Chapter 30 #3
Yeah, my shit was bruised. The confidence I had about us, stripped away. In the past, I just knew she’d be mine. I was confident as hell about that. But time proved otherwise. The way she handled me, proved otherwise. As a nigga who was used to getting what he wanted, that didn’t sit well with me.
As usual, something pulled my attention in her direction and I saw her stand.
She finished her drink, grabbed her purse, said a few things to Tamia, slid her coat on, and turned around.
Our eyes met and I felt another tug in her direction.
She turned the corners of her mouth up, ran her hand over the back of her neck, and looked away.
I could tell by her body language that she was getting ready to head out.
My heart rate picked up and something in my spirit shouted ‘Go’.
I felt this overwhelming urge to walk over to her.
This overwhelming urge to stop her. But I did nothing.
Instead of heading in her direction, I walked away from my niggas and sat at the table we were standing at.
They were talking. Most likely about me and the way I was staring at Mahogany, but I couldn’t really hear them.
Not over the sound of my racing heart and my intuition literally begging me to get up and follow her out of the venue.
My eyes followed her, as she made her way through the crowd.
She got lost a couple of times, but I found her again.
She was leaving without saying goodbye. See what I’m saying?
Why couldn’t she had come over here? I didn’t have time for that shit.
But something told me to bypass all of it.
Something said, ‘so what’. Something told me to chase her.
This overwhelming feeling of dread washed over me when she made it to the door and I was forced to my feet, in a panic, my body having a mind of its own.
Before I knew it, I was heading for the exit. Something told me that if I let her leave without speaking my piece, I wouldn’t see her again. That door would shut permanently, and I wouldn’t get another opportunity.
“Fuck you goin nigga?!” yelled Rahmir, laughing.
“On her ass like back pockets, like you said, bro,” Judah said.
I paid them niggas dust as I made my way through the crowd. My little cousins tried to stop me again, but I brushed by them. Luna asked where I was going too, but I ignored her. Right before I made it to the door, Reign appeared in front of me.
With dipped brows, she eyed me up and down. “What’s wrong with you? You look like you just—
“I’m cool. Excuse me,” I said, pushing her aside.
“Crescent,” she called out.
I didn’t say anything—I kept towards the door, my heart racing like a muthafucka. I mean, if she left, I could always call her right? But something told me that it was really now or never. I couldn’t shake the feeling. It was unsettling as hell.
When I made it to the door, Lil’ Marv said something to me about cuzzo and them. I couldn’t tell you exactly what he said because I didn’t give a fuck enough to pay attention.
I pushed the door open and rushed out. When I saw that her and Tamia were a couple of feet away from her car, I exhaled, relieved that I had caught her in time.
“Mahogany,” I called out, walking up behind them.
Tamia looked over her shoulder first, and then she did right after.
Slowly. As if she really didn’t want to turn.
I let it go, chalking it up to her really being in her feelings about Reign.
Women were like that. Shit was good at the property when I invited her.
The only explanation for her off-putting attitude tonight was Reign and that was nothing. I could get by that, easily.
“Yeah?” She answered.
“You leaving already?” I asked, standing in front of her, my heart steady racing.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets and locked eyes with her.
I didn’t know what else to say. I was at a loss for words.
Since knowing Mahogany, I’d never been speechless or unsure of myself.
Tonight, however, I didn’t know where to begin.
Was I supposed to tell her I missed her?
Be completely transparent and tell her about the way I felt?
Should I tell her I was incapable of letting her leave?
Be open? Knowing what I knew? After experiencing what I experienced with her, with the back and forth and uncertainty?
Something in me said yes. Told me to be honest. To give it to her real and raw.
I was supposed to speak from a place I’d never spoken before.
We couldn’t part ways without a reconciliation.
She couldn’t leave without me fixing us.
As if it was up to me to fix. I didn’t rip us a part. I didn’t put distance between us.
I sighed and pulled my lips into my mouth.
Who got us here didn’t matter.
It was up to me to fix because she wouldn’t do it. Mahogany never went for what she wanted. There was always something standing in the way.
She shrugged. “Yeah. I figured it was time for me to go.”
“You were just going to leave without saying bye?”
Her eyes softened and the hard exterior she’d had up all day, fell off. “I didn’t want to say goodbye.”
“That’s rude,” I joked, stalling, steady trying to find the right words.
She didn’t say anything. Pursed her lips together and looked away. I tilted my head to the side a bit to catch her eye. Turning back to face me, she crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at me.
“Why you lookin at me like that, Mo?” I asked before biting down on my bottom lip.
“I’m looking at you a certain way?”
I brushed my hand over the side of my face, looked away with a smile and shook my head. “The young lady you saw me with? Nova’s momma. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Her eyebrows raised a bit and she shrugged her right shoulder. “Why you telling me?”
She was coy, trying to pretend she hadn’t been giving me fucked up looks all night because she thought me and Reign were more than parents to our deceased daughter.
I stepped forward, closing the space between us. “Because you wanted to know.”
“No, I didn’t,” she said, pushing her shoulders back, forcing confidence.
I squinted with a smile. Nodding, I said, “Alright Mahogany.”
Silence greeted us again and I was left wondering what to do next.
I had to say something. Had to do something.
Couldn’t just stand there, staring at her.
She had a look of wonder in her eyes. A look that was short lived because after standing there for far too long, she sighed and told me to have a good night.
When she pivoted to walk away, I reached out and touched her arm, tingles shooting through my fingertips. Electricity.
“I can’t let you leave,” I admitted, gripping her arm, turning her to face me. “Not yet. Not until I… make the world right again.”
She made a face. “Make the world right again?”
“Mhm,” I hummed. “My world.”
I’d been getting by just fine the past couple of months but not without the uncomfortable feeling of something missing.
I knew what it was. Her. Because I was in my feelings about the back and forth, I didn’t do anything about it.
I sat with it, suffering in discomfort, unwilling to put myself out there again.
I couldn’t anyway. The biggest obstacle still stood in the way.
Now, with the contract out of the way, I felt like there was hope.
Well… like there could be hope. I still didn’t know where her mind was at.
However, something told me that this was okay.
That trying again was safe. I hoped like hell my intuition was right.
Mahogany didn’t say anything, so I took that as my cue to continue.
“It’s been a long ass six months without you,” I admitted, grabbing her hands.
She looked down at her feet and then back up at me, her eyes softer than before.
Behind them I saw that longing I felt. I released her hands and caressed her jawline.
She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.
Right then and there, I knew it was okay to be open.
It was one thing to feel like things would be, a completely different thing to actually know.
“Been long for me too,” she mumbled.
“I missed the hell out of you, Mo.”
She closed her eyes and again, turned into my touch, nuzzling her face in my hand. “I missed you too.”
Like before, I was a little loss for words.
Not because I was afraid of rejection, but because I’d never been completely open with a woman.
I’d never been completely open with anyone.
But I had to be open with her. I had to tell her how I felt.
It was necessary. If I wanted to repair things…
if I wanted to take it to another level with her, honesty was required.
Again, that feeling of urgency rushed through my veins and I gripped her face, tilting her head back.
“Let me see them beautiful eyes,” I said, prompting her to open eyes that called to me from the first day I saw her.
She giggled and opened her eyes with a deep breath. “Hi,” she whispered.
“Hi, baby,” I said back, brushing the pads of my thumbs along her jawline.
My heart raced as I decided, fuck it. Just go.
No overthinking, no hesitation, just raw honesty.
“When I saw you rushing out of the venue a minute ago, it felt like my heart was going to explode.” I laughed, pretending it wasn’t much of a big deal, but it was. That shit was low key scary.
She giggled and I shook my head.
“Real shit though,” I told her. “But listen… it’s cold out here, your girl is waiting for you—”
“She can wait,” Mahogany interrupted.
I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and exhaled.
“I need you. A while back you told me I didn’t, but I did then…
and I do now. I’ve never experienced what I experience with you, with anybody else.
From the feeling of tingles shooting through my fingertips at every little touch, to your soul literally calling out to me…
I’d never experienced anything like it.”
She softly smiled.
“I need more of that. I need more of you. I know… a while back you said you couldn’t give me more.
You said you had shit and hell… I had shit too.
You talked about using me and Mahogany, I was using you too.
Not for sex—that was a bonus. You was solace for a nigga during a really rough time.
I looked to you for comfort, just as much as you say you looked to me.
When I said what you could give me was enough, I was telling the truth.
But I understood where you were coming from, so I didn’t push.
I wanted to. I wanted to bad as hell, but it wasn’t my place.
” I looked away, shook my head and said, “I’m rambling. ”
She giggled. “It’s okay.”
“What I want—no need—is another opportunity. I don’t know what’s going on in your life. And if you still have shit, I’ll respect that, walk away and consider this one of the worst days of my life.”
She laughed.
I didn’t.
I was serious as hell. If Mahogany told me she couldn’t do anything with what I told her, it would indeed be one of the worst days of my life.
She reached up and caressed my beard. “I don’t have any shit, Crescent.”
When the words left her soft lips, a wave of relief washed over me and I couldn’t contain myself. I wrapped my arms around her body and put my face in the side of her neck, deeply inhaling. Again, the neurons in my brain started to fire off but I ignored them by sitting in the moment.
“You might as well tell your home girl you leaving with me,” I said against her neck, wrapping my arms tighter around her body.
It was open season. I wasn’t letting up off of her for real this time.