26. Sawyer
SAWYER
“This is such bullshit,” I said, plopping my elbows onto the butcher block island. “The doctor said I needed to take it easy. Not that I was useless.”
Liv peeked at me from behind her refrigerator door, narrowing her eyes like she did when Charlie was in trouble. “No one said you were useless. All I said was for you to sit your pretty ass down and drink your water while I chopped vegetables.”
“Then let me help! That’s what I’m here for.”
My friend laughed and set the onions and tomatoes on the counter before coming around beside me. She slung her arm over my shoulders, leaning her head against my own. “Sawyer, I love you, but the answer is no. I didn’t invite you over for your help.”
“Well, you should have, because I’m kind of shit company right now,” I grumbled, glancing out the window.
Beckett, Duke, Grady, and Lukas stood around a massive grill, beers in hand and shooting the shit while Harper and Charlie played out in the yard.
It wasn’t fair. All I wanted to do was help, and no one would let me.
To say that the doctor’s appointment yesterday hadn’t gone the way I wanted was an understatement.
It’d taken one look at Dr. Adler’s face to confirm what I’d been dreading.
Thankfully, it was only—and I used that word lightly—gestational hypertension.
It was what she considered mild and manageable, so long as I kept a close eye on my stress and my symptoms. She also ordered weekly appointments so we could monitor the baby’s growth and ensure he was developing properly.
The only good outcome of the appointment was finding out that I was cleared for sexual activity. I wasn’t sure why that piece of information had been so important, but I’d clung to the thought since leaving her office on Wednesday.
While Beckett and I had leaned into our physical connection recently, neither one of us had pushed for anything other than a few chaste kisses here or there.
They were great. Don’t get me wrong. But it’d left me wanting more.
His touch was addictive. He had this way of making me still feel desirable, even if I felt less than when my big belly got in the way.
Which drove him crazy.
He hadn’t said anything about it, but the way he couldn’t tear his gaze away or help but touch my swollen stomach had my mind working overtime. Did the thought of me being pregnant with his child turn him on? Was it some kind of secret breeding kink? I didn’t know, but I kind of wanted to find out.
The thought alone had my hand slipping into my nightstand after Beckett dropped me off at home last night.
“You’re not shit company,” Cleo, Liv’s best friend, said. “You’ve had your world turned upside down these past months. The hits just keep on coming, but you are knocking them out of the park every time.”
Liv made a face beside me, moving back toward the cutting board. “Grady’s changed you. You’re so positive these days. It’s unsettling.”
Cleo shrugged, the corner of her lips curled upward. “I’m happy. Sue me.”
I hadn’t been around Cleo much outside of these little get-togethers that Liv and Duke put on, but she really was a ray of sunshine.
She’d married Grady, Liv’s ex-husband, a few years ago.
I wasn’t sure how she and Liv grew to be as close as they were, but the two of them were as thick as thieves.
The first time they invited me out with them somewhere, I expected to feel like a third wheel, but that feeling never came.
They were incredibly intentional, always including me in their conversations and luring me out of hiding when I slipped into myself.
I never had many friends growing up. Anytime I got close to someone, it was ruined the moment I said where I lived.
After all, most parents didn’t want their kids hanging out around the Pair-o-Dice Trailer Park.
Pinecrest might have been a small town, but there’d been a stigma around the area since Grams was a kid—punny name notwithstanding.
It’d gotten better over the years, but hadn’t gone away completely.
Having these two brilliant women in my life now was worth the wait. I’d never admit it out loud, but they were like role models to me—big sisters who welcomed me with open arms and showed me what compassion looked like.
“I’m going to miss you behind the bar,” Liv said, reaching for the freshly washed and dried potatoes. “It’s not going to be the same.” She coated them in oil and a dash of salt before wrapping them tightly in foil.
“Please don’t remind me. It’s too soon.” I covered my face with my hands. “I’m not built to sit in a tiny room without windows and stare at a computer every day. I need people.”
“I know, I know. But it’s that or sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs all day.” She glanced up at me with one perfectly arched brow. “You opted for the office.”
When I’d told my bosses about the doctor’s orders of rest, Duke had immediately pulled me from behind the bar.
I’d argued that I could still do my job while managing my stress to no avail.
It was only Liv’s suggestion that I take over admin work in the meantime that kept me from going home in tears.
As it was, they told me to take the rest of the week off as a precaution, which was its own form of torture.
Especially when I saw the ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the window as Beckett drove me home.
I told myself it was fine. This was always the plan—once I had the baby, anyway.
But we were supposed to have weeks left before that happened.
Now, they were in a bind and having to find a replacement much sooner than expected.
Feeling so useless was shit. I didn’t want to be pampered or to rest. I wanted to work.
To earn my keep. It was stripped from me before I had even realized I had worked my last shift.
“It was the lesser of two evils,” I grumbled. “We may need to talk about updating your computer system, though. That monstrosity looks older than I am.”
“I’ve been telling Duke that since I came on as partner, but he’s attached to the thing. It’s sentimental.” She chuckled, rolling her eyes. “Don’t worry. I have a new one on order. It should be here sometime next week. Then we can set it up, do some training, and you’ll be on your own!”
“Yeah, yeah. Can’t wait,” I said, turning my attention to the window once more. I wasn’t sure what the guys were speaking about, but Beckett had his head thrown back in laughter as Lukas made exaggerated movements with his hands. Even Duke seemed to be cracking a smile.
I was thankful to my friends for taking Beckett under their wing.
Something told me the relationships he had back home lacked any real depth.
Kind of like the people I saw during happy hour at Frank’s.
They could talk all day about work, but rarely crossed into personal details.
It was fine, I guessed. Served a basic purpose of feeling somewhat close to those you worked with.
I don’t know. Maybe I was spoiled because my co-workers were more like family than acquaintances.
“Are you excited for your baby shower, Sawyer?” Cleo asked. She slid a tray of cookies into the oven, and my mouth watered. No one baked quite like her. She was the best of the best.
“Excited isn’t quite the word I would use,” I said, shooting Liv a glare. She just shrugged, never looking up from the cutting board. “But I’ve accepted there’s no way out.”
True to her word, Liv had spent weeks planning the party. It was still weeks away, but she wouldn’t give me a single hint as to what I should expect. With her, there really was no telling. It could be a simple, intimate affair, much like this, or an extravaganza that involved the whole damn town.
“Why aren’t you excited?” Cleo asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t really like being the center of attention. And knowing people will be sitting around, playing weird baby games, and watching me open gifts isn’t really my idea of fun.”
“Well, you won’t let me go crazy on your baby registry, so this is the alternative,” Liv huffed, wiping her hands on the towel draped over her shoulder.
“Here. I can’t stand to look at your sad puppy dog face anymore.
” She held out a baking sheet with the wrapped potatoes on it.
“Take this outside, will you? The grill should be ready by now.”
I stood, quickly grabbing the tray. “Ah, I could kiss you!”
“Sadly, Duke doesn’t share, but it’s noted,” she said, moving out of the way. “Go get your man.”
“He’s not my man,” I muttered, heading down the hall toward the back door.
I didn’t need to see Liv’s face to know she rolled her eyes.
I didn’t believe myself either.
Beckett and I hadn’t talked about our relationship.
He said he would stay and that we would raise this child together, but I had no idea how it would work.
He’d been staying in the rental cabin for a month now.
As far as I knew, he’d made no effort to buy a house or plant roots here.
Eventually, he’d have to shit or get off the pot.
If he did, then what? We talked all the time, whether it was falling asleep on the phone or when he’d send a text checking up on me while I was at work.
We were both getting bolder, asking for the things we wanted or trading kisses like it was second nature.
He’d done it just this morning when picking me up, leaning over the console with that cocky grin on his face.
I hadn’t been able to help myself, leaning in without thinking and pressing my lips to his.
I had no idea where that left us, but sooner or later, we’d need to talk about it.
The air was warmer than it had been recently.
Thankfully, there was very little wind, and I was fine stepping out into the sunshine wearing just a sweater and jeans.
The guys came into view, still standing around.
Lukas was telling another story about some work project when Beckett spotted me coming out of the house.