Chapter 30 #2
“How do you figure?” I asked, grabbing my purse and pulling the strap over my shoulder.
“You both like to take care of everyone around you, and you don’t need anyone to take care of you. It’s brilliant in a lot of ways, but I imagine it could get really lonely, too.”
“Okay, you weepy sap. Enough psychoanalyzing me for the day. I’m off to meet Terrence and say goodbye to the boys. I’ll call you later.”
Our conversation really hit home, and a day I thought would be filled with happy goodbyes had actually turned out to be much more difficult than I’d anticipated.
I felt like I was leaving my life behind, and that was not how it was supposed to be.
I was supposed to be beginning my new life, the one I’d worked so hard for, the one that would make me feel like I’d achieved all that I’d strived for.
The one that said I’d made it, and I was now just as good as everyone else. But it didn’t feel that way at all.
I’d actually cried when I’d hugged Pearl goodbye, and she’d done the same, catching me completely off guard.
I’d then headed to Fresh Start, and again, I’d been caught completely off guard.
Meeting with Terrence had been both exciting and confusing.
He offered me an actual position working with the kids there.
He’d spent all these weeks getting a position approved and hadn’t wanted to tell me in case it didn’t happen.
He received the paperwork late yesterday and sprung the whole thing on me today.
It was a good offer.
I’d be working with kids all over the state, but I’d have an official office at Fresh Start, which would be my home base.
A place I’d grown to love and feel like I belonged.
A place where I could do the work I’d always wanted to do. Where I could make a difference and be a positive factor in someone’s life.
Help kids who needed someone in their corner.
The pay was decent enough.
But it didn’t compare to the salary I’d receive as a collegiate professor. Though living in the city would be much more expensive than living here.
The benefits were fewer at Fresh Start, too. And tenure wouldn’t be an option, of course, so my future wouldn’t be laid out for me the way it would be if I accepted the position at the university.
Then again, when have I ever taken the easy way out?
Am I actually considering this?
I sent Demi a text and asked if she could sneak away from work to meet with me for a little bit. We’d grown close, and I trusted her. I was beginning to trust a lot of people these days, more than I’d ever had in my life.
She told me to meet her out at the ranch, and we could go for a ride. Talk things out on the horses like we used to do.
She’d been waiting for me when I arrived, and we saddled up and started riding toward the water.
The breeze swirled around us, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore relaxed me. Demi pulled her horse up beside mine and glanced my way. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, you know I’m leaving in three days.”
“Yep. It actually makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve gotten used to seeing you almost every day. And now you won’t be back but once or twice a year again.”
I started almost every day at Magnolia Beans. Demi had become more than a friend to me. She was family in a way now.
They all were.
“Terrence offered me a really good position working with the kids full time.” I stared out at the water after bringing my horse to a stop.
She pulled back the reins and turned to face me. “What? I didn’t know you’d applied for anything here.”
“I didn’t. He came up with a job for me all on his own. And I shouldn’t be tempted, but I am. It feels right.”
“Is the pay as good as the professor position?”
“No. Not even close.” I laughed. Because it wasn’t just about the money.
Obviously, I wanted to be able to live comfortably, but I wasn’t going to base my decision on just the financial aspect.
I needed to be proud of the work that I did, and sure, teaching college kids also meant that I could make an impact, but it was different.
College kids were typically invested in the education process because they were paying a lot of money to be there.
But the kids at Fresh Start were facing challenges that would take work to turn around.
They may not have the support at home or the resources they’d need to make a change, but that was something I understood. Something I knew I’d be good at.
“You like it here, don’t you? The place you were so determined to hate feels like home now, doesn’t it?” She smirked.
“Is everyone cocky today? You sound like my dad.”
“Maybe we know you better than you think we do. And I know one thing for sure,” she said as she locked her gaze with mine.
“You would not bring me out here to talk about what job to take. You’re the most self-assured person I know.
You aren’t indecisive. You know what you want.
Who you are. There’s only one thing you’d come to me for, and we both know it. ”
My head fell back on a groan. “Is this my karma for trying to read people the minute I meet them? Now everyone knows me better than I know myself? I have no idea what you’re talking about.
I honestly don’t know what to do about the job.
I don’t want to piss off the dean and burn that bridge, but it just never felt quite right.
But I don’t know if I should stay either. ”
She hopped off her horse and motioned for me to do the same, and we tied them to the tree beside us before finding a warm spot by the lake. My fingers settled into the warm sand, and I tipped my head up to the sun, letting it warm my skin.
“Ruby Rose, look at me.”
I straightened my face and gave her a look like she had three heads. “Why are you using my full name?”
“Because I don’t think this is about the job at all. I think you’re in love with River, and that scares the shit out of you. But you’ve come to the right place. Because I’m here to tell you exactly what to do.”
I wanted to argue.
To laugh in her face and tell her she was absolutely ridiculous.
But I didn’t do either.
I just stared at her, feeling my eyes well with emotion.
“Tell me what to do,” I whispered.
A wide grin spread across her face. “You can work anywhere. But River Pierce is in Magnolia Falls. And you can’t leave half of your heart here and expect to be happy. If you want that job at the university, you tell him how you feel and see if he’ll go with you.”
“I don’t think I want the job. It never felt right. And my old life there doesn’t feel like mine anymore. This place that I ran from so long ago feels different now. And I think it has a lot to do with River.”
She nodded and reached for my hand. “Tell me how it feels here now.”
“Like home.”