Chapter 30
The little bell over the door at Mayfield’s Bakery jingled cheerfully as I walked in, immediately enveloped by the warm, sugary air. It smelled like vanilla and apples and childhood and every good thing I could think of. My mouth watered, my stomach grumbling impatiently even though I’d just had breakfast.
I’d promised Mama I would get out for a bit, give myself a break from the endless hovering and obsessive Googling of cancer treatments. She’d all but shoved me out the door after two days of my pestering, insisting she was fine, just tired. That a nap and some alone time would do her a world of good.
I didn’t like it, leaving her alone. But I couldn’t deny the itch beneath my skin for something to do other than re-reading Lewis’s texts over and over again, questioning my every choice. So I’d texted Ash, asking her to meet me for coffee and some much-needed catching up.
“Well, bless my stars! If it isn’t Livvy Monroe, back in the flesh!” Hattie bustled out from behind the counter, wiping her flour-dusted hands on her apron. She grinned at me and I couldn’t stop myself from reciprocating.
“Hey, Hattie.” I accepted her hug, breathing in the familiar scent of cinnamon and sugar. “Long time no see.”
“I’ll say!” She held me at arm’s length, giving me a once-over. “Look at you, all grown up and fancy. Guess that rock star life agrees with you!”
I winced, forcing a laugh. “Oh, I don’t know about that. It was… an experience, that’s for sure.”
I could see the questions burning in her eyes—what was it like? Why was I back so soon? But to her credit, she didn’t voice them. Just gave me a gentle smile and a pat on the cheek.
“Well, we’re surely glad to have you back, sugar. Even if it’s just for a little while.”
Guilt squeezed my heart. I knew she meant well, but her words just reminded me of the mess I’d made. The bridges I might have burned. Would Lewis and the band ever trust me again, after I’d bailed on them without a word?
I wished his texts would answer that question, but I didn’t have the guts to ask.
I pushed the thought away, pasting on a bright smile. “It’s good to be home. I’ve missed your baking something fierce.”
Hattie chuckled. “Well, then you just sit yourself down and I’ll fix you right up. Coffee and a baklava, on the house.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m happy to pay?—”
She waved me off, already heading back behind the counter. “Don’t you even think about it, missy. It’s the least I can do for our very own rising star.”
Tears pricked at the back of my eyes. Rising star.
I was saved from having to respond by the jingle of the bell, followed by a familiar squeal. “Liv!”
I spun around, my face breaking into a genuine grin at the sight of Ashley, all chestnut hair and bright brown eyes as she darted across the bakery and threw her arms around me.
“Oof!” I laughed, hugging her back just as fiercely. “Easy. I still need to breathe.”
“Sorry, sorry!” She pulled back, her cheeks flushed with joy. “I’m just so damn happy to see you! And here, of all places!” She glanced around, her nose wrinkling.
A pang of guilt speared me. So maybe I’d forgotten to so much as text my best friend in the last two days. And maybe I’d only left the house because Mama had forced me out the door…
“Oh hush, you.” We slid into a booth by the window and tried not to wince as the lie tripped off my tongue. It was true. Usually. “You know you’re the first person I’d come running to. Besides Mama, of course.”
Her gaze softened and she reached across the table to squeeze mine. “How’s she doing?”
I swallowed hard, my gaze dropping to the chipped table. “She’s hanging in there. Stubborn as ever, insisting she’s fine and that we shouldn’t worry.” I shook my head, blinking back the ever-present tears. “But I can see it, Ash. The toll it’s taking. She’s so thin, so tired all the time…”
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice was gentle, full of shared sorrow. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”
I managed a wobbly smile. “It’s been… a lot. I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water most days.”
She grinned, giving my hand another squeeze. “I’m here for you, whatever you need. Shoulder to cry on, trashy magazines to distract you…”
I laughed, the tightness in my chest easing just a little. “Speaking of trashy magazines… catch me up! What’s the latest gossip around here? I need something to take my mind off of… everything.”
A sly smile tugged at her lips. “Well… you didn’t hear it from me, but word on the street is that Christopher Harris is back in town.”
My eyebrows shot up. “As in my high school sweetheart Christopher?”
“The very same.” She leaned in, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “Apparently he’s taking over his daddy’s law practice. And let me tell you, that boy has only gotten finer with age.”
Christopher Harris. Now there was a name I hadn’t thought about in years. We’d been the golden couple back in high school, the quarterback and the choir girl. Everyone had thought we’d get married straight out of school, pop out a couple of babies and settle down in a nice little house on Jasmine Lane.
But I’d had bigger dreams, and when graduation rolled around, I’d packed my bags, kissed Christopher goodbye and set off for Nashville without a backwards glance, leaving him and Jasmine Bay in my rear-view mirror. Last I’d heard, he’d gone off to some fancy law school up North, chasing his own ambitions.
“Huh. Never thought I’d see the day he came back to town.” I sat back, sipping my coffee thoughtfully. “Guess the big city lost its shine for him too.”
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Olivia Monroe.” A syrupy-sweet voice dripped from behind me, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “I heard a rumour you were back in town, but I just couldn’t believe it. Thought you’d gotten too big for your britches, what with all your gallivanting off to Hollywood.”
I closed my eyes briefly, sending up a silent prayer for strength before plastering on my best beauty queen smile and turning to face the devil herself.
“Sadie-Mae! What a surprise.” I let my eyes widen innocently. “I almost didn’t recognise you without your pom-poms and a football player on each arm.”
Her mouth tightened, a muscle ticking in her jaw before she recovered, her smile saccharine-sweet. “Oh sugar, I hung up my pom-poms years ago. Figured I’d leave the cheering to the professionals, you know?”
“How thoughtful of you,” I simpered. “I’m sure the squad appreciated not having to compete with your… enthusiasm.”
Ashley smothered a snort into her napkin, her shoulders shaking with repressed laughter. Sadie-Mae shot her a venomous look before turning her attention back to me, her eyes narrowed.
“So tell me. What brings you back to our humble little town? Last I heard, you were opening for some big-shot band, living the high life.” Her lips curved in a smirk. “Don’t tell me you’ve given up on your little pipe dream already.”
Red-hot rage surged through me, my fingers curling into fists beneath the table. I opened my mouth, ready to let her have it, to tell her exactly where she could stick her snide little comments?—
But I was saved by the bell. Literally. The door chimed again, and we all turned to see who had interrupted our little showdown.
And there, standing in the doorway like a vision straight out of my high school fantasies, was Christopher Harris.
He’d filled out since I last saw him, his shoulders broader, his jawline sharper. But his eyes were the same blue, his hair the same jet black. He scanned the bakery, gaze landing on our little group.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in!” His voice was deeper than I remembered. He strode over to us, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Olivia Monroe. Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
I rose to accept his hug. He smelled the same, like fresh air and laundry detergent and something uniquely Christopher.
“Hey there, stranger. Long time no see.”
“Too long.” He pulled back, holding me at arm’s length as he looked me over. “Guess that rock star life is treating you well. You look great, Liv.”
My face heated while I shrugged off the compliment. “Oh, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. But thanks.” I glanced at Sadie-Mae, noting with no small satisfaction the way her smile had gone tight and brittle. “I hear you’re back to take over your daddy’s practice.”
“Yeah. It feels good to be home.”
Sadie-Mae cleared her throat pointedly, breaking the moment. “Speaking of home, Christopher… I’ve been meaning to ask. Are you free for dinner sometime this week? I’d love to catch up, fill you in on all the goings-on around here.” She batted her lashes, pressing a hand to his arm. He glanced down at it, then back up, his brow furrowing.
“Ah, thanks Sadie-Mae, but I’m pretty swamped this week. Lots of cases to catch up on.” He extracted himself gently from her grip, taking a subtle step back. “But you girls enjoy your coffee. Liv, it was great seeing you.” He flashed me another grin that once upon a time would have weakened me at the knees. Now it just made me think of Lewis. “Don’t be a stranger, alright?”
And with a final wave, he was gone, striding up to the counter to place his order. Sadie-Mae stood there gaping after him.
Ash caught my eye, waggling her brows suggestively. “Well. That was interesting.”
I bit back a laugh, sliding back into my seat as Sadie-Mae huffed and flounced away, her heels clacking angrily on the tiles. “Oh, hush you. That was nothing. Just two old friends saying hello.”
“Mmhmm.” She smirked knowingly. “Two old friends who used to swap spit behind the bleachers.”
I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “That was a million years ago. Ancient history.”
“Maybe.” Her eyes went sly.
I shifted uncomfortably, my stomach twisting. She wasn’t entirely wrong. We had been close. Once. But all we shared now were memories that had long grown stale.
My heart still very much belonged to Lewis.
Because I never knew when my big break would come, I’d always kept my hopes for the future pretty loose. Unfortunately, they’d started to solidify in the time I spent with him. Thinking about how we’d never get to do our wedding over again with our loved ones, never travel together, walk a red carpet, or anything normal couples do, it made my eyes burn.
I swallowed hard, fiddling with my napkin while I willed the tears away. Ashley didn’t need me dissolving into a blubbering mess on her.
Ash sobered immediately, her teasing grin fading. “Hey, what’s going on in that head of yours? You look like you’re about to either burst into tears or punch something.”
I shrugged, trying for a casual smile that felt more like a grimace. “It’s nothing. Just… a lot on my mind, you know?”
She raised a brow, calling my bluff. “Uh-huh. And would any of that ‘a lot’ have to do with a certain tattooed bassist?”
I sighed, my shoulders slumping. Ash always could see right through me. “Maybe.”
“Spill, girl. Did you talk to him before you left?”
I winced. “Yes and no.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
“We talked about us and it was good. For a few hours. He agreed to try and be more open about our relationship. Even said he’d go to the market with me, let us be seen together.”
Ash’s eyes widened, a grin splitting her face. “Liv, that’s great! That’s progress!”
“It was.” I swallowed hard, the memory of that day, of the hopeful flutter in my chest, stinging like salt in a wound. “But it all went to hell pretty fast.”
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“We were at this market in Eugene, just walking around, holding hands. It felt so right. Like we were just a normal couple, you know?” I blinked back the sudden sting of tears. “But then some fan spotted us. Snapped a picture. And he freaked.”
“Freaked how?”
“He basically dragged me out of there. Started going on about how it was too risky, how we needed to keep our distance. Like he was ashamed of me or something.”
Ash’s face softened with sympathy. “Oh, honey…”
“And the worst part?” I laughed, the sound harsh and bitter. “He refuses to get help. To even try and work through his issues with the press and the public scrutiny. It’s like I’m not enough for him to face his fears. Like he’d rather hide me away than risk the world knowing we’re together.”
“Liv, I’m sure that’s not?—”
“But it is!” I cut her off, my voice rising with each word. “He’s so terrified of what people will think, of what they’ll say… it”s like he can’t see past it. Can’t see that I’m going to be in the spotlight too, with or without him. That I’m going to have to deal with the press and the gossip and all of it, no matter what.”
The words poured out of me in a rush, All the fear and hurt and anger I’d been bottling up, spilling over in an unstoppable tide.
“And maybe he’s right. Maybe I can’t handle it. Maybe I’m not cut out for this life, for this level of scrutiny. Maybe I should just… just give up. Go back to singing in honky-tonks and pretending I never had these big, stupid dreams in the first place.”
“Okay, stop. Just… stop.” Ash held up a hand, her expression fierce. “You’re catastrophising again, Liv. Spinning yourself into a worst-case spiral that has no basis in reality.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she barrelled on.
“No, listen to me. You’re talented and brilliant and brave as hell. You didn’t claw your way out of this town, didn’t pour your heart and soul into your music, just to let some man’s issues derail everything you’ve worked for.”
I stared at her, my throat tight. “But?—”
“But nothing. Look, I’m not saying Lewis’s fears aren’t valid. I’m sure growing up in the spotlight, dealing with all that pressure… it messes with your head. And maybe he does need help.” She reached across the table, gripping my hands in hers. “But that’s on him, Liv. That’s his journey, his responsibility. You can’t fix him. Can’t love him into being ready for what you need.”
Tears blurred my vision, my chest aching with the truth of her words. Because she was right. As much as I loved Lewis, as much as I wanted to be with him… I couldn’t force him into being someone he wasn’t. Couldn’t make him confront his demons if he wasn’t willing.
“I know,” I whispered, my voice thick. “I know you’re right. I just… I love him. So fucking much. And the thought of losing him, of walking away…”
“I know, babe. I know it hurts like hell.” She squeezed my hands, her touch grounding me. “But you’ve gotta put yourself first. Gotta do what’s right for you, for your career and your sanity. And if he can’t get on board with that, if he can’t step up and be the partner you need… then maybe it’s not meant to be. At least not right now.”
I nodded, swiping at my damp cheeks. It felt like ripping out my own heart, the idea of letting Lewis go. But Ash was right. I couldn’t dim my own light just because he was afraid of the glare.