Chapter Nineteen
Sailor
I wasn't sure if Noah would spend the night, but he did. Not only that, but he held me close as we slept, and I managed not to have a nightmare. That was pretty rare and proved that his presence made me feel safe and secure.
But that only served to remind me that he would eventually realize something wasn’t quite right with the accident.
I’d told him we were all in the car together and that my parents didn't survive, but I’d never told him about my pseudonym or that they were shot.
That conversation would only bring up questions I wasn't able to answer.
Mostly because I had no answers to give, and now I never would.
It was hard to reconcile my happiness with the utter letdown of knowing I was losing my only chance to discover the truth about what happened.
But for the day, at least, I was determined to focus on Noah.
After we’d eaten breakfast, he was getting dressed to leave. I had to be at work within the hour, or I’d be more than happy to go back to bed with him.
“Can I take you out to lunch later? Is that something that’s even possible?”
Watching his nakedness slowly disappear beneath his clothing, I replied, “I have a gap between surgeries at eleven, but there’s no guarantee I won’t get stuck in the operating room.”
“We can try, though, right? If it falls through, I’ll bring you something to eat."
“I would like that.” Pulling him close, I smoothed the front of his shirt. “Now, kiss me goodbye so I can get a shower before heading to work.”
Grabbing two handfuls of my ass, he bent his head as he spoke. “Too bad I can’t join you.”
When his lips found mine, it was all I could do not to mount him right then and there. He kept his tongue in his mouth, which was disappointing but for the best.
“As much fun as that would be, I can’t be late.”
“That’s okay. There’s always tonight.”
Giddy at the idea, I grinned. “Hopefully, I’ll see you at eleven.”
“I’ll be there, even if I have to wait for you.”
I watched him walk out the door, then set the security system before I went to shower.
Afterward, I wound my hair into my customary bun, sticking the bobby pins in it and staring at my reflection.
I looked different. Rather than my usual stern expression, my mouth had softened.
After a good night’s sleep, the circles under my eyes had vanished, leaving me looking younger.
I knew it was most likely the endorphins from sex, but I didn't care. I didn't want to attribute it to something scientific, instead choosing to pin it on the words Noah had spoken last night.
He loved me, and he’d never said it to another nonrelative.
For once in my life, I was special to someone.
Ruthlessly pushing down the memories of my parents, I left for work with hope in my heart.
My first surgery was successful, but as soon as I cleaned up and headed to my office to write up a few notes, I spotted Patricia Lauder in the hallway.
“I can’t talk to you while I’m at work,” I reminded her.
And yet, she fell into step beside me. “You haven't given us anything new in a while.”
Swallowing thickly, I responded, “Because there’s been nothing to tell.”
When I glanced at her, I saw that her eyes were narrowed. “You went to bed with him, didn’t you?”
Stopping so short my sneakers squeaked on the polished floor, I snapped, “My personal life is none of your business.”
“We know you’ve been out with him a few times,” she continued as I started walking again.
“What part of fuck off don’t you understand?” I demanded, mashing the button for the elevator. “I don’t have time for you.”
“But you have time to let Noah spend the night.”
As the elevator car arrived, Lauder got on with me. Bristling at the idea of being alone with her, I waited for the doors to close before I went off.
“I don't care what you think of me, agent, but I can’t have you hounding me at work when Noah could show up at any moment, not to mention the way my coworkers gossip about every little thing. I told you I’d let you know as soon as I heard anything useful, but they’ve been very quiet around me.”
“Fucking your target sure is a strategic way of getting information.” When I glared at her, she put up her hands. “Hey, we’ve all been there at one point.”
My mouth dropped open. “What?”
“I need you to find me something new.”
“Why should I work so hard on this when you still give me nothing in return?”
“You know, you’re getting awfully cozy with murderers, doctor. Makes me wonder if you have more of your father in you than we originally thought.”
The ding sounded louder than usual, and I stood frozen as she walked off. The doors were about to close on me when I pushed them back, striding out to find Lauder and demand she explain herself.
She was gone.
Fuming, I stormed into my office and threw myself in my chair, typing up my notes as fast as possible. An itch began between my shoulder blades, making me want to scream in anger.
Mom’s face popped into my mind’s eye, but as usual, I struggled to picture my father.
It bothered me that when I dreamed of them, it was always the back of his head I saw as he drove.
But with her, it was her profile until she turned to smile at me as I chattered about the dance recital and the ice cream.
I could recall her eye color, the shape of her mouth, the size of her nose, and see them all reflected back at me through genetics.
But Dad was a different story. I knew his hair wasn’t very dark, but even the exact color eluded me. What had he done for a living? Why couldn't I bring up his face in my memories?
Was he a killer as Lauder had hinted?
And why did that terrify me when he was long dead and couldn't hurt anyone now?
The alarm on my watch went off, reminding me to go back to the surgical suites.
My stomach churned as I walked, trying to parse together the information I had with my hazy recollections.
Sofia was a stay-at-home mom; even as I started school, she was always there offering me a snack when I got home.
I knew Dad did something serious, that his business was important, and he often missed my school events and recitals due to that.
Someone had cancelled that night, and he was there with me when he shouldn't have been.
What the fuck had Carmine Franco done for a living?
With minutes to spare before I had to scrub in, I jerked my phone from my pocket and did a quick internet search. I’d done it before, and always gotten zero results.
Almost as if he’d been scrubbed from reality.
Adding the dates of his birth and death didn't help me, and neither did adding my mother’s name.
It frustrated me to tears.
With no choice left, I put it aside so I could focus on my job. Compartmentalizing was usually easy for me, but Agent Lauder’s words dogged me until the routine surgery suddenly became difficult. I fumbled the most basic steps, having to stop and reset myself before I did real damage.
“Are you feeling alright, Dr. Wentworth?” the anesthesia tech asked.
“Just a little off this morning.”
Noah would be waiting for me when I finished, and that was what I needed to focus on. Someone out there gave a fuck about me, and I wanted to spend my lunch break with him. That couldn't happen if I didn't get my shit together and finish this properly.
I was half an hour behind schedule when I walked out, stripping off my gown and gloves. With a groan, I leaned against the sink and washed methodically. It could have been worse.
When I stepped out, it was Noah waiting for me, not Patricia. My heart picked up its pace at the sight of him, but I also felt relief. With a huge grin, he pulled me close and kissed me chastely.
“Hope it’s okay that I’m down here.”
“Of course, but I’ll have to show you where my office is so you can wait for me there in the future.”
“I like seeing this side of you.” He touched my cap. “I can’t even explain why I like the way this looks.”
Shrugging, I blushed. “No idea.”
“Ready to eat?”
I was so ready to decompress from the stressful morning. We left the hospital so no one would bother us, and as he drove through the city, I felt myself calming again.
He found another casual place, which was becoming a trend with us. When we sat down, it was no longer across from each other, but as close as possible.
“I have a follow-up appointment with your father this afternoon,” I told him after we ordered.
“Surely, he’s perfectly healthy by now.”
“That’s what I’m hoping to declare today, then he won’t need to see me professionally anymore. Not unless something comes up, at least.”
“He quit smoking ages ago, but his COPD still flares up occasionally.”
“He maintains it well, from what I can see and hear in his lungs.”
Noah nodded, watching me carefully until I squirmed under his gaze.
“Vicki and Gio’s wedding is coming up soon. Will you come with me?”
Nervousness stole over me again, ruining my calmness. “But she doesn't like me.”
“She specifically asked if you’d be my plus-one.”
“But . . . she doesn’t like me, Noah. I don't want to cause a scene at her wedding.”
He took my hand, bringing it up to kiss the palm. “She doesn't dislike you. We held the same feelings about Dad’s previous doctor, and, well, I shit talked you at first. Vicki just hopped on the loyalty train, but she’s let that go now.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Now that we’re together, she's ready to welcome you into the family.”
I choked on my drink. “What now?”
“Family, Sailor. Assuming love means the same thing to you as it does to me.”
My head wanted to spin. “I hadn't thought that far ahead yet.”
Had he? Was he already leaps and bounds ahead of me?
“I don't mean to blindside you.” Leaning against me, he continued, “But that’s how I feel.”
“The future has always been a little scary for me. Other than planning for med school, I’ve been a day-at-a-time girl.”
“Okay. We'll drop it for now, but the wedding is still important to me. You have no idea how much more at ease I feel when I’m around you. I need you by my side.”
Along with all their friends and family. The idea was too big to contemplate.
“Oh, I’m having a realtor look around for suitable houses. If you have anything in mind, please let me know.”
“You want my input on your house?”
“Of course. It's not just about me anymore.”
My face went white-hot. He wanted me to help pick our future house. Was I the only one who thought we were moving too fast?
“Okay,” I managed to squeak.
After we finished and he dropped me off at the hospital, all I could think about was the idea that Noah wanted me to be part of his family.
The ring, the dress, the cake, the house, those things had never been in my long-term plans.
All I concentrated on was work and what promotions I might get down the line.
He hadn't proposed, but it was probably a heads-up that one was coming. The mere idea made my heart throb heavily in my throat. I wanted everything with him, but I was equally scared to have it.
I didn't mention Noah to his father when I saw him later, but I was a bit disappointed not to see him in Benito’s suite.
“Feeling good?” I asked him after he hugged me.
“Fit as a fiddle, cara mio.”
“Perfect.”
I’d barely gotten his vitals charted when he pulled me onto a chair. “I hear you and Noah are together.”
“Was there a town crier I missed?” I asked irritably. “Or a neon sign blinking above my head?”
“I can’t help noticing how happy he is. It makes a father proud.”
Jesus Christ. “It’s, uh, very new.”
“One thing you should know about the Costas: when we pick someone, they're the one for life.”
I tugged at my collar, suddenly feeling like I was suffocating. “We’ve only been on a few dates—”
“He loves you,” Benito interrupted before I could properly flip out.
“So he told me,” I murmured, trying not to hyperventilate.
“And you?”
Looking into his kind eyes, I found I couldn't be annoyed with him. “I love him, too, Benito, but I don’t know what that means for me. I’ve never had a romantic relationship before. I could easily hurt him.”
“You’ll figure it out as you go, I have no doubt.”
“You seem so positive about the unknown.”
“That just means I have faith in you. I want you in my family, sweetheart. The same as I felt for Gio when my Vittoria chose him.”
Tears pricked my eyelids. What had I done to deserve these people? “Thank you.”
Long after I left the Ritz, I thought about their words. What if I messed it up for all of us? I couldn't bear the thought of giving up Noah and Benito, but they might give up on me if I couldn't live up to their expectations.