Chapter 26 #3
God did tell me that. One day I felt the same way.
Like life was falling apart and like nothing made sense.
And in my mind, I heard ‘things are falling into place’.
Like I always said, I didn’t think God would have led me down this path if it wasn’t for the best. If things were only going to get worse, he wouldn’t have led me here.
“You brought food back? Bet,” said Gabe, jogging down the stairs.
I handed him my leftovers and told him it was a small piece of steak and a little bit of asparagus. Not much left. He didn’t care. He wanted it anyway.
“You didn’t bring me anything?” Honesty pouted, wrapping her arm around my waist.
“I didn’t bring him that. It was just what I had left. I know y’all sister Door Dashed earlier, right?”
“Yes,” she giggled. “I still want whatever you had. Gabe! Give me some! That’s not even yours for real!” She ran off and I picked Sparkle up, kissing her on the cheek.
“Hey boo,” I spoke. “Where is your big sister?”
“In her room,” she said, laying her head on my shoulder. “I'm sleepy."
It was close to midnight on a Friday night. I was surprised she was still up. Usually, my baby would have been down around ten. She probably stayed up for me.
“Okay well, you want to take a bath, get in your pajamas, and go to bed?”
She nodded, her beads clinking together, before laying her head back on my shoulder.
With a grunt, I climbed the stairs, heading for the bathroom.
Every time I came home, I was reminded of what I had to look forward to now.
Life as a single mother. So far, it hadn’t been bad.
The only thing I had to get used to was not seeing or hearing him.
Which should have been pretty easy considering he annoyed me most of the time.
But it wasn’t. It wasn’t easy at all. There was something missing in my daily schedule.
That annoyance. That ‘hey babe, how was work’.
Those pointless conversations about coworkers and juicy work drama.
Not having that anymore would take some getting used to.
After running Sparkle’s bath water, I helped her undress and she got right in. I left the bathroom, leaving the door open, as I headed down the hallway to check in on Bry.
“Hey boo,” I said, sticking my head into her room.
She looked up from her phone, quickly wiped her face, and gave me a soft smile. “Hey ma.”
With pinched brows, I stepped into the bedroom. “You okay?”
She sat up and tossed her phone aside. “Yeah... I’m alright.”
I squinted and twisted my lips up at her. “You don’t look okay. Something happened?”
She took a deep breath and shrugged. “Arguing with Marcell.”
Marcell was her ‘little friend’. Her boyfriend but... her little friend to me.
I sat at the foot of her bed. “Arguing about what?”
“Nothing," she lied. “It’s nothing.”
I shook my head. “It’s something if you were just in here crying.”
“I wasn’t—
“Don’t lie to me, Aubry. I saw you wipe your face when I walked in.”
She sighed and tossed her head back with a light grunt. “His ex. She running around the school talking about Marcell been texting her and that he don't really mess with me like that. He said she’s lying but I don’t know. I did see him talking to her in between classes two days ago.”
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “What I tell you about boys?”
She pouted. “I know ma. I remember.”
“No... tell me. What did I tell you about boys?”
I kicked it with my daughter. Heavy. On some real shit. I didn’t sugarcoat anything when it came to talking to her about boys and life. I gave her the tools I didn’t have. But it seemed like she wasn’t using them.
“You said,” she sighed and paused. "You said not to take them seriously. Not right now.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I’m young and I have my whole life ahead of me.”
“What else did I tell you?”
“That if anybody makes me question my worth or where I stand in their lives, cut them off. Everybody’s disposable. If they ain’t treating me the way I should be treated, walk away and don’t look back.”
I nodded. “Why did I tell you that, Aubry?”
“Because life is short and I shouldn’t spend it anyway other than happy.”
“Exactly,” I said, reaching over to wipe her face clean of tears.
“So... why didn’t you do that?” She mumbled.
“Why didn’t I do what?” I asked with pinched brows.
“Why didn't you walk away from dad when he cheated on you?”
I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, trying to find the right words.
We hadn’t talked about what Duke did. Not completely.
When she came back from his apartment the day they met Diary, she was livid.
Said she couldn’t believe her dad cheated on me and how foul it was.
When I didn’t really react to it, she asked me if I knew he cheated back then.
I told her yes. I didn’t go into detail.
Didn’t tell her that wasn’t the first time.
Nothing like that. Just left it at yes. She didn’t say anything but sorry.
She wrapped her arms around me and apologized about the way she’d been acting.
We didn’t go into any more details. So, her question today hit me from left field a little.
Didn’t think she would ask me anything like that.
“Because I didn’t have this,” I honestly told her, motioning between the two of us.
“I didn’t have anybody to tell me what to do when someone mistreated me.
When I went to my momma with boy problems, she told me to.
.. never mind. Just know I didn’t have anybody to put me up on game. You just be happy you do. Okay?”
“No, what did Nana tell you, ma? Tell me.”
If I told her what my mother told me, she’d probably connect the dots and realize that three years ago wasn’t the first time her father cheated on me.
And suddenly, I wondered why the hell I was still protecting him?
It didn’t take long for me to realize that it wasn’t about protecting him but about keeping up appearances—still.
I was embarrassed. Still. I didn’t want my daughter to know that I’d done the opposite of what I told her to do every single time.
But shit... what did I have to hide from?
I pulled my lips into my mouth and stared at her for a moment, steady hesitating.
“Ma.”
I sighed. “She told me to stay. I went to her crying, and she told me to stay.”
Aubry’s eyebrows raised. “Wow.”
Pulling my lips into my mouth, I nodded. “Yeah. So… Listen to me and listen to me good. I don’t want you to stay. Ever. If Marcell or any other boy does something to hurt you, you walk away. At the first sign of trouble, you leave. You hear me?”
She nodded and reached over to hug me. “I’m sorry you didn’t have a you in your life mama.”
I lightly laughed. “It’s okay.”
She shook her head and pulled away from the hug. “It’s not though. I’m so grateful for you, ma. I wish you would have had what I got.”
I wished I did too. I wished more than she would ever know. I might not have had a me growing up, but I had ‘a me’ now and going forward I vowed to treat myself with the love and compassion I’d been missing.
After bathing Sparkle, I took a shower, poured a glass of Caymus and curled up in bed with my phone.
I was watching my Facebook story, checking the views when I noticed one from someone who wasn’t a follower.
She’d been in my views a few times. Talia Tolbert.
Talia… Talia… the name was familiar as hell, so I clicked on it to go to her profile.
When I saw her profile picture, I immediately recognized the woman she was in the picture with.
Char, Duke friend Tank baby momma. Talia was her sister.
What the hell was she on my page for? I didn’t know the bitch like that.
Duke must’ve been talking, telling people about the divorce and she came to be nosey.
I didn't know what the fuck for. I didn’t put my business on social media.
The only clue they would get about the divorce was when I changed my name and I was some ways away from doing that.
The divorce process was annoying. He didn’t give me a hard time, it just was the overall process that was taking a minute.
Because I was curious, I scrolled her page, reading her statuses.
She was one of them. Loud mouth, ghetto bitches that shared shit about being single and fucking who she wanted to fuck.
When I got to a post about her fucking ‘somebody’s husband’, I paused.
I didn’t know what it was about the post, but it stood out to me.
With a squint, I clicked on the comments and read through them.
Char posted the crying face emoji, saying her sister was going to hell and that she thought ‘he’ was one of the good niggas.
Something in me said they were talking about Duke.
I didn't know what it was, but that’s what I got from it.
I stared at the comments and even scrolled her page a little longer, with a smirk on my face, shaking my head.
I thought back to the day he went to a card game over there and wondered if he’d fucked her then.
My mind got to running, thinking maybe Duke never stopped cheating.
Maybe he just got better at hiding it. After about five minutes of ruminating, I stopped, pausing mid-scroll to check myself.
What the fuck was I doing? Did any of that shit matter anymore?
Nope. Not at all. Instead of spending another second thinking about that nigga and this bitch, I scrolled to the top of the page and simply blocked her.
With a deep breath, I reached over to the nightstand for my drink.
In the middle of sipping, my phone chimed.
Picking it up, I saw that it was Sienna.
She was checking in with me. At one thirty in the damn morning.
I was a little bummed because I was hoping it was Crescent.
He didn’t reply to my message. Opened it but didn’t say anything.
I felt slighted but it was what it was. After messaging Sienna back, I went to Crescent’s text thread and stared at the ‘read at 3:45pm’ message at the end of mine.
I guess it really was a wrap between us.
Again, I didn’t have anyone to blame but myself.