Chapter Thirty-Eight
THIRTY-EIGHT
It’s been a week since Sebastian slept in my room.
We’ve gone back to barely speaking to one another.
He grunts orders at me from the outside of the ring, and I grumble profanities back, before ultimately doing as I’m told.
I’m here to train, and that’s what I’m focused on.
He might be a dickbag, but he knows his shit, that I can trust.
Aiden is still stuck in the infirmary. From what Tilly said, he’s been placed under a spell -induced coma to help his body heal faster.
Cillian pulled me aside the other day right before training.
He’d thanked me for helping Isla pull Aiden out of the forest. It wasn’t mushy or sentimental, the way he spoke to me, but there was something else within his words.
Gratitude, maybe. Camaraderie, I suppose.
Either way, he no longer overlooks my very existence; instead he’s actually teamed up with Isla and me a few times during drills, or run beside the two of us silently through the forest. He doesn’t say much, but he’s talented, hardworking and fiercely loyal to his friend. Qualities I can appreciate.
Moira’s on probation for the stunt she pulled with me in the forest, as is Marcus.
Who has tried to apologise to me, but I wasn’t hearing it.
He made his bed, now he can lie in it. I don’t trust that he’s not just doing it because he wants to get back into Nicks’s good books.
My guard is up constantly around them, and for good bloody measure.
This week has been rough. I’m training harder, and not just in combat.
But I’ve been staying up late with Lillian each night as she tries to help me practise bringing out my element.
In my spare time, between classes and studying, I convinced Isla to practise dagger throwing out by the cliffs.
We’ve successfully mutilated a rotting tree each : its hollow trunk is peppered with missing chunks.
I’ve also started scouring through the library for anything to do with black magic, or sacrifice.
The amount of time I’ve spent in that library – anyone would think I chose Agate as my unit.
There’s been nothing though, which is endlessly frustrating.
The restricted section inside of Agate is my only hope so far.
Lillian doesn’t talk much about Lukas, other than what she’s already said, and I can tell she’s wary to share more.
There’s something strange about the way the three of them – Jed, Sebastian and Lillian – skirt around Lukas’s death.
I just can’t put my finger on it though.
But I hope with more time spent around them, I’ll figure it out.
Xavier is stood in the middle of the field behind the academy.
The sun is beating down on us all as we hover nearby, watching and waiting.
Xavier’s eyes close in concentration, his hands are fisted at his side.
In his left one he holds a blue lace agate stone; one of the stones Kroff passed over to Professor Fern.
She was away all week, so this is the first time we’ve seen her for practice since Kroff told me he handed them over.
Sweat beads at Xavier’s temples. Strands of his auburn hair stick to his neck as he focuses on bringing his element out. He and I are the last ones left who haven’t been able to conjure a single flicker of magic out of the entire class, and to say it’s given me a complex is an understatement.
‘Come on,’ I mutter under my breath as I watch him from the side lines.
I know he wants this as desperately as I do and I cannot stand to see the look of disappointment and how embarrassment floods his cheeks with heat once more.
I want my friend to succeed, not only for his sake, but selfishly also for mine.
If he can do this, it’ll give me hope that maybe I’ll be next. That maybe I’m not broken after all.
Tilly’s hand slips into mine. I look over at her and she gives me an encouraging smile along with a soft squeeze of her hand.
‘I have a good feeling about this,’ she whispers, not wanting to break Xavier’s concentration.
‘I do too,’ I say honestly. There’s something different about him today, I could feel it the second he picked up the blue -laced agate.
There seemed to be a charged energy that surrounded him the moment he rubbed his thumb over it, as if that small caress woke whatever lay inside.
Everyone else must feel it too because they all stopped what they were doing and have come to watch, waiting with bated breath as Xavier lets out a shuddering exhale.
His brows furrow, his empty hand flexes at his side and for a weighted moment nothing happens. I start to brace myself for his eyes to open and his face to fall, but then I feel the wind pick up.
It starts small. One might think it’s just a change in direction, but it has that same charged energy I felt from Xavier earlier.
My heart skips a beat.
Tilly inhales sharply.
The long grass at Xavier’s feet begins to rustle.
His shoulders stiffen. He can feel it …
My breathing shudders. The stone is working. It’s really working.
Just then, a current of wind whips at Xavier’s face, blowing his hair from his forehead and knocking him back a step.
His eyes fly open, wide and disbelieving.
It doesn’t stop though. The gust of wind picks up small sticks and leaves from the ground, spiralling around him.
They dance like they’re alive – even Professor Fern’s small gasp of surprise reaches my ears.
‘No wonder it took him so long,’ Tilly breathes in awe, just as a strong gust circles up and wraps around an over -hanging tree branch, making it bob up and down. ‘It took me months to produce a sliver of this amount of magic, Aria.’ She grabs my arm tightly with both hands.
A chorus of gasps fill the field as the branch shudders with a loud creak. We all step back, except for Xavier whose blue eyes are trained on the branch with an intensity I’ve not seen from him before.
Another loud creak reaches my ears before a deafening snap breaks out. The branch snaps, but it’s caught on Xavier’s torrent of air, so before it crashes to the ground it’s picked up and thrown ten feet across the lawn with such force, it steals my breath away.
The second it pummels into the grass and rolls a few more feet, everyone’s eyes snap back to Xavier.
He’s panting, chest and shoulders heaving, his cheeks flushed red.
His blue eyes are wide, like he can’t believe what just happened, and based on the shock painting everyone else’s faces, neither can they.
Our eyes lock for a second. Frozen in time, but then his lips start to curve upward. I feel mine do the same. Tilly and I start running for him at the exact same moment. Our arms wrap around him fiercely, almost tackling him to the ground with our excitement.
‘You did it!’ I shout, bringing my hands to his shoulders and squeezing them affectionately.
He laughs, self-deprecatingly. ‘It must have been the blue lace.’
‘Nonsense,’ Tilly shakes her head. ‘The stone can’t give you power like that, Xav. It’s only supposed to enhance what you already have. That was all you.’
His chest shudders, and in this moment, I feel an immense amount of pride for him.
All thoughts of my own lack of magic have left my mind entirely, because all I can focus on are the horrific scars he showed me when we first met.
It feels like a lifetime ago. Days can feel like weeks in this place, everything moves so quickly, and even though I’ve only known these two for a short while, it feels like they’ve always been part of my life.
My hands find the sides of his face. I wait for his eyes to meet mine before I whisper, ‘Fire cannot breathe without air, Xavier.’
I see the moment my words land right where I want them to. A defiant spark ignites his gaze, paired with a small nod. ‘Then I’ll strip them all of it.’
My smile widens. This is more than knowing he can wield. This is more than proving he really does belong in Agate.
This means he is no longer defenceless.
They can no longer hurt him.
The pride I feel for him swells, and I wrap my arms around him once more, basking in his happiness and relief. Something catches my eye when I pull back from our embrace, a form cloaked in black. Hard green eyes bore into mine, making my heat stammer.
Sebastian’s leaning against the stone outer wall of the Opal tower, his arms are crossed over his chest. His eyes narrow as they drop to Xavier’s hands at my waist. He glares at them as if he’s picturing setting them aflame.
Professor Fern walks over, congratulating Xavier and tearing my gaze from Sebastian’s.
I pull back from my friend, stepping aside.
He’s earned all the praise he’s given. He places the stone in her palm.
She takes it back to her bag and places it inside a velvet pouch, before returning with two more.
Her eyes find mine now, and the high I felt for Xavier dissipates when I realise she wants me to go next.
All of a sudden reality hits and doubt begins to eat at me from the inside out.
I look down at the two black velvet pouches in each of her hands, then back to where Sebastian still stands.
He’s watching me with intense curiosity.
‘I thought we could begin with these two,’ Professor Fern states.
‘This one,’ she lifts her right hand, ‘is red garnet and the other is amethyst. Since you’re not sure what your element is, I’ll let you decide which one you’d like to try first. If you feel anything, and it can be as small as a flicker, then I’ll ask you to take it into the middle of the clearing. Remember, listen to your gut.’
My gut is telling me to snatch them both from her hands and run far, far away from everyone else to avoid embarrassment. But I don’t think that’s what she means.
Instead, I give myself a moment to think.
Right now, she’s offering me a stone to enhance a fire or water element.
I try to picture what I know red garnet and amethyst to look like and pair it with the empty space inside of me that’s supposed to hold my magic.
As if I’m reaching down inside of myself, I imagine one of the stones filling the gap like a puzzle piece needing to find its home.
But no matter what I do, or how I manoeuvre it, neither one feels right. They don’t fit.
An irritated prickle prods within me when I refocus on the pouches extended before me.
‘Have you decided?’ Professor Fern asks softly. Her tone is placating, and it only makes me feel worse.
‘I’ll take the amethyst,’ I say already knowing in my gut that it won’t work. Just as expected, when she slips the small purple stone from its pouch and places it in my palm, I feel … nothing.
There’s no charge that fills the air, no vibrating hum beneath my skin that gives me any indication that this stone, as beautiful as it is, will call to whatever lies dormant inside me.
‘I don’t feel anything.’ I hold the stone out, willing her to take it back before I throw it away. The longer it sits in my hand, the more inadequate I feel.
‘That’s all right,’ she gives me an encouraging smile that deepens the fine lines around her small eyes. ‘Just because this one doesn’t work, doesn’t mean another won’t. Like moonstone. Or maybe you still need more time.’
I want to tell her that I don’t have time.
Valmora Academy won’t tolerate my lack of magic much longer.
If I don’t get fully initiated into a unit soon, I’ll be forced out.
Instead, I just nod and wait as she takes the stone from my hand, places it back in its pouch and swaps it with the red garnet.
It’s smaller than the amethyst, but equally as beautiful, if not more so.
It’s a rich, wine red but as it shifts in my palm and the light catches the edges, I notice it’s not a flat, uniform colour.
Instead, there are darker shades within, and right at its heart sits such a deep red, it almost appears black.
Stars, it truly is a beautiful stone but again – I feel nothing.
Words evade me as emotion clogs my throat. Everyone is watching me; I feel their curious eyes on my skin. I feel his eyes. My head starts to shake before words form on my tongue, informing Professor Fern that it’s not working.
Wordlessly she takes it from my palm. Seeing Xavier’s success planted a tiny spark of hope inside of me, but that seed has been promptly drowned beneath the weight of my insecurities and doubt.
‘We still have the blue lace agate, though you will need to wait for the one Mr Davis used to be cleansed. It will have his magic signature running rampant throughout it right now.’
I nod, if only to appease her. I’m not an air wielder.
That I am sure of. Agate has never called to me, not once.
In fact, I remember the feeling of approaching the stone archway during the welcoming ceremony like it was yesterday.
Every fibre in my being was urging me – turn around, turn around, turn around.
It didn’t want me there.
My feet start moving before I realise I’ve decided to leave class early.
‘Aria!’ Tilly tugs on my hand. ‘Where are you going?’
Somewhere I can think.
‘I’m not feeling well.’ I give her what I hope is a genuine -looking smile. ‘I might go back to my room and rest.’
Xavier’s been pulled into a conversation by the professor, though he’s stealing glances over at me.
There’s a worried and slightly guilty expression plastered to his face.
I don’t want him thinking I’m leaving because of him.
I will not let my lack of magic taint the joy of him finding his.
So I mouth the words, ‘I’m proud of you,’ before turning back to Tilly.
‘I’ll meet you at the dining hall for lunch, okay?’
I don’t think she believes me about feeling ill, but she releases me anyway. Giving my hand that familiar squeeze she does when she wants to let me know she’s here for me.
With a tight smile sent her way, I leave and head in the direction of the cliffs.