Chapter 30
thirty
. . .
Ruby
“I don’t need a babysitter. You don’t need to hover so much, Rubes,” my dad said as I cleared his breakfast plate from the table. “I’m ready to head to the bar today and start getting back to normal.”
Back to normal.
What did that even mean anymore?
I’d lost sight of normal a long time ago.
My dad had come home from the hospital four days ago, and I’d spent the night here with him every day since.
Alone.
Almost instinctually, I’d started pulling away from River.
We both knew I was leaving.
Things had gone too far.
He hadn’t put up a fight, almost like he’d thought it was time to put some distance there, as well.
But I hadn’t expected to feel like I’d lost a limb.
Like I couldn’t breathe without him.
I hadn’t expected the dull ache in my chest to make me feel physically ill.
We hadn’t spoken either. We’d just gone radio silent. No texts. No calls.
No sneaking around or booty calls.
“I hired two new people, and you aren’t on the schedule until next week. Plus, you are no longer working night shifts. You’ll be working day shifts. I need you to take better care of yourself, Dad.”
“Rubes,” he said, his voice softening. “I’m in my late fifties.
I’m not dying. I took a medication that I shouldn’t have taken.
I understand the danger I put myself in, and I’ve worked hard to get myself back.
But I will be making my own schedule at the bar, and I will work nights again because I like closing the bar down. ”
I groaned as I crossed my arms over my chest. “Old habits die hard, huh?”
“I’m feeling good, and I don’t plan to start drinking again. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in in years, and I want to continue the physical therapy and exercising every day. And as much as I appreciate all that you did for me at the bar, I need to take my life back. Can you understand that?”
“Yeah, Dad. I can understand that.” I glanced down at the contract sitting on the table that I still hadn’t signed. Dean Langston had emailed me, letting me know they’d agreed to all my changes, yet here it sat, unsigned.
River had spent so much time making tweaks over the last few weeks, and he told me I should never rely on a man who wasn’t very lawyerly to be the last set of eyes on the contract.
So, I’d promised to read it all the way through before I signed it.
I’d made up excuses to Dean Langston that my internet was down, that I’d sent it back, and it must have gotten lost in the universe—but the verbal acceptance seemed to appease him for now.
Tonight, I would sit down and read every damn word of the contract, sign it, and send it back.
I’d planned to do that this morning, but I woke up feeling a little off today. I’d felt a little off every day for the last four days.
It was him.
The loss of him.
This had never happened to me before. But here I was.
My chest aching for a man who wasn’t mine.
“Tell me what your plans are for today. Doreen is coming to pick me up, and we’re going to the Golden Goose for lunch, and then I’m heading over to the bar to check on things.”
He didn’t want me to baby him; he’d made that clear.
“I’m going to stop by to see Pearl Pierce before I head over to Fresh Start.
Terrence wants to talk to me before I leave, and I’ll get to say goodbye to the kids.
I’ll be at the bar after. I’m working tonight, so you’ll be on your own for dinner. ”
He smiled. “That’ll be just fine. You didn’t need to stay an extra week to take care of me. You’ve done enough. I’m fine on my own, and you need to go start your big job.”
“I wanted to make sure you were settled before I left,” I said, and that lump formed in my throat again, just like it had been doing more and more the closer I got to leaving.
“It’s still what you want, right? The professor job? You’ve worked so hard and accomplished so much.” And that sent my thoughts spiraling all over again.
“Yeah, Dad. I—” What did I want? Why was I struggling so much? “I just worry about you.”
“We’re not doing that, Rubes. I’m fine,” Dad gruffed, then hit me again with another worry of mine. “You sure spend a lot of time out there at Fresh Start with the kids, huh? You like it, don’t you?”
“Yeah. It’s been really great. I feel like I’m making a difference by helping them see an attainable future and hopefully realizing that they aren’t stuck just because of one bad choice.
I’ve really enjoyed my time there.” And I did.
I’d miss it for sure. When I was there, I thought of a young River.
I thought about how much I wished someone had been there to protect him during that time.
He smiled, and it reached his eyes. It was one of my favorite things about my dad. “You’ve always been good at fixing things. Finding broken things and putting them back together.”
I rolled my eyes and chuckled at the same time. “These are actual humans, Dad, not things. And they aren’t broken; they’re just a little damaged.”
“I know, but that’s your strength. You’ve done it with your brothers. You’ve done it with me. Hell, even the guys that you’ve dated. You find them damaged, and then you fix them before you leave them for good.” His voice was all tease, but I startled at his words.
What the actual hell is he talking about?
“I’ll agree that I try to do what I can to help my family, but not in my dating life. I don’t look for men who need to be fixed. I typically seek out men who want the same thing as me. Nothing too serious.” I crossed my arms over my chest defensively.
“Please. I’ve met three men that you’ve dated, and they’ve all had the same issue.”
I narrowed my gaze. “What are you talking about?”
“Let’s start with your undergrad boyfriend, Dalton. He was a train wreck when you met him.”
“He’d found his girlfriend in bed with his roommate. He was slightly broken.”
“And you put him back together, made him fall in love again when he thought he never would, and then you hit the road. It’s your shtick. You fix them and leave them.”
I gasped. “That’s not true. He just got too attached, and I didn’t feel the same way about him.”
He raised a brow and bit down on his apple slice. “Right. You showed him how to love again, and then sent him on his way. And how about Devil? You did the same to him.”
“His name is Devlyn, and he spent a year in prison in a foreign country right before I met him. He was traumatized. He had no idea that you couldn’t travel with marijuana.
” I shrugged. I hadn’t expected this trip down memory lane today.
“So he was down on himself, and he didn’t feel worthy of love. It was a sad situation.”
“Well, by the time you were done with him, he was all in. Didn’t he propose to you?”
“You sure are feeling cocky today, aren’t you?
Yes. He proposed, but we weren’t in love.
He’d just found himself again and wanted me to be the person who gave him his life back.
I was not in love with him. Plus, I had to turn the proposal down.
You remember his last name… It would have been a big issue for me.
” I smirked because it still made me laugh every time I thought about it.
“Yes. You would have been Mrs. Ruby Looby.” His laughter echoed around the room. “But his name was not the problem.”
“Correct. I didn’t reciprocate the feelings he had. And we’re still good friends. He’s married and has a little girl now. So, it all worked out.”
“Yep. Your work was done, and you moved on to the professor.” He reached for his coffee.
“Don’t serial-date-shame me. There was a good year in between each of those relationships. And the professor was fine. He wasn’t broken. So, your theory just went down the shitter, Daddy dearest.”
He nodded, his gaze locked with mine. “An older man who’s never been married. Believes he’s incapable of love. And then he falls for his much younger teaching assistant after she fixes him.”
“You make it all sound so scandalous. I wasn’t looking for anything long-term, and I’ve always been open about that.
But I enjoyed his company, and I was happy to see him come into his own.
He wasn’t just an intellect with no personality.
He’s a good man. He’ll make someone very happy someday—that person just isn’t me. ”
“I think we’re saying the same thing, sweetheart. You fix them, and you leave them. It’s a habit.”
“Well, lucky for you, you’re all fixed up now, and I will be on my way soon.” I kissed his cheek and walked to the sink to rinse my glass.
“What about River? You two seemed to be spending an awful lot of time together these last eight weeks. And now, it’s just over, just in time for you to leave?”
“Your theory will for sure die there, Dad. River Pierce does not need fixing. He’s a confident man who knows exactly who he is and what he wants. He feels very worthy of being fawned all over.” I laughed, but it wasn’t genuine, because thinking about him hurt like hell. “There was nothing to fix.”
Because he was perfect exactly how he was.
And I wasn’t desperate to get away from him because I didn’t reciprocate his feelings; I was desperate to get away from him because, for the first time in my life, I was the one with the feelings.
And that scared the hell out of me.
Rule number one: Don’t catch feelings.
I’d always been able to live by that motto, until I couldn’t.
When it came to River, I’d broken that one pretty quickly.
Maybe things were reversed this time around for me. Because I’d been the broken one when he kissed me for the first time all those weeks ago. And in a way, he’d put me back together.
I just didn’t know what to do about it.
Everything I thought I knew, thought I wanted, was waiting for me far from here.
All I had to do was sign the contract and head back to my safe little life.
It was what I should do.
I was leaving in three days. Time was ticking.
“He’s definitely not broken. You two are actually a lot alike,” Dad said.