Chapter Forty
Millie
There’s that incessant beeping sound again, the one that I love to hate. A sound I thought I would never have to hear again, but I have no such luck, I guess.
“Are you hurting?” I hear him ask softly. It’s close to three in the morning, I think. I’m surprised he’s still up.
“No, I’m okay,” I reassure him. He’s been so worried and honestly terrified that Lucy’s stunt hurt my heart that he’s asked if I’m okay every few minutes since we got to the hospital, which was hours ago.
“I thought maybe because you were groaning—”
Oh. I hadn’t realized I was making a sound at all, let alone one of discomfort. “Sorry. I was just—”
“Just what, baby?” he asks patiently, still holding my hand. He has barely let go of me, and I’m not sure if it’s more for his benefit or mine. Either way, I’m not complaining.
I shake my head. “It’s silly that it even bothers me. But I hate that sound.”
He tilts his head in confusion, so I continue.
“The sound that says my heart is beating. I shouldn’t hate it. Rather, I should be happy and grateful for it.” I shift in the bed, turning to face him better. “It feels like nails on a chalkboard when I hear it.”
He chuckles softly, “It is pretty annoying. I could understand why you grew to dislike it. I think I would be ready to throw the little machine out the window if I had to sit here day after day and listen to it.”
I smile because he instantly gets it, gets me, and I love him even more for it. “Exactly! Like come on guys, we get the point, I’m alive!”
He chuckles even harder at my antics.
“But it’s a little more tolerable with you here. You’re a good distraction.”
He turns his face towards me, giving me the full blow Rowan Pierce effect, his smile on full display, dimples and all. Man, he’s pretty.
“I wish I could distract you in other ways,” he says as he wiggles his eyebrows up and down and then winks. So cute but so cheesy sometimes. I love it. I love him.
“I think the nurses would frown upon fraternization with a patient,” I tease.
“They wouldn’t have to know. I can be quick.”
“I think there’s something that would give me away.” I look over towards the monitor that displays my steady heartbeat. A heartbeat that wouldn’t be so steady if we decided to throw caution to the wind.
His gaze follows mine. “True. We wouldn’t want you to have any more reasons to hate it.”
Suddenly the door to my room opens. We both look at each other, then bust out laughing. It isn’t until the nurse walks over that our giggles subside.
“I see we are feeling a little better?” She has a kind smile as she watches the two of us.
“Yes, much. So much so that I think I’m good to go home.”
She checks my IV line. I was pretty dehydrated when I came into the ER, along with disoriented, so much so that they wanted to admit me, mostly out of an abundance of precaution because of my medical history.
“They want a cardiologist to check you out in the morning, and as long as everything looks good, you will be out of here in no time.”
I smile politely because I figured that was what her answer was going to be. Doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed or frustrated.
“Is there anything you need before I go?”
I shake my head, and she leaves the room. It isn’t until the door softly clicks behind her that Rowan speaks, “I’m worried, Daredevil.”
I know he is. I can tell by the expression that hasn’t left his face since we got here.
“I’m fine, I promise. I felt a little off at first, but I feel back to normal now.”
“How are we supposed to know what kind of damage she caused? Like, there isn’t some page out of a medical book for bodily harm caused by possessions.” His other hand runs through his hair nervously.
“It’s okay, Rowan. I’m okay.”
“You keep saying that, but you didn’t see it.” He blows out a frustrated breath before closing his eyes and trying to collect himself. “I mean, she had full control over you for the better part of ten minutes. And when she left your body—” His body visibly shakes as he relives the moment.
“You looked like the life was drained out of you. Millie, I’ve never been so fucking scared.” He swallows deeply as his eyes start to well with tears.
“Shhh," I try to soothe him. “I’m right here, and I’m okay,” I say as I pull his arm towards me. He comes willingly, and as I scoot over to make room for him, he gently folds his big body into the cramped and uncomfortable bed with me.
I take his hand and place it directly over my heart. I give us both a moment to feel the steady thump, thump, thump under my breastbone. The sensation helps ease the tension in his shoulders.
“I know it was scary, and I’m so sorry you had to see that. But—” His eyes snap to mine and narrow, but I just ignore him and continue. I know he’s not going to like what I say next, but it needs to be said. “I’m not sorry it happened.”
“Millie—”
I shake my head and continue, “Lucy deserves peace, and Anna deserves to know Lucy doesn't blame her.”
After my little episode and I was settled in the hospital room, Rowan caught me up on what happened.
I have no memory of the possession. I was only left feeling disoriented and like I had run a marathon, my body sore and fatigued.
Of course, we didn't tell the doctors anything about the possession, only my symptoms, deciding it was safer to play dumb, at least for now.
I have a feeling it's going to be hard to talk him out of telling my doctor back home, but that's a problem for another day.
Anna came with Rowan to the ER and waited for hours until I was assigned a room before visiting. She told me how much she appreciated that I sought her out, and she was sorry for what Lucy had done to me, but she was also thankful.
Thankful to be able to speak to her friend one last time. When she broke down in tears, it took everything in me not to sob right along with her. The amount of pain and guilt that she is carrying around is heartbreaking.
I’m hoping that Lucy speaking to her brings her some amount of peace and closure. I think in time it will.
“Don’t be mad at her, Rowan. She wasn’t trying to hurt me.”
“I’m not— I mean I am. So fucking mad, Millie, but how can I be mad at a ghost?” he chuckles incredulously. “For her to put you at risk like that— I can’t let that go.”
“She was desperate to help her friend. Don’t you think you would do that for Luka, for me, if you had the chance?”
“Listen here, don’t be going and making sense or anything. Maybe I just wanna be mad.” He smiles, his eyes softening ever so slightly as his fingers run through my hair gently. “All I can say is I hope it was worth it.”
I think back to Anna’s expression just before she left my room. I saw relief in her eyes, and I think a renewed sense of hope in her heart that maybe everything would be okay. That she will be okay. “I think it was.”
As we lie there in that hospital bed together, I can’t help but think that if it wasn’t for Lucy, I’m not sure I would be here today, alive and well. Happy and in love.
Gratitude fills my chest, and in that moment, I make a promise to myself.
A promise I will live well.
Happy.
Devoted.
Joyful.
Grateful.
Whole.
Loved.
All with him.
His fingers slide down my cheek until they are right under my chin. He tilts my chin up and then leans forward to kiss me softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”