Chapter Thirty-Nine
Rowan
Something is wrong but I don’t know what. Millie is talking but she doesn’t sound right. It doesn’t sound like her.
I squeeze her hand, our silent act of reassurance, but she doesn’t return the gesture. Her hand lies limply in mine.
“Anna, Anna! It’s me!”
Suddenly Millie lets go of my hand and scoots forward on the couch, her eyes intent and focused solely on Anna.
Millie’s sudden change in tone and intensity has the hair on my arms standing up, and a sour feeling starts low in my belly. Something has happened. I just don’t know what.
“I don’t know you!” Anna seems as uncomfortable as I feel.
“Millie, baby. What are you doing?” I ask as I reach for her hand again.
Millie’s head whips around, and what I see has my back slamming up against the couch in shock and horror.
Millie’s eyes are distant and cloudy, like she’s looking right through me. When my trembling hand reaches for her again, she rips it back and says, “Don’t touch me.”
It’s as though she doesn’t know me, and that one look has my heart shattering into a thousand pieces and my pulse beating frantically in my veins. What is happening? “Millie?”
“I’m Lucy.”
Her response stuns the room into utter silence. I stare at the girl I love with my whole heart and I barely recognize her. Her facial features are the same as my Millie’s, but her expression is all wrong.
“Baby, what are you talking about? You’re Millie.” I implore as panic spreads at a rapid speed throughout my body.
Her eyes narrow and she physically recoils at the use of her name. What in the actual fuck is going on? I practically lunge for her then, grabbing her face in between my hands, being as gentle as I can even though on the inside I’m freaking the fuck out. “Millie.”
She reaches up and grabs my hands, trying to yank them off her face. “I already told you, I’m not Millie!” she screams.
It takes everything in me to remain calm because on the inside I’m terrified. “Baby, your name is Millie St. James.” She’s already shaking her head and she’s still trying to pull away from me.
I look over to Anna. I don’t know what for, maybe assurance that whatever the fuck this is, is actually happening. Her wide and terrified eyes tell me it is.
She claws her way out of my grip and stands, making her way towards Anna, who is now standing and backing up towards the fireplace in fear.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
Millie slows right before she reaches Anna and holds her hands up in surrender. “I’m not here to hurt you, Anna. I love you. It’s me, your best friend,” she implores.
I watch as Anna’s eyes roam all over Millie, then they start to well up with tears. “How do I know it’s you? Tell me something only Lucy would know.”
I stand there, watching in disbelief. Could it be possible that Lucy has taken over Millie’s body? That seems utterly crazy and impossible, but maybe not as crazy as Millie pretending to be possessed. That seems even more farfetched.
My mind continues to swirl as I watch and listen to their interaction, feeling helpless and confused.
“You have a birthmark on your left shoulder, just above your shoulder blade. It’s in the shape of a heart.”
Anna swallows thickly, obviously nervous and apprehensive. “Plenty of people know I have that,” she accuses, pushing back at Millie.
Millie or Lucy? Fuck. This is crazy.
Millie still has her hands up in the air but slowly lowers them to her sides. “That’s fair.” Millie steps a little closer to Anna, lowering her voice when she continues. “When you were little you used to have nightmares.”
Anna visibly flinches, obviously rattled by Millie’s statement. Nightmares? What is she talking about? Millie never mentioned any nightmares, other than her own.
“You only ever told me about them. Not even your parents know,” Millie whispers, sounding just as emotional as Anna looks.
I swallow hard, my throat tight with anxiety and unease.
“If it’s really you, tell me what they were about,” Anna demands, her voice uneven.
“They were always about me dying.”
A strangled cry leaves Anna, and Millie shoots forward, wrapping her arms around Anna as they both fall to the floor in a heap of tears.
“Lucy?” Anna asks between sobs.
Millie’s head bobs up and down. “It’s me, I’m here.”
Oh fuck. It feels like the floor opens up beneath me and my stomach bottoms out. I feel nauseous and dizzy as I continue to watch them embrace. Is she hurting Millie? Fuck! What about her heart? What do I do? How do I get her out of my girlfriend’s body?
“What is going on? I mean how—” Anna asks the same damn thing I’m thinking.
“We don’t have much time. I need you to know that night wasn’t your fault. I left the party because I wanted to.” Millie’s hand caresses Anna’s face in a soothing manner, but Anna’s not having any of it.
She starts violently shaking her head. Silent sobs make her entire body vibrate. “I should have stopped you. I should have tried harder to make you stay!” Anna screams, and I jolt from the sheer intensity of it.
“Shhhhh. I need you to listen to me. I’m gone because I made a stupid decision. Me. Not you, not anyone else. Me, Anna.” Millie—fuck, Lucy—pronounces each word carefully.
“But I could have gotten you to stay,” Anna sobs as Lucy continues to try to soothe her.
“I made a mistake. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be spontaneous, that I could be sexy and alluring.” Lucy frowns before continuing, “I’m the reason I’m dead, Anna. Not you.”
Lucy’s admission only inflames Anna’s pain. “It doesn’t matter! I’m the one that talked you into going out that night! I’m the one that pushed and pushed, when all you wanted to do was stay home!” Anna pulls in a haggard breath. Tears trail down her face, one after the other.
I can’t just stand here and do nothing. I’m terrified for Millie and what this is doing to her body. On shaky legs I stand and walk over to them. When I reach for Millie’s arm and pull her up, Lucy doesn’t stop me.
I turn her to look at me, and what I see on her face has my heart breaking. It’s utter and complete devastation.
“Lucy, you could be hurting Millie.”
She shakes her head. “She’s fine. I can still feel her.”
I swallow hard, unsure of how to proceed or what the fuck to even do. “Her heart,” I implore.
Millie’s hand reaches up and touches the top of the scar that’s barely visible beneath her shirt. She drops her hand suddenly and turns her head to Anna.
“I’m okay. I need you to believe that. I want you to go live your life, go to college, meet a boy, do all the things we dreamed of doing together.”
Anna sobs, “I can’t. I don’t want to, not without you.”
Lucy jerks away from my grip, and I watch helplessly as she goes to Anna once more.
“You made me a promise, and you better keep it.” Lucy’s tone isn’t harsh, but it’s borderline stern.
Anna’s eyebrows pull together in confusion. “What promise?”
“On the day I died, you promised me something. Do you remember?”
“I—” Anna’s head shakes as she struggles to find the words. “I don’t want to. Not anymore.”
“I’m asking you to. We promised each other if anything ever happened we would never forget, but we would live enough for both of us. You aren’t living, Anna. You are only existing.”
Anna’s sobs continue to shake her body.
“You promised me,” Lucy implores, but just as she reaches for Anna once again, Millie’s body begins to shake uncontrollably. I rush forward to catch her right before her knees give out from under her.
“Millie!”
Fuck, she’s completely limp in my arms. Her eyes are rolling into the back of her head. I lower her to the floor and check for a pulse.
Thank fuck. Her pulse is there, but it’s thready. I lower my ear to her mouth to listen for an inhale. She’s breathing.
“Is she okay?” Anna asks, desperately.
“No, she’s not fucking okay. Your friend just hijacked her fucking body!” I lash out. Panic is pouring into my body, and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to help her.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to get myself under control. This isn’t Anna’s fault, and she’s just as scared as me. Yelling at her isn’t going to help Millie, either. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just a little freaked out right now.”
“It’s okay. What do we do?”
“I don’t know.” She’s breathing and her heart is beating, but she still isn’t opening her eyes.
“Millie, baby. Come back to me. Open your eyes, Daredevil.”
The only sound in the room is me begging her to open her eyes over and over again, desperate for her to wake up. As the seconds pass, I grow more and more frantic.
“She’s not waking up.”
“Don’t fucking say that. She’s going to wake up.” A roar of undiluted fear and pain leaves my chest. It feels like my insides are being ripped out. She has to be okay. She fucking has to be okay.
“Daredevil, open your eyes,” I command, my voice trembling.
She moans softly. One moan turns into two. My heart leaps into my throat.
“That’s it, baby. Open your eyes.”
I hold my breath as I watch her ever so slowly open her eyes. Her gaze is unfocused and her voice, hoarse when she asks, “What happened?”
The biggest sigh of relief leaves my chest. “You’re okay. It’s okay. Everything’s okay,” I say as I slide one arm under her shoulder and the other under her knees. “We just need to go to the hospital to get you checked out. Everything’s okay.”
“Hospital? What?” she asks, but she sounds groggy and her eyes start to close once again. I’m already on the move, carrying her out the door and to my truck.
“I’m coming with you!” Anna hollers as she scrambles to keep up with me.
I don’t care what she does.
All I care about is getting Millie to the hospital to make sure her heart is okay.
It better be okay.
She better fucking be okay.