Chapter 27
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Kainda
L ast night’s nightmare had been worse. The lack of sleep seemed to catch up with the both of us. I’d taken both of our bags out to the car while he swung into the breakfast area to get us something for the road. We would get to base camp today if I had to kill someone to do it. Or knock him out and tie him up. Nope, not typing him up that would really trigger his PTSD.
Thankfully today the skies looked clear and even this early the temperature felt warm. It’d make for a comfortable hike later. I sent the girls all a text to let them know our travel status and to check in with them. Delmira sent me her coordinates and a thumbs up emoji. At least she’d responded this time. Evin had told me to fuck off, and it was too early for this bullshit. Classic, truly. And Hida, she’d typed such a long message it sent in pieces. A full briefing— now, it was too early for that— to which I would not respond or even read until after coffee. Instead, I took a page out of Del’s handbook and responded with a thumbs up.
“I’ve got provisions. Ready to go?” E walked up with two to-go coffee cups stacked on top of each other and a plate with two breakfast sandwiches and fresh fruit in the other hand.
He set the plate on the dashboard before handing me my coffee. There was something else we needed to do before hitting the road, but first I needed my caffeine hit. But when I yawned immediately after putting it in the cupholder, I could’ve cried. Guess we’re stopping at a gas station, so I could get an energy drink or ten. I couldn’t catch a break.
First, I had to deal with Elijah. “I’d like to try some magic to help you with your panic attacks. If, you’ll let me.”
“What are you thinking? Help me how?” He put his own coffee down and looked at me skeptically.
“I’m going to help you create a mental box that when you feel the panic starting to rise, you’ll be able to snap it shut. It won’t stop all the panic, and it’s not a long term fix. But it should help you get through the rest of the drive and the hike. And I’ll reverse it when we get to base camp.”
He mulled it over for a minute before giving me a nod. “Maybe if it works, we should leave it in place until after I’m finished being bait. If I’m in the throes of a panic attack, I won’t be able to follow orders.”
“Good point. We’ll see how you respond to the spell. I might have to reverse it and recast it closer to go time. Any more questions?” Please say no, we need to go.
Like I said, I couldn’t catch a break as he asked me another question. “What should I expect the spell to stop and what it won’t?”
At least it was a good question. “It should block the memories that trigger the visual hallucinations. You’ll probably still experience some heart racing, sweating, mild hyperventilation, and it won’t prevent the nightmares. It’ll dull the symptoms to the point you can push through them, at least theoretically.”
“Theoretically?” He looked at me with a little more trepidation than before. “Have you never cast a spell like this?”
I fiddled with my phone, giving myself time to figure out the best way to explain this to someone that didn’t fully understand witches and their power structure. “So give me a second to explain before I outright answer your question. Trust me?”
When he nodded, I started to explain while my fingers fidgeted with a potion vial in my pocket. “My mother holds a special place within her coven as the Voice. Not all covens have a Voice, like Althea’s coven. That position is held by a witch with the greatest affinity for free form spell work. Most witches need to memorize a spell or work from a spellbook to cast. There are very few witches that don’t need to use any form of memorization or a spellbook. I inherited some of my mom’s ability, which was partly why her coven didn’t want me to develop my magic.”
He held up his hand to stop me. “Why would that make them want to prevent you from learning magic?”
“That goes back to some historical disasters created by half witches that had no training. Witch magic is passed through the maternal line, so if the witch parent isn’t the mother, the child has no magic. A long time ago, most covens refused to allow half witches memberships, so the mother’s would give the child up for adoption or leave her coven. Well, the witches given up for adoption were never taught control and as a result put an intention very strongly into the world that their ignored magic decided to attach to, and it blew up in everyone’s face.”
“If that was the case, then why wouldn’t your coven want to train you? I’d think that would prevent history from repeating itself.” He grabbed the apple from the plate and took a bite out of it when his stomach growled loudly.
This coffee would be better with some alcohol , I took another sip before I continued. “You’d think, but instead of developing my abilities, they taught me to suppress them. Because that works so well. When it became obvious I had a talent on par with my mom for off the cuff magic, they really freaked out. That’s why mom sent me to live with Theron full-time, because they forbid me from using magic. By dissolving my inclusion with the coven, I couldn’t be bound by their governance and laws.”
He held the plate out to me and I took one of the breakfast sandwiches. “Okay, so if I’m understanding you correctly, you’ve never cast this spell before. But you’re confident that you can cast a spell that will work the way you want it.”
“Spell work, especially free form, is all about intentions. The speculation is that witches with a talent for free form are more attuned with their magic. As a result, the magic requires less formal means of focus and concentration to achieve the same or similar results to a written or taught spell. Thankfully, I had a good teacher in Hida, even if she isn’t a witch.” Taking a bite of the sandwich to give him time to think was the right idea. Not the tastiest biscuit and sausage I’d ever had, but my empty stomach didn’t care.
“I’m not sure if I fully understand all that, but I trust you. If you think you can do this, and it’ll help, then I’m in. As long as you don’t think there will be any nasty side effects.” He took a sip of his coffee, meanwhile, butterflies went nuts in my belly over him saying he trusts me.
Sure he’d said it before but usually at my prompting. This time had been his own admission. Stupid butterflies, stupid heart, stupid feelings. I pushed them down, determined to ignore them. Maybe I needed to figure out a spell to block those feelings for him out. Alas, there wasn’t time for me to ponder a spell like that. I’d had the rest of the drive yesterday and most of last night to figure this one out.
“There shouldn’t be any nasty side effects.” I put my breakfast down and reached into the backseat for my backpack.
He chuckled, “Because that is so reassuring.”
I smiled at him and pulled the pack between the seat. He took it when I offered it, holding it while I dug around inside for what I needed. As I encountered what I needed, I dropped them in my lap or on the dashboard. When I’d finished, I returned the backpack to the backseat. I went through my checklist one more time, making sure I had everything.
“Alright, let’s do this thing. Turn and face me as much as possible in the seat. You’ve meditated before, right?” He nodded. “Perfect, we’re going to use some of those same techniques with this spell. While I get everything else ready, I want you to do the first steps of meditation and get your body into a relaxed state and clear your mind.”
He moved in his seat until he almost fully faced me, where I leaned over the center console. His eyes closed, and he started taking longer, deeper breaths, slowing his heart rate. Oh, he’d done this before alright. I could feel the shift and change with him as he moved through the steps. As much as I wanted to keep watching him, I had steps of my own to-do.
I cracked the car windows and turned down the vents before taking the purple tealight candle and lighting it. Placing it back on the dash, I cleansed my hands with sanitizer, it worked in a pinch, and it was a bottle I’d blessed and only used for spell work when I didn’t have access to a sink or running water. I opened the vial of magnolia oil and picked up the braided leather bracelet. Carefully, I dripped the oil on three spots on the band. I set the bracelet around the candle and recapped the vial.
Turning my attention back to E, I realized he’d finished the relaxation steps and had cleared his mind. His tendency to project helped in this instance. Moving slowly, so his body would feel my physical presence gradually and not jar him from his trance. That animal awareness that let you know someone had come into your space.
When I felt his psychic shift, I spoke in a whisper. “Elijah, I’m going to walk you through the next step. Don’t open your eyes or move. I’m going to touch your face as part of the spell, don’t be alarmed.”
This next part filled me with dread, and I felt like a jerk for what I was about to do. Just rip off the band-aid, Kainda. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself in case this went sideways. But I still dragged my feet. I didn’t want to do this, but I didn’t have another solution.
“Open your mind, think back to when our minds connected. Remember my psychic signature, how it felt in your mind. Once you have it, reach out and feel for it again. When you feel it pulled it inward.”
Closing my own eyes, I blew out my all the air in my lungs. I dropped all of my psychic walls, even the natural defense ones that I didn’t consciously maintain. Then I did something I’d never done before, I projected. Slowly inhaling, I felt for that memory of what his psychic energy had felt like when I’d seen his memories. He needed to feel a light psychic signature while I had to reach for his darkened by fear.
It didn’t take long for me to find it. I struggled to keep projecting my own signature as light and gentle, linked to a good memory. His signature from that spell felt oily and burned like acid across my senses. If psychic energy had a taste or smell, his would be rotten eggs. It glowed in my mind’s eye a sickly yellow, green with a vein of crimson red running through the middle. As much as I didn’t want to touch it, I took hold and willed my mind to project calmly outward.
Then I felt him take hold of my energy and the connection fell into place. The light melded with the tainted colors, becoming gray. I felt him start to recoil as his mind recognized the energy now coming from me. With a thought, I snapped up my psychic walls, but I extended them to his mind. I’d effectively trapped him in place. Forgive me.
Let’s get this over with, and I spoke, making sure my voice held a note of power. “Spiders. Call to mind what they look like, the places you might find them, images of their webs.”
It didn’t take him long to conjure the creepy, nasty little bastards. They crawled over his mind like something out of a horror movie. With each inhale, I could smell his fear and my heart ached. But, it had done the trick. His anxiety and panic had started to spike, which meant we could move on.
Opening my eyes, I didn’t allow anything to come into focus except the flame on the candle. Picking up the bracelet, I turned back to Elijah and lifted his hand. His muscles tensed beneath me, but he didn’t jerk away from me. I slipped the bracelet onto his wrist and tightened the band until it was just shy of snug.
“You can feel the fear, the anxiety, the panic. Now coil it like a rope in tight spirals and let the image of the creatures fade from your active mind. Elijah?—”
“E.” His voice was so quiet I nearly didn’t hear him, but I felt him speak through our connection at the same time.
I held my breath that it didn’t snap him out of his trance and break the concentration needed for the spell. But it didn’t even waver. Letting out my breath, I took his hand in mine. We both needed the connection to ground ourselves. At least that was the story I told myself, because I couldn’t admit I needed it if he didn’t.
“E, once the feelings are coiled in a rope, can you still feel them? You should still feel them, but they aren’t as strong now.” My connection told me the answers so he didn’t have to respond, and I didn’t give him time to. “I want you to bring to mind a metal box. Feel the cold strength of the metal, see the sturdy hinges and lock. Open it, look inside, see what’s there. Inspect it inside and out, make sure there are no cracks and that all the seams are fully sealed. Trust that when that box is locked, nothing inside of it can hurt you. It can’t overwhelm you, and you won’t freeze under the weight of those things.”
I let him have time to do as I’d asked while I got ready for the next step. Picking up the vial of magnolia oil again, I opened the cap. The floral scent immediately rose to greet me. It’s subtle scent on the bracelet had long been lost beneath his fear. I allowed more to drip onto the same three spots before dipping my finger into the oil.
“You’re going to feel my touch on your face and some oil. I want you to pick up that coiled rope and place it in the box.” I focused my eyes on his forehead and carefully drew a cube there with the oil. “Shut the lid and imagine what the key for the lock looks like. See it in the palm of your hand.”
I picked up the skeleton key from my lap and placed it in his hand. Tracing the oil over its surface, I paid attention to his thoughts. Once the image became clear in his mind, I curled his fingers around the key. Almost finished, thank the gods.
“Take that key and lock the box. Put the key in your pocket and then try to open the box. Prove to yourself that it won’t open. Now tell me that nothing in that box can escape as long as you hold the key to its lock.”
His voice still just barely a whisper. “None of those feelings can escape that box while it's locked. I hold the key to unlock it.”
Reaching up, I drew a keyhole in the middle of the cube on his forehead. The magic had caused it to glow a lavender hue. The connection between our minds was no longer gray or fainted with his fear. It glowed bright white and felt pure, vastly different from moments before. Last step, finally.
“Let go of your connection and return to your own mind.” I let the psychic walls fall, and after a moment I felt his presence leave my mind. The loss left me reeling and feeling adrift. “Slowly let your body wake and allow the trance to leave you. When you have fully come back into your waking body, open your eyes.”
Opening my eyes, I capped the vial of oil and tossed it next to my cell phone. I pulled out my pocket knife and flipped it open. Then I waited until his eyes opened and our gazes collided. He smiled at me, his breathing came much easier, but his thoughts weren’t projected like normal. For some reason, that stung. Maybe I’d shown him something else during this spell.
Shoving that aside, I lifted his hand with the bracelet and cut the ends that allowed you to adjust the size. I closed the blade and picked up the candle. The heat from the metal burned my fingertips a little, but the pain grounded me. It pushed the feelings the lost connection had bombarded me with.
Holding the candle up between us, I continued the spell. “On three, blow the flame out with me.”
He squeezed my hand in acknowledgement. I wanted to yank my hand from his grasp and truly severe the last connection I had to him. But that annoying little voice told me I’d regret it. Just finish this already, I scolded myself.
“One for the rope,” I dripped a tiny drop of melted wax onto the first spot of magnolia oil. “Two for the box.”
I repeated the drip of wax on the second and third spot. “Three—” together we blew out the flame. “—for the lock.”
Gold and purple shimmery sparks danced from the flame before it went out. A thin curl of smoke rose in the air between us. I turned his wrist wearing the bracelet over, exposing the tied off end. More purple wax dripped from the candle onto the two cut edges as I said the last words of the spell. Tears fought to well in my eyes, but I grit my teeth and forced them down.
“Mnemosyne, Titan of Memory, seal this spell with your power. By your will be done, so mote it be.” As soon as the last word left my mouth, I turned away from him, breaking the eye contact.
Jumping out of the car, I grabbed my backpack and started stuffing things back into it. I took the plate of forgotten breakfast to the nearby trashcan. Then used my front fender as cover, I knelt by the bushes. Using the blade of my pocket knife, I dug a small hole in the soil before scraping out the wax from the candle base. Once I’d buried it, I tucked the empty, now cooled base into my backpack and got back in the driver’s seat.
He still sat in the same spot holding the key, watching me. Not in the mood to talk, afraid I’d start crying like a baby, I turned on the radio. I rolled up the windows and turned the vents back up on the air conditioner and got the heck out of that parking lot. The car moving seemed to jar him out of whatever that had been. He turned to face the windshield and buckled his seatbelt.
“Put that key in your pocket and do not lose it.” The words came out harsher than I intended, but he didn’t say anything.
He followed my directions without question, and I resumed ignoring him. Oh, and the elephant in the room. Instead, I scanned the sides of the road for a gas station. I needed those energy drinks now more than ever. For two reasons, I could escape him for a moment by going inside, and the other, that spell had zapped my energy. Not sleeping or eating well fucked with your magical reserves, and I’d been doing a lot of magic and not enough to replenish the well.
An hour and one energy drink later, I no longer felt like I would fall asleep at the wheel. The best part, I no longer felt like crying either. We hadn’t spoken, just listened to the radio and stayed in our own little bubbles. It would’ve been peaceful if my heart hadn’t started to ache. Stupid sensitive organ.
Checking the GPS one more time, I realized we were heading into the last little town before the turn-off for the trail. “Okay, this is the last chance to stop in civilization for a while. We should probably stop to ditch the trash we’ve accumulated and hit the bathroom. I know you have no problem pissing in the woods during a hike, but I don’t exactly have the same ability.”
“I’m aware, Kai.” His voice was too happy for my liking, and there he went with that stupid nickname.
Anger crashed over me, and my frayed handle on my emotions finished unraveling. If I’d been a cartoon character, my face would’ve turned fire engine red with flames dancing in the reflection of my eyes, and smoke curling from my ears and nostrils. I felt like I was boiling over, and I knew this feeling was irrational. But I felt like lashing out to make him feel the way I’d felt when he put up walls from his thoughts.
“Call me that one more time, and I will tie you up and stuff you in the trunk. We aren’t family, we aren’t friends, and we aren’t in a romantic relationship that would give you privileges to call me by a nickname.” I pulled into the first gas station I saw, even though it looked a little sketchy.
As soon as I put the car in park, his seatbelt unlocked, and he leaned over me, putting his big hand over the door handle. He played with fire by preventing my escape. His face got really close, and I couldn’t look anywhere but at his eyes. Jerk didn’t deserve my eye contact. Yeah, well he didn’t deserve my attitude either, but here we are. Apparently I don’t handle hurt well, you’d have thought.
“I don’t know what changed and flipped the switch on your attitude to nasty, but I’m getting whiplash for the back and forth. So either tell me what I did to piss you off or get over it.”
When did he get so ballsy? And why did I like it so much? Without a doubt, I had something wrong with me. He didn’t make any move to vacant my space or let me out of the car. The eye contact between us, so intense, I felt it like a change in the air pressure. I shouldn’t want to kiss him right now like my life depended on it, either. But that’s what I did.
My lips had barely made contact with his when he yanked back, falling into his seat. He shook his head, opened the car door, and bailed. Looked like he was done with my bullshit. I couldn’t blame him. From the second things had changed from purely professional, I’d run hot and cold. I needed to get a handle on myself, and fast.
“Is everything okay, dear?” The voice on the other side of the window spooked me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Even when he wasn’t near me, he distracted me.
Looking over, I saw a woman in her fifties, if I had to guess. She looked at me with concern. Her brows pulled together and her eyes kind. Why would she ask me that? It confused me enough that I didn’t answer her.
“It’s okay, you can talk to me, he’s inside and can’t see us. Do you need help?” She held up her phone. “I can call the sheriff’s office, and they’ll have a deputy here in no time. The manager is a good friend of mine, he’d let us lock ourselves into the office until they got here.”
My brain still struggled to piece it together but, oh! Oh, she thought I was in danger from Elijah. The thought shouldn’t make me laugh, but it did. She looked startled at my outburst. Tears leaked from my eyes, I laughed so hard. I guess our little argument had drawn the locals' attention.
When I got some measure of composure, I reached for the door handle, and she stepped back to let me out. “Sorry, that’s just the funniest thing I’ve heard in a minute. He wouldn’t hurt me, and I’m more than capable of putting him on his ass if he tried. We’ve been stuck together in the car for a few days, and I’m being bitchy.”
“That’s one word for it.” His voice came from behind me as he exited the gas station’s store interior. “I shouldn’t have gotten in your face like that, my apologies.”
I stuck my tongue out at him and waved off his words. “It’s all good. I needed to hear what you said then, and if you hadn’t gotten in my face, I wouldn’t have stuck around to hear it.”
“Well, dear, if you’re sure you’re in no danger then, I’ll leave you folks to your business.” She looked back and forth between us, clearly not sure if she should believe us. That or she thought we’re an odd couple.
He nodded at her and got back into the car. Leaving me with her. She searched my face, not sure what she’d find there. But she must’ve believed whatever she found because she patted my shoulder and meandered back to her car a few spaces over. Bathroom, then I could deal with E.