Chapter 16 #3
I didn’t understand any of it. Why the woman I loved was responsible for me losing my baby girl.
I didn’t understand why I had to carry on like this.
Didn’t get why I had to come home every fucking day to this shit.
She knew the videos bothered me. Just didn’t give a fuck.
She knew I didn’t want to talk about Nova Ray.
Didn’t give a fuck about that neither. Didn't give a fuck about anything but sitting up all day, every day, on this fuckin couch, watching video after video, getting drunk as hell. Didn't even wash her ass. I had to remind her of that. Don’t think for one second that I didn’t have sympathy for what she was going through.
I was going through it too. Except I didn’t have anybody to give a fuck about me.
There I was trying to make sure she ate, while not having anything to eat all day myself.
There I was, standing in front of her, trying to get her off the couch, painfully listening to the sound of my daughters laughter when I really wanted to leave.
But I had to be there for her, right? I had to give her patience, love, and shit.
.. right? Even though we were where we were because she was too busy in the crib running her mouth to pay attention to our child.
Shit was heavy.
Shit was really fuckin’ heavy.
“Why you keep watchin’ that? You think I want to come home and hear my daughter laughin? And she ain’t here? What I tell you the other day? Watch on your phone. Listen with headphones, Reign. I don’t want to hear that shit.”
“That shit?” She spat. “Our daughter—
“Not our daughter!" I yelled. “It’s a video of her! Don’t you get that?”
“Same thing,” she mumbled, holding Nova’s blanket closer to her. “Same... same thing, Crescent.”
“No... no it’s not, Reign.”
She didn’t say anything. Just kept her face forward, watching the TV.
I stood there, watching her, in a daze, feeling like I couldn’t take any of this shit anymore.
I needed a break. A serious break. Away from the world.
Away from reality. My heart was heavy as hell, listening to the sound of my daughter's voice while I stared down at Reign who seemed lightyears away. I swallowed, closed my eyes, and thought back to what Judah said earlier, about escaping. And that gold, shimmery envelope came to mind. I didn’t need pussy.
That was the last thing on my mind, but I did need to be someplace where I didn’t exist.
Walking away, I headed straight for the door to leave.
About thirty minutes later, I was walking through the doors at Pandora’s.
After checking my coat, and my phone in, I headed straight for the bar.
It was a sight to take in. There were people fucking in the middle of the room on top of a big bed while other people watched and played with themselves.
Three women off on the side did their thing too.
Was on some extra freaky shit. One had a dildo in the other girl's pussy, while the other one ate her ass. I stayed stuck on them for a minute. Couldn’t look away, it looked so gotdamn good.
Pandora’s wasn’t a rundown place either.
It was lavish, and the people in attendance looked to be of a high caliber.
None of that hood rat, hood nigga type shit.
It was exclusive for a reason. I bypassed a couple of politicians and a group of cops, still in uniform.
I understood the NDA because if any of this shit got out people's lives would be ruined.
It took me about five minutes to get to the bar.
As soon as I got there, I ordered a double scotch on the rocks.
I needed something to take the load off.
Not only because I was in an unfamiliar place, doing over the top, out of the ordinary shit.
But because the fight with Reign had really done a number on me.
She needed help. Hell... we needed help but her mental was fucked up and that fucked with me.
I looked around the bar and my eyes landed on a couple at the end of it, fucking.
The bitch looked over her shoulder at her nigga and then looked back at me with a wink.
I frowned, with my top lip curled up when I looked at him and he was giving me a look I did not want to read.
The fuck? My frown deepened and I gave him the death stare letting him know it wasn’t on like that.
His face flashed with fear before he leaned down and whispered something to his bitch.
“You new around here, huh?” asked the bartender before sitting my drink down in front of me.
“Is it obvious?” I asked.
He smirked. “Hell yeah. Newbies always have this look to them. Like... fuck is this?”
I lightly laughed and took a sip of my drink.
About twenty minutes into me sitting chopping it up with the bartender a woman sat down. She wore one of them masquerade masks, covered in sparkly rhinestones and a red, short dress. By the way she sat down and looked around, I could tell she was new too.
I could especially tell when she turned her smiling face towards that freaky ass couple at the end of the bar after ordering her drink.
I took a sip of my drink, minding my business. Or trying to at least.
“Found them one, my nigga.”
I snorted, shook my head and said nothing.
“Found them one? What? Who found what?” She asked, with a shaky voice.
“Around here, you look, you took, baby girl,” the bartender said, motioning towards her mask. “This must be your first night.”
The shakiness in her voice bothered me. I didn’t know why but it did.
I shook my head again, as the urge to help her built up in me.
Why, I didn’t know. I minded my business for the most part.
Had come here to take the edge off and chill, not to save anyone.
But something told me to help her. I took another sip of my drink and clenched down on my jaw, trying to ignore the urge to get up and walk over to where she was.
She was here alone, in a short ass dress, green as hell, in a club full of perverts. Fuck was she doing? She needed to take her ass home before she really did find herself took.
Shaking my head, I got up from my seat and walked down the bar where she was just as she was asking the bartender what to do.
“Relax,” I stood behind her. “I got you.”
Leaning in, I paused and said, “May I?” Before lightly touching her waist to give her an idea of what I was asking for. I needed her to catch my drift. I wasn’t in the mood to spell it out to her.
She nodded and I wrapped my arms around her.
As soon as I did, I felt tingles shoot through the tips of my fingers.
With dipped brows, I took it as static electricity and thought nothing more of it.
However, she felt good as hell in my arms. A little too good.
This, with her, felt real. Good in a way that sent a wave of calmness over me, despite how tensed she was.
Leaning in again, I got a whiff of her perfume and inhaled. Shit she smelled good. “As much as you can… relax for me. Let me save you. Respectfully. It won’t take long,” I told her, against her ear.
She nodded and I told her she really needed to be careful in places like this.
Told her she was too timid to be smiling at muthafuckas.
Added a laugh to it to give off the illusion of flirting too.
But what I really was doing was giving her free game.
She couldn’t come into a place like this, dressed the way she dressed, smelling the way she smelled, with that friendly shit unless she was willing and ready to fuck.
I hated that for her. She seemed sweet. A little naive, but sweet.
I leaned in again, getting another whiff of her perfume.
Subtly, I closed my eyes, basking in the scent of her.
Damn she felt good in my arms. So good that I tightened my hold on her, not wanting to let go.
It’d been a minute since I held a woman.
All Reign did was sit on the couch, watching TV.
This was what I needed. A soft body to hold on to. A hug to get me through my days.
I must’ve been too into it because she ended up pulling away a bit, tensing again. I loosened my grip a little and said, “Chill. You gave me the green light to look out, this is how I look out.”
Against my better judgement, I tightened my grip on her again.
This time, she didn't pull away. This time, she melted into my touch and we locked eyes. I got lost there for a moment. I couldn’t see beyond her mask, but something told me that underneath it, she was beautiful.
Strikingly mesmerizing. Her eye contact was powerful.
Magnetizing in a way that made it hard to look away.
At the sound of the couple drawing closer, I looked away and chucked my chin at them. “What up? Y’all good?”
Dawg drew back a little, holding his pants up, just below his waistline, glancing back and forth between me and shorty with a light smirk. “Shit, we thought that was an invite—”
“An invitation to what, nigga?” I asked, with my top lip curled up. “Because she spoke? That wasn’t no fuckin’ invitation. She just a lil’ too friendly.” I paused and leaned down, closer to her ear again. “Ain’t that right, baby?”
She didn’t say anything. Fingered through her hair and nodded. Against her back, I could feel her heart racing. I wondered if she could feel mine doing the same.
“Y’all have a good night. Ain’t shit over here for y’all.”
They walked away and I struggled a little to pull my arms from around her waist before sitting next to her. “You alright?”
She nodded. I nodded in return and the bartender sat my drink in front of me. She wasn’t alright. I could feel the nerves coming off of her. She was badly shaken up. I hoped she learned her lesson… smiling at muthafuckas in a sex club like she was crazy. Good thing I was here to save her ass.
Shaking my head, I looked down at my hands before grabbing my drink.
I could still feel her in my arms. I chalked it up to the lack of intimacy I’d had over the past few months and brushed it off.
My mind went to Reign and for a split second I felt bad about the way I handled ol’ girl.
Nah, it wasn’t about the way I handled her.
It was about the way she felt in my arms while I handled her.
It was about how my heart raced, and how I struggled to let her go.
I wasn’t here for sex. Just came to let go a little.
Right? But as I sat beside her, I thought about having her again.
Thought about sparking up more conversation that would lead to me holding her in my arms again.
I went to pivot to talk to her, but she asked the bartender where the restroom was and got up to leave.
When she walked off, I took it as a sign to let that thought go.
I was in no position to fuck with anybody.
I was sad as hell, in a whole ass relationship.
But I needed love. I needed love bad. I was lacking like a muthafucka.
But that didn’t mean I should step out on shorty. I loved Reign.
I tore my eyes away from ol’ girl with a deep breath.
“Bad as hell, ain’t she? I wonder what she look like under that mask though,” said the bartender.
I wondered too.
Sadly, I’d never find out because it was time for me to go.
I fished around my pants pocket, pulled my wallet out, and paid for both my drink and hers before standing to leave.
“You not gon’ try to fuck on shorty? I bet—
“Nah, I’m cool. Stay up,” I said before I turned to walk out of a place I shouldn’t have step foot in, in the first place.
“… Could be very profitable,” said Judah, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Working with Jamison. Nigga, did you hear anything I said?”
I brushed my hand over the top of my head with a deep breath. “Yeah, I heard you,” I lied.
I didn’t hear shit he said. I was stuck in a memory.
I wondered what ever happened to ol’ girl and if that couple ever circled back around to snatch her up.
I didn’t know why—I just did. Shifting my focus, I thought back on what made me think about my night at Pandora’s in the first place.
Judah’s pushiness. He was pushy as hell back then too.
Always noticing shit, wanting the best for me, regardless of how I had to get it.
He gave me a questionable look. “Oh… aight. You need time to think about it?”
I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about, but I nodded and told him I would. He’d bring whatever up again.