Chapter 34
thirty-four
. . .
Ruby
“Hello?” I called out when I got to the barn at Demi and Romeo’s ranch house. She texted me and asked me to meet her out here because she wanted to show me the progress they were making.
“Please don’t be mad at me.” Demi winced as she came striding toward me, with Romeo and all the guys behind her. My eyes locked immediately with River’s, who was watching me the way he always did.
Unbelievable.
“What is this?”
“Romeo clearly can’t keep a secret, and honestly, Ruby, you can’t avoid him forever.” She squeezed my hand when she moved in front of me, apology written all over her face.
“I wasn’t avoiding anyone. He’s the one who called me a liar and behaved like a petulant child. He could come find me anytime he wanted.”
“He didn’t know you were here,” River said, closing the distance between us.
“So, if I didn’t live here, the apology would never come?” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. Demi and the guys took a few steps back, and she gave me an awkward wave before they all hurried out of the half-built barn.
I turned my attention back to River, who was looking ridiculously sexy with his disheveled hair and his biceps straining against his black tee. I saw the exhaustion in his eyes, and my instinct was to throw myself into his arms.
I will not forget that this man accused me of horrible things. He doesn’t trust me, and that’s unacceptable. If we have any chance of moving forward, he’s got to understand that so this shit doesn’t ever happen again.
“Well, if you didn’t live here, I wouldn’t have known you weren’t with the professor. That what I saw that night wasn’t true. That I misread the situation.”
“You misread the situation? That’s what you have to say?” I questioned, because this was far from an apology.
“Queenie.” His voice broke, and my chest squeezed at how vulnerable he sounded. “I’ve never felt this way before. I fucked up, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Did you honestly believe that I was back together with him and that I’d played you the whole time? I mean, how can you say that you love me and then think I would do that?” A lump formed in my throat as I looked up at him.
He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m an asshole.”
“Seriously? I mean, it’s been days. You never reached out to apologize. If I had moved, you just would have never talked to me again?”
“Of course not. I would have wallowed for a few days and then pulled my shit together. I was hurt. I was freaked out that I’d told you that I loved you and you hadn’t responded.”
I knew he was trying, but he couldn’t react like this every time he misread a situation.
“River. You told me you loved me on a sticky note. One that you stuck to the back of a contract. What if I hadn’t ever found it?”
“I’m not good at this, Ruby.” He moved closer, reaching for my hands and taking them in his. “I know I fucked up.”
I let out a long breath. “Your friends dragged you here. You didn’t come on your own. You need to figure your shit out. I’m scared, too. And you hurt me. A lot.”
“Well, I didn’t see you coming to my door to explain things.”
I tugged my hands away. “That’s because you didn’t give me a chance.
I was planning to come talk to you that night, but instead, you showed up at the bar acting like a lunatic.
I’d just accepted the position at Fresh Start, and I was excited to tell you.
Nervous that maybe you didn’t feel the same way about me, but I was still willing to put myself out there.
Do you know how it made me feel that you thought I was lying the whole time we were together?
And still, here we are, with your friends dragging you to talk to me.
That’s not good enough. None of this is good enough.
And I’m tired of settling. Figure your shit out, and after you do, then come and find me.
” I stormed away. This was not the apology I wanted.
A future was built on trust, and if we didn’t have that, there was no point.
“Me not trusting you had a lot more to do with me than you,” he said. I was surprised by the admission, and I came to a stop.
“Agreed.”
“I’m not used to putting faith in other people, and the way I feel about you—it scares the shit out of me.”
“Well, then, I guess you better figure out what you want to do about that. Because this”—I shrugged—“isn’t good enough. Next time you come talk to me, come because you want to. Come because you know what you want.”
And I strode out of the barn, leaving him standing there.
Along with half of my heart.
As much as it hurt, I knew I’d done the right thing. I knew who River was, and I had faith that he would figure it out.
That we would figure it out.
I wasn’t taking a risk on a man who wasn’t willing to fight for me. To apologize when he was wrong. And look me in the eye and tell me that he loves me.
When I fell into bed a few hours later, I cried myself to sleep, just as I did the next several nights.
Yeah, apparently, that was my new thing.
I cried daily now.
I hadn’t heard from River, and I missed him terribly.
A part of me worried that maybe we were both incapable of love.
Two broken people who were better off on their own.
I needed to know that River wanted this.
Wanted me.
I parked in the employee spot that Terrence had appointed as mine, and I made my way inside the building.
Jenna was sitting behind the front desk, whispering to Terrence, when I walked up and said hello. They both looked at me with weird smiles on their faces, and I brushed at my cheeks and my mouth. “Do I have food on my face or something? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“What?” Terrence asked. “No. I don’t see anything. I don’t know what you mean.”
“Me either.” Jenna chuckled.
I narrowed my gaze at both of them and walked down the hallway leading to my office.
When I pushed my door open, my eyes widened.
The wall behind my desk was covered from the ceiling to the floor in little yellow sticky notes.
It looked like wallpaper the way every single inch of space was covered in yellow paper with handwritten notes on each one.
I dropped my purse onto my desk beside a gigantic floral arrangement and walked to the wall, taking my time to read each one.
I’m sorry.
Every fifth or sixth note said those two little words. My eyes scanned the space, taking in the other messages. There were too many to count.
I love you.
Why is it bad to tell someone that you love them on a sticky note?
I should have told you how much I love you at the barn.
I want to make this up to you.
Sorry for accusing you about the preppy professor.
I’m an asshole.
A wild river.
I miss you.
I miss you so much I can’t fucking function.
Queenie, please forgive me.
I know what I want.
I want you. Only you. Always you.
The sentiment went on and on as I bent down to read the messages on the lower half of the wall.
The sound of a throat clearing from behind me had me whipping around. Terrence stood in my doorway with a wicked grin on his face. “Apparently, this is the new way to grovel?”
“Did you know about this?” I asked.
“He asked if he could come in after we closed last night, so I stayed here and let him do his thing.”
“That was nice of you.”
“I got to meet Beefcake. He was really giving River a hard time for messing things up with you.”
I nodded, pushing back the tears. I loved this man, but he’d hurt me. I’d never been good at forgiving people, but I was so happy that he’d come, so maybe I was changing.
“He’s the coolest kid around.”
“Agreed,” Terrence said, taking a step back. “I think anyone that goes to this much trouble to apologize deserves to at least be heard out. He said to tell you to read the card on the flowers when you’re done with the sticky note wall.”
I heard him laughing as he pulled my door closed and left.
The vase sitting on my desk was filled with what must be three dozen red roses, and I reached for the card.
Queenie. Please meet me at the cove tonight after work. I just want to talk to you. River
I sighed and dropped to sit down as my phone started vibrating.
Demi
Are you at work yet? I heard you were getting quite the surprise this morning.
Saylor
I love surprises. What is it?
Peyton
I hope it’s a naked man with a giant penis.
Peyton
Or waffles with fresh bananas would be a close second.
I stood back and took a screenshot of the flowers and the wall covered in sticky notes.
Saylor
My heart just exploded. Holy swoons! That is so romantic.
Peyton
It’s so sweet, but kind of in a serial killer sort of way. But I’m here for it.
Demi
I think it’s amazing.
So, do we think I should meet him at the cove tonight and hear him out?
Demi
YES! You asked him to figure his shit out, and I believe that’s what he’s been doing.
Saylor
Agreed. His first apology wasn’t impressive. Let’s see what he does today.
Peyton
Hear him out, but make him grovel. And I mean, really grovel.
I can do that. I’m the queen of enforcing the grovel.
I tried to focus the rest of the day, but my mind was on River.
My phone rang just as I was getting ready to leave so I could run home and change clothes before taking the kayak out. He hadn’t told me a time, so I just planned to go when I got home.
My mom’s face lit up my screen, and I didn’t even cringe the way I normally did. It hit me in that moment that I’d come a long way. So had my brothers. Things were so much better with my family now—and my mom was the only one left who hadn’t changed at all.
And I doubted she ever would.
But I’d changed the way I responded to her, and I would continue to do that for my own sanity.
“Hello,” I said, as I reached for my keys and grabbed my purse.
“Hey.” Her voice was sulky and sad. “Where are you?”
“I’m just leaving the office and heading home.”