Chapter 3
“I didn’t take you for a panty thief, but okay,” Beckett laughed.
Shannon, however… Oh, she didn’t laugh.
Any inkling of embarrassment went out the window as she reached forward and yanked the red lace off the bushes and shoved them into her pocket. “If only your brain was as smart as your mouth, Conway.”
Leena squirmed in my arms until I set her down on the ground. I focused on her, because anything was better than looking at Shannon, not while the sight of her underwear anchored me on the edge of yet another panic attack.
Beckett moved before I did, stepping toward the house and grabbing the surrounding books. “Do you have another box we can use?”
Shannon sighed, then bent down to pick up the ones around her. “Leave it.”
“The last time you told me not to help almost buried you in Fabios, so I can’t do that.”
“Well, don’t just stand there,” Lori said from the doorway. She lifted the hand not holding her purple cane and waved at me, then at my daughter. “Welcome, Mikko. You brought your sweet baby girl.”
Leena had a firm grip on my pant leg, watching the strangers on the steps before making a whimpering sound I knew would be followed by her arms straight up in the air. The moment her face tipped up to mine, grey-blue eyes full of apprehension, I scooped her back up.
Maybe I was spoiling her by giving in to her every demand, but some part of me was relieved that she saw me as safe. That I’d somehow earned that role in her life these last few months together.
“Sorry. Leena isn’t great with strangers yet.”
“Leena.” Lori smiled. “What a pretty name for a pretty baby.”
Even without looking, I could feel Shannon’s eyes on me, inspecting my every move as Beckett picked up the books scattered around the porch.
I should have helped him—should have done anything, really—but I stood there beneath the weight of the stupid thing I’d done. The mess I now had to clean up.
That was all the reminder my mind needed to make the static return, every worst-case scenario talking over the next until I couldn’t separate one from another.
But when Shannon stepped off the porch, everything quieted. She crossed the yard with her arms folded over her chest, every purposeful stride aimed directly at me. Somehow, seeing her was enough to cut through the fog I’d lived in for weeks.
Shannon.
Dark gray eyes, the color of storm clouds, narrowed as she stared at me, not giving a damn that I stood well over a foot taller than her.
Black hair pulled into a ponytail. Gold jewelry catching the afternoon sun against impossibly pale skin.
Rose tattoos disappeared beneath the sleeve of her shirt.
Shannon Wilder was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, attitude and all.
Which was unfortunate, because in a few short minutes, she was going to verbally dismantle me with the same frightening efficiency she’d used on that poor bastard at the bake-off.
And honestly, I deserved it.
“Why are you here?” she said, as blunt as ever.
“Yeah, buddy, share with the class.” Beckett flipped through the book in his hands. “Shannon, these are hot. I don’t know how I missed that you’re a romance reader, but this is throwing me for a loop.”
She ripped the book from his hold, a tinge of pink returning to her cheeks. “I said they’re not mine.”
I stared right back, holding her eye contact for as long as she needed it to feel in control of the situation. This was something I understood—like a game of chicken, seeing who would scare off easily.
Too bad I was a scary motherfucker myself, and nothing about Shannon’s intensity put me off.
Leena squirmed in my arms, adjusting her body until she too was looking at Shannon, as enraptured as I was.
The moment Shannon’s eyes left mine and caught on my daughter’s instead, everything about her softened.
Her shoulders dropped, her hands fell to her sides, and the crease between her brows disappeared.
But it was her mouth I couldn’t look away from, not when it tipped up at the corners into the sweetest smile, meant only for my precious girl.
“If that was supposed to make me less curious, it didn’t work,” Beckett said as he flipped through yet another book, then turned it sideways. “For such a frilly looking cover, these are kinda nasty. I like it. So who do they belong to?”
“Your mom,” Shannon said.
Beckett launched the book across the yard, then wiped his hands on his jeans. “Really, Shan? A your mom joke?” He looked at another book and gagged, then stepped right over the pile of books and into the house. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”
“Smart,” Lori said from the doorway. “Leave him wondering if you’re joking or not.”
Shannon chuckled, the sound ringing through the quiet valley, and Leena giggled with her.
“Hi Leena,” Shannon said. “My name is Shannon. You have beautiful hair.”
Shannon touched her own hair as she said it, and Leena let go of my shirt to touch the top of her head.
“That’s right.” Shannon smiled. “That’s your hair. Where’s your daddy’s hair?”
Leena looked at me, her face tipped up to take me in. Sometimes I swore I could see the wheels turning in her brain, her chubby hand reaching up and tapping my hair. I grinned, not even knowing Leena knew this yet.
“You’re a smart girl, aren’t you, Leena?” Shannon kept her distance even while she continued the conversation.
How did she do that so effortlessly?
The moment anyone got into Leena’s space before she was ready, she recoiled into me. From everything I’d learned, that was normal for this age, but reading and experiencing were two different things.
Rather than continue their conversation, Shannon picked up the books that had spilled out the front door, stacking them in neat piles.
Leena wiggled in my arms until I set her back down.
This time, she didn’t cling to me like she had before—she walked over to Shannon and squatted next to her, mimicking her yet again.
When Shannon picked up a book, so did Leena.
“Thank you,” Shannon said, then put her hand out until Leena handed it over. “I love to read books.”
I stood there with my hands shoved into my pockets, taking it all in as my daughter worked alongside Shannon for another few minutes, shocked by how quickly Leena had decided Shannon was okay.
And that was the thing, wasn’t it?
I understood Leena’s stranger danger on a soul-deep level because I didn’t let people in easily either. Trust wasn’t something either of us handed out for free.
Between a handful of conversations in Lori’s kitchen, watching Shannon quietly take care of everyone around her while pretending she didn’t care, and listening to her say the things everyone else was too polite—or too afraid—to admit, I’d stopped questioning my instincts where she was concerned.
I trusted her.
I wasn’t entirely sure why.
But I did.
“Found another bin,” Beckett said as he walked by his mom in the doorway, carrying an identical tote to the one that sat broken on the bottom step.
Lori looked at me. “Good. Maybe Mikko can do more than stand there all day now.”
“He has that whole Silent Giant thing down, doesn’t he, Mom?” Beckett said, earning himself a scowl.
“Let’s put the books in the box,” Shannon told Leena, who copied her again.
“Yes, Mikko,” Beckett echoed. “Let’s put the books in the box.”
Heat crept up my neck as I realized exactly how long I’d stood there watching them. Silently, I bent down, scooped up the last few books, and dropped them into the bin before carrying it inside.
Once that was done, Shannon pinched her fingers and thumb together, tapping them against her mouth.
“I’m hungry,” she said. “I think it’s time for a snack.”
She held out her hand.
Leena looked at me first, then slipped her tiny hand into Shannon’s without a second thought.
The air left my lungs.
I knew lying about Shannon being my wife was wrong. But watching the two of them walk toward the house together, I couldn’t shake the feeling that somewhere beneath all the panic and desperation, my instincts had gotten this right.
Shannon slid a plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit across the counter to me once we all settled in Lori’s kitchen. “You never answered my question.”
I sat on the barstool with Leena in my lap, bile rising in my throat as I contemplated how I was going to explain the mess I’d made of my life. My daughter was unbothered by my misery, grabbing a piece of cheese off the plate and popping it into her mouth with a happy hum.
Shannon smiled at her, that same warm look she gave her before. “I love cheese. I’d also love to know why your dad is here with you instead of in Denver getting ready for the game that starts in a few hours.”
Before I could come up with an answer, Beckett’s phone chimed. He picked it up off the counter, scanning whatever he saw there. “Oh shit, you’re on leave?”
Shannon swiped it out of his hand, reading aloud, “Mikko Laaksonen of the Denver Yetis to miss tonight’s game vs. the Boston Sentinels after taking an indefinite leave of absence, team announces.”
Everyone turned to look at me while Leena picked up a handful of berries and shoved them into her mouth. I let out a long sigh.
“What’s going on, buddy?” Beckett asked.
Lori laid a trembling hand on my arm, her Parkinson’s disease even more noticeable when I could feel it. “How can we help?”
Shannon said nothing, her eyes going back to slits in her face. Except, maybe this time it wasn’t so much anger but curiosity, like she couldn’t quite figure me out.
Join the fucking club.
With each passing second, I could hear my father’s bitter voice drilling into me, honesty inherits the earth.
I needed to spit it out.
“I made a mistake.” The words tasted like ash in my mouth. Shannon’s nostrils flared as her eyes drifted down to Leena contentedly snacking on my lap, and I jumped to clarify. “Not with her. With the team.”
Beckett sat down next to Lori, his elbows on the counter. “Is that why you missed the third period two nights ago?”
I nodded, and Shannon’s face morphed again, curiosity turning to concern. Part of me wondered if she realized how much she said without uttering a single word, but something told me she wouldn’t like hearing that I could read her like a book.
“Frankie says I had a panic attack between periods.”
Lori’s thumb brushed over my arm. “Oh, Mikko. You’ve been through a lot lately.”
“It’s not her.” I couldn’t stop staring at Shannon, not when it looked like steam was about to come out of her ears. “Well, it is, but not because I don’t want her.”
“Then explain.” Shannon still had her arms crossed over her chest, but the heat in her eyes was bleeding out now.
Maybe her intensity was meant to scare people off, to make them go away, but I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
It grounded me, something I rarely felt with other people.
Maybe because I knew she was honest to her core, and there was nothing a Finn loved more than a hot sauna and the cold hard truth.
“I haven’t left Leena much since I brought her home,” I said, holding Shannon’s eye contact.
“She was at home in Denver with my mom, but she was so upset when I left that I couldn’t stop worrying.
Knowing I was so far away from them and wouldn’t be able to help if something went wrong sent me into a spiral I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of. And the team clocked it.”
Those grey eyes expanded in surprise, telling me Shannon had already jumped to a conclusion that was far from the truth. Too bad I was about to shock her with the rest of it.
“So they put you on leave?” Beckett asked.
I turned to look at him. “Camille, Coach, and Frankie were waiting for me on the plane and insisted I take time off to sort out my life. I have to see the team psych too. They asked me for four weeks off, but I got it down to two.”
“Maybe that’s not a bad thing,” Lori said, echoing my mom’s own words. “Parenthood is a lot to take on, even when you don’t have a toddler thrust on you out of the clear blue.”
“Okay, so you take a few weeks off, you get a psych evaluation, and then what? You’re back on the ice?” Beckett prodded.
I looked back at Shannon, dreading the words that needed to come next. “And here is the mistake. Why I’m here, to answer your question.”
“Spit it out,” Shannon said, and dammit, I smiled.
Honest, loyal, and most certainly unhinged, just like I remembered. Here’s hoping she wouldn’t kill me once she heard the rest of this story.
“In order to get them to agree to let Leena travel with the team this season, I told a lie. One that doesn’t just affect me, but you too.”
Shannon’s brow furrowed, and she pointed at her chest. “Me?”
“I told them my wife would travel with us too.”
“Your wife?” Beckett said, his voice an octave higher.
Even though I could see out of my peripheral vision that he’d leaned over the counter toward me, I couldn’t look away from Shannon, not when her dark brows practically hit her hairline. There was no time like the present to deliver the final blow.
“I told them we’re married. That you were mine.”