Chapter 16 #2
He leaves the room and for a second, I stand there dumbfounded. I must be the last person to make her feel safe. But I realize I don’t have much of a choice, so I do as he says. I kneel beside the bed, whispering soothing words while I try not to cry. She still hasn’t moved.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
Benjamin comes back with towels, blankets, and water bottles. He works fast and meticulously, gently rubbing Cactus’s fur.
“What can I do?” I whisper from the floor.
“Stay here and make her feel safe.”
I nod wordlessly. She shows no signs of life. Benjamin checks her pulse again, and a divot appears between his eyes.
“What is it?”
He doesn’t answer.
“Please, Benjamin, tell me,” I plead in a low voice. “Tell me. I beg you.”
He exhales, meeting my gaze with a concerned look, not stopping to place towels and blankets all over Cactus’s body. “It’s not good. Her pulse is weaker. I need to get her dry and warm faster.”
Without thinking, I reach for the blankets, splaying them all over her. Benjamin places the hot water bottles around her body.
“Let me just get one more thing,” he says and hurries out of the room.
When he leaves, Audrey enters cautiously.
At first, she examines the scene, looking between me and Cactus with what almost looks like a frown, as if she’s trying to figure out what’s wrong with her friend.
Then, she jumps onto the bed and lies down next to Cactus, moving as close as she can.
Benjamin comes back with a big comforter. “Good girl,” he says to Audrey in a low voice before he drapes both dogs under it.
Then he turns to me, watching me stand next to the bed with my arms hanging helplessly down my body. I feel empty. And completely powerless.
Slowly, he walks around the bed, takes my hand, and leads me to an armchair where he helps me down. He crouches in front of me.
“We’ve done all we can. Now we wait and keep making sure she’s warm.”
I think I’m crying, but maybe it’s just water from my hair. I meet his gaze, and something shifts in the green eyes in front of me—it’s a new kind of worry. He reaches out a hand and catches something on my cheek.
“June, you’re shivering. You’re very cold, too. You’ve been out in the storm for hours, dressed in almost nothing. We need to get you warm as well. I’ll go get you some dry clothes.”
He takes my hand and freezes, staring at my palm. “You’re hurt.”
I watch my own hand in a daze and feel nothing when I see the deep cut, still bleeding. I deserve it.
“Wait here.” He leaves the room with long strides and is soon back with another blanket and some other things.
He drapes the blanket around my shoulders before he crouches down again.
Gently, so very gently, he takes my bleeding hand in his.
“This may hurt a little,” he warns before he wets it with antiseptic.
I inhale sharply at the burning pain. “It’s okay.
It’ll soon be over,” he whispers and inspects my hand.
“It’s not so deep that you need stitches, so I’m going to tape you up. ”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He works with my hand for a couple of minutes and when he’s done, the pain is nothing but a rhythmic pounding. “You feel better?”
I nod, even though I don’t. But the problem isn’t my hand—it’s my chest.
“Good. I’ll get you some clothes.”
He leaves the room again, and I remain in the chair, staring at the pile of blankets on the bed. “If you just get better, I promise you, you can have all the candy you want,” I whisper to it. “I will make you lasagna every night.”
Benjamin returns with a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. “You’ll probably drown in them, but I don’t have anything in your size since I don’t have a girlfriend.” A flash of gentle amusement appears in his eyes.
“At least you’re honest about it.” Weakly, I return his small smile.
We watch each other for a short moment in some unspoken understanding before he leaves the room to give me privacy to change.
I shiver as I pull the wet T-shirt over my head and replace it with his dry clothes.
He was right, they’re way too big for me, but probably the comfiest clothes I’ve ever worn—soft and warm, just like his hoodie I still have at home and definitely should return. Sometime.
He comes back with a steaming mug that he hands me. It smells like . . .
“Hot chocolate?” I ask in surprise.
“I hope that’s something you drink at least?”
I arch one eyebrow before I take a sip. “What don’t I drink?”
He gives Clara’s T-shirt a meaningful look, where it’s now drying on the armchair.
“My sister made it. She hates coffee,” I explain.
“So, you like coffee?”
“I do. But I think I like this more,” I say, taking another sip and shivering as the hot liquid warms me from the inside.
Benjamin drifts closer. “Still freezing?” He rubs my arms gently.
“Yeah, but this helps,” I say, looking down at his clothes and the cup wrapped in my cold fingers.
“Good. They suit you.”
“I like them.”
“You should wear them more often then.” He holds my eyes for a moment before we both look away.
I sit on the edge of the bed while he checks on Cactus.
“She’s getting warmer,” he says.
I exhale a deep breath, new tears flooding my eyes.
“It’s not over yet.” A trace of warning in his tone. “But it’s progress,” he adds, his voice softer again. I nod slowly, wiping my eyes. Benjamin sits on the other side of the bed. “Are you okay?”
“No. I just want her to be okay. I need another chance with her. I’ve . . . I really need another chance.”
“I’m sure you’ve done your best, June.”
I shake my head, my throat feeling tight again. “I really haven’t. So much happened at the same time. I . . . My life changed so unexpectedly. I left New York. Came here. I didn’t actually know Liz that well, and I didn’t know that she also left me her dog.”
“It’s a lot to take in at the same time,” he agrees slowly. There’s a moment of silence. “Why did you leave New York, June?”
I hesitate for a moment. Do I really want to tell him?
I brush out a breath, suddenly feeling very tired.
Tired of keeping up appearances. “I had a mental breakdown at work. My boss ordered me to take some time off. And at the same time, I found out that I had inherited a house here. So, I decided to leave. I was kind of too embarrassed to stay in New York anyway.”
“Why?”
I sigh. “I guess because I’ve worked so hard for my career there. And then I blew it. It wasn’t like me. I always stick to my plan.”
“And a mental breakdown wasn’t part of your plan?” His crooked smile is friendly.
A ghost of a smile crosses my lips. “Not really, no.”
“But you’re on a break, you didn’t lose your job, right? You’re going back to New York?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m going back.” Why does that feel hard to say all of a sudden?
He dips his chin thoughtfully. “What is it that you do?”
“I’m a fashion buyer.”
“You like it?”
Why am I hesitating? I love my job, don’t I?
“Yes, I do.” Why is it that something about my own answer doesn’t quite sit right?
Benjamin gives me a hasty smile, and I feel a weird urge to change the subject.
“What were you doing on the beach tonight? It’s not exactly beach weather,” I ask him.
“I heard you.”
“You heard me?”
“Yeah. I went out to put away a couple of patio chairs because of the storm when I heard your voice.”
Something hits me somewhere in my midsection when he raises his head and we lock eyes. “Thank you. I’d never have found her without you.”
“It was you who found her.”
“Yeah, but you helped me.”
A beat of silence. “It was nothing.”
“It was everything.”
A new silence falls between us. All that’s heard is the storm howling outside and the rain pummeling the dark window. And my beating heart.
His gaze holds me still. Anchors me. Makes me safe.
There’s so much going on in his eyes. They’re like a sea of their own. A green, reeling sea.
“June . . .” he says in a low voice. I wait for him to continue. I watch the green sea undulating in front of me.
“Yes?”
He hesitates before taking a deep breath. I don’t know why, but it feels like my whole body is waiting for something.
We both flinch when a quiet bark escapes from under the comforter. Something is moving under the pile of blankets. Quickly, Benjamin gets up, and I hold my breath as he carefully removes the comforter.
“Hey, girl,” he whispers. “Hey. Look who’s here.”
Two tired eyes peek out. She looks so small. I bite down on my lower lip as warm tears flood my eyes.
“She’ll be okay,” Benjamin tells me before I can ask. And that’s when something abruptly breaks inside me—the last remaining part of the wall I’ve worked so hard to keep up. I lean forward and bury my head in her fur. It's damp but still the softest thing I’ve ever felt against my skin.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, please, forgive me.”
And if I ever had any last piece of the wall still clinging to me somewhere deep, it’s crumbling the moment Cactus slowly leans her head against me, making my heart completely explode.
“She’s weak, but she’ll be okay. She needs to rest now. Get some sleep. And I need to have her under surveillance during the night,” he says. We’re standing outside the guest room where Cactus is now sleeping next to Audrey.
I tear my gaze away from her. “You promise?”
Benjamin is already watching me. “I promise.”
His voice is low. Earnest. And before I know what’s happening, I’ve taken a step forward and wrapped my arms around him.
He’s warm and soft and smells so good. “Thank you,” I whisper.
And after a moment, when his arms come up to pull me tighter, I hide my face in his sweater and catch myself thinking that I’d like to stay in this spot for a long time.
Neither of us moves for several minutes before he slowly pulls back and whispers, “Come.” His hand is as warm as the rest of him when he takes mine and leads me to the living room. “Wait here. I’ll be back soon.”
I sit on his couch and realize I’m exhausted.
If I closed my eyes, I’d probably fall asleep in under a minute.
But instead of closing my eyes, I take a look around for the first time since I came here, and it occurs to me that I’m in a beautiful room.
It’s at least sixteen feet to the ceiling where there are several exposed ceiling beams. The floor is covered with that hardwood I spotted the first time I was here.
I had no idea you could fall in love with a floor but apparently you can.
It’s completely dark outside the big windows on my left, but I understand that when it’s not a late-night thunderstorm roiling, you have a front-row seat to the ocean.
It must be amazing to watch it from here, to live this close to it.
What else do you need? Not a TV or a phone, just this view.
And just like that, I’m jealous of Benjamin Reyes.
Who had that on their bingo-card twenty-four hours ago?
I lean back as a wave of gratitude washes over me. Cactus is alive. She’s still here with me, sleeping safely in the room next door with her friend. Breathing. The thought of her squeezes something tightly in my chest. I’m her family now. And she’s part of mine.
I hastily wipe at my eyes when Benjamin comes back with a tray oozing with the most delicious smell. “Grilled cheese sandwiches?” I ask, surprised.
For a split second, Benjamin looks uncertain. “You do eat that, don’t you?”
“Who doesn’t eat that?”
“I don’t know. Uptight women from New York, maybe?” He flashes me a small, lopsided smile.
“Only dickheads from Pearlband Beach would believe that.”
His smile grows as he sets the tray with the pile of sandwiches on the table in front of us. God, they look incredible. And god, I’m hungry,
“It’s my favorite,” I tell him as he sits beside me.
And I don’t know why I tell him the next thing, but the words have left my mouth before I can stop myself.
“My dad used to make grilled cheese sandwiches for me and my sister when we were kids.” I rarely speak of Dad with anyone who isn’t Clara or Mom.
“Not anymore?”
I hesitate. “He passed away,” I say and avoid looking at him. Benjamin stops moving, and I can sense his eyes on me.
“I’m sorry, June.”
“It’s okay. It’s a long time ago now.”
Benjamin nods in the corner of my eye. And I can’t explain it, but instead of feeling awkward telling him about Dad, I just feel . . . I don’t know. Okay, I think. It feels okay talking about Dad with him.
He serves us both sandwiches before reaching for the remote control. “I was watching this earlier tonight before I went out, but we can watch something else if you want to?” he says as Pam and Jim from The Office appear on his TV.
I turn to him, astonished. “You were watching The Office?”
“Yeah. That okay?”
I’m actually stunned into silence, but I manage to nod. I’m still staring at him in disbelief when he pushes play and leans back on the couch.
Huh.