Chapter 6
SIX
UNICORN POOL
Ally
Three long-legged beasts piled on top of my blanket early the next morning.
“Uncle Ally!” Skye peered into my face. “Wake up.”
“Ma said you’ve got a bairn. Is she our cousin? Where is she now?” Her twin, Lennox, bounced on my feet.
“Menaces. Go away,” I grumbled, knowing that would only delight them further.
I cracked an eye open, found Sebastian, and ruffled his dark hair. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Kids, outside. Go play. I need to talk to Alasdair.” Callum strode in, huge against the crofthouse’s low ceilings and narrow front door.
Of the four of us, he was the biggest by far. Gordain, Wasp, and I were several inches above six foot. Callum was just shy of seven. A mountain of a man. Chief of our clan.
He had a personality to match. Loud, commanding, and stubborn.
I groaned and pushed up to sitting. Callum dropped onto the other end of the couch. Wasp entered the room, three coffee mugs in his hands.
“Life saver,” I muttered, taking one and inhaling the rich scent.
“I’ll pass.” Callum waved his off. “Scarlet might want it.”
“Scar’s here?”
“Aye, lying across the back seat of the car, half dead, apparently. Have fun last night, did ye?” He peered at me, disgruntlement clear on his features.
I had, as it went. Confiding in Scarlet about Kaylee had let me work through some of my confusion.
Still, the kiss dominated my memories. Not that it could happen again.
Wasp threw open the front door and carried the steaming cup outside. The sounds of the kids playing reached us.
“Want to see a baby pic?” I changed the subject, so over being a wreck.
Callum lifted his chin, and I brought out my phone, producing the photo.
My eldest brother’s gaze gentled, a fond expression replacing the stern. It was the same face he wore when looking at his own children. “Undoubtably a McRae. She’s beautiful.”
Christ. Emotion rose in me. His approval unlocked some part of me that had been disconnected. I hadn’t moved beyond the bairn being mine. Her being ours, one of the clan, suddenly materialised.
“What’s her name?”
“She doesn’t have one. Kaylee died before she could say.”
Callum palmed his jaw, hiding his mouth. He took a second to process that then shook it off. “Who has her now?”
“Foster carers in Edinburgh.”
“What do ye have to do to get her?”
Such a simple question, but it had my heart racing. I sat taller, switching my glance to the middle distance while I thought through the social worker’s visit. “A whole lot. She’s not mine to have legally. Not until a judge says.”
“Aye? Then we need a solicitor.”
Wasp and Taylor entered the room and perched together on the end of the couch. All attention fell on me.
“I need to take forms in to their office. They’re already filled out. Then they’ll arrange for me to meet her. And I need to see the doctor for blood tests—”
No!
I’d forgotten all about that.
Horror sunk my gathering excitement.
“Blood tests for what?” Callum asked.
“Drugs. To prove I’m not a risk to her.” I dropped my head to my hands. “Which is a problem.”
“Why?” he demanded.
“I might fail that drugs test.”
Silence met my statement. I cringed, forcing my lips to move.
“There was a party in Milan. I’m pretty certain someone spiked my drink.”
“Fuck,” Wasp drawled. “How do you know?”
He knew I’d never taken drugs. We told each other almost everything. I had no clue how long such shit would stay in my system. “I was buzzing my arse off and I’d barely touched a drink.”
Callum bristled. “Why the fuck would someone drug ye?”
I put my mug aside and closed my eyes now, utterly ashamed.
The host of the party had been handsy with women and men alike.
I’d been enjoying myself, until near the end when the guy had plastered himself against me.
I’d shoved him off and beaten a swift retreat, warning the others to do the same.
Not everyone had listened. I fucking hated that world.
“The same reason they hire models to hang around them. In the hope of getting lucky, I guess.”
“That career of yours! Ye cannae do it anymore, ye know that?”
Yesterday, at Callum’s suggestion, I’d gone to meet the manager of the distillery.
I’d asked if they had any jobs going. It had been a kneejerk reaction to the extended wait to finding out about the baby and a vague idea that I might need work closer to home.
My catwalk contract in Milan had been given to another model, and Jennie was furious at me for leaving, cancelling all my bookings for the month.
I might not even have a job to go back to.
Even so, the tone of my brother’s voice irked me.
“That modelling pays better than anything any of us have done. Better than Gordain’s RAF salary, a long sight better than Wasp’s photography—”
“Aye, but what do they want from ye for the money?”
“For fuck’s sake,” I bawled at Callum, my hangover affecting my temper. “Nothing I wouldn’t have done. Ye should know that.”
“All right. Stop yelling, the two of ye,” Wasp interrupted. “The blood test is no problem. I’ll go. I’ll book it today.”
I fell back on the seat, relieved, but not enough to shake the more negative feelings.
“Aye,” Callum said over my head. “Do. I’ll take the forms into the office. Ye, Alasdair, can take the three kids out and get over your hangover. Then tomorrow, we’ll make a better plan.”
“What do ye mean ‘we’?” I asked.
“That lass is a McRae. One way or another, she’ll be raised here with us.”
“One way or another?” I’d barely got used to the idea I was a da. Raising a child…
My brother continued, “Aye. Find out what the chances are of ye being allowed to take her on. If it’s slim, we have other options. Other couples.”
Then I got where Callum’s mind had gone.
My mouth dropped open, and I stared around at the three of them. At Wasp and Taylor who wanted a child. At my oldest brother who was expecting one soon.
He meant that someone else could claim her.
“No,” I said, deathly low.
His gaze softened. “I’m not presuming anything. It’s just a possibility for ye to consider. We talked about it—”
“Ye did what? When did this happen?” I leapt from the couch and paced two steps.
They might have a point. Maybe there was a better chance of her being given to us if someone other than me applied, but I couldn’t just let this conversation happen.
I whirled back around. “I know ye think I’m a wreck, and I know I’ve done a lot to deserve that, but that child is mine.
I’ll decide how this family manages that relationship.
Do ye get me? Aye, take the blood test, Wasp.
And ye, Cal, can deliver the forms. Then you’ll sit on your hands and wait for me to tell ye what next. Have ye got it?”
Hardly knowing myself, I turned my back and strode away. Before I opened my big mouth again and said something I regretted.
With my niece and nephews, plus one sleepy Scarlet in tow, I started the hike. Too frustrated to focus, I abandoned the map—not that I needed it—and set tracks for my childhood secret hideaway. Taking my charges to the most beautiful place on the estate.
Delighted with their free rein, as well the rare warm autumn day, the three youngsters sprinted ahead, shrieking when they disturbed a deer and hollering to one another.
I carried a backpack with a picnic and nursed my headful of troubles.
Each step took me away from the judgement and handling of my brother, and allowed me to breathe more deeply.
Maybe Callum was right. I hardly knew. He was certainly trying to help.
Scarlet stayed at my side, quiet, too, for the first hour. She’d heard me yelling and tentatively asked if I was okay. I’d acted out a Hulk-rage, making her and the kids laugh, and now I was focusing on gaining perspective.
We’d made our way deep into Glen Durie. On one side, the mountain soared, and our picnic place lay not far ahead. They’d love it, I knew.
“Did I ever tell you that I’d contacted my birth father?” Scarlet twirled a piece of heather in her fingers.
I looked her over, taking in the brilliant red hair that marked her out from the rest of her family.
Years ago, there had been a huge row about Scarlet’s parentage.
Her ma had had a short affair, falling pregnant with Scar.
Scarlet had known she wasn’t her dad’s biological child, but they had never talked about it.
Until they did.
It had both blown them up and made them a thousand times stronger. This had all happened at the time I’d first met Scarlet, and I’d seen the efforts she and her da had gone to to fix their relationship. They were loving but cautious, too.
Her birth da should be ashamed of himself.
“What did he have to say?”
She watched the children throwing themselves into the thick foliage.
“It was when I started uni. I had forms to fill out about my family’s health history, so I needed answers.
Mom supplied an old email address for him, and surprisingly, it worked.
He replied and agreed to meet.” Then she met my gaze.
“I was thinking about this last night in bed. The alcohol kept me awake. The similarities had me drawing a comparison to your situation.”
My stomach clenched, and I dropped the eye contact. She thought that I, like her da, was going to abandon my bairn.
Not you, too, Scar.
I gave a hard laugh. “I won’t be like your bio father. Whatever happens, I’d never do that.”
“Ally? Look at me. I meant she won’t know her mom, not you.”
Oh. “Shite. Can ye tell I’m a wee bit oversensitive right now?”
She gave me a tight smile. “You’ve every right to be.”
I shook my head but gestured for her to continue. We ambled along in the warm autumn sunshine.
“I met Colin, that’s his name, in a café. I’d brought a list of questions and was all prepared to breeze through it. It didn’t work out that way.” She stopped, then blinked a few times rapidly. “How messed up is it that I’m getting emotional now? It was one meeting four years ago.”
I stuck my fists on my hips. “I really want to give you a hug, except after last night…” We hadn’t spoken about the kiss. We needed to.
“Ah God, I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t be allowed to drink. I’m so embarrassed.” She pressed her fingertips to her forehead.
“Don’t be. It was a hell of a kiss. But…” I was in no place to follow up on the kissing with anything else. No matter how much my hormones were kicking my arse for saying so.
The sight of her in hiking wear had me hot under the collar.
It was boots and canvas shorts, for Christ’s sake.
“We can’t do it again. I know.” She peeked at me from under her lashes, her freckles darkening under her flush of colour.
“You have so much going on, and I leave tonight for Edinburgh with no idea of when I’ll next visit.
We need to part as friends. Go back to how we were before.
That’s why I showed up this morning, to force it not to be awkward. ”
I grunted agreement, words temporarily unavailable in my brain.
“I’ll be in the capital until Friday, though. So hit me up if you get to see the baby before then. We can have dinner. As friends.”
A long inhale had my rampant thoughts under control. Mostly. “Dinna wear a short office skirt like ye did in Milan. That might break me in two.”
Scarlet gave a startled laugh. “Really? That worked for you? Good to know.”
I shoved her on the shoulder, and we started moving once more.
“How did the man let you down?” I asked when she didn’t pick up her story again.
“He… He just wasn’t interested. Maybe he was protecting himself, but he didn’t ask anything beyond what I told him.
There was nothing in his face or body language.
He didn’t comment on the similarities between us—hello, bright-red hair—or ask for a picture.
I couldn’t detect a single sign that he’d thought about me.
Isn’t that odd? I asked if he’d married or had any other kids, and no.
He had a long-term girlfriend, another teacher in the school he worked in, and they were both just focused on their careers. ”
We came to the stone crag where the burn flowed down the hillside.
“Wait up,” I called to the three children who were away down the glenside. “We’re going in here.”
“Where? That’s just a rock,” Lennox yelled, shielding his eyes.
“Come and see.” I returned to Scarlet. “That man never deserved you. That’s why his life is meaningless and dull. He probably looked at you and saw everything wrong with himself. You took all the good parts of him when you were born.”
“Jeez.” Scarlet bit her plump lower lip. “That’s about the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.”
The children closed in, Sebastian helping Skye climb the steep slope, his almost-black hair contrasting with her bright blonde.
Scarlet poked my arm. “What I wanted to say was, find out as much as you can about Kaylee. You have your memories, but other people will, too. Write it all down, so when your baby is older she won’t have to wonder and you won’t forget. She can read for herself.”
“Bonnie idea,” I murmured.
Then the children were at our sides and the moment over. I led the way, pushing aside undergrowth to get us into the secret hideout Wasp and I had discovered as kids.
We crouched under a damp rocky shelf, the stream pattering over a gravel bed to our left, then crawled out into paradise.
“Oh, Ally!” Scarlet gasped. Her eyes widened, and she craned her neck to take in the sight.
“Uncle Ally! It’s a unicorn pool!” Skye crowed.
“Can we get in? Can we swim?” The three of them thrust past and flew to the water’s edge.
“Aye. Go for it. We used to.” I grinned at their happy faces.
Through the crack in the rocks, we’d found a waterfall. From high above, meltwater fell in a fine, sparkling stream. In spring, it ran fast, and had carved out the pool and the basin of rock. But now, in the sunshine, surrounded by warm rocks, it made the most perfect swimming pool.
I set out the picnic and a blanket, and Scarlet and I watched the kids play. They stripped to their underwear and splashed one another, their whoops of laughter resounding up the rocky face of the mountain.
“This is an incredible memory to make for them,” Scarlet said with her chin on her knee, watching her sister’s children play. “They’re so lucky growing up here. Or visiting often, in Sebastian’s case. This is the perfect place to have kids.”
I hadn’t had the best childhood, not until Da died, but she was right. There was no better place for Kaylee’s lass to grow up.
Whether that was with me as her parent or another from my family, that remained to be seen.