Chapter 2 #2
With a deep breath and furrowed brows, I leaned in a little and asked the tough question.
I swallowed and rubbed my lips together with a deep breath before seriously asking, “You want a divorce, Ne?”
Again, silence filled the room. She just stared at me.
I needed to know what it was. She couldn’t answer, so that was a good thing right?
I wasn’t sure if she just couldn’t answer or if she didn’t want to.
Didn’t know if she was staring at me, trying to find the words.
Or if she was staring at me, thinking about when she’d leave.
Didn’t know shit and that shook me too. In that moment, I’d do anything to know what she was thinking.
Shit, in every moment. Mahogany was just… man.
“You might be mad, but you don’t want us to end just as much as I don’t,” I said, breaking the awkward silence.
I had to say something, didn’t I? A niggas heart was racing.
Plus, I figured her silence meant something right?
Mahogany was mad and drunk—she didn’t have a filter when she was either, definitely not when she was both.
But her face hardened and off rip, I regretted the route I took.
“How you know that?” She asked, with deeply furrowed brows. “Hm? Just because I didn’t say I wanted a divorce? Duke, I don’t know what the fuck I want!”
“So you do want a divorce?” I asked. “You—”
She laughed and tossed her head back against the cushion.
Lifting it, I was caught off guard by the tears running down her face.
“Nigga! Do you listen? Or is the only thing you give a fuck about is me leaving you? Do you care about the fact that I literally just said five minutes ago that I didn’t want to do this?
I literally just told you I wanted to enjoy the rest of my night.
Just told you I didn’t know what I wanted but you…
like you always do… didn’t give a fuck. You love bringing up divorce but won’t do shit to keep it off the table. ”
We’d had the divorce talk before. Of course we did.
A nigga cheated more times than I could count.
Back then, she’d say yeah. Back then, she was ready to leave but she never did.
Back then, she had a reason to. Today, she didn’t.
I mean… she did but she didn’t know that.
I just wanted shit to work out. I wasn’t trying to disregard what she felt like.
A nigga was shook. Just… I just wanted my family to stay intact.
As best as possible before the shit hit the fan.
I needed some relief. A couple of days of peace.
A week at least. Something. I hated how things were shaping out. I was doing my best.
“You seriously think I’m out here cheatin, Ne?” I asked.
She laughed and shook her head. “Damn. How many glasses of wine did you have?”
“What?”
“Nothing, Duke,” she said with a sigh, kicking her legs from underneath her bottom. “You have a good night. Sleep in the man-cave—”
“I’m not sleepin in no fuckin’ man-cave, Ne,” I interrupted. “I ain’t even do shit.”
“I don’t care where you sleep but you ain’t sleeping with me,” She seriously said, eyeing me up and down like she hated me.
“If you really think I’m cheatin’… why you can’t answer the divorce question Ne? You ain’t never had a hard time answerin’ that question before.”
She laughed and leaned forward, in my face, resting her hand on the cushion behind me. “Because I don’t know!” She yelled. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what you do when you leave this house. I don’t know shit! But what I do know and trust is my gut and—”
“Your gut? Your gut after that bitch opened a door we tryin’ to close? She brought up old shit, got you thinking I’m cheating and shit and—”
“Mommy.”
With a deep sigh, I looked over towards the stairs and Sparkle was standing on them, tablet in hand, with a confused look on her face. Mahogany didn’t move—she stayed in my face, smiling, like a crazy person. I ain’t gon’ lie… the shit was chilling.
“Yes, baby girl?” She answered, eyes still on me. “Go back upstairs, mommy and daddy are talking, mmkay? I’ll be up there to see what you want in a minute.”
“Okay,” Sparkle said before I heard her little feet patter up the stairs.
“Like I said, nigga,” Mahogany whispered, the smile on her face gone.
“You not sleeping with me. Thank you for the gifts, thank you for the food… but ain’t shit changed.
Sleep in the man-cave—I don’t want the kids to see you on the couch.
” I went to grab her, but she swatted my hand away and stood up straight.
“Come on now. You know she at the top of the stairs waiting for me, listening.”
She was. Sparkle was notorious for that. Not because she was nosey but because she was impatient and if she wanted mommy, she wanted mommy. Plus, I was sure she heard parts of our conversation and was worried about what was going on.
“All I wanted to do was talk, Ne. You gotta give me a conversation.”
“Good night, Ducati,” she said before turning to walk away.
With my head tossed against the back of the couch, I watched as she walked away. “I love you, Mahogany.”
“Mmhmm. Yep. I love you too, Duke.”
Shit broke my heart, knowing that eventually…
one day… I would fuck it up more than I already had.
I trusted that God would see me through.
Trusted that all of my efforts wouldn’t be pointless.
I wouldn’t lose her. We fit too well. Probably not now but we did.
We were good. Best friends, for real. Mahogany was my rib.
Not my rib. Ribs were easily broken. She was essential.
One half of my heart. And I believed I was the same for her.
Otherwise, when I asked if she wanted a divorce she would have answered yes without hesitation.
She would know exactly what she wanted. I might’ve been na?ve to believe that no answer was the best answer, but I did.
Fuck it. We just had a lot of work to do.
A lot to repair. Well shit… I did. And regardless of how much it drained me, I was willing to put in more work.
I couldn’t lose the other half of my heart. I’d die. God knew. And since He knew… He’d help a nigga… right?
Hours later, I woke up on the couch in the man-cave.
Did I want to sleep down there? Hell naw.
I wouldn’t have had I not gone upstairs last night and was greeted with a locked bedroom door.
Of course she locked it. I wasn’t surprised.
If I was thinking last night, I would have gotten up and beat her to the room.
But fuck it. Instead of knocking, drawing more unwanted attention, I went down to the man-cave.
Turning over, I grabbed my phone from the end table, and my heart fell into my ass at the sight of a text message from the DNA company I used.
The results were delivered yesterday. Shit, a nigga was slipping.
So much happened that I forgot to keep my eye out for the mail.
I couldn’t slip. Not when it came to shit like that.
I quickly jumped up and slid my feet into my slides.
Before leaving the room, I snatched my tee up from the floor, slid it on and rushed out, hoping Mahogany hadn’t decided that today she was in the mood to take the short trip to the mailbox at the curb.
“Good morning, daddy!” Honesty greeted, wrapping her arms around my waist, stopping me with a hug, when I walked into the kitchen.
Me coming up from the man-cave so early in the morning wasn’t alarming. I fell asleep watching TV or playing the game down there countless times.
“Good morning, baby girl,” I said, kissing her on the top of her head, softly prying her arms from around me to get to the mailbox. Shit. Why in the fuck was Mahogany up so early? I always woke up before her on weekends. There was breakfast on the kitchen island and everything.
“Daddy!” Yelled Sparkle, running from the hallway.
I felt like shit, but I rolled my eyes and huffed. I needed to get to the mailbox.
“Spark!” I yelled, as she jumped into my arms.
“You still gon’ get my car detailed, dad? My birthday almost here!” Aubry said, walking into the kitchen, head down, eyes on that phone.
I didn’t know if shit was heightened all of a sudden or if they always bombarded me like this in the morning. Whichever the case, I couldn’t bring myself to just shut them out because I had shit going on. I loved my girls. Still, I was short as hell with all three of them.
“Yeah, Bry. On everything I got you.”
“Okaaay,” she dragged out, doubting me.
I hoped I’d be able to make good on it. If Mahogany got to the mail before I did, the only thing I’d be good for was dying, on some real shit.
“You slept in the man-cave, dad?” Gabe asked, standing at the sink, washing his hands.
I looked over at him, he looked over his shoulder at me, and I said, “Hell yeah. Fell asleep playin’ 2K.”
“Oh,” He flatly replied.
If there was anybody in the crib that knew there was real trouble in paradise it was his little ass. I doubted he believed me, but did I give a fuck? Hell naw. He wouldn’t check me about it. Regardless of how he felt, Gabriel knew what to do and what not to do.
“Do you want to see the picture I drew—”
“Not right now, Spark baby. Where’s mommy?”
“Outside. She said—”
“Okay. I love you. I’ll be… I’ll be right back.”
Again, my heart dropped. Outside? Outside for what?
If she wanted some fresh air, she could have sat on the balcony in the room.
The fuck was she doing outside? All of a sudden I didn’t want to rush anymore.
I was shook. What if I walked out and found her sitting there, reading the results?
What if she already read them and was sitting, thinking about how to kill me and get away with it?
Or shit… what if she read them, got in the whip, and left without telling anybody, deciding to leave all of us?
A nigga was going through the motions. I didn’t know what to expect.
With a deep breath, I shook my head, and headed for the front door, like fuck it. If it was that… if she had the results… what was I supposed to do? There wouldn’t be anything I could do. I would have to play with the hand I was dealt, like I had been doing.
A couple of seconds or so later, I was walking out of the house. As soon as I did, I found her sitting in her egg chair, with her legs pulled up and crossed, with a mug in her hand.
“Good morning, baby,” I said, closing the door behind me. “You up early on a Sunday.”
She looked over at me and said, “Good morning. Couldn’t sleep. Been up since six.”
Felt like a weight was lifted off of me. The fact that she was greeting me with anything other than a couple slugs and DNA results was good as hell.
“Damn, straight up? The Caymus didn’t put you down?”
“Nope, not this time.”
I was sure she couldn’t sleep last night because she’d been thinking about me.
I wondered if it was divorce or reconciliation she’d been thinking about.
By the way she greeted me, I’d say reconciliation.
But by her tone and demeanor, I’d say, nah.
Her speaking didn’t have shit to do with us being good.
She was like that. Liked to start her mornings off on a positive note.
If the fight before wasn’t too bad, I’d get a good morning.
If not, she’d give me nothing. Last night wasn’t horrible.
I was just inconsiderate. Not on purpose though—out of desperation.
Regardless of what she thought or how she felt, I was determined to work towards changing it.
“We ain’t went out as a family in a nice lil minute.
We should hit Dave and Busters or something later,” I said, scratching behind my ear, eyeing the mailbox, wondering if it’d been touched.
I needed to get to it ASAP. I didn’t know what type of envelope the mail would come in or anything.
She could’ve had that shit sitting right in the pocket of her robe.
I wasn’t sure. But I needed to make sure.
She swung her legs from underneath her bottom and shrugged. “Yeah. It has been a minute. Kids need to get out of the house. Let’s go around two.”
Asking about a family outing after the last few days we had might’ve seemed crazy, but it wasn’t.
This was us. What we’d gone through was a lot.
She did think I was cheating, and a nigga did just sleep in the man-cave, but she didn’t hate me and would do anything to make the kids happy.
Now, if I would’ve been on some date shit, it would’ve been a stretch.
“Okay cool,” I said, watching as she stood up. Before she could walk by me to go into the house, I stopped her by wrapping my arm around her waist. As expected, she took a deep breath and tried to pry my arm from around her, but I didn’t bulge.
“I apologize about last night,” I said, with my eyes locked on hers, hoping she could see the sincerity behind them. “I know you think what you think but… listen I’m not even gon’ go there. I just want you to know that I’m in this shit ‘til the death of me and I hope you are too.”
She didn’t say anything. Just looked at me with soft eyes I appreciated. Before releasing her, I dropped a kiss on her forehead and told her I would help her with the girls after I grabbed the mail.
My heart raced, waiting for her to say she already grabbed it. When she didn’t another wave of relief washed over me. I even looked up to the sky, silently thanking God, as she walked into the house.
Jogging down the stairs, I walked to the end of the driveway to the mailbox.
Once I opened it, I was sick to see the only piece of mail in that bitch was for me.
Just imagine, bro. It would have been over for my ass for sure.
The envelope was discreet and didn’t say anything about DNA or diagnostic on it but still.
Mahogany’s nosey ass would have opened it just because it was a weird piece of mail for me.
With a sigh, I looked down at it and then up at the house, debating on rather I’d open it now or wait.
The longer I stood there, eyeing it, the faster my heart raced.
My anxiety didn’t take long to build. At all.
One little letter threatened to rip apart everything I’d worked so hard at keeping together and that fucked with me.
A lot of times, I sat with the realization of what was happening and couldn’t believe it was my life. I was… I was fucked up off this one.
“Ay dad! Can you line me up before we go?”
I jumped at the sound of Gabe calling out to me from the porch. I looked up, stuffed the mail into my pocket and said, “Fa sho. Plug the clippers up.”
Reading the results would have to wait. I was in no rush anyway. But I for sure knew I couldn’t read them today. It’d started off too good. Didn’t want to ruin it with the truth.