Chapter 19
NINETEEN
I stared at the woman I was meant to marry.
The only woman who had the power to break my heart.
The only woman to ever truly have my heart.
The only woman I’d give my last name.
The only woman I’d dedicated my time and energy to.
The only woman I wanted to make happy.
To make love to.
To make better.
To make mine.
I’d wanted that for a while. Since I was a boy and she was a girl, we were supposed to be family.
I suppressed what I felt, prioritizing my loyalty to the brotherhood I’d formed with Luca and Laike.
But, the night she held another man’s hand as they snapped photos for prom made it clear that my heart knew something my head probably could never comprehend.
Lyric was mine.
She always would be. It didn’t matter when things were made official or how many niggas she fooled into believing otherwise. Her future was set in stone and I’d carved my name all over that motherfucker.
“Come on. Since you done kidnapped a nigga, roll with me.”
“Where?”
“It’s prom night,” Luca expressed.
My heart sank.
“Lyric?”
“Yes, nigga. And pick your face up. You act like I just told you your best friend got smoked.”
It felt like it.
I’d kept my distance and stayed away from the girl who was slowly becoming a woman. But, my admiration hadn’t felt a day of the distance. The thought of her made my body weak and my heart heavy.
“Prom already?”
“Yeah. With some lame ass nigga whose name I can’t even recall,” he chuckled, splitting my heart into four pieces.
“Some nigga? She got a date?”
“Yeah.”
“And we ain’t rode down on the nigga before now?”
“No reason. He can’t handle Lyric. All he needs to worry about is her curfew. Long as he has her back by midnight, the thunder won’t begin roaring.”
“Man, when the–”
“Get in and take me to the house. If she leaves before I get there, then it’ll be me you’re worried about. Not her date.”
I hopped in the whip, head and heart at war. I was silently chastising myself for staying away so long, but I was secretly satisfied with my decision. Lyric was too close for comfort. I was becoming a man. I was having thoughts that shouldn’t have involved her.
I was having dreams that shouldn’t have involved her. She was becoming my reason for nearly every move I made. Her proximity was dangerous. And, I didn’t have the gumption to fuck over my friendship like that. Not yet.
One day, though. Maybe.
I broke one traffic law after another getting to Luca’s crib. Upon arrival, something inside of me changed.
Things broke.
Things shifted.
Things yearned.
Things hid.
Things pained.
Things shut down.
“Aye, keep your cool. Deflate your chest. It’s prom. It ain’t marriage.”
Cause that’s reserved for me.
“I’m cool,” I lied. “I’m not gone do nothing to this boy.”
“I’m just letting you know cause ain’t no talking to Laike. He’s a loose cannon.”
Chuckling, I exited my ride. I rounded the car and pressed my body against the door that Luca had just shut. I watched as he pulled Lyric into his arms.
The smile that pinned my lips backward caught her eye. A year without seeing that face was enough to send me to the nut house. Though her arms were wrapped around Luca, her gaze stripped me of everything I had to hide.
I cleared my throat and used my fingers to pinch my nose before letting them fall. With both hands in front of me, I folded them, hoping they behaved instead of blowing up my spot.
Revealing my feelings.
Telling my truth.
Unmasking my secret.
As much as I wanted to lay the blur beside her flat on his back, the truth was I hardly noticed him. That’s how radiating Lyric was. That’s how consuming she was.
She was eighteen. She had been for five months now. Still, the brotherly love I had for her wouldn’t allow me to see anything but a little sister before me. But, when I was alone, that wasn’t the case. My feelings grew. My thoughts lingered. Our future played out right before my eyes.
“You look beautiful, baby girl,” I called out, finding it more suitable to stay the distance.
“Thank you,” she said to me, stopping my heart.
When her feet began to move, I wanted to run in the opposite direction. But, I stood taller, ten toes down, and opened my arms, giving Lyric exactly what she wanted. Exactly what I wanted her to have.
Me.
My undivided attention.
My chest.
My arms.
My life.
My love.
“Where have you been?” She asked as her body and mine collided.
I squeezed her tightly, never wanting to let go. She smelled like silk and saffron and amber.
“Keeping busy,” I admitted.
“I don’t like it,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
Sorry that I have feelings for you.
Sorry that I can’t be with you.
Sorry that I have to put distance between us.
Sorry that I haven’t been here.
Sorry that one day I’ll have to tell you how I’m feeling.
Sorry that I’ll disrupt our bond to make a new one.
Sorry.
She pulled away, a smile on her face but pain in her eyes. My absence had affected her. It pained me to know that.
I inhaled deeply, watching as she joined her date again. I exhaled as I heard the loud stereo in the yard as the brand new whip parked.
Fucking Laike. I chuckled. That goddamn Laike.
A damsel in distress. That’s what she was to me.
As she lay in the hospital bed with her eyes closed and her hand in mine, I wondered what was going through that pretty little head of hers.
Everyone had cleared. Luca and Laike had gone to pick up his truck.
Liam had taken Laura home. It was just Lyric and me.
The smoke had finally cleared and there was a sad, lingering silence that we sat in uncomfortably as we waited on her discharge papers.
“I felt something was wrong,” she said to me, eyes still closed, “It’s like I felt like this would happen.
That’s why I wasn’t in a rush to tell my family.
It’s like I knew. I don’t know how, but I knew.
It didn’t even feel right when I called Ever before sitting down to eat.
Somehow, I felt like I was lying to her. I can’t explain it.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I just knew.” Her voice cracked as the tears began again. “I knew.”
“Shhhhhhh.”
“I just keep wondering if it was my stress that is to blame for this. It feels like my fault.”
“It’s not. The doctor assured you that it wasn’t. When I talked to my aunt, she told me that a woman’s body has a mind of its own. It’s the most powerful thing on the planet, too.
“She said that things that weren’t visible on a seven-week ultrasound, your body most likely knew and determined that the baby either wasn’t viable, wasn’t healthy, or was a threat to your health.
Either way, no one will ever know because there’s no explanation for why this happened.
Everything was just fine, or at least we thought it was. ”
“I really wanted this.”
“Me, too.”
“Did you get me something to change into? I’d like to get dressed now.”
“Yeah. I went to the shopping center down the road and grabbed you something comfortable.”
I peeled her hand from around mine and stretched to grab the bag from the windowsill. I began placing the articles of clothing on the bed near her feet.
“Okay. They’ll be here at any minute to hand me my papers. I want to be ready. I can’t stand to be here any longer. I’m ready to go home.”
“You want me to have your mom to go by there and get your place ready for you before we make it?”
“I’m not talking about my place, Keanu. I’m talking about yours,” she clarified, bringing a smile to my face.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes.”
Just as Lyric pulled her pants up and tightened them with the strings in the front, the nurse walked in. With bouncy hair and the same sad smile we all wore, she began running down Lyric’s care instructions for home.
“Okay, honey. We need you on plenty of fluids, preferably water. There’s a prescription for antibiotics to make sure that you don’t catch an infection. Take those twice a day for seven days and you should be out of the woods. Get as much rest as you can.
“You don’t have to lay around the house all day, but we do expect you off your feet for at least the first three days.
Dizzy spells may come and go. Your body is still trying to rid itself of any threats.
Only take showers and make sure they are assisted.
No baths. That’s the quickest way to catch an infection. We don’t want that. Any questions?”
I noted everything, locking it in my memory so that I wouldn’t forget a thing.
“No,” Lyric responded.
“Alright. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you feel better soon,” she told Lyric before stepping out of the room.
“Ok. Please get me far away from here.”
I obliged, taking Lyric by the hand and slowly walking down the hall with her.
She’d made it clear that she was capable of walking and refused a wheelchair when the nurse offered it as a part of her discharge.
Slowly, we made strides and was soon exiting.
My truck was near the entry, but I still wanted to pull around for her.
When I slid in, I adjusted the seats that Laike had tampered with to suit his figure while driving. I started my engine and backed out of the tight space once I was in the clear. Right in front of the entrance, I hopped out and ushered Lyric inside. She settled after a few grunts.
“You ready?” I asked after securing her seatbelt.
“Yes,” she replied with a nod. “I just want to sleep so that I won’t even have to deal with this right now.”
“I understand, baby. I promise I do.”
I circled the truck and hopped in the driver’s seat.
Before taking off into the night, I felt Lyric’s hand on mine.
I exposed my palms so that she could rest hers inside.
Our fingers locked between each other before we both collapsed them together.
And just like that, we made our way home… to my home.
I obeyed every traffic law.
I stopped at every traffic light.
And I took my time going around every curve.
I was in no rush at all. Lyric had suffered enough. I wouldn’t allow her to suffer more as a result of my negligence.