29. Francesca
Iwoke up to Cassio on the phone, his voice gruff and serious. I fought to adjust to the morning light and realized it wasn’t morning yet. The sun was still asleep—like we should be.
Light poured from the bathroom, and I watched as Cassio paced back and forth. I sat up, pulled the sheets with me, and crossed my legs waiting for him to return. When he did, I noticed his expression was grave. He sat beside me and ran his fingers through his golden-brown wavy hair. His large hand came to rest on my thigh, and he took a deep breath readying himself to speak.
“Your mother… she had a relapse this night,” he began. I shot from the bed. He quickly added. “She’s okay, but the doctors…”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Francesca.” He came to stand beside me. “I’m sorry, but they think it won’t be long now.”
“Bullshit,” I snapped. “I saw her today.”
I saw her. I saw her and…Mamma was not okay. She was weak, tired, and in pain. My heart dropped as I realized my mother might not beat this cancer and that she might not survive it.
Despite the fear, I stood straight. “Does Donato know?”
He shook his head. “I told them to call me.”
“Thank you.” I was slightly relieved. “Shit.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Marco, I need to call my brother.” My voice cracked.
I needed to tell my little brother who had lost so much that he was about to lose more. How could I be strong for him when even I couldn’t be strong right now?
“I…I should be the one to tell him that—” tell him what? That Mamma was dying?
“I will call him, go get dressed. I’ll make sure he gets there. Okay?” I nodded because a lump had formed in my throat, and I couldn’t swallow it. “Remember what your doctor said. One step at a time.”
I did just do what he told me, I focused on the small things and gave them my full attention.
We arrived at the hospital a half hour later, the nurses led me to her room and before I could go in, I froze. Cassio placed a hand on the small of my back and stood there with me, waiting.
“I can stay out here if you wish,” he said, but I shook my head. He must have seen the plea in my eyes because he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I’m here with you, Principessa,”
I inhaled deeply and took the final steps towards my mother’s room. I stared at the machines, specifically the one showing her heartbeat. They were weaker than ever.
“Mamma, noi siamo qui.” I reached for my mother’s hand.
Mamma looked at us and for a second, she looked lost but then smiled. “What took you so long?” I choked on something that sounded like a laugh or a sob.
“We were…”
“I mean him.” She looked at Cassio. “My daughter has a good heart, Cassio Moretti, one you broke and threw away, yet still she found it in her to let you in once again. If you ever break her heart again, I promise I will come back from my grave and I will haunt you till your dying days.” Mamma stopped to cough, and I immediately went to her side.
“I won’t?—”
“I’m not done,” she interrupted. “Unfortunately, the asshole I fell in love with, who happens to be her father, does not see or appreciate the woman she has become. I ask you to promise me something, Cassio,” she appealed to him, and he nodded instantly. “Promise me that whatever happens between the two of you, you will make sure she is safe and cared for, that no man will ever touch her without her permission, and that she’s allowed to make her own destiny.”
“You don’t have to ask me that. Francesca is safe and taken care of, she always will be. The man who dares touch her will lose his hand—if she wishes for it. She has been a free woman since the day she came back into my city, and she will remain that way,” he assured her.
“Even from you?” she asked. “She will be safe and protected from you?”
“Yes.”
“Promise me, boy.”
“Prometto,” he promised.
“Good, now let me speak to my daughter.”
Cassio said his goodbyes and left the room. I stood there with my Mamma, holding her hand, and wishing I could save her.
“Mamma.” I came closer to her, but she stopped me.
“I don’t know how much longer I have, Francesca, and I need to ask something of you as well.”
“Yes,” I said without a doubt.
“Don’t be afraid to live, don’t be afraid that your past will repeat itself. You are young, you are smart, and you are beautiful. Don’t let others decide for you, be better than I was, be stronger than I was, and fight for what you want.”
“I will,” I promised.
“I was a bad mother, Francesca and?—”
“Mamma,” I interrupted her I didn’t want to hear those words; I didn’t want to think of this as a goodbye, but I let her continue either way.
“I loved you from the moment I held you in my arms, but I also knew in that moment, you would never be mine. That I would raise you for someone else. That my little girl would be sold to the highest bidder like I had been. I know it is too late now, but I regret being a coward. I regret not getting to know you, and I regret never being there for you when you needed me.” The longer she spoke, the more tears fell down my face.
“Mamma, I forgive you.” I felt the need to speak. The moment I watched that single tear fell from her eye, I could no longer contain myself.
“If you have grown to be this loving and strong woman whose first instinct is to help others and not yourself, then that’s all on you, Francesca. Despite everything you went through, I couldn’t be prouder of the woman you have become. I’m sorry for not loving you enough or not standing up for you.”
“Don’t,” I cried, holding her hands. “I don’t blame you, Mamma.” And I didn’t, not anymore. She squeezed my hand with the remaining force she had.
“Don’t suffer my death.”
“Don’t ask me that,” I sobbed.
“Don’t, Francesca—don’t stop living when I die. I want you to live, I want you to be happy, to find someone who values you and cherishes you the way you deserve. Find someone who will give you wonderful children like the ones I was blessed with. I know I never said it enough, but I love you, Francesca, and you were my blessing. You were the only reason I lived this long. I’m sorry, cara mia.”
“I love you, Mamma.”
I don’t know how long I remained there crying and telling her how much I loved her and that I forgave her. Eventually, Cassio was the one who escorted me out. I didn’t say goodbye because I knew there was no need for it. She had lived this long; she would live longer.
Cassio wrapped his arm around me. I don’t know whether he was keeping me up or if he was trying to shield me. When we both exited the room, I stopped. Donato stood right next to the nurses’ counter. Marco stood behind him but not close.
I made to step away from Cassio, but he pulled me closer tucking me into him. He straightened himself and walked toward my father. He didn’t greet him and neither did I. Donato only looked at us, his jaw slightly dropped. Cassio stopped directly in front of Marco who looked at us now, at how Cassio held me.
“Thank you for coming,” he said to my brother.
“You don’t have to thank me.” He tried to hide his emotions, but his voice gave him away.
“If you need someone to talk to, you can call me,” Cassio said, surprising us both.
Marco nodded and despite my father being here, he hugged me quickly and whispered. “I’m happy for you,” he said before he let me go.