Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
Aurora
I have three days off in a row—Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
It feels like a holiday.
I could be spending at least one of them naked in bed with Deacon.
Instead, I’m hanging out with my best friend.
I’m not disappointed. I haven’t seen Darcy for the longest time and it will be great to catch up and hang out, but I’m weirdly nervous about it.
I feel like so much has happened since the last time I saw her and part of me wonders if I’m still the same person.
Darcy always stays at the Mandarin Oriental when she’s in town—it’s something of a family tradition.
I’m relieved she didn’t suggest staying at Hotel on Ninth Street.
Not only would she have had to schlep uptown for Ryder’s birthday party, but I kinda don’t want her staying where I work.
Our friendship could be really uneven. She’s the daughter of a duke.
My dad was a bank manager. But she’s never made me feel like I was less than her.
I don’t want that to change, and if she was a guest in the hotel where I was working, it might.
As I reach Colombus Circle, I turn and glance back at the skyline, trying to figure out where I am in relation to where my first date with Deacon was. But despite the very organized grid system New York was built on, I can’t orientate myself. I have no clue.
I pull out my phone to tell Darcy I’m just coming into the lobby when I hear her familiar squeal. I spin around and she comes at me, her arms flinging around me.
“I think this is the longest we’ve ever been away from each other,” she says.
I grin as she pulls back and holds me by the shoulders. “You’re crazy,” I say.
“Of course I’m crazy. I have a weekend by myself without my husband and kids. I love them all dearly, but a girls’ weekend? What could be better than that?”
“I’m not sure this qualifies as a girls’ weekend.”
“Tell me you haven’t had your days off canceled?”
I shake my head. “No, but you’re here for your brother’s fortieth. Not for a girls’ weekend.”
“That’s just semantics.” She links her arm through mine.
“Let’s go!” We head to the crossing. I don’t even know where we’re headed, but it doesn’t matter.
As long as I get to hang out with my best friend.
“Did I tell you I booked glam for tomorrow night? Can you bring your stuff up to the hotel and get ready with me? It will be so much fun.”
I grin. That does sound like fun. “Like old times.”
“Exactly. Pre-children. Pre-responsibilities.”
“You’ve always had responsibilities. You’ve been looking after Woolton Hall your entire life.”
“It’s different. Plus, I was a kid then. Now I’m responsible for the physical and mental health of two other human beings. The pressure is real.”
“You’re a great mummy,” I say, feeling a tug of regret.
I know Darcy loves her children as much as a person could, but knowing I probably won’t ever have children makes it a little more difficult to hear that she’s looking forward to time away from them.
I think if I was ever lucky enough to become a mother, I’d strap them to my body and never let them leave.
“I’m only an okay mummy. That’s all anyone can be. You’ll get it when you have children.”
“If I have children,” I correct her. I still haven’t told her about my fertility results. I just can’t bear to talk about it. What’s the point? It won’t change anything and nobody can make me feel better about the fact I’m probably never going to be a mother.
“You just need to find someone to have children with. Speaking of, did you see any more of that guy who was staying at the hotel?”
“Deacon,” I say. He’s not that guy anymore. Not to me anyway. “Yeah, actually.”
“Oh?” she says. “Tell me more.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“The park of course. I always like to come and see the Bethesda Fountain the first morning after I arrive. It’s tradition.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, since I was a kid. I used to think I’d find the love of my life wandering around it. It’s so romantic. Maybe you’ll find the love of your life there.”
I laugh. “In this heat, I’m more interested in finding an ice cream.”
“New York summers are insane. Back home, we’re still in our winter coats.”
“You are not,” I say, rolling my eyes. “It’s July.”
She laughs and we cross the road into the park. The heat seems to be a little more bearable inside the park, with the dappled shade of the trees cooling the pathways.
“Do you spend much time in the park?” she asks.
“I think this is just my second trip.” I feel like I just got to New York. There’s still so much to see and do. The time is passing so quickly. I’m not sure I’ll be ready to give it up and go back home at the end of the summer. “How’s Ryder?” I ask. “Is he excited for his party tomorrow night?”
“I have no idea. I haven’t spoken to him about it. Scarlett’s excited. You haven’t caught up with her since you’ve been here, have you?”
I shake my head. “First they were in Colorado, then Chilternshire with you, and then they flew straight to…” I can’t remember where they were going next.
“I think Ryder had to go to Canada for work.”
“Right,” I say. “Toronto.”
“But now they’re back in town, they’ll look after you.”
I don’t need looking after. Not now. I’ve found my feet in New York. I can’t believe it, but I’m okay. I was terrified coming over, but even thinking about how scared I was feels strange. It’s ridiculous that I’d be so concerned when this city is so…comfortable.
“It’s fine,” I say. “Work keeps me busy.”
“And Deacon? Are you seeing a lot of him?”
“Here and there,” I say noncommittally. “He has a daughter and he’s a devoted dad, so that takes up a lot of his time. Plus I’m working. There’s not a lot of time left in between.”
“Is it the summer fling I wanted for you?” she asks.
I laugh. “I don’t know about that.”
We get to the top of the steps leading down to the fountain. “It’s pretty,” I say. “It’s very New York.”
“It’s because it’s been in so many movies.”
Maybe that’s why it seems so familiar. Or maybe New York is just familiar to me.
We make our way down the steps to the bottom.
“Do you have any coins?” Darcy asks, shoving her hand into her jeans’ pockets. “I’m not sure I do.”
“You want to throw one in?”
“Yeah,” she says. “We need to make a wish.”
“Is this one of those kinds of fountains?” I ask.
She laughs. “Isn’t any fountain one of those kinds of fountains?”
I pull out my wallet. I’ve had to make sure I keep change on me because of the New York tips. The British have a horrible reputation for tipping here, so I’ve made sure I’ve always had cash on me.
I have mostly dollar bills, but shoved into the corner are two quarters.
“Here,” I say, presenting her with one. “One each.”
“What are we wishing for?” she asks.
Deacon instantly springs to mind. But I can’t wish for Deacon.
We don’t make sense together. When we’re with each other, we make perfect sense.
He’s thoughtful and a good listener. He’s sensitive but dominant.
And I’m so into him it’s embarrassing. But if I pull back and consider how we’d ever work out, that’s when everything falls apart.
Nothing works. He’s obsessed with keeping everything steady and the same for Willow.
I’m heading back to England. Nothing stacks up
“I have no idea,” I say.
“What do you want more than anything?” she asks.
I turn so my back’s facing the fountain and I close my eyes. I’m going to wish for the same thing I’ve wished for since I was a little girl—a family.
And the picture in my mind is teaching Deacon how to braid Willow’s hair. I try to swap them out for something else, but my imagination just won’t let me. In the end, I toss the coin over my shoulder, Deacon’s face studiously taking in my instructions.
My wishes never come true anyway.
“What did you wish for?” Darcy asks.
“I can’t tell you, can I? Or it won’t come true.”
She rolls her eyes, turns around, and throws the coin over her shoulder. “I’m wishing William doesn’t break his other arm while I’m away.”
I laugh, and out of the corner of my eye, I catch an ice cream seller. “Let’s get some sugar.”
When we have our ice creams, we keep wandering the paths of the park. Darcy catches me up with their housekeeper’s, Mrs. McBee’s, latest health scare. She had to have a hip replacement last year, and just got called back after she had a mammogram. It turned out to be nothing.
“I don’t know what I’d do without her,” she says.
“I know,” I reply.
“You seem different,” Darcy blurts. “Like super-relaxed or something. Isn’t New York meant to turn everyone into a hothead?”
“I never heard that.”
“Yeah, they’re all barking and yelling at each other when I see it on television.”
I laugh. “But you’ve been coming to New York for years. You know it’s not like that.”
“It is like that. A little bit.”
“Avril and Poppy aren’t like that.”
“I’d like to meet them. They sound lovely.”
“They are. I can imagine being friends with them, even though I’m older than them.”
“Not by much,” Darcy says.
“Thirty-six feels old,” I say. But it’s not because I feel old exactly. More that I expected to be in a different place to the one I am now. I thought my life would look a lot like Darcy’s, except without the stately home and the horses.
“Maybe that’s why you’re relaxed. Or maybe it’s got something to do with this guy you’ve been seeing.”
“Deacon,” I say again. He’s not just some random guy. He’s…he’s my guy. Or at least that’s how I see him.
“Do I get to meet him?” she asks. “I get the feeling things are a little more serious than you’re letting on.”
I lick my ice cream. “You’re only here for the weekend.”
“What’s he doing today?”
“We’re not…he’s at work and then going home to his daughter.”
“Tomorrow?” she asks.
“Tomorrow we’re getting glam and going to celebrate your brother being forty.”
“The duke is forty,” she says. “I can’t believe it. Forty is…I mean, you can’t be still figuring shit out at that age, right? You’ve got to have it together.”
“That gives me four years,” I say on a laugh.
She pauses. “There are a lot of English guys going tomorrow night. I made Scarlett show me the guest list. You never know, your charming prince might be there. And if he’s English, that means I won’t lose you to New York.”
“Perfect. I’ll make a note in my diary that I’m finding my Prince Charming tomorrow night.”
She laughs. “It’s good to be positive. I think it’s called manifestation or something.”
If manifestation was a thing, I would have found my man by now. Maybe I have and my manifestation malfunctioned partway through and made everything too difficult.