Chapter 32 #2
I force my lips into a smile. “Yes, it is.”
“Is it vaccinated?”
I keep the polite smile in place. “Against what, Mr. Murphy?”
“I don’t know! Dog things? Rabies?”
I suffocate a sigh. “She’s fully vaccinated.”
He doesn’t look convinced, shooting Cactus skeptical glances. “Are you sure?”
Deep breaths. “Yes, I am. I know her veterinarian.”
A stab of pain takes me off guard at my own last words. Heat gathers behind my eyes as I quickly lower them. Not here, not now.
“Did you have a pleasant vacation?” Ed Neville offers politely as I sit down across from him at the shiny conference table. I nod, not in the mood for talking about my vacation with this group of people.
“We’re so glad to have June home with us again,” Lydia cuts in with a big smile. Home. That word . . . It consists of many things. Is it really a place? Or is it a person . . . ?
Ed Neville clears his throat. “Yes. Right. Let’s start this meeting. As you all know, the negotiations over the past month haven’t gone as planned, and together we now need to create a strategy to solve this mess, or we will lose our most important suppliers.”
Home. Am I really home? Yes. But why doesn’t it feel like it? Why does it feel like I’m away from home instead?
“The estimated numbers have now . . .” Ed continues but without me listening. Does this feel like a dream anymore? Sitting here, in New York, with these people. Pretending to care about something that I don’t care about. I stiffen. Wait. I don’t care about this?
I know the truth before I even put the thought together: no, I don’t. But I’ve always cared about this. When did I stop?
You think anything ever can be the same after you? You think I’ll get over you? You think I can pretend that you never happened? His voice boomerangs between my ears. You’ve changed everything.
I stopped caring when I met him. Not when I came to Pearlband Beach, but when I met Benjamin. My home. My blue moon.
My heart is in my throat now, making it hard to breathe.
I finally know what I have to do, and I don’t have much time.
I stand, resulting in a bunch of bald heads swirling in surprise in my direction.
My whole body is trembling. Why did I waste all this time?
What if it’s too late? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?
What if I lost him because I was too slow to realize what everyone else already knew?
What if I lost him because of my fucking plan?
What if I lost him because I was too scared to listen to my heart?
I stare at Lydia. “I can’t do this. I don’t belong here anymore. I need to be somewhere else.”
“What are you talking about?” She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. They all do.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I run for the door, hoping it’s not too late yet. Cactus is running right behind me, as if she knows. As if she understands where we’re going.
Home.
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” I hiss as I frantically push the elevator button. Why are they taking so long? I don’t have time for this! I’ve already wasted so much time that my own time may have run out. Please, don’t let it have run out. Please, let me have more time.
Cactus looks between me and the elevator doors and stamps impatiently with her front paws.
“Please, hurry,” I whisper to the button when I hit it again.
“It doesn't matter how many times you push it,” a snarky voice from behind says. Cactus and I both whirl our heads around and glare at the person the voice belongs to. I vaguely recognize her from Human Resources. She’s wearing a purple blazer with matching pants and lime green shoes.
“I push it as many times as I want,” I snarl at her before turning my back on her and her ugly shoes.
She scoffs behind me, and I really don’t care because I don’t work here anymore.
Finally, an elevator pings and I hurry inside, Cactus right beside me. I push the button for the entrance floor when the snarky woman with the terrible blazer steps inside. “Not a chance. Get out.”
She scoffs again, looking offended and upset. “You can’t tell me to—”
“Get out!” I shout and she quickly pulls her foot back. The door closes slowly, and I lean back against the wall.
My heart is in my throat, kicking and roaring. Why is it taking so long? Why does everything have to take so long? I need to call Benjamin—I need to tell him that I don’t care about my stupid plan. I need to tell him he’s everything I want.
Watching the elevator snail its way down is like watching an hourglass. Why does it feel like the sand is running out? I swallow around the lump in my throat and squeeze my eyes shut, mentally willing the elevator to move faster.
After what feels like an eternity, there’s another ping, and the doors slide open. I rush out with Cactus at my side and without stopping, I fumble for my phone in my bag. I need to call him. I need to tell him how I feel. He must know.
I make it all the way to the glass doors, then my sprint comes to an abrupt stop. Right there, I crash into what feels like a solid wall and tumble to the floor.