Chapter 40
Chapter
Forty
Kainda
A fter I’d come back in from talking with my mother, I joined my team. The three of them sat crossed legged around their bedrolls on the opposite side of the building from Elijah. I could feel his eyes on me, but I had to ignore it. My magic kind of got pissed about that decision. It withered and pulsed beneath my skin, desperate to bask in his presence. Not that I could blame it. He was a calming influence on me, and unfortunately I’d started to crave it.
“Everything okay, Kainda?” Evin asked me, looking me over from head to toe. “Did you figure out what happened back there with your magic?”
I rolled my eyes because the bitch knew damned well what had happened. She tried to force me to say it out loud. Delmira looked at me with concern written all over her face. Sadness still filled her eyes as the dominate emotion, which broke my heart. Hida’s expression had become a blank mask because she’d seen this before. And just like Evin she wanted me to say it for everyone to hear. The two of them really sucked.
“We’re magically fated.” The words came out as a grumble through painfully clenched teeth. It felt damned close to torture to admit.
Delmira sucked in a breath, scrambled to her feet, and dashed out the door. And there went another piece of my heart to burst into dust. She’d not only been a companion for my father, but a surrogate mother for me. Not once did she ever try to replace Bronwen’s role in my life, but she had tried to make the void of mom’s absence seem less empty. His death had hit her hard enough to rock her entire world. It still hurt me to see.
“Leave her, Kainda.” Hida said, placing her hand on my forearm. She turned and looked at Evin. “Give us a minute.”
Evin looked at me with a smirk before hopping to her feet. She didn’t say a word to me, but gave Hida a snarky salute before wandering over to the food table. That girl could pack the food away like nobody’s business. I just shook my head and braced myself for whatever the crone had to say. I knew I wouldn’t like it, though.
“Don’t mind Del. She’s still grieving, but when her head clears, she’ll be happy for you.”
I didn’t give her a chance to finish. “Yeah, I’m not so sure about that. When your heart is broken, it’s hard to be happy for someone else that has what you so desperately want. Theron’s death broke something vital in Del that I’m not sure will ever be repaired.”
She sighed. “That I understand all too well. But, talking about Delmira was not why I sent Evin away.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
Her smirk surprised me, given my sarcasm. “The fates gave you and Elijah a great gift. The timing is atrocious, but when it comes to the heart, the timing will never be perfect.”
“Atrocious is one word for it. Unfortunate is another. So is mistake.” My chest hurt just saying the words, but I couldn’t sugar coat the truth even for myself.
She shook her head, her eyes bright and fierce. “The fates don’t make mistakes. There is a reason for everything they do, even if we don’t understand it. And the gift of your perfect half is to be treasured.”
“I don’t know how you can call what we have perfect. He’s a human and I’m part witch. We see what that did for Theron and Bronwen.”
She sighed. “You’re not your mother and Elijah is not your father. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but no one has a perfect relationship. Just because their relationship crashed and burned doesn’t mean that yours will.”
“What happened to the woman that fought me when you got here because I was sleeping with him?”
“I never said I wasn’t wrong about that. The two of you being together puts us all in danger and this mission in jeopardy. But I should never have compared you to Theron. You’re not your father, and I was out of line.”
My eyebrows jumped into my hairline at that. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I heard you correctly. Can you repeat that?”
She smacked me upside, the back of my head. “You’re just as big of a smart mouthed, pain in my ass as he was, though.”
“Ouch! That fucking hurt.” I grouched, rubbing the back of my head. “This just feels like the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Human and witch pairing, expecting this time to end in a fairy tale instead of the epic crash and burn of a plane meeting the earth.”
The smile she gave me seemed a little sad. “Love is insanity, but without it, life isn’t really worth living.”
“Ha! Says the woman that hasn’t had a serious relationship to my knowledge. It’s really easy to dish out advice, but another thing, to live by what you preach.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve lived full lifetimes many times over before your great, great-grandparents were ever even thought of. Just because you’ve never seen me have a serious relationship doesn’t mean I’ve never had one. I just got tired of watching everyone I’ve ever loved die, while I never change.”
The venom in her voice and the rage in her eyes burning like fire took me back. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she actually was as old as she claimed because she never spoke of her past. “I’m sorry Hida.”
“Answer me this. If he died tomorrow on the battlefield, what would that do to you?”
Suddenly it got hard to breathe and impossible to swallow the lump in my throat. “It would destroy me.”
“He is your perfect partner, a gift from the fates, and if you push him away your biggest mistake. His light balances your darkness, and vice versa.” She said the last part lifting her hands into the air turning them into scales. “Your impulsiveness balances his hesitation while also balancing in the reverse. Don’t waste this blessing.”
All I could manage, a whisper back. “I’ll think about it. I’m going to go check on Delmira. She’s been out there a long time.”
Hida nodded, kicking her boots off as I rose from the floor. Evin looked over at us and started to head our way. I waved to her as I headed outside. The sun had finally set, and the stars shone brightly overhead as I stepped outside. A chill hung heavy on the air, raising goosebumps along my bare arms. Looking around, I spotted Delmira sitting with her back against the building, her knees pulled to her chest with her arms wrapped around her shins. It made her look years younger.
“Mind if I sit with you?” I asked as I sat without waiting for her answer. She looked up at me without saying anything, but she finally nodded. “Delmira, I’m worried about you.”
She let go of one leg and wrapped her free arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. “Don’t be. There are more important things to be concerned about right now.”
“Luckily for you, I have the capacity to worry about more than one thing at a time. I miss him too.”
Her breath shook on the exhalation. “I know. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you better since…”
My arm wrapped around her and I squeezed when the words wouldn’t come. “It’s okay. I know what you were trying to say. That’s not why I’m out here. He wouldn’t want you to torture yourself like this.”
“That is something I try to remind myself every day, but it’s easier said than done. I go to bed every night and see him in my dreams. Then when I wake up in the morning I forget for just a minute that he’s gone, then it all comes crashing down on my head. My heart breaks a little more every day.”
It killed me that I couldn’t help her or take this pain from her. I couldn’t imagine what that felt like. Not once since he died have I seen him in a dream or woken up and not remembered that he was gone. That had to be soul-destroying. The pain in my heart got worse just thinking about the torture she endured. And she did it all alone in silence.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
She wiped a stray tear off her face by rubbing it against her knee before looking at me. “Because I don’t want to burden you with anything else. And I don’t want you to lose focus on what is important.”
“Nothing is going to stop me from taking that evil bitch down. But I still want to know what’s going on with you. We could use magic to help dull the pain.”
She pulled away like I’d burned her. “Absolutely not!”
“But why?”
Letting go of her other leg, she scooted away from me before shifting to meet my eyes. “This pain reminds me that he lived and what I felt for him. It reminds me that he’s gone. If the pain is gone, then I might forget him.”
“Goddess! That’s so fucking fucked up, Del! There is nothing on this earth, in this life or the next, that would make you forget him. You shouldn’t punish yourself like this.”
She put her hand up, stopping me. “I’m not going to discuss this any further. It’s not up for debate.”
We sat in silence for the next little while. I’m not sure how much time passed as we listened to the sounds of the surrounding night. Once this came to its inevitable conclusion and if we all survived, then I would find a way to help her heal. This wasn’t healthy, and my worry about her had only increased after this conversation. If I thought I could keep her away from the battle tomorrow, then I’d do it. But nothing would keep her from going after Uttu to avenge Theron. Not that I had room to talk. Nothing would keep me away, either.
“Why don’t you tell me about what’s bothering you with Elijah?” Her voice in the stillness jolted me from my thoughts.
Looking over at her, I didn’t know what to say. “Nothing is bothering me. There is nothing to bother me. Elijah and I aren’t together.”
“Stop lying to yourself and me. I’m not blind. And you did just tell all of us that he’s magically fated to you.”
I sighed. “I did say that, didn’t I. It just doesn’t seem like a good idea. A human and a witch, even if I’m not a full witch, seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Besides, just because fate wants us together doesn’t mean I have to go along with it.”
“Just because your father and Bronwen didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you’ll have the same problem. Every relationship is different, and they all have their own ups and downs. Don’t let the past actions of other people keep you from happiness. There’s nothing more profound in this world than true love. And what makes you think he’s human?”
That stopped me for a second. “Um, because he’s human. I can’t pinpoint anything supernatural in him, and he’s never said anything that I would classify as supernatural. He didn’t even believe in magic when I busted him out of the hospital.”
“Maybe he doesn’t know. He’s adopted right?”
“That’s what he said. But there is nothing from before they found him at that fire station in the safe haven box. Nothing to indicate if his birth parents belonged to the supernatural community. And if they did, he would’ve already displayed those special characteristics.”
She slowly rose to her feet, dusting the seat of her pants off. “I don’t have to be a supernatural to see he isn’t completely human. There is something special about Elijah.”
I just sat there stunned, absorbing what she said, long after she went back inside. Eventually the chilly air got to me and I went inside. Like a magnet, Elijah drew me to his side. I toed off my shoes and slipped into the sleeping bag beside his sleeping form. His warmth began seeping into me, and my eyes got heavy. Wrapping my arms around him, I snuggled into the comfort he gave me just by existing next to me.
“We’re going to make it out of this, Kainda. We have to because I’m not ready to lose you. Not by a long shot.” His whispered words startled me.
I sighed, closed my eyes to try to get some sleep. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, E.