Chapter Eighteen
Noah
The parts of my brain still capable of coherent thought were trying to hammer into me how bad of an idea this was. It was too soon; she was innocent in every possible way; I could so easily fuck things up.
But when Sailor reached between us to enclose her hand over my cock, there were no more thoughts, coherent or otherwise.
I slid my pants over my hips, dropping them on the floor and backing her toward the bed.
Never once did I stop kissing her, touching her, and trying to make sure she was enjoying herself.
Just because it came naturally didn't mean I had to be a selfish bastard.
When she sat on the edge of the bed, I went with her, lowering over her until she lay flat. Holding my weight off her with my hands, I stared down at her face for several long seconds.
She blinked, and I bent to kiss her. Every time she stroked her skilled physician’s hands over my body, I felt fire trailing in her wake. The baser part of me had an instinctive need to bury my cock inside her, but I wanted to treat her differently.
Because she mattered.
I’d been on the verge of telling her how deeply I cared, but I wasn't sure if I could say for certain I loved her yet.
Either way, I didn't want to hurt her if my feelings weren't as deep as hers, or scare her into thinking I was bullshitting her to get her into bed.
Or, hell, maybe she didn't even like me that much and just wanted to get this over with, and I was the one who’d end up embarrassed.
Moving beside her, I propped myself on my elbow to trail my fingers between her breasts.
Without touching her stomach, I dragged her tank top up until I could take it off, then tossed it behind me.
Instead of staring at her tits when I unhooked her bra, I watched her face as I rolled her nipples between my fingers.
She moaned, the sound so erotic I felt my cock pulse in need.
“That feels so good, Noah.”
“Can I make you feel even better?” I whispered.
With a nod, she took my hand and guided me lower, beneath the waistband of her unbearably utilitarian panties.
Still trying not to even glance at the scar that made her so insecure, I pushed the underwear off and stroked her gently.
Her legs fell open, and I was keenly aware that Sailor was naked and spread out in front of me for the taking.
Her eyes were closed, her head tossed in my direction, and I wanted to hear her scream my name. Lowering my head, I took her nipple in my mouth as I circled her clit, and she let out a loud cry.
“That’s a good start, baby.”
“Noah,” she ground out.
“Yes?”
“More.”
Her panting breath fanned out between us, and I used my teeth on her, moving faster as her thighs trembled and shook. Soon, her hands were threaded in my hair, holding me tighter to her as she came with a loud shout.
“Oh, God, Noah!”
“That’s it, Sailor, let me hear you.”
I didn't stop, but changed my tactic just a little.
Finding the soft spot behind her ear with my tongue, I continued massaging her clit until she went rigid, shouting and cursing me until she came again.
I kissed her thoroughly as she settled back down, wrapping her arms around my neck.
Her lips curved against mine, and I smiled back.
Rather than rushing into the next step, I waited for her to open her eyes. Reaching for me, she stroked my cock over my boxer briefs, eventually slipping her hand beneath them to give me skin-on-skin contact.
“Is this okay?” she asked.
Since I was trying desperately to hold onto my sanity, I found it difficult to respond. “God, yes.”
Her hands were soft as she stroked me, and my breathing became as harsh as hers had been.
Her constant motion was mesmerizing me, and I felt the tightening in my balls becoming harder to fight.
Finally, I pushed my underwear off, unable to keep from pressing my cock into her hip as I leaned over to nibble on her neck.
“Mm.”
Well, that sound set me off. I lurched up, hovering over her and running the head of my cock through her slick folds.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes, Noah.”
She held onto my shoulders, but I hesitated.
“Please?” she whispered.
And when I saw the tears in her eyes, I realized my desire to make sure she was ready was only making her insecurities flare up.
“I just don't want to hurt you,” I said in a strained voice.
“I’ll be okay.”
I sank into her, feeling how tight and wet she was. She only stiffened briefly, gathering me close and clinging to me as though I was her lifeline.
“Oh, God,” she moaned.
My brain shut off, all the sensations overwhelming me as Sailor clung to me, wrapping her legs around my waist and threading her hands through my hair. I moved faster, needing to claim her, to mark her as mine, to make certain she knew no one else would ever get this chance with her but me.
I felt it, then, the way my heart did a stupid flippy-flop when she said my name. Sex had never been more than a release for me, just a fun time with a hot girl. Never in my life had I cared enough about someone else to make sure it meant more than that.
“You’re making it impossible for me to hold out,” I whispered in her ear.
“Then don’t,” she responded, running her nails up and down my back.
I pulled away just enough to see her face in the dim light from the other room, seeing her content expression and knowing we’d made the right choice. I couldn't resist any longer, letting myself come as I held her tight.
Spent and out of breath, I dropped my head to her shoulder for a moment before moving over so I didn't crush her. The fact that she immediately curled into my side made me smile.
“Still good?” I checked.
I felt her nod against me, and I smoothed my hands down her hair.
“Thank you.”
Well, that was an odd one. No one had ever thanked me for sex before. “For what?”
“Giving a damn.”
Scooting her over so I could see her face, I said, “That’s not even a conscious decision anymore. It’s second nature.”
Her smile was soft. “It feels good to know that.”
I ran my hand up and down her arm, realizing that it was right about then that I would normally be figuring out how to run. Even if I dated a woman for a few months, I didn't like to hang around through the afterglow and give her any ideas.
But I wasn't going anywhere.
“Noah?”
Lifting my head, I replied, “Yeah?”
“Why do you like me?”
“That’s an interesting question.” Sitting up, I raked my hand through my disheveled hair. “Let me run to the bathroom before I answer you.”
Since her apartment wasn't big enough for the bathroom to be hidden, I went in and cleaned up quickly so she wouldn't think I was stalling.
Gesturing behind me, I said, “You wanna?”
Blinking hard, she nodded and got off the bed. Catching her as she passed me, I cradled her face and kissed her gently before letting her go.
As fragile as she was, I could easily ruin this. Should I get partially dressed, or would that make it worse? Did she think I was only here for the party and then would drop her immediately? Wishing for a stiff drink, I pulled back her comforter and got under it, hoping I wouldn't fuck this up.
When she came back from the bathroom, she’d put on a robe. I couldn't read her eyes, not in the darkened room, but I held my arms out so she’d come sit with me.
But when she got on the bed, she sat next to me on top of the covers, twisting her fingers together and not looking at me.
“Do you remember me telling you that I think you’re intelligent and strong?”
She didn't reply.
Reaching out, I tilted her chin up so she’d have to look at me.
“I admire your tenacity. The way you know your profession so well that you don’t put up with the ones who slack off.
The fact that they treat you abhorrently, but you don't let that affect patient care, is amazing. You work just as hard for everyone you treat, and it shows.”
Tears hovered on her lashes but didn't fall. “So you think I’m a good doctor.”
“You don’t have to be stoic all the time, Sailor. Recently, you’ve let your guard down around me, and I know how special that is.”
“I don't mean to be so insecure, but it’s been pounded into me that I’m not worthy.”
“You’re more than worthy. You’re amazing.”
“Don’t feel like you have to flatter me because I let you—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” I interrupted sharply. “I’m right here. I didn't run away like I always do. I stayed because you matter to me.”
She lowered her gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“My patience will wear out if you keep questioning my intentions.”
“You have been incredibly patient with me; more than I expected you to be capable of.”
I smirked at her. “I prefer the acidic tongue. It suits you.”
She huffed, looking over at me. “You have to admit, you’re usually a forceful brute who doesn't care about anyone but his family.”
“A brute, huh?” Pushing up, I hovered over her until she pressed back into the pillows. “Does that mean you expected me to pillage and burn?”
A smile played along her lips. “Maybe.”
“Believe me, that can be arranged.” Lowering my head, I bit her earlobe. “If you don't want me to take care next time, just tell me.”
“Maybe I want to know what it would be like,” she whispered.
Nudging her robe open, I said, “Well, if that’s what you want.”
Tugging and biting, I made sure to leave her skin red as I trailed my way down her abdomen to kiss every bit of her.
I didn't skip over the raised, twisted scar, but kissed it on my journey to her sweet pussy. Since I knew for a fact she’d never done anything so intimate, I made sure to slip my hands under her ass and bring her up to my mouth while she gasped and covered her flushed face with her hands.
With little regard for gentleness, I sucked and licked, swirling my tongue and listening to the way she lost her mind.
Her body trembled, her thighs shook, and I kept going until she sounded as though she would lose it in mere seconds.
Then I flipped her over, shoving the robe off her back so I could leave a wet trail along her spine.
Using both my hands and my teeth, I marked her tender flesh as she cried out for me.
Unable to wait any longer, I yanked her hips toward me and thrust inside her, feeling her clench around me as I did.
“Jesus Christ,” she ground out.
With her on all fours, I used that to my advantage, groping her tits as I plowed into her. I didn't bother with care and concern, but sought what I needed, knowing she’d come along for the ride.
And when she screamed my name, I couldn't stop the feral growl, sinking my teeth into her neck and losing it inside her. She trembled around me, and I found her clit to make sure she’d finished too.
Sinking to the mattress, she mumbled, “That’s what I get for challenging you.”
I dropped beside her, unable to form words.
Her hair was in disarray when she moved to flop over my chest. Her head rested on my heart, and I knew it galloped under her ear.
“Is it still too soon to say it out loud?” I asked her.
Because the words crowded my brain, eager to escape. But if it would hurt her, I’d rather bite off my tongue and keep them to myself.
“I don't know exactly what love feels like, Noah.”
I threw my arms around her and squeezed. “Then don't say it to me yet.”
“But I need you to know I’ve never felt this way for anyone else. I want you next to me all the time, and when you go home, I feel lonely.”
I waited to see if she’d say anything else.
“I’ve never felt comfortable around another person.” Lifting her head, she kissed me. “But I do with you.”
“Then you know more than you think you do. And, for what it’s worth, I went from caring deeply about you to falling for you tonight.”
She blushed and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Really?”
“Really.”
“You just kind of dripped slowly into all the cracks in my heart until you filled the void.” With a shaky breath, she added, “No one else has ever tried to love me. I know I’m a pain in the ass.”
“Not to me.”
“Tonight at the skating rink proved that I am. When I fail at something, it wrecks my ego.”
“I don't expect you to be perfect. God knows I’m not.”
I couldn't help worrying about the life I was leading her into. She’d end up with a target on her back. Other families, police, the feds, someone would always be breathing down her neck if she chose to be with me.
But, for the moment, I couldn't let that stop me. Not when I’d found everything I’d been looking for.
“I’ve never said the words to anyone who wasn't related to me, but I love you,” I said quietly. “Even though it scares me.”
“I . . . I love you too, Noah.”
“Then that’s all that matters.”
I’d have to work at convincing myself of that, because it felt more like I’d just ruined her life.