17. Tanner
Chapter Seventeen
Tanner
Not a performance
As Ava stared at me, I tried to clear the haze in my thoughts. It wasn't easy. Sweet hell. She was so damn sexy and cute.
My heart twisted at seeing the look of uncertainty passing through her gaze, like clouds blotting out the sunshine. I couldn't believe her ex. What a fucking asshole, through and through.
I realized I’d gone quiet for too long when she cleared her throat and looked down at her lap. I could almost feel, on a physical level, her shuttering herself.
“Hey, don't start thinking too hard,” I said quickly.
“About what?”
“All that shit your ex put in your head.”
She rolled her eyes a little bit.
“So I'm in. That kiss... no notes. And I like you.”
Although hesitation was burgeoning inside because I sensed Ava meant a whole lot more to me. There was something between us, and it was more than just firecracker-hot chemistry. I kicked those worries to the curb.
She straightened her shoulders, blinking up at me. “Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent.”
She started to move toward me, but I held a finger up. “I just want to make one thing clear.”
She rolled her eyes, letting out a little huff. I was glad to see she’d found that little burst of boldness she carried like a flame shining bright.
“We’re not going to rush.”
“What do you mean? I kind of want to rush.” She narrowed her eyes at me, prepared—I guess—to give me a little lecture about it.
“Look, you just told me that your ex was a total fucking asshole to you at the worst possible time. In more ways than one, let's be honest.”
“Agreed. Totally.” She nodded vigorously.
“But I won’t pretend I’m more experienced than you. That’s not my point. But the good part doesn’t happen if you rush too much. Not usually.”
Ava’s teeth snagged her bottom lip, eyeing me uncertainly while managing to set my pulse to racing. I forced myself to stay focused.
“Hey, what are you worrying about?” I reached for her hand, relieved when she curled her fingers into mine and squeezed.
“If we go slow, I’m going to think too hard. That was always the problem.”
“Taking it slowly?”
Her shoulders rose with a swift breath that she let out in a sharp sigh. “It was less bad if I just got it over with.”
I winced before I could stop myself, and her cheeks turned pink.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“It bears repeating, but your ex was a fucking asshole. I’m not saying a quickie can’t be fun. But you’re talking about sex like it’s something you need to get over with.”
“Well, it was.”
“Okay, no matter what, we’re just going to play it by ear.”
She lifted her free hand and wagged a finger at me.
“And don’t you dare lecture me about anything.”
“I’m not going to lecture you, Ava. Fuck. Your ex did a number on you.”
“Whatever. I’m over him.”
I sensed she was well over him emotionally. Except, holy hell, this guy had lashed a load of heavy baggage to her.
“You take the lead,” I said.
“What? Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.” She shook her head quickly. “We’ve already agreed that I’m bad at sex.”
“We haven’t agreed on that. We’ve agreed that your ex was an emotionally abusive asshole, including during what should’ve been the most intimate, vulnerable time between you.”
“Okay,” she said slowly. “But what if he was right?”
“He wasn’t.”
“You’ve had one kiss with me, Tanner.”
“Yep, and it was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”
She rolled her eyes, hard. “You’re just saying that to be nice.”
“I promise, I’m not. I have an ex who told me I was beige, and part of being beige, I guess, is being honest, so I’m not lying. You can ask everyone in town. I grew up here, so lots of people know me, and I’m an honest guy,” I pointed out.
Her lips twitched at the corners before she let out a giggle. The sound itself slipped around my heart like a little lasso. Fuck me. Ava could bring me to my knees with nothing more than a giggle.
“How about we just see how it goes?”
“Okay. Let’s. Let’s see how it goes. Although...” She leaned back. “No choking.”
For a minute, I wasn’t sure what she meant, and she must’ve sensed my confusion.
“A lot of guys think that’s hot. That’s what Brad said. I hated it, and I wouldn’t let him do it, but he would always try to sneak it in.”
Yet again, I lost control of my expression. “Excuse me?” My tone was sharper than I intended.
“Yeah, it’s a thing. I actually looked it up online.”
“Okay. And what did the internet teach you?”
“Well, it is a thing these days, and it’s actually unsafe. No judgment on pushing boundaries, but even medical professionals who are experts in this say it’s dangerous. Do you want me to give you some stats?”
I sensed she needed to process this out loud, so even though my heart ached, and I was burning with fury at her ex, I nodded.
“The take-home number is that even women who seem okay are at risk of stroke later on. It’s a leading cause of stroke for women under the age of forty.”
I had to stretch my jaw open from the pressure of clenching it. “Wow, that’s frightening. I promise you, I have zero interest in that. Just not my thing.”
“Okay. Okay, that’s good.” Her head bobbed quickly.
I took a slow breath, trying to gather my thoughts.
“The sports analysis, the treating you the way he did, the cheating, and now this. None of this is okay. I’m not pretending to be an expert at sex at all.
But this?” I waved a hand vaguely. “Nobody deserves that. You just deserve somebody to treat you decently. It’s not too much to ask. ”
Ava swallowed, and my heart twisted in my chest. “I hope so. I don’t know. It always felt like I was asking for too much.”
“You were not asking for too much. Ever. I promise.”
She closed her eyes for a beat, and this time, I almost felt the breath she took inside my own body. When she let it out with a gust and blinked her eyes open again, she announced, “Okay,” and then startled me by leaning forward and bringing her lips to mine.