Chapter Nineteen
Once upon a time, Halloween used to be my favorite time of year.
I loved dressing up, getting candy, looking at all the houses decorated, and seeing all the different costumes.
I loved it so much that when I got older and I stopped going trick-or-treating, I would hand out candy.
It was a whole vibe that I was obsessed with.
So the first Halloween that Tanner was alive for, I was ecstatic.
I can vividly remember what happened when Evan came home and saw our son dressed up as a baseball.
He had on this round costume that was a sleep sack.
It was white with red stripes that looked like laces on a baseball.
I had put a little white cap on his head and everything.
My plan was for us to sit in the driveway and hand out candy.
It was supposed to be so simple until Evan deemed it wasn’t okay—and by deemed I mean he beat the hell out of me for dressing his son up.
After that, I never tried again. I didn’t buy costumes for fear he would find them. If I knew he would be out of town for the holiday, I would throw something together and take the kids out to a neighboring town so no one we knew could report back to him.
He stole an American childhood staple from our kids just because he could.
Not anymore, though.
Evan doesn’t have control over any of us now.
We don’t have to listen to his demands. We can do whatever we want without fear of repercussions.
In honor of such a change, I might have gone a little overboard with the costumes this year, and I have zero regrets thanks to the way the kids are smiling.
“I’m never taking this off,” Emily says in awe as she spins around.
She has on the cutest Moana costume I could find.
The top is white with red and gold detailing and one strap over the shoulder.
The skirt is deep red with black and gold on it.
To make it better, it has an underskirt that is meant to look like straw.
I borrowed a super tiny curling iron from Kelly and painstakingly curled each strand of Emily’s hair so that it looks all big and curly.
Paired with the costume jewelry, she looks adorable, and it was totally worth the hand cramp I got.
“This mask is so cool,” Tanner mumbles.
I look over my shoulder and watch as my son comes toward me, dressed up as Darth Vader, red lightsaber and all. I can’t help but smile as I look at both my kids.
This.
This is what Halloween is all about. It’s what I’ve always loved about the holiday. I mean, who doesn’t love dressing up as someone else for a few hours and living in a fantasy world?
I hear the sliding glass door open, and my eyes move to the kitchen. I can’t help but smile when I see Mac. He’s got on his usual uniform of jeans, a T-shirt, and his leather cut, but today he’s painted his face to look like a skull.
“You shouldn’t leave the back door unlocked,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “I unlocked it a few minutes ago when you told me you were about to head over.”
Emily runs over to him.
“Mac, do you like my costume?” she asks as she sways from side to side.
“I do. You look like you’re ready to give the heart of Te Fiti back,” he tells her.
I can’t help but close my eyes and smile.
This man.
He listens in a way I never thought was possible. He pays attention when he doesn’t have to.
“What about me?” Tanner asks.
Opening my eyes, I watch as Mac takes him in and nods.
“Looking good, Darth. Are you ready to get some candy?” he asks.
“Yeah!” the kids cheer in unison.
Mac looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. “What about you, a mhuirnín? You ready to take on the neighborhood before we hit up the community center?”
“I am. You guys got your bags?” I ask the kids.
They grab them off the couch, and we head to the door. As we step outside, we wait for Mac to lock it before we head down the street.
“I heard Mrs. Hart in the big yellow house down the street gives out full-sized candy bars,” Mac tells them as he takes my hand.
The kids cheer and start running down the sidewalk.
“Guys, don’t run!” I yell.
Mac chuckles. “They are fine, Mama.”
“I know.” I sigh.
Old habits die hard.
“You look beautiful, by the way,” he murmurs.
I look down and smile as my cheeks heat. “Thank you.”
I borrowed a pair of Sloane’s coveralls, put my hair up, and wrapped a red and white bandana around my head. It’s not the best costume I’ve ever done, but it’s better than nothing, especially when I didn’t plan on dressing up to begin with. When the kids begged me, I couldn’t say no.
“Is everything ready for the trunk-or-treat at the community center?” I ask as we watch the kids run up to one of the neighbors’ houses.
“Yeah. I think the kids will love it.”
“I’m sure they will. They love spending time with the club.”
Mac squeezes my hand at my confession.
“We love having them. Wait for your sister, Tanner!” he yells to my son.
“Sorry!” Tanner yells back as he skids to a stop.
Only when Emily catches up do they continue onto the next.
All of a sudden, it’s like the air shifts around me. Goose bumps crawl across my skin, making me shiver, and the hair on the back of my neck stands.
Someone’s watching me.
Discreetly as possible, I look over my shoulder and scan the street. Nothing sticks out. Turning forward, I take in all the faces around us, only to come up short.
No one’s looking at me, but I know someone is. I just don’t know who.
Mac squeezes my hand.
“Hey, you okay?” he asks, voice full of concern.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I lie.
It’s just my imagination. That’s it. I won’t let my paranoia ruin tonight.
It’s fine. Everything is fine.
Leaning back in my chair, I smile as I watch the kids run around with everyone else. It only took the kids thirty minutes to raid our street and the next one over for candy before we came here, where they got even more.
The kids were so excited about how full their bags were, and I swear I’ve never seen Jane look as shocked as she did when she saw how much they got. The kids are going to be bouncing off the walls for the next month.
“Hey, you,” Jane says as she comes to sit down next to me. “Where are the kids?” she asks as she scans the area.
“In the bounce house,” I tell her without taking my eyes off them.
“I got you a beer,” she says as she hands it over.
I take it from her and smile at her before turning back to the kids. “Thanks.”
I don’t dare take a drink, though. I’m driving, and with them, I refuse to take the chance. I won’t tell her that, though. She thought of me, so I will take it.
“You’re welcome.”
“So on a scale of one to ten, how happy do you think they are?” I ask after a few moments of silence.
Jane laughs. “I’m pretty sure they are on cloud nine. Honest to God, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that much candy outside of a grocery store until tonight.”
“We don’t do things half-assed around here,” I tease.
“That’s for sure.” She smiles.
“Do you think it’s their favorite Halloween yet?”
I don’t know why I ask the question, but I want to know. Maybe it’s part of my competitive nature. I want all their good memories to include me. I want to give them everything they’ve never had in the past.
You’re a selfish bastard, Mac.
Jane’s smile dims as she leans back in her chair.
Without overthinking it, I reach over and grab onto her thigh, pulling her closer to me.
Jane leans her head against my shoulder with her eyes trained on the kids.
As I go to remove my hand from her leg, she places hers over mine, holding it in place.
“He didn’t like Halloween. He thought it was ridiculous that kids would go out and beg for candy and dress up.
He said the only candy they could have was when he bought it for them, so we didn’t go.
Well, not when he was in town. If he was gone, I would take the kids out, but that only happened a few times,” she says quietly.
I squeeze her thigh as I clench my jaw.
That motherfucker.
It would be one thing if he had banned Halloween because of religious purposes, but to ban it simply for appearance’s sake is fucked. Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. Nothing should surprise me with him anymore.
“I think this is only the third time Emily has been out and maybe the fourth or fifth for Tanner,” she says quietly.
“So what I’m hearing is, this is definitely the best Halloween they’ve had so far,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.
Jane laughs and squeezes my arm. “Definitely.”
I watch as Tanner helps Emily out of the bounce house, and they come running over.
“Mommy, can I get my face painted?” Emily pants.
Jane hums. “Sure, but only if you drink some water first,” she tells her.
Emily groans. “I hate water.”
“No, you don’t.” Jane laughs as she stands, pulling me with her.
“Are you going to get your face painted, bud?” I ask as I grab his mask and lightsaber from the bench we were sitting on.
“Thanks. No, I want to wear my mask again,” he says as he takes the mask from me.
After he slips it on, he takes his lightsaber, and we start walking toward the coolers the club put out.
The kids each grab a bottle of water, and we head to the face painting booth.
As we wait, I wrap my arms around Jane’s shoulders, pull her body against mine, and rest my chin on the top of her head.
“You’re so tall.” She giggles as she wraps her hand around my forearms.
“Hate to break it to you, a mhuirnín, but you’re just short,” I tease.
“I am not.” She laughs.
“You kind of are, Mom,” Tanner tells her.
“Hey, I thought you were supposed to be on my side!” she protests.
“I’m always on your side, but facts are facts.” He shrugs, making me laugh.
“You guys are so mean to me.” She pouts.
I squeeze her shoulders. “Never.”
After Emily has half her face painted to look like the ocean, with a conch shell and all on her cheek, we move on.
We grab way too much food from the food trucks and watch the live band play.
I don’t miss the way Jane scans the crowd from time to time, checking those around us, always cautious.
Emily and Tanner get pulled into a game of tag with some other kids, and I can’t help but watch with a smile.
Their laughter is fucking infectious and such a contrast from when I met them. When I look at them now, I barely see the kids who were scared of their own shadows.
Now they are happy, healthy, and unafraid.
I did that. Well, not just me, but I was part of it.
I helped them remember how to be kids, and it’s a heady fucking feeling.
“Mommy, my tummy hurts,” Emily whines as she runs over to us.
“I’m sorry, baby. It’s getting pretty late. We should probably head home,” Jane tells her as she brushes Emily’s sweaty hair off the side of her face.
“Okay,” Emily mutters, not putting up a fight.
“Tanner,” I yell.
When he looks over, I wave for him to join us. I watch as he says bye to everyone.
“Is it time?” he pants as he comes to a stop in front of us.
“It is. You guys need showers before bed,” Jane tells them.
“Will you carry me, Mac?” Emily asks quietly.
“You got it.”
Letting go of Jane’s hand for a moment, I scoop her daughter up before taking her hand back.
As we walk back to my truck, I look over and see that Tanner is walking so close to Jane that their hands bump into each other.
The kid is growing up and is embarrassed to hold her hand in public, but wants to be close. It’s pretty fucking cute.
We make the short drive back to their house, and I park the truck in the driveway. I follow them up the front steps and unlock the door for her before handing her back her keys.
“I’ll be right in,” she tells the kids.
“Night, Mac,” they murmur as they pass by.
“Night, guys,” I tell them before turning back to their mom.
“Thank you for going with us,” Jane says quietly.
“It was my pleasure. I can’t wait to do it again.”
I don’t miss the way surprise flashes through her eyes.
“Me too,” she says softly.
“Come here.”
Stepping forward, I pull her into my arms and give her a hug.
Slowly, she wraps her arms around my waist. Shutting my eyes, I take in the moment, not knowing when the next time I’ll hold her this close will be.
Don’t get me wrong. We’re making progress, but you never know what the next day will be.
I’ll take advantage of the chances when they present themselves.
I press my lips to her forehead before I step back. “I’ll be right next door if you need me, okay?”
“No late-night make out?” she whispers.
I pull her to me, pressing my lips to hers.
“I am always down to make out with you, but you have yawned at least six times on the way home. You need your sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay. Night, Mac. Sweet dreams,” she says before slipping into the house.
I only leave when her lock flips into place, letting me know she’s safe for the night. I just wish I were in there with them.