12. Not Coming Back
Not Coming Back
He has to be lying.
That's what I keep telling myself two hours later. He can be reasoned with. He just needs time, that's all.
He'll come around.
He has to.
These thoughts run through my head over and over as I do my usual rounds. I was supposed to have the rest of the day off, but after what happened—or didn’t get to happen—during the meeting…
I just think it’s better that I go back to work. The busier I am, the less time I have to think about…the things I still don’t want to think about.
“Excuse me. Do you have arm inflatables for kids?”
Thursdays mean poolside duty, which includes assisting first-time visitors with any question they may have. This one in particular has me accompanying them to the swim shop, and after that it’s back to helping out at the bar and handing out towels—
Sadie.
I catch sight of her and her friends arriving at the pool area like supermodels about to hit the runway, and honestly, they all look and act the part, too. They have everyone staring or trying not to stare at them while I…I can’t make up my mind.
A part of me wants to stare at her because I realize I’m the type to be full of self-pity when jealous. But another part of me just wants to forget she exists because I realize I’m also the type who wants to practice selective amnesia. I want to pretend that I didn’t see her and Ruel—
Uh oh.
I think she just looked my—
Oh no.
I’m right. She did look my way, and worse, she’s also heading my way, and I don’t know why, but I find myself slowly backing away. Will I get fired if I choose to turn around and—
Too late.
Her long-legged stride has Sadie easily catching up to me with my not-as-long legs, and I feel like a hobbit as she stares down at me with a smile that…well…
I want to say it’s a smile that reaches her eyes, but maybe I just need to look harder?
“I heard you were at a meeting with Ruel?”
She knows his name.
No one says this out loud, but it’s just obvious. The words are written over everyone’s faces, and no one’s even trying to pretend they’re not listening to us at this point. From this point on, everyone will remember that it’s Sadie who’s unlocked Mr. Mysterious’ identity.
And the thought hurts for some reason.
Badly.
I know I’m being silly, but it feels like she’s made him hers just by being the first one to say his name in front of everyone.
“I’m not mistaken, am I?”
She lowers her sunglasses, like she’s making a show of checking my name plate because I’m an employee and not a member like her.
“Karyna.”
She purrs my name out in a tone I can only describe as sweet.
Like some poisons are.
“My daddy taught me that calling people by their names can help in making them comfortable. I hope it’s true. I don’t want you to feel nervous around me. I’m just asking you a very simple question…about a person we both know. It’s not like I’m asking you to spill secrets, am I?”
It’s the last part that makes me remember Fredericka’s warning from earlier.
We signed an NDA, and I need you to take that seriously.
You can’t say a word to anyone about this until everything’s finalized.
“I’m sorry,” I say awkwardly. “Is there anything I can get for you, Ms. Amparo?”
Sadie looks at me for one moment, and then she steps back. “If that’s how you want to play it, Karyna.”
And so we start to play.
For the next sixty minutes, we play a game where it’s Sadie who makes up all the rules, and all the rules are designed to make me lose. She starts by asking for towels. One at a time. For all of her friends. Who happen to need two each.
Sadie insists on having all of her friends supplied with towels before she asks one for herself, but when I bring her the first one, she tells me it doesn’t smell right, and so I get something fresh from the laundry room, only this one isn’t folded right, and so it’s back to the laundry room again.
After that, she wants her drinks, only this time what I give her is too hot, too cold, no it’s still too cold, how do I not see it’s too cold? Are my hands too callused that I don’t feel the way normal people feel temperature?
When I come back to her with the pool bar’s fifth try on her margarita, Sadie goes all ewwwww on me.
“Seriously, Karyna? I saw what you did there. You let your sweat drip straight into my drink!”
She’s screaming by the end, and of course this has everyone in the pool area watching us like we’re the newest soap in town.
“This is completely unacceptable,” Sadie hisses at me. “Do you know I can get this entire club closed because of what you’ve done? Who do you think you are?”
I usually let things slide and apologize. Customers are always right and all that. But for some reason, I find myself shaking my head. “I didn’t do any—”
Sadie cuts me off with an outraged gasp. “Oh, so now you think you can also get away with defamation by calling me a liar?”
My head has started spinning and hurting at the same time.
I didn’t even know that was possible. And I just don’t understand how my life came to this point.
Why do I feel like all of this is scripted, and Sadie is the director, writer, and the main star…
while I’m the lowly extra with no lines to speak of.
All I’m asked to do is look and feel pathetic—
“You.”
And that’s me right this very moment, with Sadie suddenly poking a finger to my chest, hard enough to make me stumble back.
“Will.”
Another poke, another step back.
“Pay.”
All eyes are on us, but no one’s stopping her from poking—
“For.”
And so I still end up backing away—
“This.”
She suddenly leans forward, her face so close that we’re almost nose to nose, and I find myself tottering on the edge of something, arms failing desperately—
“A little advice, Karyna. I’d think twice before telling the owners about this. Someone might call the Feds and ask them to look into their past, and who knows what they’ll find? You don’t want to cause trouble for them, do you?”
I don’t have time to answer since I’ve already lost my balance.
I can only squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the inevitable splash as I fall into the pool.
But I don’t.
Whoa!
Patrick yanks me back in time, and I fall against him.
“T-Thank you?”
“Are you alright?”
I’ve never seen or heard Patrick this furious, and so when he turns to Sadie—
“Please don’t.”
I can’t let him say anything else, not with the other woman’s threat still ringing in my ears like a tsunami alarm.
“I saw the way she had you running all over the place,” he mutters under his breath. “It’s not right—”
I cut him off and pin a bright smile to my lips as I turn to Sadie. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Amparo. Can I get you another margarita?”
“We’re all good now.” Why is she smiling at me like that? “Both of you can leave.”
“Please don’t hesitate to call us if you need anything, Ms. Amparo.” I quickly drag Patrick away with me when I sense him still wanting to give Sadie a piece of his mind.
“We should tell Mr. de Laigny about what happened,” Patrick says angrily as soon as we’re out of earshot.
“There’s no need.”
“They’re good people,” Patrick insists. “They always do what’s right.”
And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
Taking my side can get them into trouble, and I don’t want to be a burden to them, too.
“Karyna?”
I only realize my eyes have started smarting when Patrick says my name.
“Are you okay?”
I nod.
“You don’t look okay.”
I want to assure him I’m fine, but it’s already taking everything of me to keep myself from crying. Why am I always such a burden to everyone?
“If you need anything, you can tell me—”
I shake my head. Getting him involved is the last thing I’d ever want. I already know how that’s going to end.
“It’s not a bad thing to ask for help, Karyna.”
A choked laugh spills past my lips. Those words are completely unexpected, and I can’t help feeling just a little hysterical. “It is when you’re always the one needing it, and it’s never the other way around—”
“Never means you know what the rest of the future holds,”Patrick says gently. “But you don’t, do you? None of us do.”
I’m starting to see Patrick in a completely different light, with how he’s making me reassess the things I used to think were true and unchangeable.
“I just hate feeling like a burden all the time,” I confess unevenly.
“I get that,” Patrick says with a crooked smile. “I get that, believe me. My sister wanted to be a doctor like our folks, but she’s already failed med school thrice. Our parents want to keep trying, but she told them she was done being a disappointment.”
“So what happened?”
“She cut off all communication between us. She says she wants us to stop worrying about her. That she’ll find a way to make it on her own.”
“And your parents?”
“Worried sick about her every night,” Patrick says soberly. “That’s why, you gotta remember…people who care for you hurt when you hurt. Same goes for people who do the right thing, like Mr. de Laigny. So…” Patrick looks at me intently. “I’m not just saying this because I like you.”
O-Oh!
“I’m saying this as someone as your friend and coworker. Mr. and Mrs. de Laigny will feel like they failed you if they find out from someone else that you were mistreated by one of the members. So just consider it, will you? Talking to them about what happened.”
Patrick’s words stay with me for the rest of the day. Mom has never cared for me the way Patrick’s parents obviously cared for their kids. But if I think about Ruel, and the eighteen months we’ve been together…
I…don’t know Keiran and Cadence well enough, but I do know Ruel, and so maybe…
Even if it feels awkward and scary and, frankly speaking, potentially humiliating for me to tell Ruel about what happened between Sadie and me…
He’s the only one I know I can ask for help and not be worried about whether or not he can handle the other woman.
Especially since I caught them kis—
No, stop, don’t think that, Kar.
Thoughts of them together will only make me lose my resolve. Ruel is a good and honorable man. Equally importantly, he's rich and powerful, which puts him—at the very least—on equal footing with Sadie.
So I'm going to do it, I vow to myself.
I’m going to tell him everything and ask for his help.
I truly am.
Really!
And yet somehow, just the thought of keeping my promise makes the last three hours of my shift fly like it’s nothing, and I have to resist the urge to ask for overtime.
Don’t chicken out, Kar!
I tell myself I’m not a coward even as I take my time in the shower and act like choosing what to eat for dinner is as complex as solving world hunger. It's nine in the evening by the time I finally run out of excuses, and I’m already in my pajamas when someone knocks on my door.
Oh no.
I tense up as my PTSD kicks in.
Not again.
I don’t want to make a habit of being paranoid, but a part of me is already wondering if this will be Round 2 for Sadie and me, and as I slowly open the door, I’m already trying to remember what I learned from all the self-defense lessons—
Ruel?
My body nearly sags in relief. Oh, thank God! Why does Ruel always seem to find me when I need him the most? Could that be a sign from God in itself? I mean, now that I’ve started praying to Him—
Stop, Kar!
Focus!
You need to ask for his help, remember?
I clear my throat as I try organizing my thoughts. “R-Ruel. Thank goodness you’re here. Y-You’re the only one I trust. I n-need—”
“I’ve signed it.”
W-What did he just say?
He hands me an envelope before I can process what he’s just said. My brain never works as fast as it should whenever he’s involved—
“You win. We divorce on your terms.”
Divorce.
I look down at the envelope he’s practically shoved into my hands. And it feels like I’m holding a snake that’s about to bite me. On his terms.
“All it needs is your signature, and then we’re done.”
I feel like it’s so, so hard to breathe all of a sudden.
And even though he’s standing right in front of me—
Why do I feel like he’s about to disappear…for good?
“R-Ruel…”
I don’t even know why I’m saying his name.
Or why I’m reaching for him—
“Don’t.”
But one thing I do know is that this is the first time…
He’s never avoided my touch like this.
Never made me feel like I’m something that will make him feel dirty.
Until now.
“W-Why?”
And I don’t…I don’t understand. Just this morning, he was determined to care for me like the honorable man that he is. But now he’s suddenly the opposite, he’s acting like my touch disgusts him, and the only thing I can think of that’s changed between then and now—
“Is it because of—”
Sadie.
“Is it b-because of someone else?” I finally manage to choke out.
“What do you think?”
And the fact that he doesn’t even hesitate to answer, the fact that his face has even hardened as he bites the words out—
It leaves no space for doubt, and the thought has me clutching the envelope in my hands as I do my best to smile.
“O-Okay. I understand.”
“Good.”
I start biting my lip as he turns away.
I keep biting even when I’ve already closed the door behind him.
But it doesn’t work.
And I start to cry.