16. Ava
Chapter Sixteen
Ava
Sports analysis
“Tanner, you are a man for the ages.”
“For the ages?” he prompted, eyeing me curiously.
I sat on the couch with my foot propped up on the massive ottoman I’d shoved into the corner of the sectional. I’d found it was the best way to have the most space and flexibility for keeping my foot elevated.
“Yes. You brought me takeout. Yay! It was delicious. Also, yay! And you put away the leftovers. You even offered.”
“Ava, I live on my own. I generally do this kind of thing for myself on the regular.”
“Okay, fair.”
“So what are we watching?” he asked.
“Well, what do you like? I'm pretty easygoing.”
“You said you had picked a few shows to binge. Let’s go with your fave.”
“Oh, right. Grey’s Anatomy because excellent drama and plenty of seasons. I also love Schitt’s Creek for a lighter show and any baking show. I’m going to learn how to bake.”
When Tanner’s low laugh rumbled out, I literally felt it in my belly. This man. Holy wow. He was something special, and he didn’t even know it. I was still trying to recover from his ex-fiancée being stupid enough to dump him.
Once we settled on a show, I started to feel, well, anxious.
My crazy kiss with Tanner in the hospital was about as far as my boldness went.
Because once I got past kisses, I started to get insecure.
In all honesty, I’d only gone further with just one guy—Brad, who made me question everything about sex.
I know, I know, you’re not supposed to say someone made you feel something, but the way it went with him was that kisses were great.
Brad really could kiss—I had to give him some points for that—but that was it.
That was where the good parts stopped. I couldn’t relax at all.
I got tense because he would critique me.
Maybe what should’ve happened, if I’d been able to get out of my own way, was I should’ve just broken up with him. But I didn’t know how it was supposed to go. I just figured—still did—there was something wrong with me. Like I was missing something.
I mentally sighed, fidgeting a little and trying to focus on the show. When I felt Tanner’s gaze shift to me, I glanced over. “What?” I knew my tone was defensive, but oh well.
“You okay?”
I let out a sigh. “Well, now I’m nervous.”
With the television on, I was grateful for the background noise. Maybe the sound could override the doubts bouncing around my brain, practically shouting over loudspeakers.
You don’t know how to do this. You’re going to mess it up. It doesn’t matter. He’s just a guy.
Tanner turned to face me fully. Blessedly, my booted foot was opposite him, and I was situated with my other foot tucked underneath my knee.
“What’s going on, Ava? You look worried.”
“Well, I am worried.” I threw my hands up in the air.
“About what?”
I sucked in a breath and startled the hell out of myself. “I kissed you in the hospital.”
“That was a great kiss, by the way,” he said.
My cheeks got fiery hot. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Well, you should know my skills end with kisses,” I said, trying to ignore the performance anxiety revving up inside me.
“I’m not sure I understand.” Tanner’s brow furrowed, his gaze genuinely confused.
“Oh my God, am I going to have to explain this to you?”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, but I still don’t understand. That was a great kiss,” he repeated.
“I’m pretty sure I know why my ex cheated on me.”
“Uh, because he’s an asshole.”
I sighed and restlessly tapped my fingertips on the couch cushion. Tanner waited, and I kind of didn’t know what to do with this. He was honestly giving me space to say how I felt, which was an entirely new experience for me.
I waited long enough that I sort of calmed down. Or at least maybe thought I wasn’t going to sound crazy. “Sex isn’t great for me.”
Tanner blinked. “Uh, okay.”
“So I don’t think it was great for my ex. I think I don’t know how to do sex.”
My cheeks were so hot, I didn’t think I could blush harder. I let out a heavy sigh while he waited, looking a little puzzled, with a polite furrow between his brows.
Of course, I kept babbling. “Like, I can start with a kiss like I did with you in the hospital—which honestly, I was just feeling a little crazy then—and I can be bold. But then after that, it stops. I’ve only ever been with my ex, so I don’t know if it’s him or me.
But he constantly told me what I was doing wrong.
Like when they do the sports analysis, and they have arrows pointing all over the chart.
” Tanner’s brows hitched to his hairline.
“Yeah, like that’s what it felt like.” He winced.
Since I couldn’t shut up, I kept talking.
“It was awful. Or... not great. I couldn’t relax enough to, you know... ”
He nodded, and I think he understood what I meant.
“I would try to fake that, and I’m terrible at faking.”
Tanner was quiet before he finally said, “I’m really sorry that was your experience.”
“So, you see, if I’d been better at it, he probably wouldn’t have cheated on me.”
“Oh, no, no, no. You don’t even get to go there.” Tanner’s tone was firm, almost authoritative.”
“What do you mean, I don’t get to go there?”
“Sex is not a performance. I guess unless you’re a porn star—I have no judgment against porn stars, I want to clarify—but, you know, they’re doing a job. That’s different. But oh my God, no.” He shook his head firmly.
Even though I should’ve been mortified that I just told Tanner all that, I wasn’t. Because it felt like he genuinely didn’t judge me.
“I don’t know your ex, but that seems like a shitty way to handle a situation.”
A massive sigh gusted out of me, almost as if I’d been holding it for years. “I never told anyone this.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really.”
Tanner paused, as if considering his words. “I’m not saying everybody’s going to be compatible. But that’s not the way to go about it.”
“Oh,” I said slowly, sinking back into the couch cushions. The familiar tight, almost knotted feeling I experienced when it came to even thinking about sex actually loosened a little. “We’re not going to have sex tonight,” I announced.
“We could kiss again, though,” he said, his lips twitching at the corners.
“Tanner.” I wagged my finger at him. “Don’t mess with me.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re a supportive guy.”
Impulsively, I leaned over and squeezed his knee. “I like how you’re just, like, so accepting.”
He shrugged. “If you wanted to kiss me again, we could do that. But no matter what, whether you kiss me again or never, I’m here to tell you sex doesn’t have to be like sports analysis.” He shook his head, seriously looking horrified at that prospect.
As I held his gaze, it felt like sparks were shimmering around us. The space felt loaded, the quiet burgeoning.
“I like you, Tanner,” I said softly, feeling a rush of affection mingling with intense desire.
“Well, I like you too, Ava,” he said simply.
I cleared my throat, narrowing my eyes at him. “Also, you’re not boring.”
He chuckled. “I appreciate your perspective on that.”
“It’s a fact,” I insisted.
“If you say so,” he teased lightly.
“I do. I know what I’m talking about, Tanner.”
His low laugh sent goose bumps rising over my skin. I startled myself again. “I have a proposition.”
“A proposition?” he teased, cocking his head to the side.
“Yes.”
“Okay. What would that be?”
I took a quick breath and cleared my throat. “How about you be that guy?”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
I started to get anxious and hedged. “You saved my life.” He rolled his eyes a little at that, but I pressed ahead. “Okay, you rescued me off the mountain, and I really enjoyed that kiss too. It was my best kiss.”
“Okay.” He nodded slowly.
I rubbed the hem of my shirt between my fingers. “And we could see if it’s good beyond that. If it’s not, I get it. Just don’t analyze me or critique me. Just, um, be gracious about it.”
“Ava.” Tanner held my gaze with a somber expression, leaning forward slightly. “That’s not how it works.”
Nervously, I swallowed. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“That kiss was great because we have chemistry,” he said bluntly. “I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert, but chemistry is what makes it work.”
“Well, we have loads of that,” I exclaimed.
His smile stretched from one corner to the next. My belly flipped slowly as heat bloomed and need rolled through me in a liquid wave, slow and languid through my veins.
“I’m still not clear on your proposition,” he said.
“Maybe it’ll be a little awkward because of my ankle”—I gestured to it—“but we could, I don’t know, just see how it goes. You could maybe show me what you mean.”
When he remained quiet, I circled my hand in the air.
“I’m not going to call it lessons, but maybe let’s just do an experiment and see if it goes okay.
If it’s not a disaster, we could do that more.
We could just see how it goes. I’m not asking for forever, because there’s an end date to this for me.
I like you. A lot. That kiss was amazing, and I’d like a chance to see if it can be more than that. ”
Tanner was quiet long enough that I started to feel very uncertain.
“Hey, we can just rewind and take all that back. I didn’t mean to make this awkward.” My pulse ricocheted everywhere, and my insecurity roared.
He leaned over, reaching for both of my hands. “I’m in.”
“You are?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Really?”
“Yes, and I promise you—no sports analysis. Ever.”
“But what are we going to—”
He shook his head, releasing one of my hands to press his forefinger against my lips. “I’m not worried about it.”
I eyed him doubtfully.
“Trust me. Look, I don’t like to be the person who bashes people, but your ex is an asshole.
He cheated on you. I don’t care what the circumstances were—someone leaving an encounter, even if it’s just a kiss, feeling like they were critiqued as if it was sports analysis is terrible. I’m sorry you had to experience that.”
I took a steadying breath. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You made the proposal.” He started to release my hands as he leaned back.
I was feeling greedy and all bound up with need when I snatched both of them right back. “Can we kiss again?”