Chapter 7
SEVEN
WHAT IF I FEEL NOTHING?
Scarlet
Friday morning, and I drummed my fingers on the thick printout delivered to my desk. Sent by courier, directly from Dad to Storm Force’s Edinburgh office, addressed for my eyes only.
Devon had walked by my office no fewer than four times, peeping through the glass, horribly obvious in his efforts to spy on the goods.
Scarlet, keep this to yourself. It’s highly confidential, and our competitors would have a field day if they got wind of it. We’ll discuss the details tomorrow when you get home – MS
I flicked through the glossy pages once more, not really focusing now. I’d read the proposal from end to end, multiple times, my pulse quickening with each pass.
After I’d graduated, Dad had asked me what I wanted to do.
I had an answer ready: A management position in Storm Enterprises, but in a new field.
Something that gave me the opportunity to make my own name.
I didn’t mind the step up his business would provide, I wasn’t about to turn down that opportunity in a world where women held a tiny percentage of the top jobs, but this… This took the biscuit.
Hong Kong.
For a minimum of three years.
The proposal outlined a brand-new arm of the business, with the remit to seek out potential ventures and invest in what looked most profitable.
Hard work. Totally absorbing. There were even pictures of the office, in a prime position with views over the sparkling harbour, commercial boats and ferries mingling.
I’d visited Hong Kong once before, tagging along on one of Dad’s business trips when I was seventeen. The place fascinated me with its mix of cultures and a rich international community.
I didn’t know anyone there. I’d be starting all over again.
I slumped back, the office chair creaking, and gazed out of the window to where Edinburgh Castle perched on top of the hillside. Then I grabbed my phone and texted Toby.
Did you read that package Dad sent me?
He wrote back immediately. You mean the top secret one we can’t talk about? Honey, I wrote it.
I snorted a laugh and tapped out a reply. On a scale of one to ten, how excited is he about this?
Toby took a minute to reply. He had me searching for apartments. That’s never happened before. Did you like the one I chose?
Dad, or Toby, rather, had included a brochure for a gorgeous apartment in a safe block, one with a doorman and secure parking. I sent back a gif of a fainting princess then dropped my phone on the desk.
Dad wanted this for me, possibly even designed it with me in mind, because he thought it answered my dream.
On paper, it was perfect.
Why wasn’t I jumping up and down?
A tap came at my door. Devon poked his head in before I could open my mouth to invite him. “Scarlet, can I talk to you?”
Pressing my lips together, I lifted my chin in agreement, sliding the paperwork into a desk drawer as he approached. Devon’s gaze followed my actions.
“It’s our last night in Scotland, and I’ve arranged dinner for us with the team.” He gestured vaguely to the floor outside my room. “Great food then dancing afterwards. I’ve got it all arranged. You’ll love the restaurant.”
Though it was Friday, I wasn’t ready to head home yet. I had a morning meeting to finish my time with this part of the organisation. I’d enjoyed myself, so seeing my coworkers for a while longer was no hardship.
It would be better than hanging out with Devon alone. He kept asking, I kept finding reasons to refuse.
“It’s a date,” I said. Then I realised the error of my words. I hastened to change the meaning. “I’m crazy about the team. Tara and Shellie particularly.”
Devon shrugged. “They’re okay.” His attention flicked to my right, to the closed drawer. “I’m heading out for a late lunch. Can I persuade you to join me?”
I pulled a face, trying not to seem horrified at the prospect. “Super busy. Thanks anyway.”
He left, and I blew out a breath. This new over-attention routine was odd.
But neither Dad’s proposal or Devon’s behaviour were the main source of my distraction. In three days, I hadn’t heard a word from Ally.
Not that he was obliged to contact me, but I’d expected it, and it hadn’t come. Tomorrow, I’d leave for London, then by Tuesday, I’d be in Manchester, working at a distribution chain.
I wanted to see Ally again.
I’d missed my chance.
Glum, now I’d admitted my angst, I poked at my laptop screen. I’d written up my notes from shadowing the various sections of Storm Force, finding a couple of areas they were maybe not so efficient in, and now I was bored again.
On my desk, my phone lit up with an incoming call.
My heart rate quickened: Ally’s name was emblazoned across the screen.
I answered with a flourish. “Hello, my McRae of sunshine. How’s things?”
“Shite. Fuck. Hang on, Scar.”
More swearing followed, then Ally came back onto the line. He hauled in a breath, sounding like he was running. “I know this is a long shot, but are ye still in Edinburgh?”
“I am. What’s wrong?”
“I’ve broken down on Queensferry Road and I’m on my way to meet the bairn. I tried a cab company, and they’ve nothing for forty minutes.”
I was already on my feet. In neat movements, I snapped my laptop closed and packed my possessions, including Dad’s report, into my bag. “I can grab a pool car. I’m in West End. I’ll be ten minutes.”
He gave his exact location, and I flew for the stairs, my heels clacking.
My wish had come true after all.
Meeting the baby. He’s meeting her today.
I spotted Ally at the side of the road by the entrance to a park. He waved frantically, his mouth wide in a grin when I screeched up alongside.
“What the hell is this?” He banged on the roof then opened the passenger door and clambered in. “My knees are around my ears.”
“It’s a smart car. For easy parking in the city. If you don’t like it, you could always walk.” On autopilot, I reached out and wrapped an arm around him.
“Thanks for coming for me. I was having kittens,” he said into my shoulder, hugging me back. Hard.
We both took a deep breath at the same time. He smelled of the outdoors, no aftershave, just clean man scent.
Fricking mouthwatering.
As always happened when he was too close, a lick of heat spread through me. Great, and the evidence would be all over my face. Damn easy blushing.
“Where am I taking you?” I removed myself from his embrace and faced forward.
“Portobello. You’ve gone a lovely shade of pink.”
“Shut up.” I glanced in my rearview then pulled out, suppressing a smirk for the instant hit of joy this man brought. “Tell me everything. This is the first meeting?”
“It is. It’s been the worst week trying to set this up. I was going to call you when it was over to see if you were free. I’m nervous as anything.”
“I can’t even imagine.”
“Am I interrupting your afternoon?”
“Not at all. I’m free as a bird.”
We sailed through the light traffic, skirting the city and heading for the beach town. In under thirty minutes, I halted outside a bungalow, peering through the windscreen to check the address.
“Look.” I pointed. “That’s the social worker’s car. This is the place. We made it!”
Ally didn’t reply. I glanced over to find him pale.
“What if this feels wrong? Or I do something wrong? What if I feel nothing?” His gaze touched mine. “I don’t know how to act.”
I knew so little about babies. My sister’s twins were the only ones I’d really spent much time with, and they’d done most of their growing up while I was at school and university hundreds of miles away.
Then a thought struck me. “What did your brother do when he met Skye and Lennox for the first time?”
Ally’s eyebrows drew in, his forehead wrinkling. “He put them on his chest. Skin to skin contact. We all used to carry them around like that at home. It worked to calm them when they cried.”
“Do that.”
“Do you think I can?”
I raised a shoulder. “She’s yours. The foster carers and social workers are there to keep her safe. Having a cuddle with her daddy is totally in her interests.” I may have Googled the hell out of parental access visits.
“Daddy. Christ.” Colour returned to Ally’s cheeks, and he switched his gaze to the house. “I better go in.”
“I’ll be here.”
“You’ll wait?” He glanced back.
“Are you serious? I want to know everything.”
In a flash, Ally leaned across the space and laid a kiss on my cheek. Then without another word, he climbed out of the car and went to meet his baby girl.