36. Madelyn
MADELYN
Kayden told me he loves me, and my heart’s racing so fast I think I might faint.
I’m caught in a storm made from serotonin, and I can’t fight it off.
Kayden loves me.
He loves me, and everything else seems irrelevant now.
Despite wanting to say no to talking, wanting to walk away, and avoid any more pain, life didn’t teach me to leave. It taught me to be strong. To persevere. Not to run at the first sign of struggle. Toughen up and try to find a solution.
Kayden brings the lights back on, and the whole school doesn’t look so scary anymore.
Nothing does with these newfound revelations.
I stare at him now—messy hair, a black T-shirt, and black pants.
His arm, displaying a long slash, dry blood surrounding it.
Fuck, I stabbed Kayden. Mercilessly.
“We should take care of that first,” I say. “I think there’s a first aid kit here somewhere here.” I wander around the room, opening random drawers in the receptionist’s desk.
“It’s in the nurse’s office,” Kayden says.
“Right.” I stop browsing and head toward the door. “Let’s go.”
“I’m okay, Little Demon. This is fine.” Kayden spins me to face him. “Let’s talk.”
It’s obvious what I’m trying to do, and Kayden is aware of it, too. I have no idea how to take in the situation. Where to start. What to say.
It’s Kayden, and I shouldn’t be afraid of him—I’m not.
I’m so messed up that I don’t even care that he killed two people. But he just told me he loves me, and I don’t know what to say to that.
Besides, I did stab him in the arm, and the simple sight of his slashed skin makes me nauseous. “If we don’t take care of the wound, it could get infected.”
“It won’t.”
I can’t believe I did that to him.
“You don’t have to say it back, you know?” Kayden says.
“Say what?”
“That you love me.”
He doesn’t wait for me to say anything before pulling out one of the chairs behind the receptionist’s desk and offering me the seat.
“And before you start spiraling about me killing innocent people, I need to tell you something.”
I take the seat, and he follows, grabbing the chair next to mine.
“I’m listening,” I say.
“Joseph wasn’t innocent. Neither was the idiot you met at the club.”
“What do you mean?” I raise my eyebrows.
“They were dealing drugs,” Kayden explains, leaning one arm against the desk by us. “And Joseph was spying on you because he thought you had something to do with that guy’s disappearance.”
“W-what?” I wince. There’s no way. What the hell is he talking about? Lucien and Joseph were dealing drugs? “How do you know that?”
“Dev—I saw him. That night at the club, the guy you thought stood you up? He went out to his car to grab the drugs. He was going to slip them into your drink. I had to stop him.”
The way he says the words doesn’t sound like him. It’s like he’s recounting something he’s been told; they’re not coming out naturally.
“They might have looked like good people, but you need to stop being so naive, Little Demon, and realize that sometimes, monsters look like good people, too.” His tone is serious and raspy. “I would know.”
“So you’re admitting it was you…”
“Y-yes.” He pauses. “I believe so. It’s complicated.”
“And you just expect me to believe you?”
“That’s up to you, Maddy. But I want you to hear me out.”
“You know that even if I hear you out and these people weren’t good, it doesn’t justify anything. What you did is a crime.”
He nods. “I’m not trying to justify my actions. I know what I did was wrong, and that there’s no coming back from that. I just don’t want you to think that these were innocent people’s lives.”
“The fact that they weren’t good people, and they meant harm to me doesn’t mean they deserved to be punished that way.”
“Do you really think so?” Kayden grimaces. “Do you think men who act that way should roam free in the streets harming more women? Would your conscience be weightless knowing that?”
I gnaw at my lip. “No. But it doesn’t mean I’d murder them.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll take the fall. My fault. Especially, if their plans involved you.”
“That doesn’t seem fair either.”
“Life isn’t fair, Little Demon.”
He’s right. It isn’t. And what he’s telling me gives me enough evidence to convict him. I mean, he confessed he did it. He killed Joseph and Lucien.
Part of me wants to run away, escape the danger he endorses. Call the police. Leave everything behind.
Except I can’t.
Because it’s Kayden, my Kayden. And he doesn’t look okay. He needs me; I need to listen.
He seemed confused after I called out his name, after I saw it was him behind the mask. And I don’t understand why. It’s as if he were in a trance all along, someone else wearing his skin.
I have to admit, the fact that it’s been Kayden and not someone else settles something in my stomach. It soothes me and angers me at the same time.
Part of me wanted it to be him, for him to be so twistedly obsessed with me that he would do something as wicked. That he’d reciprocate my feelings. It’s exactly what I wanted. Not have to choose between these two sides of him that I seem to have fallen for.
On the other hand, I wanted to be saved from my own constant thoughts about my stepbrother. To have someone who’d break the spell, the hold he’s had on me since I first met him.
“So, yeah.” Kayden presses his hands together and leans closer to me, pulling the chair forward. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I want the root of all. The beginning.” The origin of the name that’s tattooed on my skin still. “Who the fuck is Devon?”
“Shit.” He coughs, pressing a fist to cover his mouth. “You’re not going to like this.”
“Is it worse than you chasing me around the school with a knife and then fucking me against the copy machine?”
“Fuck. When you put it that way…” He swallows. “Devon was my brother.”
It dwells on me, the paraphrasing of his words. “Was as in…”
“He’s dead.”
Oh…He must have died before our parents met. Neither Lucas nor my mother ever mentioned anything. Did she know?
“I’m so sorry.” It’s the only thing I can offer.
I can never compare the pain of losing someone that way to the pain that I felt. Even if I did lose someone. My father chose not to be a part of my life. He isn’t dead—he’s just dead to me.
“I can’t even imagine how painful that—”
“I killed him.”
I choke on my words. “W-what?”
He clears his throat. “Do you regret asking, sis? Knowing I’ve done more damage than you knew? Another body on the pile?”
My chest tightens. “K-Kayden…that’s not…”
“Do you want to run away from me yet? The door is open. I won’t blame you.”
“No.” The words slip out of my lips with ease, surprising me.
I’m sure he has a good explanation for this. I didn’t know his brother.
It makes sense why he wouldn’t ever mention him.
“No one else knows about this, Maddy.”
He doesn’t look at me as he speaks, as if he’s not proud of this. As if he’s afraid of judgment. Which given the situation, and what he just confessed, feels adequate.
“Except my father, and that’s because he guessed.
But his memory is fucked up, so I guess that leaves you and me now.
When I was fifteen years old, a year before we met, I found my twin brother with the girl I loved.
He knew I liked her and that I was going to confess my feelings for her, so he stole her from me.
I was furious. I don’t remember the details or how it happened with clarity. But something took over me.”
“S-so you killed him out of anger?”
His shoulders sag.
“You don’t understand, Little Demon. Devon was…perfect. He was the good son. The one my father liked most. The one he favored. He never laid a hand on him. And he had to go and take away the only good thing I had going, right before I could do something about it?”
I find myself speechless. My stomach is in knots, conflicted with his actions and the helplessness he must have felt. I want to sympathize with him, but at the same time, what he did is unforgivable.
“We never talked about it, because my father made me promise not to say anything. Repressing was his way of dealing with things. Ignoring. No grieving, no shit. We shouldn’t ever show weakness.
He didn’t want to scare you and your mother off, our chance at a new life.
So, I kept it in and tried to pretend it never happened.
I got pretty good at it. Concealing my feelings.
” He pauses, then lets out a short laugh.
It’s a nervous tick, I’m sure.
“So yeah, Madelyn, when I was fifteen, I set my house on fire with my brother inside and pretended it was an accident. And my father covered up my lie. You experienced the good version of this family, but the truth is our history is much darker than the surface you scraped.”
That brings one question to mind, one that I’m afraid to ask.
“What about your mother? You told me she died.”
“You remember that.” He scans me, looking for what I think is any trace of terror.
“I remember everything you’ve ever said, Kayden.”
The good and the bad. No matter how many years have passed.
“Wanna take a guess at how she died?” He scoffs. “My father killed her, the bastard. He did that in one of his fits of rage when Devon and I were kids. Are you surprised I turned out to be a monster?”
“That’s…” I hesitate, my chest hurts for him despite the terrible actions he’s confessing. “That’s horrible. I had no idea.”
“Of course you didn’t. My father is an exceptional actor. He’s so good, he fooled you and your mother into forming a family, covered up my mother’s murder, and then my brother’s. Money can buy a lot of things, and silence is one of them. With money, you can get away with anything.”
Tears well in my eyes.
Kayden has had to deal with a lot more than I thought. His bullying isn’t less because of that. The harm he caused me through the years isn’t diminished because of his experiences.
Yet, I want to protect him and hold him tight. Hug him and be there for him. It’s clear no one ever has. I want to be that person.
“Did he ever—?” I try to force the words out. “Did he ever…hurt you?”