seen her so serious, so protective. She’s going to be a good mom.
“You two deserve each other,” she adds, quieter now.
I chuckle. “Damn, Fia, I can’t tell if that’s meant to be an insult or not.”
This makes her crack a grin.
“It just means don’t fuck this up.”
“Roger that,” I reply as she mumbles something about going to take a shower, leaving me alone in the kitchen.
I gaze into the living room at the Christmas tree, noticing a few neatly wrapped gifts under it. Penny and Fia’s gifts to each other, I’m assuming.
I close my eyes as it dawns on me—I didn’t get Penny a gift.
But maybe it’s not too late.
I take a sip of the tasteless sparkling water and wonder on a level of one to ten how much she’ll freak out if I give her the gift I have in mind.
Possibly an eleven.
The afternoon drags by slowly, until suddenly, I look up and it’s almost dinner time. I think about making a protein shake or something easy, but Penny’s already busy in the kitchen…with a smile on her face. A sight I’m not sure I’ve ever seen.
She insisted she had it all handled, though, as she skirts around, still wearing my black hoodie, apologizing after a string of curse words when she spilled gravy down the front.
“I’m not Martha Stewart, but I think this is going to be okay,” she says as three separate timers go off.
This meaning the three-course meal she made.
Fia sits with her feet up, completely lost in a book on her Kindle, but glances at me nervously. We both know there’s a possibility that none of it’s edible and we’ll be eating frozen pizza.
“It smells good, I can’t wait.” I drum up enthusiasm from the living room.
Penny points a wooden spoon my direction, hand on hip, looking like her Nan. “No really, it’s decent, not great. Lower your expectations.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“Okay, the roast has five minutes left.” She ticks off her fingers. “I got a bottle of white wine, we have cookies. Fia, can you pull the Christmas records from the stash and get Nan’s player going?”
Fia looks up at her sister, and without replying, walks to the cabinet.
Andy Williams’s voice fills the first floor of the house minutes later as Penny pours the wine, handing us each a glass stem—Fia gets a pour of sparkling juice—and we cheers.
“To all being under one roof,” Fia says, and my gaze meets Penny’s.
A soft smile tugs at her lips, her hair messy on top of her head, and there’s more food on her clothes than the kitchen counter, but she looks at peace.
“Well, let’s dig in,” I say, smiling at them.
Penny was right, it’s decent.
Not great.
But we eat every last spoonful. The house is warm from the fire, Tank lies under the table, getting scraps from Fia that she thought I wouldn’t notice. It feels good, like really good.
Halfway through dinner, Penny puts down her fork, stealing a look at me before turning her focus to her sister.
“Hey, Fi, I wanted to talk to you about the house.”
She stops chewing, peering up at Penny, bracing for bad news.
“I never got a chance to tell you what Danny and I discussed yesterday. But the house was brought up, and...” Penny sighs but nods to Fia. “I’m giving it a rest. I’m not going to try to convince you to sell the house. Not yet, at least.”
Fia lets out an audible sigh, and tears fill her eyes. “Thank you. What made you change your mind?” she asks, her fingers wrapped around her glass.
Penny clears her throat. “Danny, actually.”
She twists her hand on the sweating water glass. Talking about Danny is still uncomfortable for her, but she’s doing so well. I place my hand on her back and rub small circles.
“He said he wants to move back in until he’s on his feet again. And Jesse’s paid rent through May, so Danny and I thought that in a year, when the dust has had a chance to settle, we’d revisit the topic together. We’ll collectively decide what’s best.”
My heart swells, and I lean over, laying my lips on the side of Penny’s head.
“Okay, I can live with that.” Fia offers Penny a soft smile. “So, does this mean you’re talking to Danny again?”
This time, I look at Penny, waiting for the answer I don’t know.
She considers it, nodding slowly.
“There’s a lot to repair there…” She swallows.
“And since I don’t live here, it won’t be that easy to visit him until he gets out.
But the lines of communication are open.
” Penny wears a hopeful look, and as much as those words stitch a piece of me up, selfishly, I know that if Penny can’t visit Danny often, that means I also probably won’t see much of her either.
It’s a cut that I have to learn to live with, and it also makes the Christmas gift I got her even more vital. I don’t want to waste any more time.
The three of us all help clean up dinner, washing, drying, putting away dishes. Like old times. Fia lies on the sofa with Tank, A Christmas Story on the TV, and Penny curls up in the chair next to the fire.
“Penny, want to take a walk? Look at the lights?” I ask before she gets too comfortable. It’s cold and dark out, but this might be my last chance.
My heart thrums loudly against my ribcage, and I sigh a little relief when she agrees.
“Yeah, sure. Let me grab a coat.”
Fia snuggles down deeper under her blanket, and Tank wiggles up closer, exhaling loudly.
“We’re not moving,” Fia states the obvious.
I slip on my boots and coat, too, making sure the gift is still safely in my pocket, before following Penny out into the crisp night.
The street is full of parked cars, porches lit with lights and wreaths, silhouettes in the windows of Christmas Eve festivities.
Penny rocks back and forth on her heels at the gate, her face tucked into a red scarf, her cheeks rosy pink.
“This way.” I nod to the left.
Penny remains quiet but reaches for my hand as I lead her down the sidewalk.