Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
I swiped my badge, officially clocking out for my forty-five-minute break. The first had been fifteen, and I’d likely be opting out of the final fifteen. Hour breaks were too long and thirty-minute breaks felt too much like torture. I always balanced my shift with a forty-five-minute break and a fifteen so I could actually enjoy the lunch I was having or take a nap if necessary.
Just as I stepped into the private suite I reserved on nearly every shift, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. The unsaved number attempting to FaceTime me had my eyebrows crinkled and my eyes squinting as if I couldn’t see the digits. I stared until the phone stopped ringing. Immediately, I had the urge to call back. Something deep within me condemned me for not picking up.
But, before I could return the call, the phone began ringing again. This time, I answered. I wasn’t disappointed to find Makai’s face on the other end. In fact, I was surprised this was the first time he’d contacted me all day. He was home with two little girls he knew almost nothing about. I was sure he would’ve been at the nurse’s station requesting I clock out by now.
“Feels like the beginning,” I repeated his words from last night. “So, this is your number?”
“It is,” he groaned.
The worry lines on his face told the story he wasn’t willing to tell.
“What’s the matter? Should I call Gloria?”
“Nah. Nah. I’m good.”
“Makaiiii—” I dragged. “Are you sure?”
“I’m good. The girls are good. I just got them little headaches to sleep. I mentioned naptime and that damn Madelyn acted like I’d punched her in the toddler gut she sporting.”
“Seriously? The toddler gut? That’s a low blow!”
“All kids have that beer belly as toddlers,” he chuckled.
“She’s the trouble with the two.”
“I see.”
Silence swept the line. It was still hard accepting the time that had elapsed. It was still hard accepting the silence over the last twenty-five months. It was still hard accepting the fact that Makai was home and I was excited about our future.
I wanted to be upset. I wanted to give him a harder time than I was. I wanted to tell him a hundred times how much he’d hurt me. How badly he’d wounded me. How scorn I was. But, even with all of those feelings tightening my chest, the love we shared fought harder for its expansion.
For him, my heart beat.
For him, my sun shined.
For him, my world revolved.
“What’s on your mind, Mommas?”
Makai stilled, prepared to listen. I shook my head.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, Glacier. Tell me.”
“I’m beginning to feel like a broken record,” I sighed, “It’s nothing.”
“If it’s on your mind, then it’s something. Something to me, at least.”
“Why didn’t you ever call?”
He didn’t deflect.
He didn’t redirect the conversation.
Makai sat up straight in the dining room chair and squared his shoulders.
“Because the day I made the call and heard the slightest strain in your voice, I would’ve come home. I would’ve pulled every string and called every resource to make sure I was home within a few days. A few hours if I could.
“But, I had a job to do and until it was complete, hearing your voice would’ve– I just couldn’t hear that voice, Glacier. I don’t think you understand just how much I love you and how far I am willing to go for you. I’ll lay down for the rest of my life if I know you’re sleeping peacefully at night. I’ll end a hundred lives to save yours.
“I have no limits when you’re involved. Now, we have two children that make my heart melt just like you do. I don’t belong to this world anymore. I belong to you and I belong to them.
“Your smile tells me it’s okay to move. Your words tell me it’s okay to live. Your presence tells me it’s okay to continue. Your heart tells me it’s okay to love. You move me, Glacier. Only you.
“And, my movements have been dictated by you since the day I heard your voice on my line. There was no way I could’ve listened to you shed tears on that phone and not move foolishly to make sure I got back to you.
“I had to shut down my heart and employ my head. Because it has no jurisdiction when you’re involved. I can’t think straight. I can’t see straight.
“All I think of is you. All I see is you. So, though I am sorry I stripped you of the privileges that were rightfully yours, I had no other choice, Mommas.”
I nodded, understanding every word he spoke.
“I missed you. So much.”
“I know,” he breathed out. “I know.”
“I’ve missed you since you Ieft this morning.”
“I’ve been using all my fucking energy to chase after these girls and stop myself from coming to scoop you up.”
A hearty laugh emerged as I tossed my head back. “I feel like I’ve been holding my breath, anticipating your arrival.”
“Cause, you know it’s on my mind.”
“I do.”
“If I didn’t have the kids hanging from my neck, I would’ve been up there and you’d be home by now.”
“I know.”
“You on break or some shit?”
“Yes. Forty-five minutes. Well, about thirty-seven. We’ve been on the phone for a bit.”
“What you doing? You got something to put on your stomach or you want me to bring you something?”
With a smile, I shook my head.
“I have leftover dinner from last night. I’m looking forward to it, so you don’t have to bring me anything.”
“If you change your mind, let me know and I’m on the way.”
I paused to catch the breath Makai had tried stealing with his thoughtfulness.
“Talk to me.”
“I’m reminded of your kindness every time I hear your voice.”
“Kindness?” He sucked his teeth.
“Whether you care to admit it or not, you are kind and that is one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”
“What was another one?”
Makai cleared his throat and leaned back in the chair.
“Selflessness.”
He chewed on my compliments for a few seconds before nodding.
“Are those enough to get you to say yes when I finally ask?”
Butterflies swarmed my stomach. Without effort, Makai had me wrapped around his finger. I was all his. He knew it.
So, whether he asked today or two years from now, the answer would be the same. There wasn’t a person on the planet who could convince me I didn’t belong by his side.
“Those and the ninety-eight other reasons, baby.”
A comfortable silence lulled my thoughts. Just as I began to open my bag, Makai cleared his throat again.
“Kiwi,” he called out to me.
I pressed the number two and lifted the lid on my Tupperware slightly.
“Yes?”
“What was it like?”
“What are you referring to, baby?”
He paused, choosing his words wisely.
“Delivery. Hearing them cry for the first time. Seeing their faces for the first time?”
The sincerity in his tone sat me back down in my seat.
“It was blissful and painful at once. Birthing twins naturally is not for the weak and it was that very day that I understood my strength. I recognized it. And, I acknowledged it. They were tiny but they packed power in their lungs.
“They’re Berkeley-born. I stayed at the condo for a month after their birth. Nature, Aeir, and Kleu were always around. Milo hired around-the-clock doulas so they didn’t wear me out. I can’t thank him enough.”
“How did it happen? How did you go into labor?”
“It’s all on camera, Makai. All of it. And, I’d rather you see it with your own eyes. I can’t begin to accurately describe how magical it was. You’d have to see it to understand for yourself.”
“How many videos are there?”
“I lost count at sixty.”
“Thank you, Mommas.”
“Thank me?”
“For thinking of me and making sure I’d never truly miss a moment of their lives.”
“Because I know you wouldn’t have wanted to if you truly had a choice.”
The microwave pinged, letting me know my leftovers were steaming and ready for consumption. Makai never ended the call. It wasn’t until I had three minutes left that he reluctantly hung up. With a smile on my face, I opened the group chat that consisted of Aeir, Nature, Kleu, Vallei, and Jae.
He came home to me!
Kleu: He’d better or I was kidnapping him and dropping him off myself.
Aeir: I can feel your energy over here. I’m so grateful your spirits are lifted and your heart is full.
Vallei: When is the wedding?
Nature: Should I schedule a parental visit six weeks from now?
Mark your calendar, certainly, but push it out for another six months. Before I give him another child, I want him to myself. Well, as much of him as the girls will allow.
Nature: Understood. Six months it is.
Aeir: Maybe three.
Kleu: I give her ass six weeks Nature.
Jae: I agree with Kleu.
Vallei: The wedding?
Soon. Maybe. He has to ask first.
Aeir: It won’t be long.
Jae: Glacier Domino. I love it.
Me, too. I have to get back to work, ladies. My ovaries and ring finger are tingling simultaneously. Something is happening soon and I won’t be mad either way. He’s home. My happily ever after has come.
I shut off my screen and shoved my phone in my work bag. I was certain more texts came flooding in, but I’d get to them later. I had a few hours before I’d be clocking out and going home to my small family. Everything else could wait until then.
***
“Please. Come on,” I yawned, honking at the car in front of me that had been sitting at the light long after it had turned green.
Desperation made my belly ache and my thoughts fuzzy. They were limited to three things. Three people. Three of my people. Makenna, Madelyn, and Makai.
The workday had dragged twelve hours too long. Getting out of bed this morning felt almost impossible, but getting through my first shift since having my family together was the true challenge. I checked the clock one hundred and twenty times or more. The seconds were passing by without haste, feeling like hours.
Two more lights. Three turns. Four stop signs. And, I’m home.
Before, I imagined I lived fairly close to the hospital but tonight, it felt like I lived at the other end of the earth. Another light and then another led me to the neighborhood where my children had rested their heads since a few weeks after birth.
The first half-month was spent in Berkeley with family and friends. It’s where they were born and hopefully where they’d return as adults. Berkeley was home for many reasons, but Clarke had welcomed us without resistance and made my transition easy as it could’ve been under the circumstances.
Finally .
Piles of snow lined the street near the driveway. It was no longer covering the pavement. Already, the advantages of having Makai home were warming my heart. Happily, and on wobbly legs, I exited my vehicle and headed inside. Too anxious to get home, I decided against making my final restroom stop after my shift ended.
Vanilla-caramel-scented fragrance oil greeted me the second I stepped inside. Midnight and Ghost greeted me next. After locking the door behind me, I hurried toward the guest bathroom that was just beyond the threshold.
Relieving my bladder hadn’t taken very long. My mission to locate the trio I’d left hours ago. Laughter nor loud play served as indicators of their location. Not even the warm food on the stove gave me any clues other than leading me to believe their tummies were full. Makai had made a meal of the half-empty pantry and fridge. Grocery shopping was on my list of things to do this week or next.
The living room was empty. The dining room was empty. The heated, screened porch was empty. Upstairs, the master suite was empty. The girl’s playroom was empty. I didn’t bother checking the guestroom or the empty room next to it. I went on to check their bedroom.
Oh my God . Holding my chest, I took in the sight before me. Emotions blurred my vision but so much was made clear to me.
Makai loved fatherhood. The girls loved their father. Having him home meant balance and an abundance of love for everyone.
In their cribs, both girls were asleep. Between the beds that had been pulled from the walls and centered, laid Makai. Tiny hands had pushed through the slates to establish physical contact. Neither could sleep without feeling their father against their palms.
Instead of waking him, I tiptoed out of the room and made my way to my bedroom to begin undressing and preparing for bed, too. One piece after the other, I removed the scrubs. The seamless panties and bra set was next. By the time I reached the bathroom, a shower was no longer in my plans. I was far too drained.
I started the bath and added salt to help soothe my aches. Bubbles would’ve set the mood, but there really wasn’t one to be set. I was exhausted and I wanted nothing more than to rest my eyes and relax my body. Maybe a few bubbles on my day off would be ideal, but tonight, exhaustion was winning me over.
With the water still running, I slid in. My bottom melted the rest of the salt, speeding it’s dissolve. A weighted sigh escaped me. For once, I felt full. It had been so long since the pit of my stomach had been filled. It had been so long since the yearning had subsided.
It had been so long since my head and heart didn’t ache. It had been so long since I hadn’t touched myself. Makai was home. He’d touch me as much as I needed and even when I didn’t know I needed it.
I leaned forward to stop the running water. It was the perfect temperature. A smile turned my lips upward, reflecting the secrets of my heart. Having Makai around, simply knowing he was in the other room, was such a delightful feeling.
It was calming. It was reassuring. It coaxed me right to sleep. Between him being my realm of comfort and my tired frame, I didn’t stand a chance.