23. Maddy
MADDY
I press my hand against my chest and hold my heart in place, positive it’s about to burst out.
It’s thumping so hard.
I’m not sure if I’m having a heart attack, but it sure feels like what I imagine one would be.
I storm out so fast that I don’t even bother with the fact that Kayden follows me.
Once outside, I lean against the wall by the entrance of the classroom, pressing my hands to my face and willing myself not to burst into tears. I’m strong. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“Maddy.” Kayden’s voice is cautious. He’s being careful with me, and I don’t even know why the fuck he cares after what we witnessed inside. “I swear I didn’t—”
“Don’t.” Tears well in my eyes. “No matter what I do or what I tell you, you never listen, Kayden. It’s all a game for you. You won’t stop until you ruin me, will you? I told you we were done. I thought we were done. I’m a human being, you know? I have feelings, too.”
“I know that.” Kayden’s blue eyes squint, his jaw tense. He towers over me; his palm planted over my head.
“Then how could you?”
Relax. Breathe. It’ll be fine. It’s nothing. They don’t know it’s you.
The video didn’t play for long, and the image wasn’t clear enough to make it obvious it was me.
Kayden—Oh, he was very clear. But I was facing him. No one could see my face.
I look down and will myself to believe it. That it’s okay. It’s fine. This was a mistake.
A mistake that will cost me.
“It wasn’t me, Madelyn,” Kayden insists now. “Why would I?”
“To torment me? Get back at me for not playing along with your little game?”
I can’t think straight. But who else would do such a thing? Who else would have access to our house? To cameras?
Before we can continue arguing, our professor stands by us, with narrowed eyes and folded arms.
“What in the world was that?” he asks. “Mr. A’gosto. Miss De Luna. Care to explain?”
Kayden brings his hands up in mock surrender. “Dude, I have nothing to do with it, I swear.”
“He had everything to do with it,” I say. Because of course he did.
There is no one else who could have done it. I didn’t think him capable of filming us—but who else would have done such a thing and uploaded it onto my USB drive?
Only someone who has a personal vendetta against me.
The only one who has enjoyed bullying me ever since I met him.
My stepbrother.
“Well, you two can explain things to the dean. Head straight to his office, and you’ll get this drive back once you settle things.”
***
“Fuck!” I scream into my pillow as I throw myself on my bed.
Kayden has ruined my life.
I can’t believe I had to sit through a meeting with the dean with him, and he wouldn’t admit it was his fault. He watched me, silent, as I explained how I had no idea how the clip got there and that it wasn’t mine.
Kayden was asked the same questions as me—how did this video manage to sneak into my drive, when it’s clear he’s the star of it?
He had more to lose than I did.
But of course, the craving for ruining me was bigger than any decency left in him.
He wouldn’t admit he filmed us.
His father wasn’t happy, and he tried to bribe the dean. Mom didn’t show up. Lucas insisted it was a simple misdemeanor and nothing to worry about and told her to stay home. And thank God. I don’t think I could face her if she knew what the fuss was all about.
So, of course, with all the mess we made, we’re both suspended from school for a code of conduct violation until they decide what to do with us. NJ State may not have tons of requirements to attend, but it prides itself on its students’ conduct. Sex tapes are a clear stain on that reputation.
The only solace I find in all this shit is that no one other than Kayden knows it’s me on the video.
That USB drive should be destroyed.
Kayden and I are prohibited from talking to each other, and we’re both grounded like little kids, not allowed to leave the house until Lucas says so.
The thing is—I know Kayden did it. I know he’s to blame.
He orchestrated all this, even if he tried to make me believe he didn’t.
Because who else would have access to footage happening in our house?
Who else thrives on terrorizing me? There is only one other person in this house who I believe is capable of filming and installing cameras, and that’s Lucas.
And I doubt he has any interest in incriminating his own son and stepdaughter. It makes no sense.
I look around my room, an unnerving gut feeling settling in my stomach. If Kayden had cameras in the library, where else does he have them? Did he put any in my room?
Has he seen me touch myself at night, thinking of him?
Oh, God.
I approach my desk, lifting things, move on to the bookcase, and my closet, but I find nothing.
Exhausted, I fall onto the bed, tears running down my cheeks.
I don’t know how to get out of this. I fear that if Kayden and I are under the same roof, there will always be something else. It’s been this way since we met.
He always finds a way to get under my skin.
Tormenting me, seducing me, making me feel things for him.
My stomach clenches. Bile rises up my throat from the things we’ve done.
From what I almost let him do to me.
I have to get Kayden far away from me. Force him out of my life.
Make him fend for himself. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
I get up, fists to my side, and stand up straight.
“I’m not letting Kayden get away with this. I’m not letting him ruin my life.”
I may be forced to take the rest of the semester off.
I may have to change schools after this.
But he isn’t ending all I’ve worked hard for.
I’ve got the grades, and I know I can get into a good college.
I can still achieve my dreams and hopes for the future.
It’ll simply have to be somewhere farther, where no one knows my name.
“If I’m going down this way, he’ll go down worse,” I chant to myself.
He’s not getting away with this. He’s got an attitude problem, and he won’t change unless he’s forced to.
I’ll be sure to exchange some words with Lucas at dinner tonight.
I grab my laptop and open a search engine.
The perfect plan is brewing in my mind.
He wants to play?
Okay, then.
Game on.