Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
Deacon
I put the towel around my neck and head out of the changing rooms onto the gym floor. I don’t have much time to socialize, but keeping close to Ben is something I’m trying to prioritize more and so we’ve agreed to meet regularly at the gym. Today is our second time of catching up while sweating.
“I can’t believe you’re dragging me to the gym again,” Ben says, as he comes up beside me.
“I’m not dragging you,” I reply. “You asked me to breakfast. I suggested the gym.”
“Hate to break it to you, but this isn’t breakfast.”
“It’s where I spend breakfast time.”
He shakes his head, grinning. “Admit it, you just want to do something else while you speak to me,” he says. “You can’t just relax and have a casual breakfast. It’s about Willow or your work. Anything else gets squeezed in on top of each other. Me and the gym being a perfect example.”
I roll my eyes exaggeratedly. “Are you going to complain this entire forty-five minutes? Let me know, because I have earphones I can use if you are.”
“Forty-five minutes? You couldn’t even spare an hour?”
I chuckle. “You get an hour including changing time.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“I agree,” I say.
He nudges me with his elbow and we head to the bikes.
Part of the reason I suggested combining my catch-ups with Ben and the gym is because going to the gym is a regular thing.
It’s easy to cancel ad hoc plans, but if you know you’re going to the gym four times a week, then slotting someone into that time means there’s more room.
It’s less likely we’ll stop these catch-ups because we’re doing something else that’s important at the same time.
“What’s going on?” I ask him, as I set up the right program on the bike.
He presses start and he’s off. “Not much. I just got permissions through for the refurb on that apartment block in Brooklyn.”
“That’s taken a while.”
“Everything takes a while. But I have to focus on the positive. It’s going to make a lot of money when it’s finally complete. What about you? How’s Willow?”
“Good. Aurora came over last night.” I’d told Ben a little about Aurora when we were last here.
His head whips sideways, and I can feel his gaze on me. “She met Willow?”
I know that on the face of it, Aurora meeting Willow is a big deal. But it felt really natural. It felt right.
“Yeah, at the townhouse.”
“Are you shitting me?” Ben asks. “You took a woman to the townhouse and had her meet your daughter? Was it the stepmom test? Have you picked out a ring?”
I keep my gaze focused on the screen in front of me.
“We were all together for an hour and a half maximum before Willow went to bed. It’s not a big thing.
” I can’t decide if it’s a big thing. I understand Ben’s shock.
It’s not like I’ve ever introduced a woman to Willow before.
But Aurora is heading back to the UK in a couple of months—the thought sends a sharp pain to my gut.
Ben scoffs, interrupting my introspection. “It’s a huge deal, unless you’ve turned into some super-chilled guy when it comes to Willow.”
“I told you, Aurora’s going back to the UK. There’s no ring.”
“So you invited her round because she’s leaving? I’m not following.”
“I’m saying, it’s never going to turn into anything big because she’s going to be an ocean away. I was due to have dinner with Aurora that evening, but Gabby had the stomach flu and needed me to stay with Willow. No big deal.”
“Sounds like it’s a very big deal,” he says.
I don’t respond, I keep pedaling, enjoying the burn in my thighs that’s come quicker than it normally does.
“What about work?” Ben says.
“It’s fine.”
“What about project alphabet?” he asks, referring to ABC Inc., but knowing he shouldn’t say the name out loud in a public place.
“I’m still talking to them. I’ve just…I’m just not prepared to fly out to the West Coast to shmooze them.”
“But you could fly out Sunday to Wednesday,” he says. “You wouldn’t miss any time with Willow then.”
He’s right, and I’d been planning to go to California, but I’d told Brian that I couldn’t make it at the last minute. I wanted to stay in New York and have dinner with Aurora instead.
Jesus, I can’t admit that to Ben. He’ll think I’m going soft. Or he’ll think things are serious with Aurora. But they’re not. At least they’re not as serious as he’ll assume they are.
When she told me yesterday that she couldn’t see me on her next day off, it was like a punch to the gut.
Jealousy had surged in me at the thought that she might be seeing another guy.
We haven’t had any kind of talk about being exclusive, but I absolutely don’t want anyone else when I can have Aurora.
It makes no sense. But I don’t know if she feels the same, although we see each other every chance we get and text each other when we’re not together.
And how can I ask her? She’s leaving in just over a month. What can I say? “Hey, you wanna fuck just me while you’re in town?”
Even with Gabby, we never had that kind of conversation.
We slept together for about three months before she got pregnant.
After she was pregnant, most of our conversations were practical.
We had to figure out where we were going to live and who was going to have time off when.
We weren’t driven by our feelings. We were led by the fact we were bringing a human life into the world.
And what I felt for Gabby wasn’t anything in comparison to what I feel for Aurora.
Part of me wants to ditch the birthday party I have to attend and ask if I can be her plus-one to her family thing on Saturday night.
Or it wasn’t a family thing, it was a friend-of-the-family thing.
There’s so much I don’t know about her. So much I want to know about her. But we’ll get timed out at some point.
“Deacon?” Ben barks, bringing me back to our conversation. He’s been talking while I’ve been lost in my thoughts about Aurora. “Are you in the zone or being an ignorant prick?”
“Do I have to choose?” I reply.
“Are you thinking about Aurora?” he asks.
I don’t respond.
“Are you in love with her?” he asks.
My heart thunders, and I don’t know if it’s the incline or his question. I still don’t answer. I’ve never been in love. It would be impossible to fall in love with a woman who lives on a different continent, and who I’ve only known for a few weeks.
That couldn’t happen.
“Let’s just work out,” I snap.
“Oh my god,” Ben says. “I never thought I’d see the day when Deacon Black fell in love.”
“I’m not in love, you prick. I’m focused on my workout. There’s a difference.”
“You think Gabby getting engaged has let you move on? Maybe you had at the back of your head that you might get back together at some point, and now she’s getting married, so it’s allowed you to focus on something else.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask him. “I’m not hung up on Gabby. Never have been.”
“I know you weren’t in love with her,” he says, “but I think you thought you might—”
“No,” I say. “I never thought Gabby and I were going to get back together.” Gabby and I weren’t ever compatible anywhere but the bedroom.
That became pretty clear immediately. It’s not that we hate each other, but we don’t get each other.
I don’t have that much to say to her, beyond things about Willow.
And I’m sure she feels the same way. I don’t think we had sex together once after Willow was born.
Things just died between us when we moved in together.
“It was nothing to do with Gabby that stopped me…Aurora coming over was just convenient. She works weird hours, so it’s difficult to find a good time to hang out.” It wasn’t just convenience that had me inviting Aurora over. The idea of not having her over was unbearable. I couldn’t not see her.
“But it’s more than just sex between you and Aurora. Or you would’ve just had her come round when Willow was already in bed.”
There’s no denying that it’s more than sex. Much more. But so what? “My priorities remain my daughter and my business, in that order.” The words sound hollow as they come out. But those two things do take up so much time that I’m not sure how anything, or anyone, else would fit.
“Priorities shift,” Ben says.
“Can we change the subject?” I ask. “Talking about this with you is pissing me off.” My priorities have already shifted.
Not that I’ve abandoned Willow or my business, but Aurora has brought change to my life already.
It’s not bad. It’s good. But I’m not sure what the long-term implications are for my life.
I’m not sure what I want the implications to be.
He chuckles. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“Are you in love?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says. “Completely in love with making money.”
I grin. I get it. Ben and I have similar backgrounds. We weren’t exactly poor growing up, but having enough money to know that I’ll never have to worry about anything financial is a good feeling.
“Can I meet her?” Ben asks. “If she’s important to you, I’d like to.”
I don’t respond, but something inside me clicks into place. I want my closest friend to meet Aurora. I want him to see how special she is.
But is there any point? Creating space for Aurora in my world brings change. Am I just setting up him, Willow, and myself for unnecessary disruption when she leaves?
There’s only one answer—yes.
Ben won’t care, but Willow might. And I know I will.