Chapter 33
Every good feeling I’d felt all day disappeared so fast, it left me dizzy.
My twin brothers stood on the porch, their faces red from the cold. For one disorienting second, I was ten years old again, sitting in the living room on Christmas morning, clutching handmade gifts for Cash and Colton, hoping they’d remembered me too.
Mikko’s hand settled against my lower back, and the small touch was enough to pull me back to the present.
Colton peered over my shoulder at the crowded house. “Are you going to leave us out here in the cold?”
“Yes.”
His eyebrows shot up, surprised by my words. But over my dead body was I letting them inside when Leena and everyone I loved was in there.
I stepped outside instead, forcing them back as I pulled the door closed behind me. Mikko followed before it shut, taking his place at my side.
Cash scoffed. “Seriously? It’s like that now?”
“You weren’t invited.”
“It’s Christmas,” Colton said like that explained why they’d hunted me down at someone else’s house. “We came all the way out here to see you.”
“Spare me. You live fifteen minutes away.”
“That’s more effort than you put in,” Cash spat. “So maybe save the sarcasm.”
Mikko’s hand slid into mine, warm and steady despite the cold biting through my sweater. Neither of my brothers missed the movement.
Colton looked him over, his mouth twisting. “Are you going to introduce us to your husband?”
“Nope.”
“Shannon,” Cash snapped. “Stop being a bitch for five seconds. We’re family.”
I almost laughed. Maybe at one point I believed that this broken fragment of a relationship was what it meant to be a family. That blood and history tied us together. But every single person behind this door had shown me what it meant to be loved and accepted for being me, no strings attached.
Colton threw his hands up when I didn’t say anything. “I should have known you’d make this a whole thing. Dad just wants to see you.”
“You mean he needs money.”
“Who doesn’t need money this time of year, right?”
Mikko’s hand tensed in mine, and I knew he was about to jump in, to rescue me from this situation yet again. But I squeezed his hand, silently taking his strength while I reassured him that, this time, I could do this.
I could stand up for myself the way I so easily stood up for everyone else.
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m done with him.”
“That’s it?” Cash scowled. “You’re going to walk away from the only family you have left?”
“She said no,” Mikko said, his voice low and hard.
Colton’s attention snapped toward him. “This is a family matter. It’s none of your business.”
“She’s my family. That makes it my business.”
Cash stepped closer, squaring his shoulders like he stood even the slightest chance against Mikko. “Are you going to let him talk to us like that, Shannon?”
My first instinct was to say yes. To let Mikko stand between me and the people who’d hurt me.
He’d do it, too.
He’d send them away and never ask me to explain why my hands shook in his. Then he’d take me inside, put Leena in my arms, and stay close until I could breathe again.
The same way he’d held me on the balcony last night.
The same way Emmy had checked on me this morning.
The same way Lori had loved me when loving me was never her responsibility.
Behind the door, laughter rose from the living room. A child shrieked. Someone yelled something about the pig eating wrapping paper, followed by a crash and three different voices blaming Harper.
That was my family, not the two men standing in front of me, demanding something because we shared DNA.
The people inside that house had never made me earn a place with them. They didn’t keep a running total of every meal, every favor, every moment of kindness so they could use it against me later.
They loved me, and I loved them.
For one dizzying second, the truth of it pressed against my ribs so hard, I could barely breathe.
I’d spent months pushing everyone away, only to realize how deep they all were under my skin.
How permanent they all were in my life. And I was done allowing anyone to convince me I didn’t deserve that.
I squeezed Mikko’s hand.
“No.” I moved in front of Mikko before he took matters into his own hands. “I think it’s time I stick up for myself.”
Both of my brothers looked a little confused, but then again, I was the only Wilder who didn’t spend the majority of their freetime actively killing off braincells.
“I’ve tried to cut you a lot of slack over the years because you were kids too. Dad went to prison, Mom was gone, and the people who were supposed to step in didn’t. We were left behind, and that wasn’t your fault.”
Colton’s jaw tightened. “We kept a roof over your head.”
“You left me alone for days. You didn’t pick me up from school. You forgot to buy me food. Half the time, I think you forgot I even existed.”
“We did the best we could,” Cash said.
“I know.” The words came out sharper than I intended, my throat burning around them.
“Every part of me knows you did, and that’s what makes this so fucking hard to walk away from.
You were teenagers and had no fucking idea how to raise a kid.
You never should’ve been put in that position in the first place.
You were scared and angry and probably as desperate for someone to save you as I was. ”
Neither of them said anything, but I couldn’t stop, not now that I’d started.
“But you aren’t teenagers anymore.” My voice cracked, and I hated it. Hated that they could still reduce me to this fragile thing when I’d spent years making sure no one could ever hurt me like this again. “You’re grown men, and you’re still punishing me for needing you back then.”
“We’re not punishing you,” Colton said. “We’re reminding you of where you came from.”
“No. You’re reminding me of what you think I owe you.”
Cash shoved his hands into his coat pockets. “After everything we did—”
“There it is.” A broken laugh slipped out of me.
“Every fucking time. Like keeping me alive earned you permanent access to me. Like I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life taking Dad’s calls and giving you money and letting all three of you treat me like shit because sometimes you remembered to pay the electric bill. ”
“That’s not fair.”
“None of this is fair.”
The words landed between us, simple and brutal.
Cash looked away first.
Colton didn’t. “Dad is alone on Christmas because of you.”
“No. Dad is alone because he spent his life hurting every person within a ten-foot radius.”
“He’s still our father.”
“And?”
Colton blinked like I’d spoken another language.
“So what?” I demanded. “What does sharing his blood entitle him to? My forgiveness? My time? Am I supposed to keep letting him hurt me so the three of you don’t have to feel bad about the consequences of his choices?”
“You don’t know what he’s been through,” Cash said.
“You’re right. Maybe I don’t. But I know exactly what he’s put me through.”
Mikko shifted behind me, close enough that his body heat pressed against my back. He didn’t interrupt, but I knew if either of them moved an inch closer, this conversation would end differently.
For once, I didn’t need him to save me. I only needed to know I wasn’t alone.
“I’m tired,” I said, my voice steadier now. “I’m tired of opening my phone and feeling like a hurt kid again. I’m tired of deleting your messages and pretending they don’t make me cry. I’m tired of waiting for either of you to love me without reminding me what it cost.”
Colton’s expression shifted, the anger slipping for half a second. “We do love you.”
“Then you’re terrible at it.”
He flinched.
Some old, deeply buried instinct told me to take it back. To soften the words. To protect him from a fraction of the pain he’d never tried to protect me from. But I couldn’t, not anymore.
“Lori never made me feel like a burden. Beckett and Emmy never asked what they’d get in return for showing up.
The people inside this house don’t love me because they have to.
They love me because they want to.” I looked back at Mikko, finding those ice-blue eyes already on me. “They chose me, and I choose them.”
Mikko’s hand tightened in mine, and the little motion was enough to make a sob scrape the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down.
“That’s my family,” I said. “Not because of blood, but because they make me feel safe. Because they show up. Because they don’t hurt me and call it love.”
“So that’s it?” Cash said. “You marry some rich hockey player and suddenly you’re too good for us?”
“No. I was always too good for you.”
The porch went silent, even the noise inside fading beneath the pounding of my heart.
Colton looked at me for a long moment, then shook his head. “You’ll regret this someday.”
“Maybe.” I’d spent years terrified of cutting off my family, and maybe some part of me always would be. “But that’s my decision to live with. Not yours.”
Cash muttered something under his breath and turned toward the steps.
Colton stayed where he was. “Shannon—”
“No.” I held up a hand. “I’m done. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t come looking for me ever again. If there ever comes a day when you can talk to me without blaming me, threatening me, or telling me what I owe you, then maybe we can try again. But until then, I’m done.”
Cash was already halfway to the truck. Colton lingered for another few seconds before following him, his boots thudding heavily down the steps.
I held it together until the truck disappeared beyond the trees, then every part of me started shaking.
Mikko moved in front of me, blocking the wind as his hands closed around my upper arms. “Rakas.”
“I’m okay.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“I know.” A wet laugh escaped me. “Which is weird, because I’ve been saying I’m fine when I’m clearly not for decades.”
“You were incredible.”
“I think I might throw up.”
He pulled me against his chest. I buried my face in his shirt and held on, breathing in the familiar scent of him while the adrenaline slowly drained from my body.
Unfortunately for me, my new family was made up of a bunch of nosy assholes, so the peace didn’t last long.
“Shannon?” Stevie called through the front door. “Are we allowed to come out yet, or are you doing freaky sex things with your no longer fake husband?”
Mikko’s chest shook beneath my cheek.
I laughed even though tears spilled down my face. “We’re not doing sex things.”
“She didn’t deny the fake husband thing, though,” Daisy shouted from somewhere behind her. “Somebody owes me fifty bucks.”
I lifted my head, wiping my cheeks on my sleeve. Through the window beside the door, I saw Emmy, Daisy, Stevie, and Lori crowded together, with Beckett and Ty hovering behind them. All of them waiting inside, making sure I wasn’t alone.
My walls cracked wide open all over again, except this time, I didn’t try to hold it up. I let them fall, knowing everyone here would never hurt me.
Mikko brushed his thumb beneath my eye. “Ready to go inside?”
I looked through the glass at my loud, ridiculous, overprotective family. At Daisy smacking Stevie’s hand away from the doorknob. At Beckett arguing with Ty. At Lori standing in the middle of all of them, waiting for me with the same quiet love she’d always given me.
Then I looked at my husband.
“Yeah.” I slid my arms around his neck, then looked at the mistletoe hanging above us. “But we could give them a show first. Make them regret spying on us.”
His gaze lifted above my head, and one corner of his mouth tipped up. “We are under the mistletoe.”
“Is that why you let me handle that myself? So you could collect your reward afterward?”
“No.” Mikko pulled me closer, his expression mischievous. “But I do love watching you tear men down.”
I tossed my head back and laughed. “Shut up and kiss me, husband.”
“With pleasure, wife.”
His mouth found mine beneath the mistletoe while our family cheered through the window behind us.