Chapter 8
“Happy Birthday, Laura!” I timidly opened my arms up to hug Brett’s mother, but she swooped me into her arms with no hesitation.
“Ah, Eden. It’s been a while. I’m happy to see you.
” The woman was one of the warmest people I knew, a rare find in the Sebastian world.
My mother had left me and Avery with my dad when we were little, and I barely remembered her, but the fantasy mother I built up in my mind over the years would have been just like Laura Sebastian.
“I got you something,” I said, feeling stupid because what kind of meaningful gift could I give someone with more money in her purse than I’d see in my lifetime? That was why I was mentioning it, actually. An apology. “It’s silly, though.”
Her eyes lit up. “You know I adore silly. Where is it?”
“I left it on the gift table.”
“Should I open it now?”
“No. Definitely no. In fact, open it alone.” The thirty-dollar find on Etsy was a pillow that appeared to be floral, but on closer look, the buds were actually penises.
Before I worked at SIC, Laura had invited me to DBC, her dirty book club, and I’d discovered a whole other side of her that I wasn’t sure her son was even aware of.
Unfortunately, her club met in the daytime, and once I had a full-time job, I’d had to stop going.
“Oh. I think I understand.”
“You do.” We giggled, and I felt a sharp ache, wishing I had an excuse to see her more often.
Though maybe it was best I didn’t see her too much.
It would only give me another connection with Brett when what I needed was less.
After the random sex we’d had at the office the day before, I’d had hard words with myself and decided I needed to put our friendship first and give up on this idea that we might be good together romantically.
Easier said than done.
Being here tonight, with him and his family and closest friends, I kept doubting that decision. I fit in here. This was my place, in his world. Didn’t that mean we belonged together?
You do belong together, I reminded myself. As friends.
Just friends.
The best way to get over him would probably be to see less of him. Obviously, that wasn’t an option since we worked together, and since I’d promised him that we were all cool, I couldn’t exactly step back from hanging out together either.
Still, I’d seriously considered canceling tonight.
Now that I was here, I was glad I’d come. But behind my smile, I was struggling. Laura’s ever welcoming demeanor wasn’t helping, and I tried to subtly end the conversation early. “Well, I won’t steal you from those that matter—”
She cut me off. “Don’t be ridiculous.” She leaned in so she could lower her voice and still be heard. “You’re one of the only people I actually like here.”
“Didn’t Brett invite the other ladies from DBC? Did you give him their contact info?”
“Oh, he invited them, but I warned them all that it would be littered with stuck-up Sebastian prudes and suggested they only come by if they wanted to waste the evening. They decided they’re taking me for lunch next week instead.”
Ugh. That pain again, the feeling of being left out.
But I said, “Good call,” like I didn’t have FOMO at all.
She seemed to sense it anyway. “I wish you could be there. Do you think you could call in sick?”
I considered it for half a second before remembering I was trying to move myself away from Brett’s family, not toward. “I’m afraid not. It’s a busy time right now.”
“I get it,” she said with a sigh. “Well, sit down with me. We can catch up now.”
I went with her reluctantly as she pulled me to the sofa she’d been sitting on before she’d seen me approach.
Brett had rented out his building’s lounge, a space big enough to accommodate the hundred people who’d been invited while still feeling intimate with seating grouped in conversational style throughout the room.
The sofa that Laura had claimed as hers for the night was grouped with two chairs that were currently occupied by Brett’s father, Luke, and a cousin I didn’t know very well. The two were deep in their conversation, so it was just me and Laura for the moment.
“So has Michele brought the new baby by lately?” Hopefully, if I asked about Brett’s sister, it would keep me from having to talk about myself. “He must be almost one now.”
She shook her head. “Nope. I’ve been talking about myself all night. I’d rather hear about you. Seeing anyone?”
My stomach felt heavy even though I hadn’t eaten anything all night. “Ha ha,” I said.
“Then you’re not seeing anyone? Brett made it sound like you were.”
I was instantly curious as to what her son had said about my love life, but equally cautious about prying into a subject I was trying not to care about.
“To be honest—” I took a breath, wondering how I could be somewhat truthful with her. It would feel so good to be able to tell someone. To share at least a tiny morsel of this agony that I was carrying—a little dramatic maybe, but that was me. “I’m trying to get over someone right now.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Not a good fit?”
Without meaning to, my eyes crossed the room to Brett talking to Scott, who was wearing a scowl, and his brother Zachary, who nodded along with Brett’s words. Did we really not fit together? “He doesn’t think so.”
“That sucks. But between you and me? Sebastians, in general, really aren’t all that.”
I turned quickly toward her and blushed when I realized she’d followed my gaze.
Then she added, “Especially that Scott. Trust me. I’ve known him since he was in diapers.”
“You’re right.” At least she’d assumed I’d been talking about the wrong Sebastian. She might have even heard mention of my trysts with Scott through the family grapevine. I didn’t know what Brett said about me, and Scott was pretty discreet about his many dalliances.
Though part of me wished she’d realized who I’d really meant. Wished that she would have corrected me. Wished she would have told me to hang in there, that he’d come around.
She didn’t leave me empty, however. Giving me a side hug, she said softly, “Hang in there. You’ll find the man for you. Who knows? He might be right under your nose, and you just don’t know it yet.”
Brett chose that moment to look toward me, and our eyes locked. As much scolding as I’d given to it, my heart flipped at the connection. Or maybe he’s under my nose, and I do know it, I thought.
But all I said was, “Maybe.”
Thankfully, I was rescued from Brett’s intense gaze and any more personal talk with Laura when Brett’s older brother Tyler called everyone together for a toast. I barely listened, but I raised my flute, and when glasses clinked around the room, I tried hard not to believe it was the sound of something inside of me breaking.
I mingled for the next half hour in a mode I usually reserved for work—outwardly present, internally moping. Whether I was avoiding Brett or he was avoiding me, we didn’t communicate at all beyond a few shared glances when he found me looking at him.
God, I was obnoxious. Staring at him incessantly like a lost dog. I hoped I wasn’t too obvious, but those hopes were dashed when Scott came to stand beside me during the cake cutting. “What’s going on with you and Brett?”
“What do you mean?” Had Brett said something about me to him? I hated how hopeful the thought made me.
“Just that you usually reserve the dazed look for me.”
“I’m not looking at Brett with—” I cut myself off before I came off as too defensive. “You’re full of yourself.”
He gave me that smirk that only a few weeks ago would have had me handing over my panties. “You’re over me, aren’t you, Waters? We should celebrate. Toast?”
I smacked his shoulder lightly with the back of my hand, but I smiled.
Then immediately dropped it when Brett popped up at my side. “What are we toasting?”
I wished I was invisible.
Or if I had to be realistic, that I was quick with a subject changer.
Thankfully, Scott was fast on his feet. “We’re toasting how close we are to sealing this sponsorship deal.”
“Ah. I’ll raise my glass to that.” Brett seemed dubious, which was fair, because Scott was not usually the kind to bring up work at a casual function, and I definitely wasn’t the kind.
And I’d been smiling when he’d come over. Brett probably thought that Scott and I had been flirting. So much for making sure Brett knew I was over his cousin, but I supposed that didn’t matter now.
Yet, with Brett finally standing next to me, it was hard to remember that I had decided to stop obsessing about him. His presence made me feel itchy in my skin, the way I always felt when I was turned on. Like I wouldn’t feel right until I was scratched just right.
But it was more than just feeling aroused.
Brett made my chest feel tight and warm all at once.
Those horses galloped in my stomach, but I never felt more anchored in place.
I wanted to reach out and touch him, because I liked being connected to him.
I liked being his plus one—a label I’d frequently held over the years—not because of how it looked to be with him but because I knew that after whatever event he’d dragged me to was over, he would be the one still by my side.
He’d be the one who would laugh at my stories from the night.
He’d be the one who convinced me I hadn’t stuck out like a sore thumb.
He’d be the one who made me feel like it was okay to just be me.
I was in love with him, wasn’t I? Really in love with him.
How long had I been ignoring that?
The realization had drawn me from the conversation, but something Scott said brought me barreling back from my thoughts. “What are you talking about?” I asked him.
“About this guy.” He pointed to Brett, almost accusatory. “He mentioned earlier he spent the day with Tess. I was asking him for the scoop.”
Now I was completely present, jealousy spiking hot and fast in my veins. “Brett spent the day with Tess?”
I knew he liked her. This shouldn’t have been a surprise. Of course he’d pursue her. Of course she’d let herself be pursued.
Brett cleared his throat. “Yeah. We, uh—”
I cut him off there. I didn’t want to hear him talk about her and him as a “we.” I didn’t have to listen to this. I couldn’t. “You know what? I just remembered I, uh...I have to go.”
Blinking away tears, I turned and headed toward the exit, not quickly enough to escape Scott’s comment. “That was weird.”
Then there was Brett calling after me. “Edie! Wait up!”
I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t look at him. I kept walking straight ahead, dodging anyone who looked like they wanted to talk, pretending I didn’t hear the guy I was crazy about chasing after me.
Hey, I should be happy to be finally chased, shouldn’t I?
It was too soon to laugh at myself.
In the hall, I pressed the elevator button. Then pressed it a bunch more times when the doors didn’t open up right away.
“Eden!”
Dammit.
There was Brett, heading down the hall toward me.
Hallelujah, the elevator opened then. “Tomorrow!” I shouted out to him as I got in. “I’ll call you.”
Lies. Tomorrow I wouldn’t leave my bed.
The doors closed before he reached me.
Then, I remembered—fuck—and I hit the button to open the door. “My purse,” I said because he was waiting on the other side. “I left my purse in your apartment.”
“...Your purse in my apartment,” he finished with me. I’d dropped it off before the party, not wanting to carry it around all night.
Earlier me thought I’d been thinking ahead.
Current me had regrets.
I couldn’t get home without it. It was too far to walk, and I didn’t have any cash or my phone on me. That was why he’d been chasing after me.
And I’d thought I couldn’t feel any worse.
“Just give me your key,” I said, but he was already stepping into the elevator.
“I’ll ride down with you.”
“You shouldn’t leave the party.”
“I won’t be missed. It’s fine.” He hit the button to his floor, and I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to be invisible.
“What happened?”
I waved my hand in the air, hoping that he got the hint because if I had to say I didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t sure I could get the words out without breaking down.
Either he was in the mood to be persistent or he didn’t understand my gesture because he started to say something else, but then, thankfully, the doors opened, and I swiftly exited and rushed toward his apartment.
My purse was just inside. All I had to do was walk in, grab it, and head back out. Quick and easy.
It felt like forever before he caught up with me, but when he did, he didn’t push me to talk.
Until we were inside. I reached for my purse, but he grabbed it before I did and held it in the air, out of my reach. “Please tell me what happened, Edie.”
The softness in his voice…he was going to break me.
I shook my head, an errant tear spilling down my cheek.
“What did Scott do?” he asked more forcefully.
Surprise helped me find my voice. “Scott? You think this is about Scott?”
I watched his chest rise and fall before he spoke. “Isn’t it?”
“No, you idiot. This is not about Scott. It’s about you. You! Watching you move around in the world, talking, working, going on dates, as though nothing has changed. As though we’re the same two people we were two weeks ago. You may be, but I’m definitely not.”
“Edie…”
I wasn’t in the mood to hear another of his attempts to let me down gently. “Do you know what that’s like? Can you imagine for one second? How it feels to have to stand quietly by and pretend everything’s the same? That you’re not in love with your best friend?”
His response to my impromptu declaration came out sharp. “Can I imagine? You’re kidding me, right?”
“No! I’m not.”
“You’ve been dealing with this for...what did you say?
Two measly weeks? Try ten years, Eden. Try pretending away your love for ten fucking years.
Can you imagine what it felt like to watch you throw yourself at one loser after another, comforting you through heartache, touching you like it doesn’t mean anything? Can you imagine that?”
In all the time I’d known him, he’d never spoken so harshly.
He’d never said anything so wonderful.
And awful. Because I hadn't been sure, but I’d thought he might like me, and I’d pretended I didn’t. I hadn’t even given us a chance to talk it out. I’d been such a bitch.
“Wait.” I blinked up at him. “Was that why you rejected me? Paybacks?”
“Paybacks?” He looked baffled. Then offended. “No. No.”
“So then—”
He dropped my purse to the ground, and then I was pressed against the door, his mouth hovering over mine. “Just...stop talking.”
And then he was kissing me. Kissing me like he couldn’t breathe without my mouth feeding him oxygen. Kissing me like he would never stop. Kissing me like a man who’d secretly loved me for a decade.
And this time when he carried me to his bedroom, I already knew that nothing would ever be the same.