Chapter 16 #2
“Aight peep,” he paused and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I notice shit. That’s all bro.”
“Here you go,” I said with a frown. “You noticed what, J?”
He laughed. “You know I’m in the business of reading people.”
“I don’t need to be read, nigga.”
He threw his hands up again. “I can’t help it. Call it a gift from God, brodie.” I shook my head and he continued. “Like I was saying… I notice shit. I noticed a shift in you as soon as you shook hands with girl.”
I drew back with a frown, sucking my teeth. “A shift?”
He made a face. “Yeah, nigga, a shift. Then you tell us you taking the project on and don’t want us to work with her at all.” He laughed. “You ain’t never been that protective over a female we in business with.”
I shrugged. “Mo—Mahogany’s cool. The contract is important to me. I didn’t want you niggas hounding her. Nothing more, nothing less.”
He twisted his lips up at me. “Yeah aight. That sounds like bullshit, my nigga. I ain’t gon’ lie.”
I took a deep breath and stared over at him. “Fuck is all of this about, Judah?”
“Ain’t seen that sparkle in your eye since…” he paused. “Since before… you know. No homo but… I’m liking what I’m seeing. That’s all. I ask about girl and about the business end of things because a lot is on the line and she is married. So—”
“Don’t worry about what’s going on. I got it.”
He squinted. “You can’t tell me not to worry about what’s going on when I’m the director of ventures and partnerships, bro.”
I sucked my teeth. “Now niggas wanna throw titles around.” I laughed. “This don’t sound like a business conversation.”
He laughed. “Aight, aight. Look… it’s both. Feel me? I just want to make sure you know what you doin. You know what you doin right?”
I took a sip of my drink and studied Judah.
He wasn’t coming from a place of being nosey.
I knew this because I knew him. Regardless of where he was coming from, I didn’t feel comfortable disclosing anything personal when it came to Mahogany and I.
Not because I was ashamed or wanted to keep her a secret but because I respected her.
Mahogany was serious about her reputation.
It wasn’t my place to say anything about us to him, even if he was coming from a stand-up place.
“I don’t know what you talkin about, talking about sparkles in my eyes and shit… but we’re good. Everything with business is copacetic.”
“Wasn’t a couple weeks ago when she was off the project,” he pointed out, steady smirking. “Look bro… your business is your business. I know you and you won’t say shit but… game recognize game and whatever's going on looks good on you. No homo.”
I didn’t say anything else. Not about Mahogany, at least. I walked back over to my desk and switched the conversation to the meeting I had coming up.
As I sat across from Judah, discussing the plans for the next investment, I thought about the last time he was invested in what I had going on, personally.
Judah slid a gold envelope across the desk, and I stared down at it. “Fuck is this?”
He shrugged. “A little stress reliever.”
I slid it over, closer to me before picking it up. Engraved on the front of the envelope was my name. I brushed my fingers over it and shifted my eyes up at him. He reached for his drink, took a sip and nodded towards the envelope. “Wait to open—aight then.”
Before he could tell me to wait to open it, I tore into it.
I pulled the card out and sat back against the chair as I read over it with dipped brows.
“Fuck is this?” I asked again, adding emphasis on is.
Because what the fuck was it? Shit read like an invitation to a club.
An exclusive one that was clearly by invitation only.
When I got to the line about 'wildest fantasies' I knew then that that’s exactly what it was.
I looked up at him. “Nigga.”
He shrugged. “Like I said... stress relief. I tried to tell you to wait to open it so shit wouldn’t be weird.” He laughed and went for his drink again.
“My daughter just died and you give me an invitation to a sex club?”
He didn’t say anything. Just looked over at me with worried eyes. Nova Ray had been gone for five months now, and every day had been spent with my head underneath water. I was drowning in grief, barely making it.
“It’s not just an invitation, bro,” he said. “It’s an escape and from where I’m sitting you can use one.”
“An escape from what, J?”
“From reality, bro. You can be whoever, do whatever. You feel me? You can step away from being Crescent for a minute.”
“So, fuck my shorty?” I asked wearing a frown.
I was in a whole ass relationship. A committed relationship he knew about with a woman he’d met.
Judah shrugged again, tilting his head to the side a little. “No disrespect. But everybody needs an escape from reality every now and then. What you do at Pandora’s stays at Pandora’s. Feel me?”
“Man... I’m not fuckin with it.”
“I think you should. Carrying the weight of being Crescent heavy as hell right now. Stepping away for a couple hours might be what you need.”
I let his words marinate. Well after he left the office.
I sat at my desk, twirling the envelope, running my fingers over the engravement of my name, really thinking about what he’d said.
Step away from being Crescent for a minute.
The weight of carrying the name was heavy.
Be someone else. I wanted to be. For months, I wished my life wasn’t my life.
Wished I wasn’t going through what I was going through and that things were different.
I’d tried everything to push my emotions down.
Tried to drown them. Tried to work them away.
Even hit the gym more times a week than usual.
Nothing helped. And he was telling me that this place.
.. Pandora’s was going to make a difference?
I doubted it. I lost my daughter and I was losing my girl.
Shit was rocky. Had been rocky since my Nova Ray died.
I wanted shit to be different. Wanted to be able to push past what happened.
She let her drown. Didn't keep a good enough eye on her and she fucking drowned.
That shit, in my book, was unforgiveable.
How the fuck was I supposed to move past that?
How in the fuck was I supposed to forgive her for that?
With a deep sigh, I stuffed the envelope in my pocket and shifted my eyes up at the clock.
Before I knew it, it was inching towards ten and I was supposed to be at the crib hours ago.
How long had I been sitting at the desk, doing nothing besides thinking?
Judah left when the sun was still up. I didn’t want to go home though.
Home was where she was supposed to be at.
My sweet, sweet Nova Ray. Walking into the crib would do nothing but push all of the memories to the forefront.
Not only because home was a constant reminder but because Reign wouldn’t stop playing old videos.
She sat in the living room, on the couch, surrounded by old tissues and bottles of wine, watching videos of Nova Ray on the big screen, on repeat, all fucking day.
I didn’t want to go home to that. But what choice did I have?
With another sigh, I grabbed my shit and stood to leave.
It didn’t take me but fifteen minutes to get to the crib.
The sound of my daughters laughter greeted me at the front door.
The same way it did yesterday. That shit stung.
Only because it was coming from a TV. I missed the days of coming home to her running up to me, jumping in my arms, with a face full of whatever her mother let her make a mess in.
Shit was fucked up. I couldn’t understand how or why Reign kept playing the fuckin’ videos.
That shit didn't do anything but piss me off.
I came out of my shoes and headed for the kitchen to see if she’d cooked anything.
Not because I wanted a hot meal when I came home.
I didn’t give a fuck about that. I was checking to see any sign of her leaving the couch.
When I got to the kitchen, the only sign was the empty wine bottle that wasn’t there when I left this morning.
Shaking my head, I opened the refrigerator, looking for something to make her to eat.
I hadn’t eaten but I didn’t really give too much of a fuck about myself.
She was the one draining herself dry, crying all day, only hydrating herself with wine.
I made her a turkey and cheese sandwich and paired it with some Lays chips.
I wasn't in the mood to cook. Wasn't in the mood to do much of anything, for real.
I walked into the living room, clenching down on my teeth, trying to ignore the TV and the sounds coming from it.
“You been sitting here all day?” I asked.
“Remember her first birthday? You said not to buy her that white dress. She had cake all over it,” Reign said with a laugh, looking up at me with glossy eyes, tears running down her face.
I swallowed. “Yeah. Here. Eat this.”
I didn’t like to talk about Nova Ray. I didn’t want to reminisce.
I didn’t want to do anything but move past what happened as if nothing happened.
But that shit was a fail because not talking about her didn’t cancel out thinking about her.
I thought about her all day, every day and hated every moment of it.
I sat the plate of food next to her and she didn’t even look at it. Her eyes went from me back to the TV screen.
“My baby was perfect,” she mumbled. “Life was perfect. Why did—I don’t understand...”
I didn’t understand it either.