Chapter 7
SEVEN
REJECTION
Beth
Through the open window of the Land Rover, I eyed James Fitzroy with confusion and no small degree of frustration, because this was pure crap.
“I’m sorry. No,” he repeated—a second point-blank refusal to get into the car if I was driving.
I’d agreed to the weekend knowing that the guilt of relaxing and having fun would eat into me.
Belle never took a day off, not in decades.
I could’ve spent more time with her and the three kids living under her roof, but no.
I’d wanted to meet the guy with whom I’d been late-night chatting. The one I’d kind of obsessed over.
The one who’d driven me, in absolute soul-sucking silence, from the airport to this Highlands castle.
I revved the gas pedal. The furrow in James’s brow deepened. I glared all the more.
“How are you going to get into a car with me tomorrow if you can’t now?” I asked him.
Our test drives were booked for the morning, and Mattie had told me about all the fun there was to be had on the estate so I could make the most out of the two days. I chose to drive. Wasn’t that my role here? And I was ready to blaze a trail driving off-road through a Cairngorms mountain glen.
James’s lack of an answer had me wanting to yell.
See, the problem I had with James in real life, standing in the Scottish drizzle with a castle at his back, was he was seriously fucking beautiful—far beyond reasonable.
Pale skin, flushed red at his cheeks. Black hair, a hint of stubble.
He had these angles to his face that made me stare, to want to work them out. To feel over the turn of his cheekbones and the curve of his lips and determine how he’d been put together.
He looked noble, if that was a thing, and downright sexy, except he almost vibrated, like his body was held together by tension.
A magnet pulling me near.
I needed to know how to take him apart.
I’d never met anyone as attractive and I thought we had this weird sort of friendship going on, an understanding, at least. I thought he respected me. But here we were. He wouldn’t get into the car and he could barely speak.
It was obvious what had happened. Now we’d met again, in the flesh but without the drama I’d brought on our first meeting clouding his view, he’d seen the real me. And his interest had evaporated.
He regretted inviting me and was too embarrassed to say.
My gut crunched with the rejection.
I already felt emotional. At the cinema, during my last shift, colleagues had draped themselves over the concession stands and complained about feeling sick. I’d worked doubly hard to cover them and was exhausted now because of it. I just wanted to go.
“Wait up.” Gordain, one of the McRae brothers, landed in the passenger seat next to me, the car rocking under his weight. In the freezing Scottish weather, he wore a band t-shirt, tattoos showing under the tight sleeves.
Handsome. A sunny smile. One hundred percent not the man I wanted at my side.
“I’ll go with ye. We’ll take a route over Glen Durie.
There’s an open approach to a burn—I mean a stream—ye can ford and a gravel bed to scramble up the other side.
Then we’ll climb through the first foothill of the mountain and come back on a circular track.
It’s wet underfoot where the snow’s melting, so this should be a ball. ”
“Sounds perfect.” My jaw hurt where I clenched it.
“You good to go?” Gordain glanced over my shoulder to the man waiting outside the car, and hid an awkward grimace.
No, I wasn’t. But it looked like I had to be.
“Last chance,” I said to James, my heart in my mouth.
He took a step back.
I hit the accelerator and sped away down the track.
Amuddy hour later, Gordain whooped as I plunged over a fallen log and spun the Land Rover into another climb.
We were coming back around on the castle, and I’d had a blast. The scenery was awe-inspiring—damp pine forests and heather-covered open ground.
Dark greens and rough oranges. Crisp white snow higher up on grey rock.
The family owned a mountain and all the land around it.
It was incomprehensible to my eyes, and I needed time alone with my best friend to ask her how she felt about dating a man who lived like this. Then again, Mattie came from a background of wealth. Her parents lived in a London mansion, so perhaps this wouldn’t be all that incredible.
My mind was blown. The sense of freedom and space stole my heart.
I still needed to leave.
The road ahead flattened and curved around, the castle ahead.
“This your first trip to the Highlands?” Gordain asked. He’d coached me around the route, yelling instructions over the roar of the engine and cheering my successes.
I instantly liked the guy—it helped to be distracted from my woes by someone who was naturally cheerful. And talkative.
“It is. You’re lucky to live here. There are no mountains or glens where I live.”
“You had no fear tackling them here, aye? You’re a talented driver. James said that.”
I sighed. “That’s the reason I’m here, to help James look at cars. Or at least I thought it was.”
Then I shut up, because a list of questions wanted out of my mouth. Gordain was James’s friend. I didn’t want to pry for information or have him pity me.
Gordain planted an elbow on the window now the car was back on stable ground. To have done so before would’ve risked a jarring bone fracture. “Did James piss you off? He wouldn’t have meant to.”
The road suddenly became very interesting, and I squinted vaguely into the distance.
“I don’t know why I’m asking. I know he did. Listen, you know I fly helicopters for a living?”
Not long after we’d all returned from the airport, Gordain had told the family of his promotion in the RAF. I gave a minute nod, unable to imagine such an exciting career.
“I’ve offered to take James up numerous times, and he refuses,” Gordain continued.
“Who would do that? Flying is a fucking thrill, but unless his back is against the wall, he won’t give up control.
If we go out, he always drives. If his car broke down ten miles away, he’d rather walk than hitch a ride.
Don’t take it personally that he wouldnae come out with you today. ”
I slowed the car on the rocky path, wanting to ask if Gordain knew why. But something occurred to me. James’s comments about car safety. His refusal to have anyone else drive him. Had he been in an accident?
My breath came heavy. “Am I a dick for screeching off like that?”
Gordain ran a hand over his military-short hair. “No. Don’t be daft. Does it help if I tell you he barely spoke to me for the first month of us knowing one another? If he doesnae tell you anything, how can you know? He’ll warm up, don’t let it bother ye.”
The castle closed in on us. Mattie stood at the bottom of the steps with the two youngest McRae brothers, twins, whom I’d met earlier. She shook her head, and her blonde ringlet curls flew. She’d been inside with Callum when I’d gone off-roading, and now, the big laird wasn’t far away.
I drove through the entrance pillars, and Gordain directed me where to park.
As we drew to a halt, the Scot leaned forwards as if searching for someone. Then he cocked his head at the castle entrance. “Check out the shadow brooding in the doorway. I’d lay any money he’s been waiting there the whole time we’ve been out, worrying about you and wanting to see you safe.”
I followed his gesture and found James waiting by the studded oak doors that led into the castle. Our gazes locked, and I shivered. “You said he needs to warm up. He’s…what, frozen? How?”
Gordain popped the door and hopped out. “Go give him a hug and find out for yourself. You came all this way to see him. Better still…”
He jogged to my side of the car, opening my door. Then he offered me a hand, his grin broad.
“What are you doing? Oof!”
Gordain plucked me from my seat, determination on his face as he swung me around and placed me on my feet.
He ducked his head and gave me a wry look.
“Making him nice and jealous, lass. We all love James. He’s become a fifth brother to us in the time he’s lived here.
If I can do anything to help him break his conditioning, I will. ”
The word formed in my mind, and I rotated it. Conditioning. It sounded like he’d come from a cult. Gordain took another step.
I raised my hands. “If you try to kiss me, I swear I’ll kick you in the balls.”
The man laughed, joyously and loud. “I wouldnae dare. I’m only taking the keys from you so I can straighten up the Rover. You might be able to drive over a rock slide, but your parking is shite when you’re distracted.”
My mouth dropped open, and I switched my gaze to the car. He was right. I’d parked terribly. Holy shit.
Mattie waved as I crossed to the castle. Yesterday morning, I’d confided that I was interested in James. Now, embarrassment squashed me for presuming too much.
I was jealous. Of how Callum looked at her. How at the airport he’d kissed her like he so desperately wanted her.
I had no use for a boyfriend, so what the hell was that about?
“How was the drive?” she chirped, folding her hands under her arms against the cold.
“Fun. This place is beautiful, but…I think I’ll go home earlier than planned.”
“What? Why?”
My stomach twisted from sheer disappointment. I switched the subject. This trip had been designed for her. I was an add-on, and an unwanted one at that.
“Are you happy to be here with Callum? That’s the question.”
“He’s perfect. Don’t change the subject. Why have you got a face like thunder?”
Fine. “I had this idea that James and I had a connection. I was wrong.”
My friend pursed her lips. She fitted in here.
Her height and bearing, the smart clothes and the professional way she had.
All of a sudden, I saw my friend’s future.
Here. Not in our house anymore. That was how suited she was to dating a laird and a castle owner.
Perhaps that was why James had taken one glance at me and wanted out.
Didn’t he know I was aware of the difference? It only mattered if either of us were chasing something permanent. The implied insult hurt even more—I wasn’t even good enough for a one-night stand.
“Callum told me a little about James. He’s been through unusual circumstances.”
“His brother just tried to do the same.” I waved a hand, getting myself worked up. “But shouldn’t I hear his story from him? What would you do if Callum stood there and glowered at you? Made you feel like you weren’t worth talking to?”
My friend opened her mouth to answer, but I waved her down. “I’ve travelled too far for him to be unfriendly. It isn’t fair.”
“Since when have you been one to sit back and complain about fairness? The Beth I know would call him a jackass sooner than back away.”
I blinked at her. That was true, I didn’t usually keep quiet. Had I judged this wrong? Maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself and work out what was going on. For better or worse. “I’m going to find him and talk this through.”
“I’m here if you need me,” she said.
I only gave her a swift hug by way of reply. Tiredness was making me unreasonable, and if I didn’t find James now, I was in danger of believing my own worst thoughts.
Turning, I crushed the gravel under my boot, then stomped my way to the castle.