Chapter 22
July 15th, 1898, Eagle Creek, Montana
Matthew did all he could to avoid Rachel in his final days in Eagle Creek. He had never intended to stay here, but he had not wanted his time here to end this way. He found himself snapping at Maud, being impatient with their patients, and making silly mistakes that he would never normally countenance. He was only glad that Andrew still had not returned to work to see him this way.
His replacement, Dr. Alistair Macarthur, was a good enough doctor. He seemed to get along well with Maud, and he was excited about the hospital project. Having now seen him work, the impressive resume and interview he had given seemed a little flattering to his talents, but he would be a sturdy enough hand on the tiller. He’d trained at Harvard and had plenty of experience in some of the country’s finest hospitals, but there was something missing. He seemed to lack confidence when making a decision. Thankfully, Matthew reminded himself, Maud and Rachel would be there to prompt him when necessary, and it wasn’t his problem anymore.
He left his bag in the hallway at Mrs. Garfield’s, and took one last walk up the mountain. This time, he took the path up towards Tom Greening’s place. He found his friend leaning on the fence of the paddock, looking anxiously at the gait of one of his horses. “She look lame to you?” Tom asked as he approached.
Matthew watched her carefully. “I’m afraid to say that she does,” he said, knowing that Tom could little afford to lose a fine animal like the bay mare.
Tom shook his head despondently. “I knew it. With all the luck I’ve been having recently, it doesn’t surprise me. We lost half the herd to sickness over the winter, and milk yields are right down. We calved only half the usual number and most of them were males. It’ll take me years to rebuild the herd to what it was.”
“I’m sorry, my friend. Was that why the bet was so important to you?”
“I suppose so. I was desperate and it seemed like a sure thing. I know I wasn’t looking for love when Mrs. Barrowman placed an advertisement for me, and I found it anyway. I guess I hoped you’d fall for someone and stay here, too.”
“Well, you got a part of that right,” Matthew said with a sad smile.
“You’re staying?” Tom said, his eyes lighting up. “I know the whole town will be glad to hear that.”
“No, I can’t, Tom. Not now. But I did fall in love.” He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a wad of notes and placed them in Tom’s callused hand. “You did win the bet.”
“But you didn’t find anyone to marry?” Tom asked, clearly confused.
“No, but I found someone to love, even if she doesn’t love me back.”
“That Callson woman?”
“No, not her. I’d have paid up sooner than this if it had been her,” Matthew said with a rueful laugh.
Tom nodded and thankfully didn’t probe any further. “When do you go?”
“I’ll be taking the twelve o’clock train to Billings.”
“So soon? We didn’t even get everyone together one last time in the saloon to wish you well. Even Aidan could have come, now he’s up on his feet again.”
“Keep an eye on him, Tom. Don’t let him push too hard too soon. The bones are mended, and the tissues healed, but he’s got a lot of work ahead to regain his full strength.”
“Don’t worry yourself, Doc. We’ll take good care of him. Rachel called up to see him and Meredith just yesterday.”
Matthew winced at the sound of her name. “Well, I’d best be on my way,” he said, shaking Tom’s hand firmly. Tom shook his head and pulled him in for a bear hug.
“You keep in touch, and remember there’s always a place for you here,” Tom said, his voice choked with emotion.
“So Andrew keeps telling me,” Matthew said with a sad smile. “I shall miss you all.”
He went back down the mountain to fetch his bag. Mrs. Garfield fussed around him, tears in her eyes. “It won’t be the same here without you,” she said. “Now, you take care of yourself. Make sure you eat well, and don’t work too hard.”
“I shall do my best,” Matthew said. “But I will miss your cooking, Mrs. Garfield.”
“Then come back whenever you like. You’ll only be in Billings.”
“I’ll only be there for a month,” he reminded her. “I don’t know where I will be after that.”
“Well, write and tell me your news from time to time, at least?”
“I am going to be a busy man with all the letters I have to write now,” Matthew said and leaned down to kiss the older woman’s cheek. She patted his, and grabbed his hand. She held it tightly, then pressed a kiss to it before reluctantly letting him go. He turned once he was a few yards down the road to see her still standing in her doorway, a handkerchief pressed to her nose and mouth as she cried. He wanted to do the same, but held his emotions tightly inside, as he always had, and strode quickly to the train station.
He couldn’t bring himself to visit the clinic even once more. Partly because Rachel would be there and he couldn’t bear to see her face, but mostly because he did not really want to say goodbye to anyone there. He had loved the variety of work here in Eagle Creek, the camaraderie between the little team, and the affection they had shared. He had loved waking up each day in a place so beautiful it took his breath away, and he had been touched with how readily everyone in town had welcomed him. He knew, all too well, that such sentiment was offered rarely, and never so wholeheartedly as it had been here.
But he had to leave. In time, he knew that his past would catch up to him, and it was better that nobody, other than Rachel, ever knew about that. He knew that he could trust her with his secret, despite his anger at her betrayal. Of all the people to have lied to him, he could not believe that she had done so. He had believed her to be one of the most honest people he’d ever met, and finding out she was as flawed as anyone had hurt him deeply. He had loved her. As Caitlin, and as Rachel. And the saddest thing of all was that he still did, and he would have to carry that with him and find a way to forget all about her and the tentative hopes he had harbored.
July 16th, 1898, Eagle Creek, Montana
It was a rare Sunday that Rachel was able to make it to the morning service, but this week was one of them. She was gladder of it than ever, for she needed the comfort of the latin mass, and the warmth she felt when Father Timothy laid his hand upon her head to bless her. She also had sins she wished to confess, but wasn’t sure if she dared to do so. Eagle Creek was a small town, and while she did not fear Father Timothy would ever betray the trust of any of his parishioners, she wasn’t so sure that someone else might not overhear. Rumors spread rapidly, and the secrets she needed to talk of were not hers, alone.
She dressed and ate breakfast with Mrs. Garfield, who had been miserable since Matthew had departed on Friday. “I miss him,” she moaned as she picked at her food.
“We all do,” Rachel said. And it was true. He had barely been gone for a few days, and everything in Eagle Creek seemed wrong somehow. She missed the easy camaraderie they had shared, and the knowledge and skill he put to the very best use for all his patients. And she missed his smile, not that he had ever been quick to smile. Perhaps that was why she missed it so much.
“How is the new young man getting along?”
“He is a perfectly adequate physician, but he’s not Matthew,” Rachel admitted.
She had yet to settle with Dr. Macarthur. She had not worked with him much while Matthew was still there, as the two of them had taken their shifts together, so Matthew could show him the ropes. Maud had told her that he had seemed to be quite jovial and kind. But Rachel had worked in the clinic with him yesterday and he had scoffed at the exercises she was undertaking with the nameless man with apoplexy, who was still recovering in the clinic.
Strikes The Iron had come to visit with him some months ago and had shown Rachel and Matthew the approaches she would use with such a patient. The two of them had been diligently applying her techniques ever since. The poor man still could not talk, but his walking and ability to feed himself and undertake other tasks had come on in leaps and bounds. But Dr. Macarthur had belittled him, and all their efforts. It had made Rachel furious, and she wasn’t sure if she should mention it to Andrew and Maud or not. She had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, that perhaps he might learn if he understood the reasoning behind it, but he had not wanted to listen.
She knew that she would have to speak up about it. It was not right that a physician should show such contempt to a patient, even if nobody knew his name or anything at all about him. In Rachel’s mind, it was the nameless, the homeless, the most needy who needed the most kindness. Common decency should not be reserved simply for those who wore nice clothes and could pay hefty fees. Andrew would not want a man working with his patients, his friends, who did not possess an iota of kindness towards them.
The church was full when Rachel arrived. She glanced around and saw an empty space on the pew beside Elise and hurried to take it before anyone else could. “How are you?” she asked as she sat down.
“Well, thank you,” Elise said. “And so relieved that everything worked out well.”
“I don’t understand? Do you mean the bet? But Matthew has left and didn’t fall in love, so surely…”
“He paid it. Told Tom that even though it hadn’t worked out that he had fallen in love, as Tom had predicted.”
“Did he say with whom?”
“No. But isn’t that good of him to be so honest?” Elise’s smile was radiant. She looked like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulder and Rachel was glad for her. It was such a kind thing for Matthew to have done, and it made her miss him even more.
Rachel wanted to ask Elise more about it, but the altar boys had begun their procession down the aisle towards the altar, followed by Father Timothy. Despite needing the comfort of the ceremony, Rachel barely heard a word of either the gentle priest’s lovely sermon, or the mass itself. She took communion, not thinking for a moment about Christ’s sacrifice. All she could think about was who Matthew had fallen in love with.
Had he just said that, because she had told him of the worry the bet had caused Elise? If so, he had told a white lie, just as she had done. And if it was alright for him to do so, why was it not for her? She had written to him to help her friend, as he had given Tom the fifty dollars. She was sure that if he had known why Tom had needed to make such a bet, that he would never have let him gamble to earn the money, but would have found a way to get it to him in a way that Tom would not have had to lose face – or risk losing what little he still had.
Why did men never talk of their troubles with one another? If Tom had only told someone, anyone, how much they were struggling, Rachel was sure that everyone in town would have wanted to help. Both he and Elise were very well liked, and respected. Yet, his pride had left them in a truly precarious position.
She knew that by telling him the truth she had hurt them both, and she had lost him from her life forever. But knowing that, even before she had told him and he had reacted the way he had, did not take away the pain of losing him just as she had begun to come to understand him. He had told Caitlin everything that troubled him, and she wondered if there was anything she could do to ease that burden for him, without him knowing. But that would be meddling, and she had already caused everyone enough pain by meddling in other’s concerns. No. It would be better for everyone if she simply accepted that he was gone, and that she would never see him again.
She glanced around the church. Almost everyone had their heads bowed in prayer, except David who was looking right at her. She’d hurt him too. She could see it in his eyes. He was so sad. He should be angry with her, as Matthew was. He should know that she was no good for anyone, and that he had been blessed with a narrow escape. She mouthed the word ‘Sorry,’ to him, and turned back towards the front of the church.
In all her life, she had been the one to patch up others broken hearts, to clean up their wounds and apply salve so they would heal. For the first time, she was guilty of causing them, and she hated it. She wanted to fix everything, to turn time back so she could start over in Eagle Creek with a clean slate. But she was determined not to do what Matthew had done. She would not run away from her troubles. She had to face them, and overcome them, and let Matthew go.