39. Tess
THIRTY-NINE
TESS
I cannot take all the side-eye today. Mom and Wren need to keep their eyeballs to themselves and knock it off with the weird looks. I’m fine.
I’m just…shaken. Anyone would be after a man tells her she’s his true north .
I was so stunned last night, I just stood in my doorway, staring like a fish. Ian said goodnight and walked away, and it still took me a full minute to come to my senses.
August asking where the plates are helped break the spell. Kids are fun like that.
I can’t stop hearing Ian telling me he found his true north, and it’s made me wobbly. I’ll be boxing up a pie and those words will tumble around in my brain, and my fingers get too shaky to close up the tabs. I keep mis-keying in customers’ totals. My piping work this morning was far from the best. I’m distracted.
They’ve noticed.
“Wren,” Mom says. “Why don’t you close up early?”
We stare at her. Blackbird’s Bakery is closed one day a week and major holidays, and that’s it. We only closed early a couple of times when August had to go to the hospital years ago. I check my phone as if maybe she’s having some kind of freaky premonition, but his numbers are just fine.
“What’s going on?” I ask. Calm. Normal. The shaky hands mean nothing.
“Come sit down.” She takes a seat at one of our rarely-used tables. “I want to talk to you girls.”
Wren does as she’s asked and locks the front door, spinning the sign in the window to Closed . Somebody could theoretically walk over from Hope’s shop, but I guess we’ll deal with that if it happens.
We sit across from her, exchanging glances as though we’re trying to figure out which one of us is in trouble. I already know it’s me. I went from walking around like a Barbie doll the last few days, with dead eyes and a plastic smile, to fumbling over my own hands. I haven’t been lectured about my job performance since high school, but I probably deserve it today.
“I want to tell you both that I’m seeing someone.” Mom’s a little too stiff, like she doesn’t know how to approach this personal revelation. In typical Mom fashion, she opted to tackle it straight on.
Wren and I exchange glances. Not where we saw that going.
Also: finally .
“Are you trying to tell us we’re getting a stepdad?” Wren jokes.
“Maybe. Yes. If you want him to be that to you.”
That shuts us both up. This is serious serious.
“Daniel and I have been friends for a long time.” She spins the garnet ring our grandma gave her on her right hand. “I knew he wanted more with me, but…I was afraid.” She smiles gently. “At my age, I was afraid.”
It’s hard to think of her as being afraid or fearful, and not because of her age. Fifty-five is the new forty, right? But she’s stepped up to do so much for us, she’s been more like a superwoman than somebody who would ever cower in fear.
“After your dad left us with nothing, I promised myself nobody would ever put me in that position again. I wouldn’t rely on anyone again, financially or emotionally. I never wanted to be hurting and alone. So I focused on you girls and the bakery. My friendships. It worked for a while. Maybe too long.”
As close as we are, she doesn’t talk about this with us. It’s odd to hear her talk about Dad at all, let alone how much it devastated her when he left.
“When Daniel came along, I clung to that mentality. I turned him down whenever he’d ask me out. It hurt, but I thought it was for the best. I thought I was being strong. Saving myself heartache. It took me too long to realize Daniel wasn’t the one hurting me—I was.”
She focuses her laser beam eyes on me. “I didn’t mean to, but I think I passed those lessons onto you girls.”
I tear my gaze away to stare out the front window. That’s what I’ve been doing, isn’t it? Protecting myself from hurt by pushing Ian away. But I haven’t protected myself from anything. It still hurts, and I did it all to myself.
Maybe Wren was right. Maybe I was too quick to let him go.
“Where did all this self-reflection come from?” Wren asks with her usual tact.
“I’ve been talking with Kat McBride. And Amy and Jodi.”
I meet her gaze again. Do not ask. Do not ask.
“They’re the ones who helped me realize I was hurting us both by refusing Daniel.” Her eyes soften, and she takes my hand. “And that maybe you’re doing the same thing in your life.”
We are carbon copies, after all.
“Maybe,” I whisper. “I don’t want August or me to get hurt.”
“Does it hurt anyway?”
I nod because a yes would break me.
“I can’t tell you what to do,” Mom says. “I’ve been lucky that Daniel’s been content to be my friend all this time. He’s been patient, but he’s been here for me whenever I needed him, too. In big and small ways.”
I think of Ian stepping up to watch August. How he cared for both of us when August got sick. How patient and understanding he’s been with me. The way he kisses me with his whole soul. My need for a guaranteed future made me write off everything he’s already been proving to me every day.
“I found my true north. It’s you.”
I think maybe I’ve been an idiot. I still don’t know if he’s staying in Sunshine, but those aren’t the words of someone planning on packing up and leaving.
“How did you fix things with him?” I ask totally casually and not at all fishing for ideas.
“The next time he asked me out ‘as friends,’ I kissed him.” Mom’s slow smile has a touch of cheek to it. “We figured it out from there.”
“You are blowing my mind right now.” Wren stares as if she just suggested we add mincemeat pies to the menu. “I had no idea this side of you existed.”
Mom rolls her eyes, but honestly, I’m not that far behind Wren.
“Out of curiosity, how long has Sheriff O’Grady been trying to date you?” Wren always comes through with the important questions.
“You know it’s Daniel O’Grady?”
Wren shrugs. “Tess is a snoop.”
We laugh because she’s fooled nobody.
Mom glances to the side. “It’s been three years.”
Wren slaps both hands on the Formica table. “What? You rejected that silver fox hot cop for literal years?”
Mom laughs, but a hint of blush hits her cheeks. “It wasn’t easy. But that’s not quite my point in telling you all this. I don’t want you girls to live your lives in fear like I did for so long. I want you to be brave. Choose your own happiness.”
They both keep their eyes on me, since I’m the one in need of this life lesson. What’s that saying? A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what it was made for. I don’t want to live my whole life—or even the next twenty years—stuck in the same safe harbor because I’m afraid of storms.
“I love you girls,” Mom says. “I want all the best for both of you. I hope you know it.”
“We do,” I say with a nod.
Mom seems satisfied and starts to get up, but I take her hand to hold her in place. “We have more to talk about.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m ready.”
I’m not sure she is.
“I want to start a custom cake arm at Blackbird’s.”
Her mouth falls open, but she snaps it shut again. I’ll take that as a good sign.
“I love making cakes. I get a nice bonus from the private orders I get, but I want to make more than just a few a month. Moonlight Lodge has asked me to be their wedding cake vendor, and I agreed.”
Mom’s watching me as if she’s calculating costs and mapping work hours. “Wren and I won’t be able to keep up with our menu if you’re doing something else every day.”
“That’s easily solved,” Wren says. “We hire on another baker. Or two or three.”
Mom draws in a long breath. She looks to the front counter as though trying to imagine someone new standing there. “Doubling our employees? I don’t like having to rely on anyone else.”
“But then you could take more time off to be with your hot cop.”
Wren knows how to find a silver lining.
“The amount of money I could make on my cakes is significant,” I tell Mom. “I don’t want to do this without you guys. But I will if it’s my only option.”
She blinks hard at that. “I never wanted to be unfair to you girls. I was just trying…”
“To protect us,” I finish for her. “To keep us safe. But sometimes a little risk is worth it.”
“Ooh, look at us, going against type,” Wren says. “Mom kissed a silver fox, and you’re all about taking risks. Maybe I should go be nice to Callahan.”
“You really should,” Mom tells her. “I’ve heard how you talk to that man.”
Wren crosses her arms over her chest. “I changed my mind.”
Mom shakes her head at her, but she’s smiling too much for the scolding to stick. “I love you girls. I want the best for us—and Blackbird’s. Maybe we should give this a try.”
“Really?” I know she’s not a liar, but I need the confirmation.
“My friends have been encouraging me about this, too. Your cakes are popular around town—I get asked about them more than you can imagine. It’s a smart business decision.” Her eyes are suspiciously wet. “And I want to support you however I can.”
We do the least Krause-women thing ever and group hug.
“I love you emotional dummies,” Wren says.
Mom kisses her cheek. “Thank you, sweetest daughter, for that beautiful declaration. I love you both.”
“I love you, too,” I say, squeezing them tighter.
“Now what are you going to do?” Wren asks me when we finally let each other go.
“I think I’m going to sail my ship out to sea.”
Mom’s eyebrows lift, but Wren smirks.
“She’s going to go find her pirate.”
I don’t have a plan. I should have a plan, right?
When August and I get home, he heads straight for the back door the way he’s been doing for weeks. But unlike the last few days, he has happy news to report.
“Dutch is outside, Mama! Can I go play?”
My heart thunders, and nothing’s happening yet. Ian isn’t even in sight. But it rumbles in there anyway, and I’m back to being a wobbly bundle of energy.
Poker face, don’t fail me now.
“Sure, you can.”
I follow him into the back yard. He finds a tennis ball and starts up Dutch’s favorite game. They’re so cute together.
Ian’s door snicks open, and I turn to see him cross the patio toward me. He’s got another plate in his hands, this time filled with what might be baked goods. He holds them out in offering.
“They’re honey scones. I made them for you and August. Seemed the neighborly thing to do.”
His mouth ticks up a tiny fraction, and my heart rate doubles. Definitely not safe. I take the plate from him, and the soft scent of honey drifts up from the warm scones.
He slips his hands into his shorts pockets. “That’s a lie, really. It wasn’t to be neighborly. You bring so much sweetness into my life, I thought you deserved a little back.”
All the possible grand gestures and meaningful speeches that flew through my mind on the drive home disappear. I just need to take a page out of Mom’s book.
I set the plate on my patio table and take the two steps into Ian’s space. I cup his face in my hands, his red beard scratchy beneath my touch. His eyes light with an almost painfully cautious hope before I go on tiptoes to crush my mouth to his.
My enthusiastic kiss is a little desperate, but I do not care. His arms circle my back, pressing me against him, just as frantic. I fit against him so perfectly, I just know . This is where I belong. But I need to tell him, too, and not just show him.
Showing him is pretty great, though.
I pull back enough to look into his eyes. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore, Ian. For all that you are, and all that you’ve been to me and August—I couldn’t help but love you.”
More than I planned to say, but my heart has its own agenda.
“Oh, angel. I love you. I’ve never been this full of love for someone.” He kisses me again, more softly, repeating those words in every touch. “And I will do whatever it takes, however long it takes to convince you I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been applying for jobs right here in Sunshine.”
I drop back down onto my heels. “What about your business? Colorado?”
“I loved what I used to do, and I have a lot of great memories from those years.” He tightens his grip on my waist, drawing me in again. “But I want more for my future. I want a future with you.”
My baby bird heart takes off into the clouds. If a ship can be joyous, mine is. I am all the things.
“Are your brothers okay with that?”
“When I told them I’m staying in Sunshine because I love you, they understood. Gave me a hard time about it, but they understood.”
I run my fingers along his hairline and down across his jaw. I can’t stop touching his face. “Are you sure about all this?”
“I don’t know how everything will shake out with work. But angel, I am in this. With you and August. You’re all I want, and I’m going to prove that to you every day.”
I can’t help it. I tear up. “You already do.”
He kisses me so tenderly, a few more tears fall. I don’t want this moment to end.
Which is exactly when August runs up onto the patio to get in on the action. He throws his arms around both of our waists in a double hug. “You guys kiss?”
“We do.” I expect more questions. And I’ll answer them…within reason.
“Can Ian stay for dinner?”
I laugh, standing here in the arms of the two guys I love more than anything. “He can stay for dinner.”
He can stay forever.