9. Not What I Wanted
Not What I Wanted
Iwish I could forget it.
Him being here and walking past me. Him breaking my heart, just like I always knew he would.
But I can't.
Not with Gwen chatting to me all day about Mr. Mysterious.
"All the women were staring at him, Kar. I swear I’m not kidding!"
I manage a smile, because I can see Gwen is waiting for me to react.
Meanwhile, I end up scrubbing harder at the pot in my hands.
The dishwasher broke down right before the lunch rush, so all afternoon, it's been me, Gwen, two sinks, and a mountain of dirty dishes that never seems to get any smaller.
My fingers are pruney, my apron is soaked, and my back hurts from bending over the sink.
Honestly? I'm grateful for it.
As long as my hands are busy, maybe my brain will stay busy, too.
“It’s like he’s a celebrity or something.”
I do my best to look like I’m listening even while I look for something else to clean.
I’ve heard the other floaters complain every time they’re assigned to kitchen duty like I am today, but honestly, there’s no job I like better than this.
It’s all about hard work and being dedicated, no special skills needed.
But most importantly of all, it’s the kind of job that keeps me from accidentally bumping into…
"Seriously, I've never seen anything like it.”
Him.
AKA, Gwen’s Mr. Mysterious, whose impact on members and staff alike is my friend’s newest favorite topic to talk about.
“Even Mrs. Price put her glasses on, and she never puts her glasses on." Gwen hands me another plate. "Who do you think he is? Any guesses?”
I shake my head and focus on blocking her voice out. Gwen is everything I’m not. She’s bright, bubbly, and bookish (mostly fiction, but still!), and I still can’t believe I’m friends with someone like her. But even so.
I feel bad about not listening to her, but this is the only way I can keep myself sane—
"And guess what?"
Gwen's voice drops a notch. When I glance over, I catch her looking around, first at the chef, then at the doors, like she doesn't want anybody to hear what she's going to say next—
"It's okay," I blurt out. "You don't have to tell me anything if it's going to get you in trouble."
"No, it's not that."
Gwen motions for me to lower my head. When I do, she whispers, "Remember Sadie Amparo?"
My heart stutters, but I somehow still manage to keep smiling.
“Uh…huh.” I’m not lying either. Everyone in the club knows Sadie.
She’s one of the newest members, having signed up only a few days after I started working here.
She’s tall, supermodel-thin, and with silky blond hair that’s just perfect for a shampoo commercial.
Honestly, she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, and that’s why…
“I saw it with my own two eyes,” Gwen whispers. “The entire time Mr. Mysterious was in a meeting with Mr. de Laigny, she was loitering outside his office. It’s like she wants first dibs or something,” Gwen exclaims in a tone that’s half-scandalized, half-impressed.
If what Gwen says is true—no, really, who am I kidding here? Gwen is no liar, so of course what she says is true, and that’s why…
It’s just so easy, you know?
Imagining Ruel with Sadie?
Easy peasy.
No one’s ever going to question his judgment if she becomes his wife.
But if anyone were to see me and Ruel?
Even worse, if this somehow turns into a reality show, and people are asked to vote between me and Sadie on who’s going to be the next Mrs. Ruel Caristia?
Me, with my frizzy hair, not-slender body, not-high IQ—
“C-Can you cover for me?” I hear myself choke out.
“Oh, sure—” Gwen is looking at me in concern. “You do look pale. Are you alright?”
“Um yeah, totally.” I can’t make myself meet her gaze as I utter the lie. “I just…I just forgot something in my room.” I can feel Gwen's worried gaze following me as I pull off my wet gloves and hurry out. By the time the kitchen doors swing shut behind me, I'm already hyperventilating—
It’s okay, it’s okay.
You just need some air.
You’ll be fine.
I say the words again and again as I stumble toward the staff quarters at the back of the club. My knees are shaking so bad I’m worried they’re about to give way any moment.
C’mon, Kar.
Hang in there.
You can do it.
But even as I say this, I’m also opting to take the shortcut through the gardens.
I really feel like I’m this close to falling, and I’m just scared that when I do, I won’t have any way of getting up.
Tears have started to make my vision blurry, and I can barely see the roses around me, much less the fountain up ahead where there’s a couple—
No.
A really familiar couple—
No.
No.
No.
My steps crash into a silent halt and my heart makes no noise either as it starts breaking anew.
That’s Sadie.
I know I can’t be mistaken.
That’s Sadie, alright, and she’s kissing…
Him.