Chapter 18 #2
“Frustrated that she wants to change our nesting arrangement. But other than that, I’m happy for her. I’ve met him—I insisted before he met Willow. He seems like a good guy.”
“How does she want to change things?” she asks.
My jaw tenses. I don’t want to talk about this kind of shit with Aurora. I want to hear about her and everything going on inside her head. Why’s she in New York specifically? Is she a morning person? Do I need to kill the guy she had a crush on?
Her eyes search my face like she’s looking for answers.
I pause, watching her watching me. I want to know her. But for some reason…I want her to know me too. “She wants Willow to go between our homes.”
“Oh,” she says. “So you’ll have your own place?”
“That’s what Gabby wants.”
“But you don’t?”
“I like the arrangement as it is.”
“I suppose if your ex is getting married, it makes sense that she wouldn’t want to live in two different places. This might be a good thing. You’d save money on hotel bills.” She grins.
“Not my primary concern.”
“But your daughter is. She might like having a mum who’s married and happy.”
“Yeah,” I say, letting her words sink in. “I hadn’t thought about it like that. I just don’t want to disrupt Willow.”
“I’m pretty sure she has a dad who adores her. That’s got to count for something.”
“She has a dad she can wrap around her little finger,” I add with a grin.
“They’re the best kind. Honestly, happy parents count for a lot. I got lucky, my parents are still together. What about yours? Did you say they lived back in the UK?”
“Yeah. And honestly, I’m a little surprised. They didn’t see a whole lot of each other when we were young. But they figured it out, I guess.”
“My mum would always say to me that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. It’s a good adage to live by.”
“I don’t want to know what goes on behind people’s closed doors. And I sure as hell don’t want people to know what goes on behind mine.”
She presses her lips together, like she has to stop herself from saying more and my dick twitches.
“You’re beautiful,” I say again.
She offers me a modest smile and glances around the empty Manhattan rooftop. “So, tell me about this.”
“Tell you about what?”
“About this rooftop restaurant whose only diners are you and me.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Is this a thing?” she asks. “Part of your seduction routine?”
She said she doesn’t want to get hurt. Is that why she’s suspicious? I know a lot of women who would think me buying out this restaurant for the night was romantic. But I’m coming to realize that Aurora isn’t like a lot of women.
“No,” I say. “I don’t have a routine. I rarely go on dates. I’ve never been to this restaurant before. And I’ve never rented out a restaurant before.” I pause, waiting for her follow-up.
“I wasn’t trying to be rude.”
“I know,” I say. “I’m not offended. You think I might be trying to manipulate you. That’s not my style. I’m direct. Upfront. I don’t do things I don’t want to do. But you don’t know that. You don’t know me.”
“But I want you to.”
The truth of that hits me in the chest. I want her to know me. I really do.
Aurora nods. “I want that too.”
The words provide a calming balm to my discombobulation and I sit back in my chair, my eyes never leaving hers.
“When I arranged it, I thought it was because I wanted to have you to myself. I didn’t want to be distracted by the noise of other people.
That’s all true. But I also think I was trying to impress you.
” I’m not sure I’ve ever tried to impress a woman before, but with her it comes naturally. It makes sense.
Aurora’s a woman who’s worth trying to impress. Maybe I’m crazy, but it feels like she looks at me in a different way to most people. It feels like she’s not interested in my job title and my status. She wants to peel every layer back and get to the core of who I am. And I want to show her.
“I’m impressed,” she says. “By the thought. And the effort.” The corners of her lips lift. “Although, I imagine the effort was a request to your assistant.”
I smirk. “But it’s the thought that counts.”
“It really is. And I like that you’re trying to impress me.” A shadow of confusion crosses her expression.
I want to ask why, but I don’t. “Good.”
“It’s a beautiful view,” she says, looking over my shoulder, toward the Empire State Building.
“It certainly is,” I reply, not taking my eyes from her. She’s the only view I’m interested in.
Her blush, which I’ve not managed to illicit all night, is back.
“You are…” Her thought trails off.
“You want me to finish the sentence? Tell you who I am? Or at least how I see myself.”
She gives a small nod. “Yeah, actually, I do.”
“Focused. The object of my focus can change, but whatever I’m doing, I like to commit to that. If I’m at the office, I’m all in. If I’m with Willow, I’m not talking to the office.” I pause. “Your turn.”
“What about with women?” she asks.
I give her my best flirty smile. “I’m focused there too. Never had a threesome, if that’s what you mean.”
She rolls her eyes. “I mean, have you cheated?”
“Never,” I answer quickly. “But then again, I’m not often in relationships. When I lived with Gabby, there was no one else until we split.” Her gaze flits from my mouth back up to my eyes. “What about you?”
“But you’re not finished,” she says. “You’re just focused. There’s more to you than that.”
“I want to hear about you too. Let’s take turns.”
She sighs and her eyes trail away from mine as she thinks about her answer. “I’m hard working,” she says. “I never got anything for free, and that’s fine.”
“Is it fine?”
“It is. Because we’re all dealt a different hand. And also, when you see people who you think had things easy, it’s often not the case.”
If I didn’t like her before, I do now. She has a refreshing take on the world. She’s insightful.
“Your turn,” she says.
“I’m a father,” I reply. Maybe I should have started that way.
“Sometimes I don’t feel like the best father, but Willow’s my daughter, no matter what kind of father I am.
I can’t quit—not that I want to. I have to push through and keep getting better.
It’s made me a better man. A better businessman.
Being a father is the most important thing in my life. ”
We’ve finished our starters and the waitstaff clear our plates.
She narrows her eyes as everything’s removed from in front of us. When we’re alone again, she asks, “Why do you think you’re not the best father?”
I pull in a breath. “It’s just as I said before. I should have been able to give her a white picket fence, a mum, dad, two kids, and a dog. And I haven’t managed that with Willow.”
“And you think she’s worse off because of that?”
I pull my eyebrows together in confusion. “Of course. You don’t?”
“Not necessarily,” she replies, then she pushes her chair out and stands. She reaches out her left hand. “Let’s go and admire the view before the entrees. That’s what they call the main course, right?”
I nod, stand, and take her hand. She feels warm and safe and like someone I’ve known my entire life.
When we get to the wall, at the edge of the terrace, she turns to me. “I had the kind of family life that you were describing. My mum and dad have lived in the same house since I was born. My parents are still happily married. My mum was a part-time librarian and full-time mother and housekeeper.”
“Were you unhappy?” I ask.
“Not at all.”
Exactly, I think. That’s what I want for Willow.
“But sometimes I wished for more. I’m lucky, my best friend lives in the same village as my parents and we’ve been friends since forever. I work just on the outskirts of the village. Everyone knows everyone where I live, and I swear, I could knock on any house and they’d take me in.”
“Sounds idyllic.”
“It’s very safe,” she says.
I can sense the but in her tone.
“Safe is good,” I say. “The number one thing I want for Willow is her safety.”
“But you want her happiness too, right? Sometimes I think if life had been a bit more…more—” She stops herself.
“I don’t know how to put it. All I know is that I’m thirty-six years old, and coming to Manhattan is my first…
adventure. I wish I’d stepped out of that safe world a bit sooner.
” Her hand sweeps down the lapel of my jacket, her gaze full of regret.
“I’m really enjoying New York and it makes me sad that I didn’t do something like this sooner. ”
I want to scoop her up and make it all better for her immediately. But I wouldn’t know where to start.
“You’re saying safe isn’t always good?” I capture her hand as it falls from my torso and thread my fingers through hers. I’m completely mesmerized by what she’s saying.
“I mean, if you’re in a war zone, of course safe is always good. But if you’re living your life, safe isn’t always what you should be shooting for. You’re obviously successful. You must know that.”
She’s making perfect sense…and it’s the first time I’ve ever even contemplated that safe might have negative connotations.
“And you know what else?” she asks. “She’s going to have a dad who’s laser focused on her whenever he’s around her.
How many kids can say that? What a role model you’ll be.
” She smiles and shakes her head. “They say daughters marry their dads. I can’t imagine the poor guy who has to measure up to you. ”
I can’t remember when I last felt so…comfortable. And it’s not just because she’s paying me a compliment. Maybe that’s part of it. She just says things in a way that they’re easy for me to digest. It’s as if she’s put glasses on me and I see the world a little differently when she’s around.
I can’t remember when someone else last made me feel this good. I want to freeze time and stay here forever with the Manhattan skyline behind us.