Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
The weight of the world once rested on those shoulders. All that I had added to them, I wanted to remove. If I could swipe her thoughts clean and cast her worries away, I would. Glacier deserved a life of utter luxury and that started with peace of mind. It was the most expensive gift I could ever give her and I would, even if it killed me.
Watching her sleep, somehow, didn’t harden my dick. It softened my heart. Her heart.
Because that motherfucker hadn’t belonged to me since the day I’d met her. They’re heart. Now, it belonged to her and two other little beings that reminded me of the woman who’d birthed them–for the most part.
That feisty one, she was all me. There was no denying that spark. She was a Domino for sure. I was almost certain she was Aussie’s favorite.
They had the same fire in their eyes. For her age, she was sharp with words. A very smart girl. She and her sister. The apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree with those two. I couldn’t be happier, either. They were part of me, through and through.
Just as I’d come into the world, bare, I placed a foot in the cool water. Fighting the urge to jump back out, I lowered my body behind Glacier, instead. Before settling, I unplugged the stopper and allowed a portion of the water to release.
“I’m sorry.”
Waking her hadn’t been my intention, but spending this time with her was more significant to me than anything else at the moment.
“Um hmm.” She pressed her cheek against my skin, tired from her day.
She was the prettiest thing God had put on Earth. And, to know she was mine… My God was it a damn good feeling. I pushed strands of curls from her face so that I could see Mommas better. Her lightly tinted skin was perfection, down to the newest additions along her waistline.
Marks.
I filled the tub, again. This time with warmer water as Glacier cozied up against me. I traced the lines that stretched from her hip bone and up her sides, some right on her stomach.
A woman.
They deepened her classification and the love that I had for her, simultaneously.
A mother.
A wife.
Without a doubt in my mind, that’s what she was. That’s what she was made to be. And, that’s what I’d make her.
When the water stopped just beneath her breasts, I turned the faucet off. Inch by inch, I explored the new body she’d been blessed with.
Everything was better, stretchier, finer, softer. Evidence that life had been created right inside her rested between my fingers.
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t know the new version of the woman lying against me. She looked like the woman I’d once known. She felt like the woman I’d once known. She sounded like the woman I’d once known. She walked like the woman I’d once known.
But, she wasn’t. She was something else. She was someone else.
And, I wanted to know every fucking thing there was to know about her. I probably didn’t deserve that shit, but it didn’t matter. She’d give me the opportunity and I’d take it with pleasure.
Can I trust him? The question she’d kept asking herself was heaviest on my heart.
“You can.” My thoughts rang out, waking a sleeping Glacier.
“Hm?”
“You can.”
“Baby, wh–” she yawned, unsure of the topic.
“ Trust me . You can trust me, Mommas. Words . I know they’re nothing but words, but I need you to know that you can trust me and I’ll make sure that you can one day soon. Whatever it takes.”
“I know,” she agreed, lifting her chin so her lips could meet mine, “I know.”
Silence bathed us both. When Glacier had enough, she turned to face me. Her eyes wide, saddened, and full of curiosity.
“Talk to me.”
With a shake of the head, I swallowed every ounce of pride there was to have. She didn’t allow it.
It was useless in her presence. She wanted me raw, bare, and wide open for her. She gave me the same in return.
Chuckling, I clicked my tongue.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
“Makai.”
“You feel like a stran–” my voice cracked before I could finish my sentence.
Nigga. Get ya shit together.
The hole in my chest made it impossible to believe that was possible.
Help me learn you, Mommas. Teach me. Teach me things. Tell me things. Show me things.
“Yeah,” I choked out, slightly enraged by my disorderly emotions.
“You know me, baby. You do. And, my heart will never… I mean never… not know you. Not remember you. Not crave you. Not beat for you. You know me.”
“You feel better. Wiser. Smarter. Sharper.”
“Bab–”
“Did I hinder that?”
“You enhanced it. Enhanced me. Don’t you dare think anything different.”
With a nod, I accepted her truth, hoping it became mine, too.
“Did you miss me? Did you think of me? Of us?”
Offended by her curiosity, I pulled her face up by those big rosy cheeks. I gazed into those brown eyes, searching for an explanation. She couldn’t have been serious. There was no way she’d gone this long wondering like that.
Have I not shown you that you’re all I think about? All I think of .
“Every fucking day, Mommas. Every day. You were all I could ever think of. Making it back home to you was all I ever wanted to do. Every fucking day. I missed you. I missed you too much.”
“Me, too.”
Glossy eyes led to tear-streaked cheeks.
“Don’t cry. You’re too ugly when you cry,” I reminded her.
“Then, make me feel better.”
As she wiped her tears, she replaced her cheeks with her chest against my palms. I rocked instantly, watching the sadness transform into sultry sexiness.
The good girl I’d known had become a good woman. And, I was about ready to turn her into a bad, bad one before the night ended.
Taking shit into her own hands, quite literally, Glacier guided my tool toward her opening. When she slid down on my dick, I wrapped my fingers around her neck and brought her closer to me.
Marry me . The words were at the tip of my tongue. But, so was, fuck me . And, make this dick cum .
“Ride yo dick, Mommas.” I settled for, as her pussy welcomed me home, again.
“Ummmmmm.”
She was angelic. Her aura was intoxicating. Her beauty was undeniable. She was the sweetest fucking thing and she was all mine.
The thought lapped my brain four times before I came to the conclusion there was no better time than the present to profess my love and intentions for Glacier. For our family. For our future.
“Mommas–”
I pulled her closely, forcing her to match my gaze. She melted the last piece of ice around my heart with those glossy eyes and the pure content on her face.
She was happy with me. I, without a fucking doubt, was happy with her. There was so much to figure out, but it would come with time. Our love, our love was primal at the moment. It’s all that mattered.
“Marry me.”
“Makaaii–”
“Marry me,” I pled, slamming my lips into hers.
Hoping she’d see the good in me.
Hoping she hadn’t lost hope in me.
Hoping that one day she’d forgive me.
Hoping she understood she was my lifeline.
Hoping she knew she was my beginning and end.
“Marry me,” I whispered against her lips. “Please.”
“I will,” she whimpered, “A hundred times over.”
Her arms wrapped around me.
“You mean everyth– everything to me. Just don’t ever leave me again. I can– can’t take that.”
“I’m here, Mommas. I’m here until I take my last breath.”
***
The lyrics to that one Lil Wayne song about hating to see her go but loving to watch her leave crossed my mind as the sun began to rise in the distance.
Dressed in scrubs, Glacier was a fucking beauty. I had the right mind to shoot every nigga she encountered in a day of work, but I figured I’d run out of bullets before she ran out of patients to patch up.
Unable to stand the distance, I rushed over to where she stood and dragged her back to bed where we both fell onto the messy sheets. For the last two days, we’d been making up for lost time and I was trying my hardest to sit her ass down for a few months if I could.
The girls were eighteen months and I was fresh out of a cell. A wedding and a baby didn’t sound bad at all. If I was lucky, she’d give me another set so we could be done.
“Stay home with us,” I begged, kissing her neck and holding her down with my legs.
“Baby, please. You’re going to wrinkle my clothes.”
“Them motherfuckers wrinkle, anyway.”
“I tried to press them. Be quiet.”
“Let me do it next time. I doubt the iron was on or you were pressing that shit in the dark.”
“Ugh. I tried.”
“I’ll drop your shit by the cleaners. Me and the girls need to get out of the house and see some sun, anyway.”
“I don’t want them hard and stiff.”
“I’ll make sure they don’t use starch.”
“Thanks. Now, can I go?”
“Quit.”
“Huh?”
“Quit your job.”
“Makai,” she sighed.
“I’m for real, Mommas. Quit that motherfucker.”
“I can’t jus–”
“You just sat there for twenty minutes and gave me twenty reasons you hate the new physician. You don’t like management. What other reason do you need? I can tell you’re frustrated. Just quit. Either that or I take both of that nigga’s legs so he’s reminded every time he pushes the fucking wheels of his chair not to raise his fucking voice when he’s talking to you.”
“That won’t help,” she claimed. “Quitting won’t either.”
“Berkeley will,” I eased in.
Her silence was alarming. I released her from my hold and allowed her to get herself together. She brushed the new wrinkles from her clothes and dipped her chin, hanging her head.
“Talk to me, Mommas.”
“You’re asking me to move back to Berkeley.”
“I’m telling you that’s where I want you. That’s where I want the girls. That’s where I want us all. My entire life is in Berkeley.”
Scoffing, she nodded her head before she began shaking it. I wasn’t sure what was happening or what she was thinking but neither was good. Neither was in my favor. That was clear.
“You were right last night,” she almost mumbled.
“Explain, please.”
“Wiser. Sharper. Smarter. Different –in so many ways. A mother, first. A woman secondly. Your woman, last. Before those girls, I would’ve jumped at the opportunity to quit, drop everything, and move to Berkeley with you.
“Not even because I wanted to, but because you wanted me to. I’m not that girl anymore, Makai. I’m a mother who has one true goal in life and that’s protecting those little girls in there. I uprooted my life two years ago because you said so. I moved to Clarke because you said so. I got a new job because you said so.
“I quit my dream job because you said so. I left my grandmother because you said so. Then, I fell in love with Clarke, the home I had created, and the life the girls and I had begun building. I can’t just give that all up because you said so.”
Can I trust him?
She doesn’t. She doesn’t believe she can .
“Say something.”
“Say, what, Kiwi?”
Not a Kiwi. She’s not a fucking Kiwi no more .
“I don’t know. Something.”
“You haven’t said anything that I can fight against. I can’t fuck with nothing you just ran down. Forcing you into another thing you’re not ready for, I ain’t bout to do that. But, think about it. Consider it. I’m not asking you to leave today, but soon would be ideal. Splitting my time between here and Berkeley, I’d rather not. I’d rather we all be in one place.”
“Clarke. For now.”
“Then, we’re in Clarke.”
“Okay.”
“Aight.”
There was no apprehension. No reservations. If my family was in Clarke, then it was where I’d be until they were ready to roll. As easy as it would’ve been to pack their shit and kiss Clarke goodbye, regardless of what Mommas was talking about, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.
She was too solid. And, she was too valid. So were her feelings and her opinion as they pertained to our lives. I wasn’t the only one making the decisions around this bitch. She’d earned her stripes.
For once, I didn’t mind taking the backseat and riding this shit out with her. She’d ridden two long years of no contact and still had that pussy warm and tight when I returned. Took care of my seeds. And, kept shit intact.
I’d be damned if I felt any kind of way or got in my feelings about her decision. I couldn’t do anything but respect it. Just as I respected her.
“Are you upset?”
“Nah.”
“Okay.” She peered in my direction, searching for a lie. She wouldn’t find one.
“It’s your world, Mommas. Just keep finding space for me in this motherfucker. That’s it. That’s all. I’ll never ask you for anything more.”
“I know.”
Leaning over, I pulled her closer. Half of my heart was in my hands. Flesh and bones, making me a fucking believer. Thugs fell in love. Glacier was my proof.
“Dinner? I do want you there.”
“I haven’t missed dinner, Makai. I don’t plan to start because you’re home,” she informed me. That was news, but it warmed me inside out.
“Not one?”
“Not one, baby,” she said, shaking her head.
“Then, cool. We’re riding out Friday, then.”
“We’ll be ready.”