28. Francesca
“You look sour,” Mammasaid. I looked at her as she opened one eye to stare at me. “I was just thinking.”
“What about?” Mammatried adjusting herself on the bed, but she had grown weaker these last few days. Her skin had turned paler, her lips bluer and her appetite had diminished so much she barely ate.
“How could you ever forgive him?” I didn’t want to strain her but that had been on my mind for a long time now.
“Honestly, Francesca, this again?”
“I don’t want to argue, I just…I wanted to understand.”
“Did you know your father and I lived separate lives for a year?”
That pricked my curiosity. “A year?”
“It was right after you were born, it was also when I learned he had a mistress,” Mamma said, but there was no scorn in her voice. “I left and went to my parents’ house and refused to leave.”
I knew that there was a time when Paolo and I barely saw each other. He traveled most of the time and spent his nights in hotels. When he was back in Indianapolis, he would visit his mistress instead of me.
“Did he come after you?”
“He did.” She smiled weakly. “He asked me to come home. I told him to get rid of his bitch and he did…for a while, and we made peace.”
“Why did you?” The thought that I could have grown up without Donato was staggering. I couldn’t imagine how healthy my childhood could have been.
“That was the worst year of my life,” she confessed. “I was angry, and hurt, but living without him was worse than living with him. Forgiveness is a powerful weapon, Cara Mia. You can either be absolved or become its prisoner.”
I sat there speechless and unsure of what to say. Silence remained between us two until Mammareached for my hand and I took hers. “We must remember that forgiving someone is not only for them but for us, too. Letting go of that rage and hatred can be more freeing than you imagine.”
“You still forgive him?”
“Yes. It doesn’t mean I’m miraculously healed of all the pain he caused. But I didn’t do it for him, I did it for me. Perhaps one day you will be lucky enough to understand what it means to love someone so deeply you are willing to go through all that pain just so you can live a few moments of pure happiness.”
I sat there looking at my Mamma, my head spinning. I had known that kind of love. The love that could take you to heaven but also to Hell. It terrified me that I had never forgotten what that love was like because, with each day that passed, I was slowly falling for Cassio all over again.
“He hurt me, Mamma,” I confessed trying my hardest not to cry.
“I know.” She squeezed my hand with all the strength she had left. Her confession surprised me. “I’m not blind, Francesca, do you think I never noticed?”
“You never said anything.”
“What could I say, Francesca? I couldn’t lie to you and tell you it would be all right. I couldn’t fight when I knew the decision would never be mine to make. In our world, love is a curse.”
I nodded in understanding but at the same time, it hurt to know my mother had known it all along.
“I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me.” My mother’s weak voice followed me as I exited her room wanting to get away from here.
I found Cassio standing by the nurse’s desk and when he saw me, I swore his eyes lit up. He said something to one of the nurses and then came my way.
When we were inches apart, he produced from behind his back a lovely bouquet of white tulips. “They were out of purple ones.”
I took the flowers from his hands and shoved my nose into them. “They are lovely.” And they were. “What are you doing here?”
“Can’t I come see my girl?” he said casually. The flowers almost slipped from my fingers. What did he just say?
“I…I” I had no words. “Cassio…”
“Did you know,” he said as though he hadn’t just made my day, “Martha here says that the average time it takes for someone to bleed out is about five minutes.” Cassio looked at Martha, and she nodded.
Yeah, I was sure he must already know that. Did she know he figured this out by doing very, very bad things to people? I bet she didn’t even know who stood before her. And I bet she would run away crying if she did.
“I didn’t know that.” I responded dumbfoundedly.
“Come on, I have a surprise for you,” he said and took one of my free hands.
What was going on?
Had someone dropped me in an alternate reality, and I was just coming to terms right now? Still speechless and replaying his words over and over in my head, I followed him all the way to his car.
“Is everything all right with your mother?”
I nodded and observed Cassio suspiciously. Had he hit his head? Had something happened? That was the only explanation.
Eventually, he parked his car before what used to be a restaurant. “Peppe’s Pizza?” Cassio nodded, left the car, and came to open the door for me. “Cassio, this place was closed like, two years ago.”
“Yeah, it was.”
He grabbed my hand and led me toward the door, knocked twice, and then when I thought he was losing his mind, someone opened the door for us. “Peppe?” I gasped.
Cassio grinned at my reaction. I greeted Peppe, who I hadn’t seen since I left four years ago, and he led us into his old restaurant. A single table was placed at the center, and everything else was left bare.
“What is this?” I looked at Cassio in confusion.
“I realized we never went on an actual date,” he explained. “Peppe’s was the first time I met you.”
I remembered it like it was yesterday. Arabella had invited me to have dinner with her family. I was fifteen, a child still, but when I saw Cassio Moretti, I knew that he was going to be my everything. One sight and I was already a goner.
Tears prickled the back of my eyes and a lump formed in my throat, so large it was hard to swallow. I gulped a few times hoping I wouldn’t break down right now.
We sat and ate lunch together, something we had done plenty of times in the past, but we had always been surrounded by others. Cassio and I had never been able to be alone, just the two of us, enjoying each other’s company. Even if I was living with him, this was different.
After we devoured our pizzas, Cassio leaned forward and grabbed my hand, turned it around, and ran his fingers across my palm. The act was so mundane like he’d done it a hundred times before.
“You still hurt yourself,” he pointed out as he traced the marks my nails left.
“You still make me nervous,” I confessed.
“Why?” He sounded…worried like he might not like the answer.
The truth was, I was nervous because I was falling for him and today, everything had been more than perfect. Cassio made me nervous because he was and always had been my everything, and now I couldn’t escape him, no matter how hard I tried.
He caressed my skin again. “I have one more surprise for you,” he confessed and stood offering his hand for me to take it.
We left the restaurant; my belly was full and so was my heart. As Cassio drove, I kept on replaying our lunch in my head, afraid this was a dream.
My girl.
Was it true? Did he really want me to be his? Could Donato be wrong? He placed his hand on my thigh, and we drove through Chicago. Cassio parked his car inside Willis Tower, and we headed toward the sky deck. I noticed it was empty. This place was never empty, not with the number of tourists coming in every day.
“It’s ours for the afternoon,” Cassio explained.
“You closed the deck?” I gasped.
“Of course, I did.” He drew nearer. “Or else I would have to kill every man that looked at your naked skin.”
“Naked?”
“Yes,” he nibbled on my neck and inhaled deeply. “You’re so damned sweet, Francesca.” Air got stuck in my lungs. “I think I’ll have my dessert now.”
“You’re so confident I’ll give it to you,” I teased as anticipation coursed through my veins, and wetness pooled between my legs, my panties sticking to my skin.
Cassio nibbled on my jaw and then kissed me; it was fast, and yet it still left me breathless. “A man can only dream.”
“I’m yours, Cassio,” I confessed. He could do whatever he pleased with me, and I wouldn’t care. I was too far gone. I wanted him too much to think better of it.
He had me naked in record time, my clothes scattered over the floor. I truly hoped no one was watching us through the camera feed, but I didn’t care about that either. Not when he picked me up and walked all the way toward the glass wall.
“Cassio,” I squealed as my back touched the cold glass. I looked down and saw the city beneath me. I was never one for heights, my heart started hammering against my chest. “Cassio,” I repeated again, this time it was laced with fear.
“It’s safe, Francesca,” he assured me. I breathed in deeply. “I won’t ever let anything happen to you,” he said with determination. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded, of course, I did.
He picked up my hand and settled it over his heart, it was beating fast, too. “You’re nervous,” I noted surprised.
“I’m always nervous when I’m around you,” he confessed with a shy smile.
“Around me?” Was this a joke? Cassio was nervous around me?
“Look at you, Principessa.” He did so with wonder in his eyes. “You’re so perfect.”
“I’m a mess, Cassio,” I pointed out with a dry laugh. “I’m full of thorns.”
He shook his head. “No, you’re perfect just the way you are, Francesca. Don’t ever think otherwise. I don’t fear pain, my skin is thicker than that.” He tucked a strand of hair from my face and placed it behind my ear. “You are perfect for me.”
My heart swelled. It was impossible not to love a man like him. I leaned in and kissed him; it was soft and devoid of our usual hunger. We took our time, letting our mouths dance to their own rhythm. There was no need to rush.
Cassio tasted like the dreams I once dreamt, and it was so sublime. So…pure. I wanted to live in this kiss forever.
I could feel his heart accelerating, picking up speed like mine was, both erratic. Suddenly, the kiss grew desperate. Cassio lifted me up and I instantly wrapped my legs around his powerful body. He held me like I weighed less than a feather. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him harder.
“I’m going to fuck you before my city. I’m going to own you completely.”
I chuckled at the shift in his voice. “Then please do, Cassio Moretti.”
Cassio pushed my soaked panties aside and pushed into me in one powerful thrust. My head fell back against the window as I cried out his name.
“You.” He thrust in hard. “Are.” He pulled out. “Mine.” He thrust back deep inside me. “Say it.”
“I’m…yours.” I panted hard.
“And I’m yours, Principessa.”