Chapter Thirty-Seven
THIRTY-SEVEN
‘What are you doing in there?’ Sebastian asks from the other side of my bathroom door. ‘It’s been fifteen minutes,’ he so kindly points out. Sigh.
‘Go away! I’ll be out in a minute,’ I grumble as I try and fail to pull off the last adhesive bandage over the biggest of the scars down my back. It’s right in the middle – where my arms can’t reach – and each time I twist and turn, there’s a dull ache that pinches where I’m still tender.
After I was healed to Sebastian’s satisfaction, and Aiden was carried to the infirmary after he was stabilised, I sought out Tilly and Xavier. I needed someone to talk to – I needed my friends.
Tilly helped apply a common household salve to stop the incessant itching after my skin had been stitched back together by magic.
Then she applied the adhesive bandages, which I know from experience I must remove to let my skin breathe before bed.
Which is what I’m attempting to do now, if only I could bloody reach the last of the stupid things.
My fingers wiggle behind my back, stretching for the corner, but I’m left panting and sweating. I could leave it for tomorrow, when I can get Lillian or Tilly to help me, but I’ve slept with these on before and the rash that broke out over my skin was not worth it.
With an exhausted grumble, I tip my head back and groan. I’m going to have to ask him for help, even though I’d rather not face him if I can help it. I’m still reeling from his strange confession that could have just been the heat of the moment … or not.
I’m not certain, but I do know that he is apparently sleeping in my room tonight. Not Lillian, or Jed. Him.
There’s a hurricane of emotions building inside me already.
But I stuff them down, putting them into my little steel box of hidden thoughts and feelings, grab the towel hanging from the door and cover my bare chest. My hand shakes as my fingers curl around the doorknob and slowly pull the door open.
‘Finally!’ He throws his hands up. ‘What were you doing in—’ his words cut off when he notices me standing in the dim lighting with a towel covering my front. ‘Where are your clothes?’
I still have pants on, but my shirt and bra are in the corner of the bathroom by the sink.
‘I need your help,’ I tell him, inwardly cringing. ‘I can’t reach the last bandage.’ I explain by moving to the side so he can see the discarded bandages in a messy pile on the basin.
Sebastian’s lips purse for a long moment, as if he’s debating something inside that mysterious head of his. Finally, he nods, using his finger to make a twirling motion. ‘Turn around.’
With a mixture of reluctance and relief to get this bandage off my body, I do as he says, stepping back into the light of the bathroom.
I face the sink; my eyes immediately find my reflection in the small mirror and watch as he comes up behind me.
A muscle feathers in his jaw as his eyes roam my back … and down. My brows hitch. Is he … ?
‘Do you want me to go fast, or slow?’ he asks, voice deeper than usual, his fingers like silk brushing over my back. His eyes flick up to meet mine in the mirror, green on grey. My breath hitches.
‘Fast,’ I reply on a soft exhale, which comes out far more sultry than intended. Shit. I feel my chest starting to flush with heat.
Sebastian’s throat bobs, and time seems to stand still as we stare at each other; a million silent words seem to pass between us within our shared reflection.
They fill the room, they swallow every morsel of air, they stroke along the most sensitive areas of my skin, licking down my back and bare arms, raising goosebumps in their wake.
His body moves in, closer to mine, eliciting a delicious warmth that spreads through my bones like honey.
I want to scream. What is this? Who is this?
Because Sebastian’s not looking at me in the way I’ve grown used to.
With disdain, mistrust … hatred. No, he’s looking at me like he wants to reach around my front, collar my throat in his large, scarred hands and yank me into him.
Hell, at this moment, I’d let him. Just the thought has heat coursing straight to the middle of my thighs.
‘You were reckless today,’ he says against my shoulder. His hot breath skates across my skin. ‘Why’d you do it?’
I inhale sharply as I feel his fingers glide up my spine. I assume he’s asking why I ran back into the forest, so I give him the first answer that comes to mind. ‘Because it was the right thing to do.’
I’m caught in his snare, watching him digest my answer as if he’s so used to people acting one way, that the thought of me putting myself in danger for someone else is unheard of. ‘And here I was thinking you wanted to prove yourself,’ he whispers darkly. ‘You can’t do that if you’re dead.’
My cheeks are pink, and so is my chest. It’s starkly obvious against my usually pale complexion. My mouth opens to say something. What? I don’t know, but the words are stripped away when I feel him take hold of the edge of the bandage. He rips it off in one swift movement.
‘Fuck!’ I yelp, back arching forward at the sudden sting. I know I said to go fast, but god, that hurt! I whirl around to give him a piece of my mind, but the second we’re facing one another, his mouth crashes down against mine.
He swallows my gasp. His warm hands capture the sides of my face as he pushes me backward until my tailbone hits the porcelain sink. The coldness makes me shiver, but Stars, I don’t care. I’d lay my back on a bed of rusty nails if this was my reward.
Sebastian kisses me feverishly. Urgently.
Like he is coming undone at the seams and I’m the needle ready to stitch him back together again.
His tongue swipes along my lower lip, then pushes against the seam of my mouth forcing it to open for him.
The second I give in – parting my lips – it’s like a beast is unleashed.
Sebastian dives in, swirling his tongue against mine.
He sucks and bites and licks, putting me into a frenzy for the mere taste of him, until my fingers finally release the towel that I’ve had my hands fisted into at my chest. I need to touch him – I fear I’ll die if I don’t.
Based on the way he holds me against him, it seems like he shares that notion.
The second the towel drops to our feet, Sebastian groans.
It’s low and masculine, right at the back of his throat.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard a sound like it. And I do – like it, that is. So much that it makes my toes curl.
My hands search for something to grab onto, his hard chest, his sculpted arms, his rounded shoulders. Anything.
Suddenly, I feel his hands scoop behind my thighs as he dips low.
I’ve barely taken a breath before he’s lifted me up and place d my ass on the edge of the sink.
I start to wonder if it can hold my weight but then his wet tongue is on my bare breast, he’s sucking my nipple in his mouth and stars burst behind my eyes.
My head falls back as I moan, hitting the mirror with a dull thud, and all I can do is wrap my legs around Sebastian’s waist and hold onto his shoulders and neck as he flicks my nipple with his tongue before he bites down, hard.
‘Oh, Stars,’ I whimper, feeling my hips start to rock forward, searching for friction. Desperate to feel more of him. He tugs me closer, as if he can read what my body wants, what it needs, just by touching me.
‘No Stars here, Ria. Just us,’ he pants against the underside of my breast as he leans down to bite the swollen flesh.
Ria.
The name is like a slap in the face, waking me up from a dream I didn’t mean to fall into. I pull back from Sebastian and look at him, with clear eyes. Not ones clouded by the emotions of the day or the temptation he elicits from me.
‘W-what did you just call me?’ My voice is a whisper, though I could be swallowing glass for all I know. I push him back by the shoulders, watching confusion settle between his brows as he stands to his full height. I wrap my arms around myself, covering my breasts as self-consciousness sets in.
Sebastian’s lips are puffy and swollen. It makes him look … softer. My heart squeezes in my chest. I don’t give him time to answer, instead I slide off the basin and storm out of the bathroom, shouldering past him as I cover myself. Regret seeps in, sinking its poisonous teeth into me.
He could never want you. You’re nothing to him. You’re magicless. Useless. Imagine what your brother would say …
I dig through my dresser for a shirt, grabbing the first one I see and shoving my limbs through it. I’ve only just pulled the hem down to cover my stomach when he storms into the room.
‘What the fuck just happened?’ he demands. I see his arms spread wide as I glance over my shoulder.
My eyes close as I turn away, squeezing tight.
He called me Ria. How do I explain that that one name brought back an onslaught of memories.
A torrent of secret desires and hopes that I once had.
Hopes and desires that involved him. It reminded me of the trust I lost, the pedestal I made just for him inside of my naive mind, which came crashing down, crumbling into pieces of rubble on ceremony day.
‘Nothing,’ I say, my voice dejected, void of emotion as I lock them all down. ‘It’s been a long day and I need to sleep.’
His fingers curl around my elbow, soft yet firm at the same time. I bite the inside of my cheek as he walks around, coming to face me.
‘Nothing?’ he cocks a dark brow. ‘You’re going to stand there and tell me nothing happened? When one minute you’re moaning into my mouth, and the next you’re shoving me off you as if I’ve burnt you?’
‘You did burn me,’ I suddenly shout, shocking him and myself.
His eyes widen. ‘What? Where?’ He starts to scan my arms, my face.
I push his hands away when he reaches to touch my hands. ‘No. You can’t see the wounds, Zain. They’re hidden. I hid them. But they’re there. I feel them, in here,’ I press a hand to my chest.
If I could pry my flesh open and show him, I would. The scars of his betrayal are written in my veins. Carved into my bones. Its fuelled me in this place, while it drowned me at the same time. And I just let it all slip away for a kiss. For a touch. For a fucking taste of him.
His eyes darken right before my eyes, black swallowing green as my words sink in. ‘This is about Lukas,’ he snaps.
‘Everything’s about Lukas!’ I cry, frustrated with myself and this whole damn situation.
‘Not this,’ he gestures wildly between us with his hands. ‘You and me, this has nothing to do with him.’
‘There is no you and me. You made sure of that the moment you labelled me a pariah in your unit. You made this,’ I make the same gesture he did, ‘about Lukas, the second you treated me as if I had done the crime myself, and for some stupid reason I almost started to forget all of that.’ My head shakes as I inwardly scold myself.
‘So that’s it? I say your name—’
‘That is not my name,’ I all but growl in his face, my finger jabs directly at his chest. The nail digging into his sternum.
It’s yours, I want to scream. That name is yours.
I spin away and stomp to my bed. As I shove my body beneath the covers, facing the wall so I don’t have to look at him anymore, I hear him huff in frustration. I’m punching the fluff back into my pillow when I hear him mutter something about taking a shower.
By the time he’s out, and the room has filled with steam and the scent of my soap, I’ve somewhat cooled down.
I half expect him to walk out and get Jed or Lillian to come in here like last time.
But I’m surprised when I hear him blow out the lantern above my dresser, seconds before the room is encased in darkness.
A blanket rustles, he sighs, and then everything is silent.
I lay awake for hours, fighting the urge to roll over and see if he’s staring at my back, unable to sleep as well. Only when I’ve fallen into complete exhaustion do my eyes finally close. Then and only then, do I think I hear his quiet apology. Though I’m so delirious, I probably made it up.