Chapter 45 Jesse
Jesse
NOW
It looks like she’s leaving for an international three-month vacation.
The foyer’s lined with overstuffed leather luggage, and every time I see it, something deep in me aches.
I try to keep myself moving, busy, not thinking about the fact that in mere minutes, Penny’s going to drive away from this house.
This isn’t right, my heart screams, but this is how it was always going to be.
Penny has a life outside this bubble. Outside of me.
Two weeks ago, I wasn’t sure what it would be like to see her, I half expected her to treat me like I was already dead, and now I’m reeling with the idea of her absence.
There’s going to be a definite void of sunshine that only Penny Hanson can supply.
Fia’s misty eyed, too, so I decide to be the strong one here.
“I’m not sure how this all fit in your Barbie car to begin with, but let me help you.” I pick up two bags, and Penny tightens the belt around her long wool coat. My eyes catch on the ring.
She looks sophisticated and beautiful, like she’s about to jet off to London or Paris. Another reminder of the promise I made to her: I’d love her no matter where she was, and I’d never get in the way of the life she made.
“Thank you—just lodge that one in the back.” She points to the trunk, and I chuckle, but it rattles my chest.
Penny doesn’t meet my eyes as we walk back in for more bags, more polite words between us.
Words that just reach the surface when all I want is more depth, more time. I know our relationship will be different, not ideal. But it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for her.
I went ten years without so much as breathing the same air as Penny. I can go six weeks before she’s back for Fia’s baby shower.
“Got everything?” Fia asks, and Penny nods, wrapping her arms around her sister.
“Thanks again, for the crib…for trying to mend me,” Fia murmurs, and Penny sniffles but plasters on the biggest smile.
“You’re not broken, Fia, I’m just your big sister. I’ll always have your back. Remember what the doctor said, frequent small meals.”
“I know, I know,” Fia reassures her.
Penny then squats down, eye level with Tank, and scratches his ears. Tank gives her a big kiss, and Penny makes a face but plops a light kiss back on his head.
“I might even miss you, mister Tank. Keep guarding the house, buddy,” she whispers, her fingers lingering on the side of his head.
Well fuck, rip my heart out.
“I’ll walk you out.” I push open the door and follow her onto the chilly porch. I hold Penny tight from behind like a leech as she shuffles toward the car, laughing.
That’s what I wanted, to wipe that frown from her face.
When we reach the driveway, I spin her around, pinning her against the side of the car. Penny flashes the same flirty gaze she always does when I focus all my attention on her. It’s like she’s under my microscope, and I wonder if she knows how spectacular I find her.
Three soft kisses. Then I bite her lip, and Penny hangs on my neck.
“I’ll miss you,” she says seriously.
It’s only two hours from here to her condo in Raleigh, but between our work schedules, there’s only a handful of days that we can actually make the trip to see each other.
“You’re always going to be my girl, you know that, right? No matter how much time passes between us,” I say, nuzzling my nose into hers.
Penny’s amber eyes fill with water, and she nods, clenching her trembling lip. I lift up her chin.
“Hey, no more tears. I’ll be seeing you soon. FaceTime me when you’re settled in.”
“Of course.” She kisses me three more times. “I love you,” she whispers, then places a hand on my chest. “Then. Now. And always.”
Fuck.
Whatever part of my heart I thought I still possessed no longer belongs to me.
Penny reached in and pulled it out. And I let her.
I’d let her have every last part of me.
When she’s in the driver’s seat, typing in directions home—to her home—I reach over my back and pull my black hoodie off, handing it through the window.
She stares at it in silence for a moment, then takes it in her arms and smiles.
“Drive safe, princess.”