Chapter Twenty-Eight
Millie
I'm left utterly dumbfounded and speechless by Lily's question. It's not even that I haven't had the same thought, but I quickly dismissed it as me just grappling for any explanation, no matter how unlikely or absurd. "What?"
"A ghost. You know, an apparition of someone that has departed this plane."
She says it so matter-of-factly that I stop and repeat her sentence in my head, just to make sure I heard her correctly. "I know what a ghost is."
"So, do you think that's what you heard?
" she asks ever so patiently. I know that Rowan thinks Lily can help us, but after this line of questioning, I'm not so sure.
Everything in my body is rebelling against the idea that what I heard could be a ghost. Maybe it's because I'm scared or maybe it's because it sounds so darn ludicrous.
"No," I answer with a level of resolution that I'm not really feeling on the inside. Doubt starts to creep in the longer I sit here and think about it. I mean, it would explain the chilling sensations and the fact that I heard a voice when I was unequivocally alone.
But the logical side of my brain starts to take over. It's just not possible. I don't believe in stuff like that. Ghosts aren't real. They can't be.
"Ghosts are real, Millie. I've experienced it firsthand and so has Luka." She looks over to Luka, a sad smile on her face.
My thoughts come to a screeching halt. "Come again?"
"They're real, I can promise you that."
"But—" I start to protest, completely taken aback by the conviction in her tone.
Lily interrupts, "Let's just pretend that ghosts could be real. Can you do that?" She doesn't say it in a chastising way. It's a genuine question.
"I guess." I feel Rowan shift next to me, his thigh becoming impossibly closer to mine. I don't pull away from his touch or comfort. I've rather enjoyed his touch this entire dinner and I don't plan on being the first to pull away because I crave it too much to do so.
"Okay, so if ghosts are real, would it be totally out of the realm of possibility for that to be the reason behind your dreams of people you've never met before but seem so real, the feelings of being watched when no one's there and hearing a voice you can't explain?
" she asks so seriously that it raises the hair on the back of my neck as she goes through the checklist of my symptoms.
As she ticks off the list, Lily's theory seems more and more plausible.
"You have to suspend what you know to be reality for a moment and let yourself think of all the possibilities," Luka adds.
Rowan gently squeezes my hand. "It's true. Before last year I would never have thought that any of this could be possible. Omens, ghosts, curses, none of it. But after living through it there's no refuting the truth. It all exists."
I look over to him. "Is that what you think it is? Is that why you wanted us to talk?"
His eyes are full of understanding and sympathy. "I had a feeling, but I needed to see if they would come to the same conclusion without me saying anything."
I can't wrap my head around any of this. None of it makes any sense, not if I think about it too hard. I try to, but I can't.
"Her name was Emily," Lily says.
"Huh?" I ask, confused and overwhelmed.
"My ghost's name is Emily."
What. In. The. Actual. Hell.
"She's technically my cousin. She died in eighteen ninety. I was hearing a voice in my head during the months leading up to my premonition coming true."
My heart starts to pound in my chest. I reach for my pulse point and start counting the beats in my head.
"She was warning me. Urging me to find a way to break the curse. She wanted to help me, but I didn't want to listen to her. I fought her intrusive thoughts, dismissing them as just my subconscious reacting to the stress of the dreams."
My breath leaves me. My heart pounds even harder. I'm having trouble comprehending what she's trying to tell me. "And she was real? I mean, a real ghost?"
"Very. Without her interference and guidance, I wouldn't be here today."
Luka wraps one arm around her and pulls her into his side. Our food is long forgotten.
"Do you think this ghost is trying to warn Millie?" Rowan asks. His question is surreal in the most daunting way.
It isn't possible, is it?
I think back to that day that I heard her. So positive that someone had to be standing in my room calling my name, the chill that accompanied the voice. The feeling of knowing that voice, though I've never heard it once in my life.
It can't be possible.
"Have you ever heard of cellular—"
"Memory," I finish for her. "I have actually. I was doing some research the other night and came across it. It seems like a reasonable explanation for at least some of what I'm experiencing."
Lily is nodding her head and then she seems to go deep in thought. Her eyebrows pinch together in concentration.
"What's cellular memory?" Rowan asks.
I tear my eyes away from her and focus on Rowan. "When you have a transplant, it can be any organ, and you start to take on traits of your donor."
"For example, you hated apples before but suddenly you have an affinity for the fruit. A fruit your donor loved," Lily answers.
"Is it just taste and stuff like that?" Luka asks.
I shrug my shoulders because I don't know how far the cellular memory theory extends.
"There has been some research that suggests it can be far more in-depth than that. I read a paper once that suggested it could affect your choice in partners, mood swings, all the way to complete personality changes, not just cravings."
"Seriously?" Rowan asks, his jaw popping with distress and surprise.
"Yes, but that was just one paper. There aren't enough studies on how much cellular memory can affect, but I believe it's entirely possible."
I'm already shaking my head. "You're saying I could have a personality change? To what?"
"Something more in line with your donor.
Like if they were prone to adrenaline seeking, you could find yourself more drawn to dangerous activities.
Or if you were more of an introvert but your donor was an extrovert, you could find yourself seeking more connections with people outside of your circle. Things like that."
I try to think through everything that I've done and how I've felt after my surgery, and I've never felt like I was doing something that didn't feel like me.
The only time I have that feeling is in my dreams and that one time in the ice cream shop when I was so drawn to a certain flavor.
I would hardly call either of those personality changes. "I don't think that's me."
"I'm not saying it is. I'm saying that it opens up a world of possibilities for what you are experiencing though."
Rowan groans and leans forward. His posture shows just how tense he is. Now it's my turn to rub soothing circles on top of his hand. "Then what does it mean?" I ask.
"I don't know," Lily answers.
"If you had to guess, Lily." Rowan pushes her for an answer, his tone a little too harsh which agitates Luka.
"Watch it, brother."
Rowan's eyes snap to Luka. "I'm sorry."
His eyes soften as they land back on Lily. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just asking, if you had to guess, what do you think it is?"
Lily's silent for so long I begin to think she isn't going to answer, but when she finally does, I feel completely unprepared.
"I think Millie's donor is haunting her."
As outlandish as her statement sounds, it starts to take root. Growing more and more possible the longer I let the thought fester.
"Babe," Luka whispers, fiercely, like he's worried she's overstepped.
"What? He asked what I thought it was and I answered honestly.
Ever since Emily I've been researching everything I can find on apparitions.
Where they're most commonly found, how they manifest, and why they are here.
While I haven't found a direct link to post-transplant recipients, I don't think it's too far of a leap.
The dreams, the sensations, the voice, all of that does indicate a ghost of some sort. "
I gulp, still trying to process her theory.
"Why are they here then? Why would Millie's donor be haunting her?" Rowan asks.
"My best guess is unfinished business," Lily answers.
I close my eyes and shake my head. "This is just crazy sounding."
Rowan releases my hand and I feel an immediate sense of loss. That is until he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side. I sigh, curling my body into his.
"It's not the craziest thing I've ever heard, daredevil. I'm not saying she's right, but I think it's at least worth looking into."
Maybe he's right. Maybe Lily's right. I still can't wrap my head around it though. Could it be possible that my donor is trying to send me a message from beyond the grave?
Luka seems to answer my unspoken question.
"If I've learned anything over the past year, it's that anything is possible.
" He looks over to his girlfriend, nothing but adoration and love shining through his eyes.
"That and my Lily is one smart cookie." He looks over to me and Rowan and says, "I would listen to her. "