Chapter 16 Isabella #2
Not wanting to share my sex life with her, I act coy and sip my coffee. “It might not be worth it. These men might have big…well, you know, but they also have big egos that are difficult to manage.”
Elena laughs, a genuine sound that transforms her face. "God, yes. The egos! Sometimes I wonder how they can stand upright with heads the size of Mount Everest.”
I nod. “It’s odd because they control everything and yet, Roman thinks I've been manipulating him," I confess, the words spilling out before I can think better of saying them.
“That’s nuts. Men in power can't imagine being outmaneuvered by a woman. Who’d admit that?” She tilts her head. “Interesting that Roman would admit it.”
I shrug, not sure how to respond to that.
“I’ve always wondered about him, Roman.”
“Really? About what?” To me, Roman was the man you never wanted showing up at your doorstep.
Sure, I’ve seen other glimpses of him, but not enough to forget how lethal he is.
“He’s the only one I’ve ever seen totally gaga over a woman. I’ve always wondered if push came to shove, who he’d be more loyal to, Marco or Emilia.” She sighs. “Of course, now I’ll never know. Such a tragedy.”
My stomach tightens at the mention of Roman's first wife. "They were in love?"
"Deeply. It wasn't arranged. Roman took one look at her and he was gone.” Elena dunks her cookie into her coffee. “You remember her, don’t you? Her father worked for Marco’s father and later, Marco.”
I don’t remember. “My mother always had me in other activities, so I didn’t spend time with you all.”
“Right. Anyway, Roman was different then."
"Different how?" I can't help asking, picturing a younger, softer version of the hard man I married.
"Lighter. He smiled more." Elena's eyes grow distant with memory. "The way he looked at her, like she hung the moon and stars. And she knew exactly who he was, what he did, but loved him anyway. If anyone could manipulate or control Roman, it would have been her. Not that she would, but…” She bites her lip. “I’m sorry, this is so insensitive of me.”
I shake my head like it’s nothing even as each word is a small knife twisting in my chest. I'll never have that with Roman, especially not with the suspicion and resentment he holds of me.
"It’s fine. What happened when she died?"
"He shattered." Elena's bluntness is almost cruel. "Threw himself into work, became the monster everyone fears now. The only softness left in him is for Angelica."
Elena's words about Roman and Emilia linger in my mind, my thoughts circling around Emilia.
The woman who made Roman smile. The woman he loved so deeply that her death turned him into the hardened man I married.
What would she think of this arrangement?
Of my sleeping in her bed, wearing her husband's ring, trying to mother her daughter?
Elena looks at me directly. "That's why everyone was shocked when he agreed to marry you. We all thought he'd never let another woman close again."
I swallow hard. "I’m not close to him. Besides, it wasn't his choice. Or mine."
"He could have refused. Taken the consequences." She smiles. “He must have seen something in you worth saving.”
This tells me two things. She knows why we married and, well, the second… I’m not sure what that means. I can’t imagine that Roman sees anything in me but a traitor.
"He doesn't trust me," I admit.
Elena shrugs. "Trust is earned in our world, not given. Emilia had years to build that with him." She leans forward, her voice softening. "Don't compare yourself to a ghost, Isabella. You'll never win that battle."
I nod knowing she’s right. I’ll never be Emilia. Roman will never love me, not even a little bit.
"I shouldn’t tell you this, but I heard Dom and Marco talking the other day, and Marco was expressing concern that Roman was getting too attached to you."
I practically snort. “He’d be wrong about that.”
"He's worried Roman's feelings for you might cloud his judgment when it comes to La Corona business."
I stare at her, unable to form a response. Roman, having feelings for me? The same man who'd looked at me with such cold fury that I was sure I wouldn’t survive the night?
“You can assure Marco that Roman’s loyalties are firmly with him and La Corona. Should the time come that I—” I stop myself from ruining the day by discussing my own assassination.
Her eyes soften in sympathy. “There are rules these men live by, Isabella. I know it’s not the life you wanted, but if you toe the line, you can live safely under Roman and Marco’s protection.
And of all the men to be tied to, marrying the only one who’s shown he knows how to love isn’t such a bad thing. ”
There was a time I’d have believed that. That time is gone, but I don’t say that. “You’re right.”
Elena tilts her head, studying me. "Could you love him, Isabella? If things were different?"
The question catches me off guard. My mind flashes to Roman's gentleness with Angelica, his unexpected kindness in giving me space to design, the way his touch made me feel alive for the first time in years.
"There was a moment," I admit, even as I don’t want to, "when something passed between us that felt… real." I shake my head, angry at my own vulnerability. "But what does it matter? I'm not free to choose. Neither is he."
"We're never truly free in this life," Elena says. "The question is whether we can find happiness within our constraints."
"How can I be happy with a man who holds all the power?
" I challenge. "Roman decides whether I live or die.
He controls every aspect of my existence.
" I look at Elena, willing her to understand even as I know I’m doing myself more harm if she reports my words to La Corona.
"Roman makes sure I know that he's the enforcer and my life exists now only because he allows it. "
Elena's eyes widen slightly, but she doesn't seem surprised. "Has he hurt you?"
I shake my head. "Not physically. The worst part is, I can't even hate him for it. He's protecting his family, his daughter. In his position, I might do the same."
Elena watches me with knowing eyes. “Look, I know how scary Roman can be, but I still stand by my statement that of all the men in our world, he’s the one who knows love. If there was something there, you can build on it if you truly want to.”
She means if I become subservient and give up the pieces of myself that make me.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”
She grins. "We should meet for lunch sometime. Gabriella, you know, Don Monti’s daughter, we get together every now and then. You’re in the family now. You might as well join in the fun."
A friendship with Elena could be exactly what I need. A connection to someone who understands the plight of women in La Corona.
Clearly, she moves freely through this world, respected as Dominic's cousin. If anyone could help me find a path to some semblance of freedom, it might be her.
But can I trust her?
Elena is Dominic's cousin, part of La Corona by blood. Her loyalty would naturally lie with the families, not with me, the woman who betrayed them all.
Yet what choice do I have? Isolated in this apartment with only Roman's suspicion and Angelica's resentment for company, I’ll drown. Elena offers a lifeline, tenuous though it may be.
"I'd like that," I say. "Very much." I wonder if Roman would allow it. Even more so, I wonder if I could make an escape from one of these outings.
Maybe the FBI would approach me again and I’d have a new lifeline to cling to.