Chapter Thirty
Noah
Walking up and down the hallway outside the family waiting room, I tried not to picture the worst. The more I waited, the more I felt like a tiger at the zoo, pacing back and forth incessantly.
I knew Dad had been hit, but he kept assuring me it was nothing and that I needed to find Sailor before worrying about him.
After he collapsed in her arms, I called our private ambulance service.
Between them and Sailor, they stabilized Dad and sped off toward Grandview General.
Though she was filthy and in street clothes, Sailor insisted she was the best-qualified surgeon to operate on him, and I was helpless to argue.
Though it seemed her entire body shook, she held up her hands to show me they were rock steady and assured me she’d scrub thoroughly before getting started.
Maybe I was the one vibrating from the terror clutching at me. First, I thought she would die, and then the possibility of losing my father slammed me in the face for the third time in as many months.
Sailor told me she couldn't focus properly if she could see me outside the observation windows, so she had an orderly take me to the surgical waiting area.
Entirely too many people sat in those plastic chairs, all of them as worried about their loved ones as I was about mine.
Hours had since passed, feeling more like days, and I hadn't heard anything yet. Though I trusted her and her skills, there was no way for me to know if I’d taken too long to get him help.
Over the years, I’d made certain I was ready to run the Costa family, but I would rather leave it to my father. It didn't seem right, not when he was still relatively young and had so much to live for.
My phone vibrated, and I raised my brows when I saw it was Gio calling for a status update. “I don’t know anything yet.”
“Can I bring her down there anyway? She’s going stir crazy waiting here.”
I sighed. The last thing I’d wanted was to ruin their wedding day, but I’d had no choice in telling my sister that our father was fighting for his life in the hospital. “I think it should be up to you. You’re her husband now.”
“Then I say it’s up to her, and what she wants is to be with you.”
“Okay.” Swallowing the lump in my throat, I added, “I’m sorry.”
“You weren't the one who started this. You were just the one who ended it.”
Matteo Franco was finally dead, mostly thanks to Russo’s men.
They were waiting at the docks, which was exactly where we followed Matteo and his men.
He thought he was only fighting us, not realizing we were chasing him to the exact place we’d intended to ambush him.
The entire way there, I’d been too afraid of shooting at the windowless cargo van in front of us, knowing Sailor had to be in there somewhere.
I couldn't stand the idea of her being collateral damage in the twisted scheme her cousin had cooked up.
A nurse came down the hall, and I looked at her expectantly. However, she moved past me to the doorway of the waiting area and called a different last name. Clenching my fists together, I tried not to punch the wall. After what felt like three more hours, I spotted Gio and Vicki coming toward me.
She spread her arms wide, and I let my sister hug me.
More than that, I engulfed her in my arms and squeezed back.
Instead of the flowy, lacy wedding dress she’d been in the last time I saw her, Vicki wore yoga pants and a hoodie.
She rarely dressed down in public, so I knew she’d changed in a hurry when she got the news.
“You should have gone home and cleaned up,” she said when she pulled away.
Glancing down at the tux I’d destroyed, I shrugged. “I couldn't leave him.”
“Here.” Gio held up a duffel bag. “I took the liberty.”
Blinking back tears, I hugged my new brother-in-law and thanked him. Heading down the hall, I ducked into the men’s room and stopped short in front of the mirror.
What the fuck must the other family members have thought when they looked at me? Not only was my shirt covered in Dad’s blood, but so was my face. There were even random bits of crap in my hair and rips down my pants. I looked exactly like a man who’d been involved in a firefight.
“Shit,” I muttered, running the hot water in the sink. Opening the bag, I found clean clothes and a toiletry bag. “God bless you, Gio.”
I tried to be quick, hating the thought of news coming while I was in here and they were out there alone.
When I finished cleaning up, I went back to the dreaded blue walls of the family area. Unlike me, Vicki and Gio sat in a cluster of chairs, leaving one open for me to join them. With reluctance, I sat down, dropping the bag at my feet and scrubbing my hands over my freshly washed face.
“You look much less grisly now,” Gio remarked.
“I had no idea it was that bad.”
“Are we going to pretend there isn’t an elephant standing in the corner?” Vicki said impatiently.
I looked over at her. “Yes, we are.”
Because if I acknowledged the elephant in the room, I wasn't sure I could stay strong. If I even so much as thought of her in any capacity other than my father’s surgeon, I knew I’d break. She was safe, that was all that mattered.
“Dad risked his life to help you save her.”
I narrowed my eyes, working to keep my voice down. “You think I don’t know that? Do you think I haven’t mentally flogged myself this entire time, knowing that if I’d insisted he stay at your wedding, he wouldn't be in there fighting for his life right now?”
“You both know he would never have stayed, right?” Gio interrupted. “He sees her as his daughter.”
“All I’m saying is that his sacrifice can’t be for nothing.” Vicki’s eyes welled up with tears, and I reached over to take her hand. “Whatever his outcome, you need to get her back.”
“I thought you didn't like her,” I said, purposely evading her point.
“I liked seeing you happy, and I was willing to get to know her.” Rubbing her sleeve over her face, Vicki squeezed my hand. “And we have to pray she’s in there saving his crusty old ass.”
I tried to laugh, but it came out harshly. “If anyone can, it’s her.”
As though we’d spoken her into existence, Sailor appeared far down the hallway. I tried to determine her facial expression, but it was impossible. She wore a mask of professionalism, and it fucking stabbed me in the heart to see it.
I rose slowly, and Vicki glanced behind her to see what had my attention. Standing beside me, she gripped my hand again as tears ran unchecked down her face.
Clasping her hands tightly together, Sailor stopped two feet away from us. “It was touch-and-go for a long time.”
My chest felt close to exploding when she paused to take a deep breath.
“He’ll live, but he’ll never recover fully. I’m sorry, but I did all I could. A nurse will be out shortly to bring you to him.” Turning to go, she pulled her surgical cap from her head, and her golden hair tumbled down around her shoulders.
“Dr. Wentworth,” Gio said.
We all stood motionless for an interminable minute while she faced us expectantly.
“Thank you.”
With a small smile, Sailor started walking again. Everything inside me screamed at me to stop her, but I couldn't move.
Until Vicki shoved me in the shoulder. “Go get her back,” she hissed.
I took a few steps forward, glancing back at them before catching up to her. “Sailor.”
She kept walking. “You can’t change what you are inside.”
“Nor do I want to.”
“My mistake was being flattered that a cruel mafia don was nice to me. We moved too fast, burned too hot, and learned the hard way that we aren’t meant to be.”
My throat closed up. Was that really how she felt, or was she trying to get ahead of my rejection?
“Sailor,” I said again.
She came to a stop outside the elevators. “You’ll be able to see Benito soon. He won’t be the same man you knew, but his mind will still be as sharp as ever.”
Looking into her eyes, the way they matched the blue of her scrubs, I felt the same love in my heart I had before everything blew up. Nothing had changed other than my perception of her. I’d thought she was pristine, innocent, and pure, but she was more like me than she would likely want to admit.
“I spent weeks crying over you, and then I tried to move on. We need to move on.” Mashing the button again, she crossed her arms over her chest.
“Where would you move on to? Have you got other men waiting in the wings?”
I’d meant it as a jest, but she didn’t take it that way. “Of course not,” she snapped. “I’m alone, as always.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to agree with her. She was done with me, clearly, and ready to be alone instead of loving a monster like me. But when the elevator car arrived and she was about to disappear from my sight, I realized I couldn't let her go so easily.
Stepping on with her, I folded my hands together and stood on the opposite side. “What if I disagree?”
Her shoulders hunched in defense. “With what part?”
“All of it.” Deciding that being tough wasn't worth it if it made us both miserable, I closed the distance between us—both physical and emotional—and gathered her in my arms. “What if I don’t want you to always be alone?”
Her arms remained by her sides, and she wouldn't look me in the eyes. “You don’t care about that.”
“Not true.”
“You have every right to be angry with me; to hate me. I felt how stiffly you stood there after saving me, Noah.”
“Only because I was shocked you wanted to hug me at all.” Leaning down, I whispered in her ear. “You also have every right to hate me for what I did.”
Gasping, she jerked her head back to stare at me.
“I can apologize every day for the rest of my life, but I can’t change the actions of an eighteen-year-old following orders.
I can’t promise I won’t be the same man I’ve always been, scars and all, or that I won’t ever make mistakes.
Nothing’s going to wash away my sins. I fully expect to be judged accordingly in the afterlife. ”
Blinking rapidly, Sailor pushed against my chest. “Does that mean I have to apologize every day, too?”
I felt a modicum of relief. Maybe she was coming around to my side of things. “Only if you want to.”
Scrubbing at her eyes as tears sprang up, she said, “For most of my life, I’ve tried to put the past where it belonged. I couldn't let it go, and it shaped me. Maybe it misshaped me, I don’t know. I’m fucked up, Noah, and you’re about to have a whole lot more on your plate than you know.”
I frowned. “How bad is he?”
She shook her head, pushing falling hair behind her ears. “I don’t think he’ll regain his strength, even with physical therapy. The bullet damaged major arteries, took out a chunk of his left lung, and barely missed his heart.”
Her words cut straight through me. I’d been too focused on the fact that he survived to soak up the truth of the matter. “I’ll have to take over.”
Would that spell the end for us, then? Would she rather live by herself forever instead of marrying a mobster? Would my groveling ever be enough to atone for what I took from her?
“Will it be such a big change from what you’ve already been doing?” she asked. “I was positive you were the one in charge when I first met you.”
Rubbing my temples, I gave in to the temptation to hold her. Instead of resisting, Sailor rested her head on my chest and sighed.
“You saved me,” I said, “from being a coldhearted bastard who only cared about the business. So, yes, it will be different. Because of you.”
“I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine, but no more secrets.” Lifting her head, she added, “No matter how ugly the truth, we say it intentionally.”
The elevator dinged, and the door opened. Out of my periphery, I saw a handful of her coworkers standing there, but I ignored them to cup her cheek. “I love you, Dr. Wentworth.”
“I’d rather be Dr. Costa.”
“I can make that happen,” I murmured as I kissed her.
And the doors slid closed again, shutting us off from the rest of the world.